


All These Small Steps You Take

by NegativeBlue



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Character Study, F/F, Some graphical depictions of child abuse apply mid-story, Veers away from canon around, and the millers daughter, the queen is dead, this will take a while
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-06
Updated: 2013-08-13
Packaged: 2017-12-14 04:23:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 32
Words: 109,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/832700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NegativeBlue/pseuds/NegativeBlue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Emma recognized the signs of someone crying their heart out, even when muffled, from miles away. The soft shaking of the woman's hunched shoulders just confirmed it. She had taken one step, and another, and then she had just stopped. Her head caught up with her heart that ached to comfort the woman, no matter who she was, what she represented. </p><p>The evil queen, the person that had almost doomed her entire family, again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to http://i-heart-regina-mills.tumblr.com/ for the cover art for the story!

 

 

* * *

 

 

It goes much like changes tend to go. This one being a gradual slide down a slope filled with obstacles. Though sometimes when she looks back, squinting as she recalls it all, it still comes as a surprise how different everything is right now.

 

She could have sworn that just a moment ago the hourglass had been full. And now... Now last grains of the sand from the upper half were trickling down below. Without her even noticing it.

 

It should scare her. Like it used to do. It should make her run. Like she used to.

 

But looking at the two people talking quietly to each other, while sitting on the swing-set and leafing through a book together; Emma thinks that for once, change isn't such a bad thing. After all it brought them all a happy ending.

 

Something she wouldn't have thought possible a year and a half ago.

 

-x-x-x-

 

The first few weeks after the hastily drawn up truce passed pretty quickly. Uneventfully even, Emma thinks. It is a small miracle all things considered. It's also exactly what the people of Storybrooke needed. Some time to heal, to reflect on things. A moment of calm after the storm had finally passed.

 

But though the damage is slowly repaired as days ebb away into weeks, the scars will always remain. You just had to know where to look for them.

 

Even now most people preferred to take a longer route rather than to pass by the former Mayor's mansion. Emma wasn't one of them, but even she hadn't worked up the courage to do much more than stop by in her patrol car every now and then.

 

She would sit quietly, always under the guise of darkness in the night, and watch as various lights in the house were flipped on and off. Nothing else ever happened. Emma never even saw the woman herself, even on the days when the town was so quiet that she caught herself staring for hours on end. She didn't know what she waited for back then. Maybe a part of her had hoped that with the passage of time people would start to forget again. That things could return back to a semblance of normalcy. Or whatever the hell had to pass for a normal in a town full of fairytale characters anyway.

 

Instead Regina stayed cooped up inside, and everyone else pretty much ignored her. The only people Emma knew of that had some fleeting contact with Regina were Kathryn and Ruby. The latter was definitely the source of a lot more raised eyebrows than the former had been. Ruby had brought Regina dinner once, just once, 2 weeks after Cora's death. In a basket no less. It was a strangely unsettling detail for Emma, knowing just who Ruby's alter-ego was. All she had told Emma was that she and Regina had something in common. It wasn't even a sliver of forgiveness for all the crap that been caused, it was a shared quiet look of understanding. One look before Ruby had taken her leave again, never even having set a foot inside of the house.

 

It was exactly a monthafter, when she saw her again. Emma was just taking a short walk to clear her head that night, enjoying the fresh salty air that blew in from the sea across the harbor. It helped that it was almost a full moon that night, she enjoyed the ghostly shimmering of the reflection cast by the moon onto the calm waters. It looked rather magical, Emma remembered  thinking it seemed an almost fitting setting for something out of a fairytale.

 

The happy ones anyway.

 

She didn't know what she was thinking at the time, or what it was exactly that had caused her to look towards the darker part of the pier. Maybe it was the sound of something, or the glinting of an object in the otherwise obscuring darkness.

 

It had instantly intrigued her, drawn her in, for reasons she hadn't wanted to analyze back then. When she had walked closer she spotted her though. For some reason she knew it was Regina. The clothes were pretty much a dead giveaway if nothing else, arms wrapped around herself and she appeared to be looking towards the sea.

 

And it hadn't hit Emma until then.

 

They had spread the ashes there. Cora's. Burning her body had seemed like the most logical thing to do. She was a witch after all, and absolutely no one would've liked to see her returning from the dead like some bad cliched movie character.

 

Regina hadn't said her goodbyes. She had vanished pretty much right after killing her mother. After protecting Henry. Even the call for a truce in the town-hall the day after, had been sent to Regina with one of Snow's birds. Regina had left just as suddenly as she had arrived, and she hadn't spoken a word. Hadn't done anything but sign her name before she went up in smoke again.

 

Emma recognized the signs of someone crying their heart out, even when muffled, from miles away. The soft shaking of the woman's hunched shoulders just confirmed it. She had taken one step, and another, and then she had just stopped. Her head caught up with her heart that ached to comfort the woman, no matter who she was, what she represented.

 

The evil queen, the person that had almost doomed her entire family, again.

 

She clenched her fists to tight balls, wiped a single shed tear away before resolutely turning around and walking back towards the house she now shared with Henry without so much as a single glance back.

 

-x-x-x-


	2. Chapter 2

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

Somehow it doesn't come as a surprise to her to find Henry developing somewhat of a manipulative streak. He was raised by the Evil Queen for ten years after all.

 

So off course she lets him talk her into checking up on Regina. Which is near the top of her list of things she would rather not do, unless she is dying, right below streaking through main street at rush hour. Both of those things make her feel awkward just imagining them. Let alone living them out for real.

 

Her hands are already shaking by the time she has parked the car in front of the house. She considers it somewhat of a miracle she didn't hit anything or drive the car straight through the neighbors house. Her nerves feel nothing short of fried.

 

It's been two weeks since she saw Regina at the docks. Six weeks post Cora. And Emma doesn't have a clue how to even strike up a casual conversation considering all that has happened. Somehow going 'Hi Regina, how are you doing? Oh and by the way thanks for not killing my parents and myself after all.' Didn't seem like much of an icebreaker.

 

Her decision was made for her the moment she stepped from the sidewalk onto the cobblestone path that leads up to Regina's mayoral mansion. She froze in her tracks the moment she did. Quite literally even.

 

"What the..!?" Emma muttered, completely overwhelmed by her sudden inability to move.

 

She sensed Regina's presence before the woman materialized in front of her in a puff of purple smoke. Had to give it to Her Majesty, she hadn't lost her flourish for dramatic entrances.

 

"Really dear, I don't recall sending out invitations to you and your ilk to trespass upon my property."

 

"I didn't..." Emma sighed. She had wanted to shake her head too, but well...you know. "At least you didn't throw me halfway across the lawn this time," she groused.

 

"Oh, well, that can still be arranged."

 

The evil smirk on Regina's face did nothing to assuage her mounting fear.

 

It wasn't exactly fair play on Emma's part to bring the kid in as a means to defuse the tense situation, but since he had actually been the reason she was here in the first place, Emma didn't feel all that bad about it.

 

"I'm here because of Henry, Regina. He is worried about you..."

 

For someone whose face was normally as closed up as a professional poker-player's, there was a remarkable amount of conflicting emotions floating across it and Emma could only stare on in wonder.

 

"You're lying," Regina finally said, eyes narrowed to tiny slits and her head titled slightly to the side as she stood just inches away from a still frozen in place Emma.

 

"I"m not lying, God Regina," Emma hisses out. "Do you think for a second that I like being here? Just give me something of a message I can take back to Henry, and I can go home and you can go back to whatever the hell it is you're doing in that damned creepy house of yours."

 

For a moment there was just silence that seemed to stretch on forever. Regina's nostrils were flaring rather prominently with suppressed anger and her eyes practically sparked with fury. So it came as a complete surprise to Emma when she felt the spell that had been holding her imprisoned disappear with a flick of Regina's wrist.

 

"You know Miss Swan, for someone who does not like to be here...you sure spend a lot of time at night parked across my house in that patrol-car of yours. Keeping tabs are we?"

 

"How did you..."

 

"Please..you're about as subtle as that horrible red jacket of yours."

 

Emma rolled her eyes. At least she knew how to handle snarky Regina. "Just because you signed the truce doesn't mean we should suddenly trust you."

 

The answer came out surprisingly soft though stilted, as dark brown eyes regarded her coolly. "No you shouldn't, now should you."

 

"Regina..."

 

"No," Regina interrupted her. "I get it, rest assured I have done nothing that would risk breaking up your precious little truce." She pursed her lips, eyes averted away from where Emma was standing as the next words rolled across her lips. "You can tell Henry I'm doing perfectly fine."

 

Emma didn't need her lie-detector skills to see right through that one. Even though Regina's face was partially obscured, she could feel the hurt and loss that just seemed to seep right through. There were cracks in the other woman's facade, the way she just held herself too rigidly, the way she had tried to appear indifferent. It gave Emma the feeling that if she would just push a little bit more, all the walls would cave in on Regina and bury her whole.

 

For some strange reason she chose not too.

 

Something else bothered her though. "Before I leave..why immobilize me in the first place?"

 

"It's nothing personal dear, just a spell that responds to something that could be threatening me. A necessary precaution as I'm sure you can imagine."

 

Emma snorts at that. "I am not exactly a threat to you anymore," she throws out even as she turns around to walk back towards her car.

 

It was so soft she almost missed it. If it wasn't for the wind carrying the words with it, Emma believes she would have.

 

"Yes you are."

 

 

-x-x-x-

 


	3. Chapter 3

 

* * *

 

 

 

-x-x-x-

 

It's three months since Cora, when Emma finally notices. In retrospect she could've slapped herself for not seeing it sooner.

 

-x-x-x-

  
  


She had meant to ask Henry if he wanted to go for a lunch at Granny's, but stopped dead in her tracks the moment she walked into his room. He was gazing out of the window, seemingly lost in thought while one of his hands was absentmindedly drawing circles on something covered in a thin plastic foil.

 

“Henry?”

 

Though she didn't mean to spook him, there was no mistaking the sudden jerk of his shoulders. When he turned around, there was a look on his face that signified he was afraid he had been caught doing something he ought not to. It made Emma's heart ache.

 

Now that the foil wrapped object was in full view Emma realized she had seen it before. A few times actually come to think of it. The first time was when she had made his bed and her hand touched it. She had been half worried it might be something entirely inappropriate, so she was pleasantly surprised to find that it was just a normal comic. It was still wrapped in plastic, and from the date of it she could discern it was a few months old. At the time it made her wonder why he had never read it, though most of all she had wondered why he was hiding it in the first place. Emma had studied the comic for a while, turning it over this way and that, but she couldn't find anything odd or out of place. It was just a normal comic.

 

Now though she realized it was far from a normal one.

 

“Regina gave that to you, didn't she?”

 

He looked completely crestfallen at that and Emma sighed when he cast his watery eyes down towards the floor. “Oh Henry, I'm not mad or anything. It's okay to miss her you know that right?”

 

“It shouldn't be,” Henry mumbles out, sniffling as he wipes away a few of his tears with the palm of his hand. “She's evil, she cursed people, she's...she's...”

 

“She was also your mother for ten years, Henry.”

 

“I wished she wasn't,” he exclaims with a shaky voice.

 

Emma is next to him with a few big steps, holding his head to the side of her chest as she ruffles his hair softly. “You shouldn't say that kid. I know your mom has done a lot of horrible things in the past, but she has also been trying to make up for those.”

 

She bends her head down to place a kiss on the crown of his head as he continues to cry. Deep down inside she knew this was a long time coming. Even with his black and white view of the world and his often harsh behavior towards Regina, Emma knew the kid loved his adoptive mother very much. Emma had mostly managed to come to terms with that fact, but she realized that for a 11-year-old it would be a lot harder to accept.

 

“She wasn't exactly evil to you when she was your mother was she?” There's a tentative shake of his head and she sighs. “I know coming from me this might sound weird maybe but, I've had a lot of  adoptive 'moms' and trust me on this, almost every single one of them would fit the description of Evil Queen.”

 

“It's because of the curse. You should have grown up with Snow White and Prince Charming, and we should all be in the Enchanted Forest right now!”

 

“But we aren't kid. The curse changed all that, it also can't be changed back. We can't keep holding on to what happened in the past. Nothing will give me a different childhood, and I'm kind of over that now.”

 

Emma worried her lower lip in contemplation. It wasn't exactly a lie but it was hardly the truth either. A part of her would always blame Regina for taking away her childhood, for missing her parents all those years.

 

“You don't hate her for casting the curse?” Henry asks after a few seconds have gone by. There's an odd, rather childish, sense of wonder that shines through in his voice and it makes Emma smile despite her own worries. Even given all the things that Regina might have ruined during her quest for vengeance, she had done right with the kid.

 

“Whatever I might think of your mother and no matter our differences, I never hated her. I think I sort of understand her on some level actually. It's also why I don't want to dwell too much on the past Henry. Holding a grudge is what makes you a bitter person, it's what makes you turn away from whom you are.”

 

She smiles as Henry removes his head from where she had been cradling it and stares up at her with an adorably puzzled look on his face. “Is that why she became the Evil Queen?”

 

“It's not that simple kid.” Oh boy did she ever wish it was though. Henry probably hit a lot closer to the truth than he knew with that statement. Emma understood on some level, that part of Regina's constant conflict with her good and well...evil side stemmed from her inability to let go of the past. Her inability to forgive Snow for something that by all accounts had taken place decades ago.

 

Emma knew Henry practically declared everything he had read from the book holy, but she also knew that books never told the whole story. Certainly not fairy-tale books.

 

There is a wistful look on his face as he stares at the comic, one of his fingers dancing around a small rip in the foil.

 

“It was a present. For the good grades mom said.” There are unshed tears in his eyes again. “Two days...before you broke the curse.”

 

Two days before Regina accidentally poisoned her own son with that damned apple-turnover, Emma thought sourly. She might not hold a grudge but it was hard for her to forget the way he had looked that day lying in the hospital-bed. Ghostly pale, so very close to death. Sometimes she wakes up sweaty in the middle of the night from a nightmare in which she wasn't able to wake him up with the kiss to his forehead. No matter how many times she tried.

 

Emma pinched her nose as she thought of the right words to say to Henry to comfort him. Parenting was still so new to her. Especially now that her own parents had moved out a few weeks prior and she no longer had  anyone to back her up in tough situations like these.

 

“It's okay to miss her,” she repeats. “And Henry it's also okay to confide in me about things like these in the future too all right?”

 

He bobs his head enthusiastically at that and she can't help smile again in response. “So would it be okay for me to see her?”

 

“Of course kid.”

 

She can feel her eyebrows hit her hairline when he instantly bolts from her side and runs to the general direction of the hallway.

 

“Henry?” She questions as she rounds the corner of his room. It must not have made a very flattering sight the way her jaw just sagged open when she saw Henry pull on his booths and jacket in record time. “Uhm..when I said you could see her I didn't really mean right now.” Emma scratches at her neck nervously. It wasn't as if her last visit had exactly been welcomed, she could just imagine how this one would go. She wanted to think up a decent plan of approach before stopping by, rather than risk disappointing the poor kid.

 

“We can't?” There is a pout on his face that should probably be outlawed, with the way it makes her resolve go right out of the window. She didn't pout like that did she? Surely it was something he picked up from Her Majesty? Emma puffed up her cheeks and expelled a large gust of air, rolling her eyes heavenwards. She had this sinking feeling she was really going to regret this.

 

“All right, okay, we'll go see your mom.”

 

The short drive over has Henry babbling mostly about school assignments and such, to her great relief. She wasn't sure if she would have been able to handle countless questions about Regina, the way her anxiety was rising with every passing second.

  
  


She had meant to warn Henry about how Regina's house was protected by magic, but before she was able to get out a single word the kid had already yanked open the door and ran towards the house.

 

“Henry!”

 

Emma is not at all surprised to find the former Evil Queen appearing right in front of the door of the mansion in a puff of purple smoke, glaring at her with a menacing look on her face. Emma briefly wonders if the woman gets a kick out of scaring the people with the way she keeps appearing out of thin air. Houses had doors for a reason, yet miss all powerful witch seemed rather adamant about not using them.

 

“Miss Swan, I thought I made it very cl...”

 

The rest of the words were cut off as Regina's eyes finally took in the sight of Henry standing just a few meters away from her. Emma noticed how the other woman's entire face softened up and her lower-lip started to tremble.

 

“Henry?” The name was uttered so very softly, a sound that was barely there. It was almost as if Regina was afraid that if she spoke his name any louder it might make him bolt. The look on her face was a mixture of disbelief and hope. The hope eventually won out as she opened her arms and Henry ran towards her without a second of hesitation.

 

“I really missed you mom”

 

“Henry...I missed you too, and I'm sorry about what happened. I'm really sorry.”

 

Emma watches them hug for a moment until she realizes where she is standing. It's almost the exact same spot she had stood on few weeks ago. But this time there are no spells trapping her or harming her in any other capacity. She sort of assumes Regina might have taken down the enchantments that protected her house and the property it stood on.

 

The only other option was that she was no longer considered a threat. The thought was rather confusing and she opted not to dwell on it any further.

 

She gives Henry an encouraging smile when he turns back towards her with an unspoken question on his face. Without thinking twice about it she nods. There's a fluttering feeling in her chest at the thought that she and her son have grown close enough to understand each other without speaking a word at times. It eases some of the lingering fears that she would never be good parenting material due to her own messed up childhood and lack of parents.

 

“I'll pick you up in time for school okay?” The question is for Henry, but it's Regina whose eyes grow huge in response. Emma can't resist smirking at seeing the uncharacteristically flabbergasted look on Regina's face. Part of her had wondered if she should've run the arrangement for Henry to stay for the night by Regina first. But upon seeing the grateful look being directed her way, Emma muses she did the right thing.

 

“Emma.” Her name...her real name being spoken slightly hesitatingly makes Emma turn around on the sidewalk.

 

“I...thank you.”

 

Emma smiles in response and waves goodbye to Henry as she makes way for her car. Driving away she feels lighter than she has for a long time.

  
  


-x-x-x-

 


	4. Chapter 4

 

* * *

 

 

-x-x-x-

 

They develop a bit of a shaky routine over the next few months but even back then Emma figures, she could've known it would never last.

 

-x-x-x-

  
  


Emma is busy stuffing things into the pockets of her leather jacket when she hears some frantic yelling coming from outside. That combined with a key being jangled around in the lock makes her drop her wallet back on the table in surprise.

 

She had meant to go over to her parents place for dinner, since they hadn't exactly spent a lot of time together lately. In between the disagreements she had been having with Neal and the arguments with Rumpelstiltskin about the plans he was cooking up for returning to their homelands, Emma barely had a moment for herself.

 

Pinching the bridge of her nose in frustration she all but runs towards the door to yell at the person in front of it to come back another time. The jangling of the keys had made her suspect that it was Neal at the door, since only he, her parents and Henry had the key of the apartment she shared with her son. She had only give Neal the key recently, and only after he had continuously harassed her about it. Of course the bastard had eventually just resorted to playing on her insecurity over Henry's safety to procure a copy of the key for himself.

 

Emma had been convinced Neal would come pleading for her assistance, after yet another argument about his road trips to recover objects for his father earlier in the day. So it came as somewhat of a surprise to find Henry standing in front of the door instead. His watery eyes stare up at her in what she could only describe as complete and utter panic. The countless tear streaks on his face as well as the blotches on his t-shirt and red puffy eyes signified he had been crying for a while. It made Emma's heart plummet.

 

“Henry...” She makes a grab for him immediately and wraps her arms around him, holding his head to her chest. “What happened? Are you okay?” It takes all of her willpower not to ask him even more questions. She feels a semblance of her own panic rise up as she gazes down at his tear-stained face. Her heart breaks at seeing him so completely devastated.

 

“I'm sorry,” he sobs out after a moment. “I didn't mean to upset her... I'm so sorry mom, it's my fault she is gone!” The last words come out slightly frantically, and Emma can feel her heart speed up as a sickening feeling settles over here.

 

“Henry, calm down okay? It's okay sweetie,” she croons at him, hoping that her voice might soothe him enough for her to get the whole story. “Just calm down and start at the beginning.”

 

He hiccups for a bit more but eventually stops crying enough for her to direct him towards the couch.

 

“She was scolding me about something and I don't know why but I just got angry. I was...” He looks away from her then, a guilty look on his face.

 

Emma sighs. She places a finger underneath his chin and tilts it up enough so she can look him in the eyes. “It's okay Henry. We all lose control sometimes.” She smiles at him then. “Plus I guess you are getting near puberty, and if you're anything like I was as a kid, you'll probably start early on that too.” It wasn't an excuse, Emma knew, but right now it wouldn't do to get on her son's case. He looked to be punishing himself plenty enough as it stood.

 

“I...” Henry fidgets and she watches his hands dig into the couch pillows. “I said she was evil, that I...I hated her. I didn't mean it like that.” The last sentence comes out so softly so heartrendingly that Emma could feel her own eyes start to tear up.

 

“She...she was just looking at me so sadly, like she was going to cry..” Henry continues, even as fresh tears roll down his cheeks. “And then she just vanished in a cloud of purple smoke. I don't know where she went. I looked everywhere...” The way his eyes glisten with desperation as he looks at her breaks Emma's heart all over again.

 

A lump forms in her throat as she thought about how harsh kids could be when they were young. When they didn't yet fully realize the impact that words could have on another human being. The saying with sticks and stones was all wrong as far as Emma was concerned. The physical abuse she had suffered in the foster homes was nothing compared to how deep some of the words had cut her. At least the bruises and scrapes healed, the psychological trauma from being told she would never be the girl anyone would want as a daughter; that kind of damage she would always carry with her.

 

To Regina, Henry was the only thing that mattered in her life these days. Emma knew certainly that the former Evil Queen would lay down her life without hesitation for him if it ever came to that. It was the driving force behind all the things she had done. It's why Cora had managed to manipulate Regina frighteningly easily when Emma had taken Henry with her to find Gold's son.

 

It was also part of the reason Emma had decided to reunite Henry and his adoptive mother. If there was one thing she had learned from the past year's events, it was that just knowing she could see Henry whenever she wanted helped keep Regina on the straight and narrow.

 

Being called evil and being told by the son you had raised for ten years that he hates you probably reset much of the progress they had made. Especially considering the very much fragile state she knew Regina to be in still, after the death of her mother only a few months prior. Emma realized with some dismay that there was no telling what the woman might do in her current state of mind. She would have to find her, and quickly.

 

“Henry, I'll take you to your grandparents, okay?”

 

“But I can help with finding her...”

 

“I know, but right now there's no telling in what sort of mood she is okay? It's for the best I'll do this by myself, plus, you have school tomorrow.”

 

For a second it seems like he might argue the point again but then he sighs and nods. “Can you tell her I'm sorry?”

 

“I really doubt she's mad at you kid, but sure, I'll tell her.” She wipes a few stray tears away from his cheeks and places a kiss on his forehead. “Let's go to your grandparents'.”

 

Thankfully the ride over to her parents' is pretty much a silent affair. He asks her a few questions and asks if she has a plan. She tells him that; off course she has a plan. It's a big fat lie but he didn't need to know that. Truthfully she doesn't have a clue on how to approach an emotionally unstable powerful witch. There were a few scenarios going through her head on how it might go, and none of them provided any assurance to her. In fact most of the outcomes seemed to downright suck.

 

It doesn't come as much of a surprise to find Mary Margaret objecting to her plan, after they arrived at her parents' house and Emma sort of offhandedly mentioned that she'll be off to track down a former Evil Queen.

 

“Emma think this through!”

 

“We can't just let her wander around the town like this, think of what she might capable of right now,” Emma shoots back. She squares her jaw with determination and seeks out her father's eyes in hopes of getting some backup for what she was about to do.

 

“Which is exactly why you shouldn't seek her out. David please tell her this is a foolish plan.”

 

“It's a foolish plan Emma...”

 

Emma raises both of her eyebrows at him.

 

“..but if anyone can talk Regina out of doing something drastic, it's probably you.”

 

“David...” Mary Margaret scolds him. “Really, I can't believe you're agreeing with her. This might be suicide!” She turns towards Emma, giving her a worried look. “At least let us come with you Emma.”

 

“I don't think that's a good idea,” Emma responds. Suddenly she's thankful that her parents had tucked Henry into bed before they started this whole discussion. She hadn't expected it to be an easy one, but convincing her parents proved to be more of a challenge than she had initially anticipated. “You'll probably just add fuel to an already roaring fire.”

 

Emma watches, with an odd pang of jealously, as her parents stare at each other, silently coming to some sort of agreement.

 

“Okay, fine,” Snow finally concedes. “But if something bad happens I'll have you grounded for a week young lady.”

 

Emma snorts at that, giving her mother an amused look. “Yeah, okay, I guess that's only fair.”

 

“Please call us?” David tells her as he envelops her in a bear hug. “And remember, if anything gets through to Regina it's her complete devotion to Henry.”

 

Emma nods and smiles at them both one last time before she exits their apartment.

 

Her brave face instantly drops the moment her hand touches the door-handle of the car. She has an inkling of where Her Highness might be at right now, but her stomach plummets at the thought of actually finding her.

 

The last time Regina had been this distraught she'd almost killed Emma. There was no telling what would happen without Henry being present to stop her from actually succeeding this time.

 

-x-x-x-

 


	5. Chapter 5

 

* * *

 

 

-x-x-x-

 

Emma has the strangest sense of deja-vu the moment she arrives at the harbor. Even without actually seeing her, she can almost sense Regina's presence at the end of the pier. In a way hoped to find her at the scene of the battle, the place of Cora's demise, initially. It would certainly have been an easier confrontation.

 

Then at least she wouldn't have been reminded of seeing Regina here earlier, months ago, at her wit's end with no one there to help her. Emma felt a deep sense of regret even then. But she had to keep reminding herself that it had been just too soon. Too soon after seeing her parents nearly hit by one of Cora's fireballs and herself being hoisted up into the air, while slowly being choked to death by Regina. It had all been too fresh in her memory. In a way it still was. Sometimes she still woke up from a nightmare in which her parents were being incinerated while she couldn't do anything but watch. All the while Regina was looking on utterly pleased, and laughing at Emma's distress.

 

Henry. She was here for Henry, Emma reminded herself.

 

“I'll say this just once, Miss Swan. Leave. Right this instant,” came a dangerously low voice somewhere from the shadows up ahead.

 

She had been walking too lost in thought to realize how close to the bench at the end of the pier she now was. Emma surmised Regina was either sitting on it, or was standing somewhere close by but it was too dark to discern easily where the other woman was exactly. It put her mind ill at ease.

 

She figures she took a moment too long with contemplating on what to do when she spots Regina stepping out of the shadows. There's a decidedly evil looking purple glint in her eyes and a small fireball that increases in size with every passing second.

 

“Whoa hey...” Emma mutters, eyes widening at seeing the huge fireball that's about to be tossed her way. “There's no need for the pyrotechnics display, I'm no threat to you, okay? I'm just here to talk.”

 

“You keep saying that...” Regina's words sounded strangely accusatory. “Why do you keep saying that?”

 

Mindful of the roaring fireball that was still hovering slightly above one of Regina's upraised hand palms, Emma took a step closer to her. “What do you mean...”

 

“Why do you keep saying that you aren't a threat. When you so obviously are!”

 

“I don't...” Emma falters as she raises both hands to show she means no harm, while holding the other woman's gaze unflinchingly. “Please just... just put away the fireball for now, like I said, I'm just here to talk. If you don't like what I have to say you can always set me on fire afterwards, deal?”

 

Nothing happened and Emma could feel her heart start to pound away in her chest. The sound loud enough that it seemed to drown out the roaring of the fire just a few meters away. With the amount of danger she was in currently, it would only be logical for her fight or flight reflex to kick in. Her body and mind seemed rather at odds with each other though, and thus she was stuck somewhere in indecisiveness-mode.

 

“Fine. I should probably send you sailing somewhere into the water instead anyhow. The smell of charred flesh is a bit hard to get out of your clothes, even with dry cleaning,” Regina said with a casual tone, as if she was discussing the weather instead of a person's demise, while giving Emma a toothy grin.

 

“I'm not so sure I'll prefer that to being set on fire. The water is damn freezing at this time of the year.”

 

The only response she got in return was a noncommittal “Hmm.”

 

Emma waited until Regina sat down on the bench, before asking the question she had in her mind, now that it didn't seem like she was in danger of being turned into a human torch.

 

“How am I a threat to you?”

 

“Because you undermine everything I do, everything I say to Henry. He compares it all to what you do, who you are. I can never measure up to that. To you, to the savior.” Regina sneered as she practically spat out the last word as if it was something foul tasting.

 

“That's not true. He lov..”

 

“Don't try to patronize me,” Regina interrupted, as she directed a furious look Emma's way. “I spent years raising him as my son. Taking care of him when he was sick, comforting him after he fell. I was always there for him. And then you sweep into town and steal him from me, like it all meant nothing.” She's practically seething with anger at this point. “I don't know why I ever thought this would work. I don't know why I ever thought that Henry would come around eventually and return back to me.”

 

Emma can feel some of her own anger rise to the surface. Here she is, putting her ass on the line a few months ago by bringing Henry over and developing a schedule so they could both see him all the time, and this was what she got? It was utter bullshit and she wouldn't stand for it.

 

“This isn't a competition Regina and I never fucking stole him from you either. He isn't your property, it doesn't work like that! The way Mary Margaret tells it you smothered him before I got to town. You didn't want to share him at all, didn't even let him make any friends. He was lonely and miserable. It's why she gave him the book. And then when he started to realize that he had been lied to for his entire life, that everything, the entire town was under a spell that you conjured up, you told him he was crazy. Jesus Regina, you like to throw around the blame like it's candy, but you won't accept the possibility that it has mainly been your own actions that alienated Henry from you.”

 

Regina golf-clapped the moment Emma was done with her rant. “Are you quite finished, Miss Swan? I can assure you I'm well aware of the mistakes I've made in the past. One of them so happens to be allowing you and your family to dictate when and why I'm allowed to see my son.”

 

The last two words were said with such vehemence that it made Emma immediately stop the slight bout of pacing she'd been doing and look up in surprise. Her eyes grow huge as it suddenly dawns on her why Regina is being such a complete bitch again.

 

“Wait a second...” she says, stepping into Regina's personal space and not giving a crap about the murderous glare she receives in response. “This, you're doing it on purpose aren't you? Lashing out, riling me up, just to get a rise out of me.”

 

“You're delu..”

 

“Can it,” Emma glowers.”Just because you're feeling miserable right now doesn't mean you have the right to take it out on others.” She combs some errant strands of hair back behind her ears as most of her earlier anger ebbs away. “I've been talking to Henry about you, I've been trying to make him see how much you've changed. Why does it always have to be a one-way street when it comes to him?”

 

Regina barks out a laugh at that. “Yes, I can see that now, you're the only one that has been making sacrifices for the sake of working things out with Henry. How foolish of me to ever think otherwise.”

 

“Don't twist my words. That's not what I meant and you know it.”

 

“So what do you mean? Because the way I see it, everything I've done in the name of making things right for the all parties involved has so far earned me a grand total of nothing. The only small comfort I have these days is when Henry visits me, and even he will always run towards you and your despicable parents whenever something is amiss. I will always be his second choice, no matter what I do.”

 

“Again, “ Emma says, slightly exasperated about how their discussion kept going in circles. “It is not a competition.”  
  
“Then why does it feel like one!?” Regina growls, her faces inches away from Emma's own.

 

“Because you don't know how to share!”

 

Emma knows she hit the nail right on the head, the way Regina actually visibly flinches and immediately turns around to create some distance between them. Fuck. She hadn't meant to trample all over the woman's undoubtedly raw nerves no matter how antagonistic her behavior was at times.

 

Her yelled out accusation had been more of a wild guess. That and an accumulation of the interactions with the other woman back when they'd still been Mayor and Sheriff. The thought that Regina truly never had learned how to share didn't seem so far fetched when she took in account whom her mother had been, and how she'd grown up. Magic provided almost everything after all.

 

Except love.

 

“I don't want to take him away from you. I never have. You have to believe me on that, Regina.”

 

“You can't take away what I don't have anymore,” came the pained response.

 

“But I can share him. He really does want to be with you too.”

 

When there was no reply forthcoming Emma musters up enough courage to lay a hand on Regina's shoulder and slowly turns her around to face Emma. She takes note of the various tear tracks and the smudged mascara but her eyes didn't linger on the damage to the woman's normally so immaculate facade for too long. There was nothing to be gained from poking at someone when they'd already hit rock bottom.

 

The only real victim in the end would always prove to be Henry.

 

“You have no idea how distraught the kid was. He searched the entire house when you vanished Regina. He even looked around in the crypt before he came to me.”

 

Fresh tears well up in Regina's eyes in response, and she wipes a few away from her cheeks with some angry swipes of her hands. “I'm...I'm not mad at him, but...”

 

“You are at me? At Mar..Snow?”

 

There's a narrowing of the eyes at the mentioning of Snow's name, but the glare seemed to miss most of the fury that usually accompanied it.

 

“Myself, mostly.” Regina finally says after a moment. “My mother...” her voice wavers and then tapers off with a choked up “I..”

 

“You know you aren't her, Regina.”

 

She only realizes it was the wrong thing to say when the look on Regina's face changes from vulnerable to hardened almost instantly.

 

“Off course not dear. If I was, I'd be dead too.”

 

“I..What?! That's not..” Emma opens her mouth a few times but can't find the words to express her confusion at the sudden turn the conversation had taken. “I didn't mean to...”

 

“I know, you don't mean a lot of things, now do you?” Regina says in a clipped tone. “You can tell Henry I'm not angry at him and that he can still visit me whenever he wants.”

 

“Wait, Regina?”

 

Before she could say anything else the former evil queen had magicked herself away, leaving behind just some puffs of purple smoke. Emma stands rooted in place for a minute or so more before she manages to clear her head enough to ask herself a thousand and one questions.

 

Mainly just one in particular though.

 

_What the hell just happened?_

  
  


-x-x-x-


	6. Chapter 6

 

* * *

 

 

-x-x-x-

 

Sometimes a few days makes all the difference.

 

-x-x-x-

  
  


The first thing Emma notices when she steps into the garden is the way Regina is dressed. It makes her wonder if the woman owns any footwear that doesn’t have some sort of heels attached. Seriously, it should not be possible to still look so regal and flawless while crouching on your knees and tending to some plants.

 

She is dimly aware of the fact that she’s staring, mainly at the heeled boots. Okay, mostly at the boots. She had seen them before of course, but never in combination with the olive skirt and matching top Regina was wearing currently. As if she needed a reminder that the former Evil Queen was attractive. A person would have to be dead not to acknowledge that everything Regina did basically oozed sex. Emma figures back in the Enchanted Forest, the woman probably used her natural charm and looks to her advantage any way she could.

 

Hell, when Regina was still the Mayor, Emma had indulged a fantasy or two of her own, that involved Regina, that huge marble desk of hers and a pair of handcuffs. Good times. Emma had been trying pretty hard to ignore her lingering attraction towards Regina after she had broken the curse. But now, looking at the way Regina was leaning just the tiniest bit forward...

 

“Miss Swan?!”

 

The shrill voice immediately doused the beginnings of some really inappropriate thoughts Emma might had been entertaining. She knew she had been caught staring though, and couldn’t stop the heat from rising to her cheeks at the thought.

 

“How did you..”

 

“Get across your booby-trapped front yard?”

 

The smart-ass response earned her a single arched eyebrow in return. It also, thankfully, averted the attention away from having been caught openly ogling Regina’s assets. She still couldn’t stop the mental image of Regina in those boots, and nothing else but those boots, from popping up in her brain. _God, she really needed to get laid, didn’t she?_

 

“It’s not booby-trapped.”

 

“Could’ve fooled me. When I threw a rock to check what would happen, it got intercepted by not one, but three vines, all from different plants.”

 

“It’s a protection spell, what did you expect?”

 

“They were strangling the rock!” Emma exclaims, still feeling a bit disturbed from having witnessed that particular event.

 

“It was just a rock, no need to act all melodramatic about it.”

 

“It easily could have been me, Regina.”

 

“Hmm yes,” Regina hums, as she snips a few branches from one of the plants. “Pity that.”

 

Emma grinds her teeth in frustration when Regina just turns around again to tend to the odd collection of plants in front of her. Really? If Regina thought that the old; ignore it, and hope it goes away tactic would work on her, she had another thing coming.

 

“Henry will be back from his trip with Neal tonight, I figured I could drop him off here tomorrow after school if that’s okay with you?”

 

If she hadn’t been looking for it, she would’ve never noticed it, but Emma spots Regina tensing at the mentioning of Henry’s name right away. They had actually talked a little over the phone the night Emma had tracked down Regina at the harbor. Henry had apologized and of course Regina had forgiven him right away, no questions asked, and invited him to her house whenever he would like. Emma felt a pang of guilt over having given in to Neal’s request to take Henry with him for a few days, away from all the drama and never dissipating tension that was everyday life in Storybrooke. He meant well of course, but he also still thought that Regina was unfit to be a mother to Henry ever again. It was a source of many of their conflicts. He just wouldn’t understand that it wasn’t just Regina that needed Henry, to the point of insanity at times, but that Henry also needed Regina in his life equally as much.

 

Emma had had a few days to analyze and mull over her discussion with Regina at the pier and it had brought her to a strange conclusion. The only incentive right now for Regina to change, to redeem herself, to be better, was Henry. If they took him away, they would just be repeating the same mistake they had been making ever since the curse broke.

 

It hadn’t hit her until she was just staring at the darkness outside her window later that same night. The reason she had gotten so upset about Emma’s comment was because Regina probably thought she was already turning into her mother. And if Emma took away Henry permanently, what was to stop her from completing the transformation?

 

“You already know that would be perfectly fine with me,” Regina responded after a moment and shook Emma out of her contemplation. Her back was still turned towards Emma. “There is also no reason why you couldn’t have mentioned this over the phone. Instead you insist on trespassing yet again. I suppose not knowing when you aren’t welcome is a trait you inherited from your idiotic parents.”

 

“If you think that insulting me or my parents will make me leave any sooner, you’ll have to try a different approach. Besides if you really wanted me gone, you could’ve magically teleported me across the street already. But you haven’t, so I’m thinking maybe you like having me around.”

 

Regina actually does turn around lightning fast with the last sentence. Her eyes are twinkling with amusement and there is something resembling an are-you-serious? look on her face that Emma hasn’t seen in ages. If she’s honest with herself, she has missed the odd bouts of bantering they had engaged in before the curse broke, before this gigantic heap of crap hit all of the collective fans at once.

 

“I will not squander magical energy on making you leave when there are better ways to accomplish it. Do not flatter yourself by thinking for a one second that I enjoy the presence of your company. I would rather face another bloodthirsty mob without having magic at my disposal.” Regina’s eyes narrow into a murderous glare as she takes off her gardening gloves ever so slowly. “Now tell me, why are you really here?”

 

“I think you know why.”

 

“To apologize I would presume. It’s what you Charmings are so good at after all. Insult a person, ruin their lives and think that a simple apology will cut it.”

 

Emma sighs as she leans back against one of the pristine white walls of the mayoral mansion. “I’d like to know what I would be apologizing for at least, before I do so.” She props one of her legs behind her, ignoring the disapproving look thrown her way. “Why pull the whole Houdini routine in the first place? You could’ve bitten my head off for making an inappropriate comment, you could’ve set me on fire right there and then. Yet you chose to just disappear instead. Why?”

 

Regina’s hands tremble as she hangs the gloves over a small wooden fence. “I think you should just lea..”

 

“No Regina,” Emma grounded out, as she launched herself away from the wall. “I meant what I said that day. You aren’t her. The way you raised Henry, you could never be her, no matter what you think. I won’t just simply forgive you for everything you have done but, for God’s sakes...you could’ve killed all of us six months ago if you wanted to, or at any time since then. But you haven’t, and I think what we all need right now is to start over. Like start with a clean slate, you know what I mean.” She finished her monologue with a large puff of expelled air. It would of course, never be that easy.

 

As if reading her mind, Regina laughed and said exactly that. “You think it’ll be that easy? What makes you think I won’t just suddenly decide to erase you and your family from the face of the earth at some point? It could all just be part of some master plan of mine after all.”

 

“Because, secretly, I think you are just as tired of all the damned fighting as I am. I mean..Jesus Regina, the only person that continues to get hurt is Henry. I want him to be happy again. I want him to be able to go to either of our places. Preferably without him having to worry that something he says or does might suddenly end up launching off a new phase of this stupid feud between you and my family. I’m over it, I want to move on,” Emma pinches the bridge of her nose as she kicks away at some loose dirt. “And there are things I want to ask. About Henry, about...” she trails off, uncertain of how to put her current thoughts in words.

 

There are the things she read in Henry’s book, and the things her mother told her. But it’s not the whole story. There’s only one person that knows that, and Emma doesn’t have even the slightest of clues about how to open up that whole can of worms yet. Maybe now wasn’t the time.

 

Yet.

 

“I’m just so tired of fighting,” Emma repeats after a moment has passed. “Aren’t you?”

 

“So what do you propose we do then,” Regina asks quietly. “You want me to what...invite you over for tea so we can exchange the town gossip and then braid each other’s hair after?”

 

“I’m actually pretty good at braiding...” Emma jests, smirking at the look of utter disgust that settles on Regina’s face. “That was a joke you know... How about we just take small steps? We could have a dinner with Henry, and try to talk about general stuff, neutral things. Show him that we can get along without either of us launching at each other’s throats for a change.”

 

There is a strangely contemplative look on Regina’s face as she stares straight into Emma’s eyes. “What makes you think we won’t?”

 

“Nothing certain. But I want to try, for Henry. Anything is better than the way things are right now.”

 

“This could all blow up into your face you know that? Regina states, though the way she says it isn’t at all unkind.

 

“Or it could work out for all the parties involved.”

 

“It could,” Regina agrees, the ghosts of a smile tugging the corners of her mouth upwards. “Fine. I’ll try to be civil towards you in the future.”

 

“And my parents too.”

 

Regina makes a face as if she ate a lemon at the request. “You’re pushing it.”

 

“For Henry?”

 

“Still pushing it. I won’t make any promises like that dear. How about your parents and I just steer clear of each other for now? At least until I can resist the urge to pull out Snow’s heart the moment I see her, and beat her to death with it.”

 

Emma rolls her eyes. At least it felt as if some progress had been made today. Probably more progress than during all six months since Cora’s demise combined. Of course it meant she had a discussion to look forward to with her parents, Neal, and Gold by proxy. She could feel the beginnings of a headache forming just at the thought of the daunting task that laid ahead of her. Convincing everyone was going to be so much fun. Like having her teeth pulled without anesthesia.

 

“I’ll drop Henry off after the school day.” Emma says even as she turns around to walk to her car. It’s more of a confirmation than anything. She also knows better than to push about the suggested dinner yet. Maybe in a few weeks when things settled down somewhat.

 

When her nightmares faded even more.

 

She skids to a sudden halt when her eyes take in the tree she almost walked right past. How had she missed it before?

 

“What the hell happened to your tree?”

“You mean other than a chainsaw?”

 

Emma shrugs unapologetically. There was no way in hell she was sorry for doing that. Especially considering how the situation had been back then. Besides, she knew for a fact that the single branch she had cut off wasn’t responsible for the current state of the apple-tree.

 

“It’s dying,” Regina answered simply. She stepped closer towards the tree and caressed the bark of it almost reverently. “I brought it with me from our lands... Tended to it for years, it was my joy and pride. I think it started shortly before you broke the curse, and it’s been withering away ever since.”

 

For a moment Emma wondered if she should apologize for being responsible for that, but then she realized the absurdity of the notion. Still she couldn’t avert her gaze away from the heartbroken look on Regina’s face.

 

“Couldn’t you...you know magically cure it or something?”

 

Regina snorted. “Your grasp of magic is like that of a child. It doesn’t exactly work that way, but to answer your question. Yes I tried. Unfortunately, there are things magic can’t repair.”

 

Emma knew without having to ask that Regina wasn’t just talking about the tree.

 

“Besides, as you’re probably well aware, I’m more of a destroyer, not a healer.”

 

“Because of your magic?” At the confirming nod Emma pursed her lips. “What about mine?”

 

“Yours being a byproduct of true love probably... Oh.”

 

Emma beamed a smile at her as she splayed out both of her hands across the trunk of the dying tree. “So how does this work?”

 

“You’re untrained in magic Miss Swan, I don’t think you should even try currently.”

 

Emma pouted. “I’ve harnessed magic before. It’s all about emotion right, imagining it?”

 

She closed her eyes and focused on the image in her head. The memory of the tree like it used to be. Healthy, standing tall and bearing countless apples that were as red as blood. She could practically feel the energy flowing inside and around her and focused on guiding it towards her hands. And then towards the tree.

 

Emma wasn’t sure if what she was attempting had any chance of working at all,  until she heard the sharp intake of breath right next to her. Immediately her eyes flew open and she laughed at seeing the state of the tree, it looked like a perfect copy of how she had imagined it. Even the cut off branch had been fully restored.

 

And then she faltered, her eyes crossing as a wave of dizziness assailed her.

 

“You really are their child aren’t you? Foolish and stubborn to a fault.”

“You could just say thank you, you know?” Emma mumbled, rubbing at her eyes. God she felt drained. “Does it always feel this way?”

 

“I did say I didn’t teleport you for a reason before didn’t I? Magic runs out really fast, it’s different here. Especially for someone as unpracticed in the art of magic as you are.”

 

“Hmm..” Emma blinked a few more times, feeling a bit of her strength returning to her. She figured a nap was in short order. “I’m learning though.”

 

“Go home Miss Swan. You’ve done enough saving for the day.”

 

Emma smirked but she figured Regina was right. She felt as if she could sleep for a day. At least her feet were still obeying her commands as she started down the path back towards her car. Until one of them got snatched by a vine and she was hoisted up into the air that was.

 

“What the hell?!” _Oh right, booby trapped front lawn. Stupid Emma._

 

“Miss Swan,” her name was enunciated with complete exasperation.

 

“You know I can almost see up your skirt like this,” Emma giggled as she gave the upside down version of Regina a once-over.

 

“Miss Swan...” Regina growled out the name this time. “I’ll just blame it on all of the blood rushing towards the only two brain cells you seem to have left.” With a flick of her wrist Emma landed on the sidewalk right next to her car.

 

“Thank you,” Emma said as she patted herself down and pulled the t-shirt that had ridden up, back down again. “I really did prefer the previous protection spell you had in place. What the hell happened to that one anyhow?”

 

There was an oddly sad expression on Regina’s face as she answered the question, even as she was turning back towards her garden.

 

“You broke it.”

 

For some reason the words sobered her up almost instantly, and the entire ride back home Emma wondered if Regina had just been speaking about the spell. Or if she had meant something else entirely.

  
  


-x-x-x-

 


	7. Chapter 7

 

* * *

 

 

-x-x-x-

 

The dinner didn’t happen that week. Nor the week after. What did happen in the third week after the confrontation in the garden was Regina showing up in Emma’s bedroom. In the middle of the night. Uninvited. And here Emma was the one that got called an interloper? The irony...

 

-x-x-x-

  
  


She didn’t have a clue what woke her up. At first Emma thought it might be some noise coming from outside her window. The townspeople had been in quite the stir for most of the night after all. Even though she had been able to calm down the unruly mob at large, getting them back to their homes had been an entirely different matter. Eventually her parents had jumped in to help her, but even then there had been a pretty persistent throng of people looking on, despite the dangers present. Disaster-tourism. It was nice to know that even people born in fairytale-land apparently couldn’t contain their curiosity any more than common folk when it came to situations like that. She knew that come morning, she would have a plenty of loose ends to tie still, but that wasn’t what was nudging her awake.

 

It was the smell, Emma thinks even as she rubs at her bleary eyes. That was what had awakened her. Not the lingering stench of a burned down building, that still permeated the air. But something that smelled infinitesimally sweet. Like...

 

“Did you do this?”

 

Emma almost had a heart-attack with the sudden breach of silence. She was also fairly sure she let out a squeak that was more befitting of a prepubescent girl rather than a grown up woman.

 

“Shit,” Emma yelled out. “Jesus...Regina, what the actual fuck?!”

 

“Are you sure your father wasn’t a sailor dear? You curse like one at least,” Regina asked sweetly as she sauntered closer to Emma’s bed.

 

“Fuck,” Emma repeated as her eyes registered the time displayed on her alarm clock. “Are you completely insane? It’s 4:35 in the morning! If I slept even two hours, that’s being generous. God dammit, I really could use my night-rest after the day I had. Can’t you go all Evil Queen on my ass at a more appropriate time? Like say around noon?”

 

Emma groaned as she allowed her head to fall back onto the pillows. This wasn’t happening... There were quite a few scenarios she had conjured up in her mind that involved Regina being present in her bedroom, but this really wasn’t one of them. Mostly because the other woman was still wearing all of her clothes. The fact that Emma in turn wasn’t, had probably escaped Regina’s notice. At least until she flipped the light switch

 

The sudden abundance of light made Emma squint in annoyance. It also revealed her token choice of sleepwear. Or lack thereof. Emma swore she heard Regina suck in a breath as her eyes grew huge, before the woman quickly turned to face the wall.

 

“Don’t tell me you’re...”

 

“..Naked?” Emma filled in, not bothering with drawing up the sheet any higher than where it was resting now. Which was halfway across her breasts. “Yeah I am. Problem?”

 

“Problem?” Regina's tone was one of pure disbelief. “Do you have no decency?”  
  
Emma snorted. “This coming from the woman who ambushes me in my bedroom in the dead of the night?”

 

“I can assure you I don’t like being here anymore than you do.” Regina cleared her throat and titled her head slightly to the side, so she could glance over her shoulder without getting an eyeful of half-naked Emma. “Can you put something on please? I don’t like talking to the wall, and I refuse to be subjected to any more acts of complete lack of modesty from your part. What little I saw will likely already garner enough nightmares to last the rest of my life.”

 

“Nightmares, right...” Emma rolled her eyes. She had spotted the colouring on Regina’s cheeks before the woman had turned around. And her eyes had lingered just a bit too long on Emma’s chest-area. It was a great source of entertainment for Emma to see the normally impeccable former Mayor so flustered. And she intended to torture Regina just a bit longer. Hopefully without dwelling into fireball-in-her-face territory.

 

“I don’t see the reason why I should cater to your request Your Majesty. If you want me to put something on, you can do it yourself. Otherwise, just get to the point and tell me why you’re here.”

 

Emma could practically see the eye-roll even with Regina’s back towards her. “There’s a certain 11 year old boy that’s more mature than you are,” Regina hisses out exasperatingly. She turns a little then thinks better off it and spins her head back around again. “Oh for the love of..” she mutters, and Emma can hear her teeth click together.

 

There’s a quick swirl of her fingers above her head and Regina turns around looking utterly pleased with herself.

 

Emma blinks in confusion. What the hell? It takes her a moment to notice the pyjama's she’s suddenly wearing. No doubt courtesy of Regina’s magic. “Come on...really?” Emma whines as she plucks at the yellow fabric of the nightwear. “Big Bird pyjama’s? That was what you came up with to dress me in?”

 

“Well your behavior was similar to that of a 5 year old, so...” Regina trails off, shrugging unapologetically.

 

Emma gives the other woman an unimpressed look as she reaches for the hem of the shirt.

 

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”

 

“And why the hell not!? You can’t be seriously thinking I will continue wearing this stuff.” Emma felt more humiliated with every second she spent wearing the damned pyjamas. As if the ugly yellow color wasn’t bad enough, it felt as if they were a size too small to boot. Knowing Regina’s current state of mind, it had probably been intentional.

 

“Miss Swan,” Regina said in a tone that brooked no argument. “If you hike that shirt up even one inch I will magically restrain your hands to the headboard and leave you that way.”

 

Emma tried. She really did. But she just couldn’t resist. Open goal and all that. “Why Your Highness, isn’t it a bit too early in the morning for that amount of kink?”

 

“There is just no end to the amount of inappropriate jokes you make is there? Perhaps I should cast a silencing spell as well?”

 

Emma held up her hands in silent surrender. “In my defense, it’s late, I’m tired, and you dressed me in freaking Big Bird pyjama’s.”

 

“Just answer the question Miss Swan,” Regina said as she studied Emma’s clothes that were hanging haphazardly across a chair by the bed.

 

“I don’t understand what you’re trying to say. Honestly.”

 

“Is that why your clothes are singed and the room smells like burned wood?”

 

Immediately Emma’s eyes shoot up towards Regina’s face with dawning realization. Was that why she was here? The fire? Did Regina think she was responsible for it? “I know I’m accident-prone but you can’t be seriously suggesting I was responsible for that.”

 

“It was no accident,” Regina states. The way she says it with such utter certainty makes Emma frown.

 

“No it was not. How did you know?”

 

“Please, anyone who is experienced in magic could feel the waves of interference halfway across town. Which also reminds me, who should I thank for not notifying me about this occurrence?”

 

“I..” Emma feels a little anger bubble up to the surface for being accused of something she didn’t do. “So what, just because I managed to work a little magic and heal your apple-tree I’m suddenly responsible for all of the magical mishaps in this town? I wasn’t the one that blew up the damned town hall, if that’s what your asking.”

 

Regina actually looks relieved at that, which makes Emma’s eyebrows rise up in confusion.

 

“Was it really necessary to wake me up in the middle of the night for this?”  
  
“Yes.”

 

“Why?” Emma questions with genuine interest.

 

“Because you don’t understand what magic can do to you yet. You see it as something innocent still, like I used to...” Regina glances at Emma as she seats herself on the far side of the bed, the expression on her face unreadable. Her fingers lace themselves together as she folds her hands across her knees and stares at them contemplatively. “It’s seductive, the powers you can harness. You think you’re unbeatable, that it can give you everything you desire. With every spell you cast you take one step closer to a dangerous precipice, until eventually you fall over. And there won’t be anything to catch you when you do.”

 

Emma regards her quietly for a moment, trying to wrap her sleep-addled brain around what Regina was trying to tell her. “And you think that might happen to me?”

“I think it’s important that it doesn’t come to that. Though since it wasn’t you... Let me guess, Mr Gold?”

 

“Um yeah,” Emma admits sheepishly. “And Neal. They had concocted some retarded plan to try to opening up a new portal on the spot where previous one had been. Gold thought there might be enough leftover magical residue to piggyback a portal spell back to the Enchanted Forest. Needless to say it didn’t exactly work the way they planned it.”

 

Regina sighs in response. “I think it’s fairly obvious Henry didn’t receive his smarts from that side of the family. And here I thought it was just your parents that had an unfortunate penchant for stupidity.”

 

“Hey!” Emma protests, as she levels an exasperated look at the other woman. “Enough with the insults, we were trying to be civil remember? My parents weren’t exactly happy about it either when they found out. They do sort of want to return to their lands too, but would never blow up half the town in order to reach that goal.”

 

“True. I’ll have to concede that point.”

 

“So...” Emma starts as she continues to tug at the confining pyjamas. “Since that’s resolved, mind magically showing yourself out? I’m dying to get out of these damned clothes. I swear they’re itchy.”

 

For a moment Emma thinks that Regina might do exactly that as the brunette stands up from the bed and pats herself down. But then she walks over to the window instead, placing one of her hands on the slightly fogged up glass, gazing at the impenetrable darkness that still clung to everything outside. There’s an expression on her face that Emma can’t place and for reasons she can’t fathom it makes her stay quiet as she waits for Regina to break the silence again.

 

“I did actually mean to give this to you a few weeks ago...” Regina murmurs softly, her eyes not straying away from the window as she speaks. “Well, I suppose there’s no time like the present, is there?”

 

Emma watches with a mixture of curiosity and fascination as purple mist swirls around the hand that’s not splayed across the window. When the mist slowly vanishes there’s a book in Regina’s open, outstretched hand. It looked old, and foreign to Emma, as if it wasn’t from this world. The book itself was an ugly brown color, its leather cover riddled with red and black inscriptions that looked unlike any language Emma knew. If anything, the closest thing she could compare it to would be hieroglyphs.

 

“Did you take over Belle’s position as a librarian?” Emma jokes.

 

“I can assure you, this wouldn’t be a book that you would find in a library. Not even in a town like Storybrooke.”

 

“It’s magical then?”

 

“Very observant of you dear, perhaps it isn’t all true what they say about the level of intelligence of blondes after all. Unless that isn’t your natural hair color?”

 

Emma makes a face. “You know you’ve hit rock bottom when you resort to blonde jokes, you do realize that right? And wouldn’t you like to know...”

 

Regina hums a little under her breath as she finally turns around to face Emma. “It’s a spellbook. Nothing fancy, just some basic tricks. All of it is light magic, so it’s of no use to me, but it should be to you.”

 

With that, Regina takes a step forward and hands the book over to Emma.

 

“You need to learn how to focus your magic. Control it. Don’t allow it to control you.”

 

Emma brushes her fingers across the worn leather that encases the book as she stares at the symbols that are engraved on it. “Not to sound ungrateful but...how do you propose I study spells when it’s written in a language I can’t read.”

 

“Don’t.”

 

“Excuse me?”

 

Regina sighs, suddenly looking rather tired as she reclines against the wall. “Don’t try to read it. It’s much like your magic, it just is, and you have a natural affinity for it.” Without warning Regina covers one of Emma’s hands with her own and laces their fingers together. There’s just a hint of an electrical jolt as she does so, and it makes Emma look straight into Regina’s eyes in shock. Surely she hadn’t imagined that?

 

“Do you remember what happened with Jefferson’s hat?” Regina asks as she averts her eyes away from Emma’s inquisitive gaze. When Emma nods wordlessly, Regina opens the book and guides their linked hands to a page of text. “You didn’t think about what you were doing back then did you?” Though the words sounded accusatory, Emma understood they were more of a statement of the facts. A reminder of Emma’s experiences with magic in the past.

 

“I didn’t. I just felt something course through me as I touched you. Like some switch that I didn’t even know the existence of, got flipped,” Emma admits. “I just wanted to help you and...”

 

She leaves the sentence hanging, unsure of what she had been trying to say and distracted by seeing their intertwined fingers resting together on the yellowed paper. Regina’s skin was surprisingly soft, and warm to the touch, and Emma couldn’t help her mind from straying to thoughts of what the rest of her body might feel like. A blush rose to her cheeks before she could censor herself. She can only pray that Regina is too busy teaching her how to read the book to pay attention to her.

 

“Don’t try to read it,” Regina repeated, as she disentangled her hand from Emma’s. “Read it. It’s like...” Regina’s next words died in her throat, apparently she had finally taken notice of the flustered look on Emma’s face. Normally Emma was a lot better at hiding it, but the day’s events had taken it’s toll on her, and she couldn’t help the attraction she felt to the brunette from slipping through the filter that was normally in place.

 

Their close proximity made it so Emma could see the tiniest of specks in Regina’s chocolate brown eyes and she caught herself drowning in them, neither of them moving an inch as they stared intently at each other. Emma licked her suddenly dry lips, an unconscious gesture, the book resting in her lap forgotten, as her eyes flickered from Regina’s full red lips and back up again. She was struck mute with sudden indecisiveness. Stuck between taking a leap of fate or ignoring this was even happening in the first place.

 

In the end, the book decided for her. Emma could feel a sudden spark of heat rising up from where her hand had been resting. It didn’t quite burn her, but it wasn’t pleasant either. Quickly snatching her hand away she brings her attention back to Regina to ask what the hell just happened, when she noticed the former Evil Queen had created some distance between them and was back to staring out of the window. Her arms were wrapped protectively around her waist and what little Emma could see of her face didn’t betray anything about what was going on inside of her head. It was almost as if the moment they shared before hadn’t happened at all.

 

Eventually Regina breaks the silence. “It seems your magic..”, the words come out distorted and there is a noticeable hitch in her voice, as if she had been holding in her breath for a long time. With a sharp intake of breath she closes her eyes briefly and clears her throat. “Your magic reacted to the book, I think you’ll find you can read the texts now. There are some healing spells near the end of it. I suppose those might be something you can focus on, since you already know some basics in that field, and even you can’t possible screw those up.”

 

“Uh...” Emma didn’t know how to respond. How the hell was it that Regina could be so accessible one moment, and then distant the next? It threw her for a loop. “Thanks I think? One question though..”

 

“Yes?”

 

“Where did you get it in the first place. You have some secret library full of spellbooks stashed away somewhere in that mansion of yours, that I don’t know about?”

 

Regina gives her a secretive smile. “Something like that,” she answers, obviously enjoying being vague on purpose and stringing Emma along. “The book used to be mine. I no longer have a use for it.”

 

“I know, you said that before, but why?”

 

“Light magic,” Regina explained simply. “I’m a destroyer remember, not a healer.”

 

Emma could hear the unspoken, not anymore, that lingered in the regretful sadness Regina was unable to keep out of her voice.

 

“Don’t think this is for you dear.” Regina regarded her coolly, flicking some imaginary lint away from the pants of her black powersuit. “It’s for Henry. Just because you weren’t responsible for blowing up something today doesn’t mean we’ll be so lucky in the future. And I wouldn’t want him to be caught in harm’s way.”

 

“Right...” Emma whispers quietly to herself, casting her eyes back down at the book. Off course it had been too much to hope that Regina had gifted the spellbook to her without ulterior motives. She didn’t know why it made her heart clench in her chest. Why it seemed so important to her. It was just a stupid book. She closed the object in question with a angry snap of her hands and laid it down on the covers of her bed. Almost right away she noticed an black piece of paper that was lying right next to it. She could’ve sworn it hadn’t been there seconds ago, and her head tilts up to look at Regina, one eyebrow arching up in silent inquiry.

 

“It’s a calling card.”

 

“A what now?” Emma gives her a dubious look, as she grabs the black card and flips it over. It looked somewhat like a playing card. The front was white and smooth to the touch, as if brand-new. A black crown, one that looked like one that would be worn by queens, was drawn diagonally across of it. Right in the middle there was a triangle adorned with white gems. Emma assumed they were small diamonds the way they were drawn. Somehow the card immediately reminded her of Regina and she figured that was the idea behind it.

 

“When there’s a problem, with Henry or otherwise, you can contact me like that.” The expression on Regina’s face betrayed nothing that hinted at any nefarious intentions and Emma understood it was a, quite literal, token of goodwill.

 

“Hold it and form an image of me in your mind.” Regina starts explaining, pausing slightly and casting a look at Emma’s direction. “Then throw the card on the ground, It’ll summon me to your location. Just know that it’s for emergency purposes only Miss Swan, I won’t take kindly to you abusing it for one of your childish practical jokes or otherwise.”

 

“I won’t, cross my heart,” Emma vows, as she glances at the card again. “You know, not that I don’t appreciate it or anything but...shouldn’t you be giving this to Henry instead Regina?” When there was no response she repeated her name. “Regina?”

 

“Re...” Emma looked up from the card to find wisps of purple smoke, instead of the woman who had occupied that same space seconds ago. “..gina..” she finishes, puffing up her cheeks and expelling the air again slowly.

 

“I really hate it when she does that,” Emma mutters to the now empty room. She’s unable to stifle a huge yawn as she places the spellbook on her nightstand, carefully stacking Regina’s card on top of it. She didn’t know what to make of their interactions, or the other woman’s hasty exit, but with their loaded history, maybe that shouldn’t have come as such a big surprise.

  
It’s not until she lays down, gloriously naked again, (she vows to burn the pyjamas later) that she notices the absence of the acrid stench of burning wood that had clung to the room. In it’s place is just the hints of a sweet fragrance, something that reminded her a suspiciously lot of apples.

  
  


-x-x-x-


	8. Chapter 8

 

* * *

 

 

-x-x-x-

 

The dinner doesn’t happen in the two months following Regina’s unannounced visit either. In fact she barely sees Regina at all, save for dropping off Henry and picking him up again. It’s almost as if she avoids Emma on purpose. She doesn’t know why it bothers her so much, but perhaps that’s part of the reason Emma finds herself on Regina’s porch late one night, feeling utterly devastated and not knowing where else to go.

 

-x-x-x-

  
  


What was she doing? This had seemed like a dubious idea already back at her home, and now standing at Regina’s door it was even more obvious she needed to think this over. Emma’s stomach felt like it didn’t follow her moves as she turned around and started to make her way back towards the yellow Beetle parked down the road.

 

A few stray tears running down her cheeks blur her vision. She’s halfway to the car when she stops again. Why did she come here in the first place? What was she possibly hoping to accomplish by going to the one person who would likely make her feel even worse than she already was. If it’s sympathy she’s hoping for, a shoulder to cry out on, a listening ear, why would she seek out Regina? At best she would end up being mocked.

 

Maybe her parents were still awake? She takes another few steps forward.

 

All around her she can hear the howling wind playing in the tree branches, picking up fallen leaves to blow across the air. A few strands of hair, escaped from the hastily tied back ponytail, stick to her wet cheeks. She swipes them away almost angrily, tucking them behind her ears. Without entirely sure why, she turns around again to face the imposing mayoral mansion towering in front of her. It used to be a sign of power Emma thinks, a domineering presence that signified Regina’s absolute rule over the small town. Now though, the mansion sticks out like a sore thumb. It looks cold, lonely, no longer fitting in the pallet of colorful houses that surround it. Much like the person inside.

 

The house is darkened. Besides the single light-source that steadily illuminates one of the rooms on the second floor. Which was the reason she stopped here in the first place. The reason she stepped out of her car, gathered her resolve and walked up the door.

 

And then the reality of the situation had caught up to her. She was standing on the porch of the house belonging to the woman whom she had barely spoken two words with over the course of the past two months.

 

The truce had held, and the agreement to be more amicable towards each other seemed to work pretty well too. If you took into consideration that the only time they had spent more than a minute in each other’s presence was during that one nightly visit that Regina had paid her. Emma still wasn’t too sure what to think of that. Or what to think of Regina pretty much avoiding her right afterwards. Twice Emma had attempted to set a date to have that dinner they had discussed months ago. Twice Regina had called her not too long after to cancel it. So Emma had stopped trying. What was the point?

 

She walks back towards the door, hand reaching for the knocker, pauses, then sighs and withdraws it again. This really was an ill-conceived idea. What the hell was she going to say anyway? Emma’s mind conjured up images of the fight earlier this evening. With Neal. Again. About Henry, again. The first instinct after that had been to go see Regina. To talk to her about this. Emma didn’t know when things had changed like that. When her first instinct after something bad happened that had to do with Henry, was to go see his adoptive mother.

 

She should just knock. What is the worst that could happen anyway? But her hands don’t move from their position, tucked away warmly in the pockets of her coat. One of them curls around the paper object she has been carrying with her ever since Regina had given it to her. The Evil Queen card she has dubbed it. No real occasion had arisen yet where she was even tempted to use it. Sometimes she wonders if there ever would be such an occasion. Then she’s reminded of the town she’s currently living in; Storybrooke. If there’s anything she’s learned since the curse broke is that nothing surprises her anymore. That, and she knows it’s only a matter of time before Neal and that megalomaniac father of his blow up another structure. Having a powerful witch at your beck and call might prove to be a welcome asset sometime in the future.

 

Briefly, just after Neal had left and her eyes were overflowing with tears, she had considered using the card there and then. But after taking a breather and sitting down to gather her bearings, she had thought better of it. Emma had called up her parent’s house, wished Henry goodnight and stepped into her car. Aimlessly she had driven around town for an hour. Eventually she had arrived at Mifflin street, actually driving past 108 before she reversed and parked the bug in front of the house. And then indecision had struck.

 

Emma stares hard at the door in front of her. As if that would magically open it for her. Maybe after she’d spend some more time practicing her magic she might be able to do just that.

 

It’s all the more surprising to her when the door actually does open. Her eyes grow huge and she takes a few involuntarily and hasty steps backwards.

 

"Miss Swan.." Regina looks flawless as usual, wearing a light blue blouse, black pants and of course the ever present high heels. Her arms are folded, a slight scowl on her face and hawk-like eyes follow Emma’s every movement.

 

"Regina, uh, hi." Is about all Emma manages to get out. The stammering is completely unlike her, Regina actually standing in front of her so suddenly unnerves her more than she’d like to admit. Fortunately she always was one to recover quickly. "So you do know how a door works after all."

 

All Emma gets in responsible is a raised eyebrow. They stare each other down for a moment, until Regina speaks up again. "Is breaking my protection spells some sort of hobby of yours dear?"

 

"I, uhm?" Oh. Emma had completely forgotten about the spell. She also didn't have a clue how she managed to keep breaking them. Certainly it hadn’t been anything she had done on purpose.

 

"Why are you here, Miss Swan?"

 

Why was she indeed. Emma rubbed at her puffy eyes. She didn't know what she had expected. She takes in Regina’s defensive posture, dark eyes boring into Emma’s own. Her shoulders slump in defeat.

 

"Never mind, I shouldn't have come here."

 

She turns on the balls of her feet, fully intending to make a quick exit before embarrassing herself even further, when a hand grasping her arm stops her.

 

"But you are."

 

Emma turns her head, staring at Regina incomprehensibly. Her eyes flick from the hand wrapped around her arm to the surprisingly soft look that’s directed her way.

 

 _"Here,"_ Regina clarifies. "No offense dear, but you look like a downright mess. I doubt it would be prudent for you to drive in the state you are in right now."

 

"Gee thanks." Emma is unable to keep the bitterness out of her voice as she tugs her arm free. She just about had her fill of people insulting her today.

 

“I didn’t mean it as...” Regina sighs, folding her arms again while studiously avoiding Emma’s penetrating gaze. “Just come inside. You look like you could use a drink.” When she sees Emma hesitate, looking at the yellow beetle like a drowning man would look at piece of driftwood, she adds a soft “Please.”

 

Emma closes her eyes and nods, following after Regina into the house. She immediately deducts the room Regina is leading them towards is the spacious study. Even if it has been months, she still remembers their various encounters in this very same house. All of them before she knew Regina was the Evil Queen of fairytales. Sometimes she still thinks about the games they used to play. Sometimes, she’s reluctant to admit, even misses them. At least the various outcomes had been more or less predictable. As opposed to the chaotic mess her life was right now.

 

She watches, strangely fascinated, as Regina rummages through the collection of bottles stored away in the liquor cabinet.

 

“Cider? Or do you still prefer something stronger?”

 

“I think you know the answer to that one,” Emma answers, smiling despite of herself at the memory of their first encounter.

 

“Indeed I do.” The answering smile is barely there, but Emma feels a little lighter inside at spotting it either way.

 

There’s some ice clinking around in the glasses as Regina fills them. Otherwise a surprisingly comfortable silence fills the room. It gives Emma a welcome break to sort out her thoughts. Not that she has a clue why she is here still. But now that she is, the embers of her courage flicker up to fuel a reluctantly spreading fire deep inside of her. She desperately needs to vent her mounting frustration over her inability to have a normal conversation with Neal when it came to the son they share. They could talk about various topics for hours on end without problems, but the minute the conversation veered towards Henry they got tangled up in heated arguments that ended with slamming doors and tear-stained faces. Usually Emma’s.

 

“You’re not going to take a seat?”

 

“I think it’s better that I stand for this,” Emma says as she takes the glass of whiskey that’s offered to her. “Thanks.”

 

“You’re welcome.”

 

Emma is distracted momentarily by one of Regina’s perfectly manicured fingers circling around the edge of the glass. She blinks when she realizes Regina had said something. A slight blush rises to her cheeks upon seeing the amused look on Regina’s face. Caught there, Emma

 

“I suppose you didn’t hear a word I said, now did you dear?”

 

“Uh..”

 

Regina takes a careful sip from the whiskey. “I was asking if there was trouble in paradise.” Her nails tick against the glass, a steady staccato rhythm which entrances Emma. Ever so slowly Regina sits down on one of the plush chairs, crossing her legs as she watches Emma pace in front of the fireplace.

 

“I wouldn’t exactly call it a paradise.”

 

“Oh?”

 

Emma steels her jaw and stops pacing for a second. “I had an argument with Neal earlier. About Henry. He pretty much insisted on taking Henry with him once they finally manage to open up a stable portal to the Enchanted Forest.” She downs the entire glass of whiskey right after she finishes speaking. As if the potent liquor burning a way to her stomach would erase the painful memories of that particular conversation.

 

The change to Regina’s facial expression is instantaneous. Her lips curl up in a angry sneer, eyes practically shooting fire as she slams her glass down on the coffee-table. Amber colored liquid sloshes over the rim with the violent gesture. “Absolutely not. Out of the question.”

 

“Yeah, I suppose that’s one of the few things we can agree on huh?”

 

“What did you tell him?”

 

“Not much,” Emma admits reluctantly. She sets the empty glass down on the table and turns to face the fireplace, watches the flickering flames. It’s soothing, she thinks, but it doesn’t last long enough. Nothing did these days. “It was mostly him talking. I didn’t agree with his idea if that’s what you’re wondering. But he didn’t seem to think I had much say in the matter, since I’m apparently a horrible parent and all.”

 

Anger overcomes her, thinking of the shouting match they had. She resists the urge to slam her fist into the wall in front of her. If only barely. “Funny, I would’ve expected that from you, but not him. I suppose you were right all along about my parenting skills though. I’m beginning to think I should just let Henry live with you again full-time. At least he wouldn’t be caught in the crossfire between me and Neal anymore. At least he would be happy.”

 

“Miss...”

 

Emma can hear Regina fidgeting on the couch, but she doesn’t turn around, she could do without the mocking look to accompany the gloating that is sure to follow.

 

“Emma,” Regina uttering her name so softly makes Emma’s stomach do weird things. She can count on one hand the amount of times she’s heard the other woman address her by her given name. She didn’t have a clue what prompted Regina to use it this time.

 

“I have something to show you. If you would follow me?”

 

She can’t contain the gasp of surprise that spills forth from her mouth. That, was the last thing Emma expected. Follow her where? She turns around and imagines she must look just as comically confused as she was feeling currently. Nevertheless she follows Regina out of the study and up the stairs. If possible, she was feeling even more confused than before with the unknown direction Regina was steering them to. But when they stop in front of a nondescript door, Emma realizes this is the illuminated room that had caught her attention earlier.

 

Emma’s jaw drops the moment Regina opens the door. Inside there are various book cases filled to the brim with what appeared to albums of some sort. Photo-albums? They certainly didn’t look like usual books at least. The shelves were riddled with stickers placed at certain intervals below the albums. From what Emma could discern they were time-stamps. She could just barely make out the years, but not much more than that.

 

“I remember some time ago, when Henry goaded you into checking up on me, you questioned what it was that I was doing inside my ‘creepy house’.”

 

Emma cringes at the memory. She had done that hadn’t she? “Well no offense, but this place really could double as a haunted mansion at times.”

 

“Perhaps to you. I’m used to the looks of this place however. To me it’s just home.”

 

“Is it?” Emma questions. She hadn’t meant for it to spill out like that but as usual she ran her mouth before she could think better of it. It comes as some relief that Regina doesn’t reply. Though she swore there was a flicker of hurt ghosting across the woman’s face before she turned away and made her way towards the large desk that dominated the otherwise small room.

 

Regina clears her throat. “As I was trying to say. I spend a large portion of my time filling these. I didn’t...” her voice wavers as she turns some pages of the album in front of her. “It was never my intention for anyone else to see these. However, I think it’s important for you to look at the photos.”

 

Emma is already studying the photos in one album and the various stacks on the desk. A lot of them are just from Henry. Some show Henry and Regina together, playing board-games, laughing, making faces in front of the camera. Emma's throat constricts painfully seeing how happy Henry looks in those pictures. How she ever thought that keeping him away from Regina was the right decision is beyond her.

 

The biggest surprise comes when Regina flips back a few pages and Emma sees herself on a some of the pictures. At the playground, talking with Henry, posing in front of a snow-sculpture they had created, baking pancakes. She felt stinging in her eyes as tears roll down her cheeks. There’s this edge of disbelief that she can’t seem to get rid of, even when her fingers circle the smooth surface of the pictures. They look so happy. It’s too easy to forget about those moments, the happy ones, when all the crap that’s happened lately drowned it all out. Pushed it all to the back of her mind. Until now.

 

She had almost forgotten about the other presence in the room. Regina hadn’t spoken a word since Emma had started to leaf through the album that took most of the space on the large oak desk. If she’d noticed Emma’s small mental breakdown, she had actively chosen not to comment on it. And Emma was thankful for the reprieve. She wipes away as much of the lingering moisture near her eyes as she can manage, before turning around to face Regina. There was still the unanswered question as to what this had to do with Neal. Not that she was any less grateful for being showed these pictures in the first place. But a part of her, probably the ever present paranoid one, expects some sort of ulterior motive from this random act of kindness. It therefor comes as a complete surprise to her to find Regina studying her quietly, half-sitting on the window-sill, eyes full of shocking empathy that Emma didn’t think Regina was capable of.

 

“I’m sure you’re curious why I’m showing you these?”

 

Emma nods in response, not yet trusting her voice to be strong enough to speak out loud. The last thing she wants to do is give Regina more ammo to use against her sometime in the future. Though, if she’s being honest with herself, she has already revealed more weak spots on this single evening than during all the time they had known each other for, combined.

 

Regina flicks her tongue out, wetting her lips, casting her eyes down at the floor as she speaks. “He looks happy doesn’t he?”

 

“Yeah, but...”

 

A quick dismissive motion from one of Regina’s hands stops Emma from voicing her lack of understanding.

 

“Whatever disagreements we might have, no matter how much I despise that everything I worked so hard for, only to be forced to share it with you now. I’ve come to the conclusion that your presence in his life has made him a happier, more carefree child. I know you genuinely love Henry, and from what I’ve seen from his interactions with you, the feeling is mutual.”

 

Regina stops then, twisting a ring around her finger nervously, glancing at Emma from the corners of her eyes, no doubt to gauge her response. Emma lets out a breath she hadn’t realized she had been holding when Regina starts talking again after the small break.

 

“It’s not something easy to admit, but maybe I’ve been wrong about your parenting. Crude and ineffective as it might be sometimes, I think how much you care for him more than makes up for that. You would’ve made a great mother if you hadn’t given him up, Emma.” There’s the slightest trembling in her voice as Regina says her name, making Emma wonder what put it there. “No matter what that demonspawn of Rumpelstiltskin might say, you’ve been good for Henry. You do make him happy, I think that’s all that counts.”

 

"You make him happy too."

 

She meant it as a compliment, but it’s hard to miss the way Regina winces, the way her face closes up completely after the sentence rolls across Emma’s lips.

 

“You should see the pictures in the album, the year before your arrival here. Perhaps you’ll reconsider your words when you do.”

 

Emma watches, with mixed curiosity and fear as Regina draws nearer to her. The expression on her face is unreadable, the walls all the way back up. Regina stops right in front of her, standing in her personal space like it’s not even there. Emma’s eyebrows hit her hairline when she feels one of the other woman’s hands reach for the pockets of her light coat, dig around for a second and remove the set of car-keys from one of them.

 

“Uhm?”

 

“I need to go to bed,” Regina states, smirking at the no doubt flabbergasted look residing on Emma’s face. “To sleep,” she clarifies, her cheeks staining a soft pink hue at whatever else she might’ve implied. “I won’t have you driving around this town while you’re exhausted and drunk. I might not be Mayor anymore but that doesn’t mean I’ll be irresponsible when it comes to this.”

 

“I had one glass of whiskey, I’m hardly drunk,” Emma sputters, eyes narrowing into an annoyed glare. She makes an effort to snatch the keys out of Regina’s hand, only to thwarted in her attempt by Regina pocketing the keys herself.

 

“I’m quite sure you’ll want to browse around in the albums some more,” Regina says in a tone meant to placate Emma. “So in a way, I’m doing you a favor. No worries dear, that yellow eyesore of yours will be perfectly safe with me for the night.”

 

Emma snorts, but grins at the idea of Regina taking care of the beetle. The mental image of the former Mayor driving around in it amuses her a great deal more than she’d ever admit.

 

“Forgive me if you taking care of my car isn’t a very comforting thought to me.”

 

All she gets in response is a shrug and a stifled yawn. “You can walk to your house and come back to pick the keys tomorrow. Or you could sleep on the couch downstairs, but I won’t be persuaded to let you drive home tonight in your current state.”

 

“You could’ve just offered to drive me home you know?” Emma grouses. Not that she doesn’t appreciate the basic sentiment of Regina’s offer. She really does want to spend a few more hours in this room, pouring over the albums, memorizing all of the images of Henry’s childhood. Moments she would’ve missed forever if it wasn’t for his adoptive mother being there to capture them on film.

 

“I’m not your personal chauffeur, Miss Swan.”

 

Emma hums, sitting down on the upholstered chair in front of the desk, a smile of genuine pleasure tugging the corners of her mouth upwards. She’s missed this Regina. Snarky, but without the underlying intent to wound a person with every barb or snide remark. “Thank you, I do appreciate this.”

 

The answering smile makes Regina’s entire face light up. Makes her eyes sparkle. Makes her look far more beautiful than she has any right to be. It makes Emma’s breath catch her in throat. She bites the insides of her cheeks, eyes darting away from the woman who both aggravates and confuses her. They settle on a single big stack of photographs that’s shoved all the way to the back of the desk. A frown creases her brows, as she quickly flips through the stack.

 

She’s seen a few of these photos before. Even being present when some of them were taken. Henry must’ve given them to Regina, Emma muses, to be put into the albums. She removes a single photo from the bottom of the stack, concluding that it must be at least six months old. There’s a startling realization that hits her then. None of them made it to the album. And there’s no doubt in her mind that none of them ever would.

 

“Regina?” Emma questions, holding up a few of the pictures in one of her hands to emphasize her question. “Why isn’t he in there?”

 

“Because I don’t like _him,_ ” came the vehement reply. Then there’s the snick of the door being opened. “Good night Miss Swan.”

 

Emma watches her leave, until the door closes and she’s left alone again. Alone with dozens of albums. That and her confusing thoughts. Regina not liking Neal didn't come as a huge surprise. And it wasn’t what made Emma stare out of the window lost in thought. It was the emphasis Regina had put on the ‘him’ part. It was the words left unspoken.

 

_But I like you._

  
  


-x-x-x-

 


	9. Chapter 9

 

* * *

 

 

-x-x-x-

 

When Emma opens her door early in the morning, one week later, she couldn’t have known it would end up changing everything so drastically. That it would finally make her confront things she up until that moment had avoided at all costs.

 

-x-x-x-

  
  


It comes more naturally to her now, Emma thinks as she levitates some utensils into the air, smiling at how little energy doing it costs her this time. When she had first attempted this a few weeks ago, making anything float would exhaust her within minutes. Practice it seemed really did make perfect after all.

 

She makes the fork and knife rise up a little higher and stares on in wonder at how perfectly still she can make them float just above her head. Humming quietly to herself she can’t suppress a little twitch of guilt settling in the pit of her stomach for practicing magic like this. Secretly, always without Henry being present to witness her doing so. Like the act itself is wrong, while to Emma it feels anything but. She just doesn’t know how to explain this to him. A part of her thinks that when she does, he might think Regina influenced her in some way. As if the most harmless of spells would suddenly turn her evil. She scoffs at the thought. But then the hints of a doubt makes her worry her lip in contemplation.

 

It was something she has been meaning to ask to Regina. How much magic was too much? And when would it take you to that dangerous precipice she had mentioned a few months ago? Emma tries to think of how to broach this particular topic with Regina. She cringes at the thought of what the other woman’s response would be.

 

Her attention wavers and she gasps in horror as the knife drops down, narrowly missing her foot. Emma sucks in a breath as she stares at it, while trying to maintain her concentration on keeping the spoon and fork afloat. Maybe that was enough for today. Emma muses she can do a little more practice with conjuring up balls of energy and barriers after she has done chores around the house. Right now she was too distracted to perform any more magic. She had learned the hard way, while almost setting the house on fire, that magic shouldn’t be practiced when you couldn’t concentrate fully on what you were doing.

 

Sighing Emma lowers the cutlery to the kitchen counter and closes the book Regina had given to her; storing it away in a lockable drawer. She always had the key with her, not taking the chance that Henry being the naturally curious kid he was, would stumble upon on it, and find the book afterward. In the back of her mind she knows this is a conversation they should be having. She had promised him no more lies, and though she hasn’t been lying to him exactly, hiding this from him would on the long term harm their growing child-parent relationship. He had barely accepted Regina using magic again, even though she limited using it in his presence. Having both of his mothers actively using magic was going to be a lot tougher for Henry to accept. Especially if he found out the book she was learning magic from was Regina’s.

 

She should really talk to her about it, Emma thinks, as she stuffs the key in a pocket of her jeans.

 

Knocking at the door startles her, actually making her jump up in surprise. She wasn’t expecting any visitors today, Henry was getting a horse riding lesson this afternoon from David and would be staying at his grandparents for the night. Peeking through the peephole, Emma feels a little shocked seeing who is at the other side of the door. This was the last person she would have expected. Then again, taking into account everything that had happened over the course of the past few months, maybe she shouldn’t have been so surprised.

 

“Regina, hi. Uhm, if you’re hoping to see Henry he’s over at my parents.”

 

“I’m not here for him,” Regina responded coolly. Her facial expression betrayed nothing of what was going on inside her head, but for some reason Emma got a weird vibe from the former Mayor. Like something wasn’t right. That and she swore she saw a glint of purple flashing through Regina’s eyes, though it was gone the next second.

 

“Okay... Well come in? Uh, the place is a bit of a mess right, sorry,” Emma babbles nervously as she throws a few dirty dishes in the sink. “I was going to clean it up just before your arrival here. I swear it normally looks a lot more...”

 

“Nervous, are we dear,” Regina interrupts as she strolls inside.

 

She slams the door shut behind her a lot harder than necessary; the sound rings around obnoxiously loud in the small apartment. It makes Emma heart speed up. Years off living on the edge, living while being acutely aware that danger could come from everywhere, makes all the warning bells go off inside her head.

 

“Maybe a little? I didn’t want to make it seem like Henry is living in a pigsty all the time, seeing as you’re such a neat freak and all.”

 

“You know that’s not what I’m talking about. You really do take after your mother, don’t you? Playing the role so perfectly. So sweet and innocent, that it just crawls under your skin without you ever noticing it, like a poison that seeps right through.” Regina’s face twists into a fearsome mask as she speaks, each word more venomous than the previous one. “Granted, you do make a great actress. You certainly had me going with that sob-story of yours.”

 

“I..” Emma shakes her head, dumbfounded. “What the hell are you even talking about? Sob-story? Do you mean...”

“You know exactly what I mean!” Regina bellows.

 

There’s a thousand tiny pinpricks on Emma’s skin and she gasps with a sudden pain. Regina is standing right in front of her now, the sheer magnitude of her magical power crackling and popping with every move she makes. Like she’s literally made of magic. Is magic. Dark magic. And Emma’s currently at the wrong side of it, and she doesn’t even know why.

 

“Regina just tell me what the fuck is going on with you?” Emma stares right into fiery brown eyes that are filled with utter hatred. She almost takes a step backwards at the sight but catches herself just in time. “I don’t get it, I thought we made some progress last week, I thought...”

 

“Save it dear, I won’t fall for your lies again,” Regina hisses out. “If you think you can wrap me around your fingers like you have done with Rumpelstiltskin’s worthless son, you are sorely mistaken Princess.”

 

Emma frowns at the mention of Neal. She works her memory trying to figure out why Regina chose to involve him now. Her hands form tightly clenched fists as she mentally conjures up a ward to help protect her should things get even more out of hand. Not that she stood a chance when Regina did decide to unleash hell on her.

 

“Did I hit a nerve there dear? Or did you conspire with that bastard Baelfire all along? Tell me, did you share your victories over a few beers before you spread your legs for him again? Did you enjoy playing the happy family, all the while laughing behind my back about how gullible I proved to be?”

 

Regina takes one final step forward, her magic sparking off the barrier Emma had raised between them. Her eyes swirled a ominous purple color as she titled her head down, just inches away from Emma’s. “Tell me!” she growls, seething with anger.

 

“I’m not...” Emma swallows, audibly clears her throat as she tries to wrap her mind around what Regina was accusing her of. “I’m not sleeping with Neal, I don’t know where you got that idea from, but I’m not. And even if I was, it would be none of your fucking business,” Emma yells back, gnashing her teeth as a wave of bright hot anger washes over her. Just who the hell did Regina think she was anyways.

 

“When you conspire with him to take away MY son, it is my fucking business.”

 

“Jesus fucking Christ, Regina, when are you going to get it into that thick skull of yours. I’m not going to take Henry away from you!”

 

“Why should I believe you, when you’ve lied about everything else,” Regina grits out, voice dangerously low.

 

She makes a counter-clockwise motion with her hands and Emma can feel the hastily conjured up protective barrier beginning to dissolve.

 

“I haven’t lied about that...” Emma only barely manages to get out the last word before she feels the remains of the ward crumble away into nothingness.

 

The moment it does, a wave of magical energy flings her backwards violently across the kitchen counter and against the wall. There’s a sickening crunch of something breaking, and Emma has some vaguely jumbled thoughts that it might’ve been something inside of her own body that did.

 

She groans in agony, raising one of her hands towards her head and isn't surprised to find that it comes away bloody. Almost everything lying on the counter had been thrown against the wall along with Emma and several things had collided with her body with considerable force. Something sharp was digging painfully into her back and she gasps, every breath she takes sends waves of pain through her entire body.

 

Before she is able to completely gather her bearings, an invisible force wraps itself around her neck and hoists her up against the wall. Emma gulps for breath as her feet kick out futilely, colliding with the wall behind her, body hovering a small distance above the floor.

 

“Re’ina...wha,” Emma manages to choke out, eyes wide with fear as Regina stalks towards her. One of her hands is stretched out towards Emma, slowly choking her to death without even touching her.

 

“What would you call this, Emma,” Regina hisses out, face contorted into an hideous sneer. She practically shoves a picture into Emma’s face.

 

Emma coughs violently, hands scrabbling at her throat as if she could stop the invisible force that was choking her that way. “Stop,” she pleads. Her eyes take in the picture momentarily, but it’s blurry, the lack of oxygen was making everything she was doing more sluggish.

 

The pressure at her throat does disappear, but at the same time Emma is magically thrown around the apartment once more. Her already sore back collides harshly with one of the cabinets. Wood splinters fly everywhere as Emma screams out in pain. Something small but sharp had lodged itself into her side, and her white t-shirt darkens with the blood that seeps out of the wound.

 

Mind hazy with pain and her vision clouded with tears, Emma only barely manages to make out Regina’s dark form towering over her. That damned picture she had been holding before, once again makes its way near Emma’s face. She tries to process its significance, but the way her whole body feels like one big ball of ache makes it neigh impossible for her to do so.

 

“Henry told me all about this perfect little date you had with Neal, Miss Swan,” Regina tells her, still sounding completely enraged. “About this trip you were planning. Just the three of you. How Neal mentioned that you were considering moving with him to New York. With my son,” the last sentence is practically spat out, and for a moment Emma wonders if she’s going to be magically launched into another trip through the air.

 

“Re..gina,” Emma tries, the words stick into her aching throat. Her thoughts drown into a cloying soup of molasses that has taken up residence in her brains. Regina got it all wrong, but Emma couldn’t form the words to explain herself.

 

“Henry is my son, not yours. You are nothing.”

 

A second later there’s purple smoke where Regina had been standing.

 

And Emma finds herself surrounded by shards of glass, wood slivers, streaks of blood and shredded pictures of herself and Henry.

 

 

-x-x-x-


	10. Chapter 10

  
  


* * *

 

 

 

-x-x-x-

  
  


Emma leaned against the open door of her bug, trying to even her breathing. All around her the world was spinning. She didn’t even know how she had gotten from inside to where her car was parked. When had she unlocked the car? Opened the door?

 

She closed her eyes, trying to will the world to stabilize itself out once more. She was swaying slightly on her feet, one hand holding her side, just below the hastily bandaged wound. The shirt she was wearing was stained with bright red blots, she hadn’t bothered to change out of it. Too much in a hurry. There was a fleeting thought that if anyone saw her like this they would  likely insist on dropping her off at the local hospital. Which was part of the reason she was going to take the car. Less chance of running into people. Although in the current state, she might just literally run into them.

 

Opening her eyes again she took a few more steadying breaths before slowly easing herself into the driver’s seat. She winced as the pain shot through her back the moment she sat down. It felt as if her entire back was on fire. “Fucking hell,” she cursed, gasping through the pain.

 

Emma fished the phone from her pocket carefully, trying not to nudge her damaged fingers any more than she has to. She pressed the redial button on the touch screen for the umpteenth time while starting the car with her other hand.

 

“Pick up, pick up, pick up,” Emma muttered, the words like a mantra to her. She gnashed her teeth when she revs the car up too much and the motion makes her back collide with the seat. The searing white hot pain steals her breath for a second and she whimpers quietly.

 

She was glad she had managed to call her parents back in the apartment and tell them to keep an eye on Henry at all times. Her parents promising they would, eased her mind a little, though David had launched a dozen questions at her about what was going on. Emma just didn’t know what to tell him. She didn’t even understand what the hell had happened herself, never mind explaining it to her worrying parents. That had been the number one priority on her list. Number two had been Neal. A part of her was still pissed off at how his manipulating had gotten them all into this damned mess in the first place. But despite all that, she didn’t think him experiencing Regina’s fury first hand was going to solve anything.

 

Emma mentally prayed Regina wasn’t already at his place, or tracked him down otherwise. She was putting some hope on the former Queen to be brooding at her house, maybe deciding on her next plan of attack. Everything about the encounter Emma had with Regina hinted at the fact it had been a completely spontaneous act. Every word, every action, had been filled with hurt and grief just as much as the anger that Regina had used to channel all of emotions with. She had lashed out, but Emma was sure that it was mostly Regina venting her bitterness about the perceived betrayal in her eyes. She was sure Regina could have done a lot worse if she had really wanted to.

 

Not that her body would agree with that assessment. God she was a fool to even think of doing this in the first place. Driving to the house of the person that wrecked her home, and did such a number on her body... And not like it was the first time she was doing this. Evidently most of the times she was making this journey, it seemed like a bad idea.

 

She tries to hit redial on her phone again, almost missing the car coming straight at her. Tossing the phone to the seat next to her she grips the steering-wheel with both hands. The bug swerves dangerously. Emma yowls in pain at feeling the bones of her two broken fingers grind together as she yanks at the wheel. She cringes mentally at clipping some shrubbery and rose-bushes from someone’s front-yard, but exhales slowly in relief when she manages to get her car back on the road properly.

 

Sweat beads form on her forehead as her eyes go slightly crossed from the barely manageable pain that continues to shoot through her body with every motion the car makes. That and she feels another wave of nausea coming up. Emma gulps in lungs full of air, trying to suppress her breakfast from making another appearance. Tossing her cookies inside her own damn car was all that was missing from making this day the perfect disaster.

 

It’s with some relief when she finally takes the turn onto Miflin street. Though her parking leaves something to be desired, a drunk person couldn’t have parked it any worse even if they tried. Not that she gives a flying fuck right now.

 

Emma closes her eyes again, thinks of all the things she wants to say. Thinks of how she’s going to explain to Regina that she’s got everything all wrong. There was no way the woman had cooled down enough in between blowing her top like an hour ago, and right now. She sighs and looks around for the phone.

 

Of course it was nowhere to be found. “Fuck,” she hisses out. The earlier antics with mowing through someone’s garden had likely thrown the phone underneath one of the seats. And with all the damage done to her body, she didn’t think there was any chance of maneuvering around in the tight confines of the car to look for it. Neal was on his own it would seem. Emma could only hope her earlier hunch about Regina poofing straight home had been right on the money.

 

She gets out of the car slowly and carefully, but tears spring in her eyes anyways when she stands upright again. Emma swears it hurts more stepping out of the car than it did when she was getting in to it previously. Probably the adrenaline wearing off, she muses.

 

Her eyes take in the mansion looming in front of her. Her heart speeds up, and she starts to sweat more profusely. She steels her jaw and doesn’t allow herself to dwell much more on what she’s about to do, while slowly making her way up the cobblestone path.

 

She doesn’t even make it to the door. There’s the telltale prickling of magic at her back, the hints of movement from the corners of her eyes. Emma turns around slowly, fearful of what she would find.

 

“You just don’t know how to take a hint, do you?”

 

The voice sounds less menacing than it had back at Emma’s apartment. And she swears Regina’s eyes look puffy, slightly red. As if she had been crying.

 

“Before you do anything else,” Emma says, voice cracking without her consent. She clears her throat and holds up her hands, showing she means no harm, that she’s not a threat. Not that there is a doubt in her mind Regina would and could ignore all of it and incinerate her on the spot if something were to set her off. “Please, at least let me explain. You’ve got it all...”

 

“Save it. I already told you, I don’t want to hear anymore of your lies. And if you’re here because you are worried about my intentions with Henry, I can assure you I won’t harm him, nor will I take him anywhere against his will. I am not you, Miss Swan.”

 

Emma casts her eyes down with Regina’s last sentence. It was the way it was said, sharp, hurtful, so extremely bitter and filled with spite. The worst part was that Regina basically accused her of forcing Henry to go anywhere without his consent. Which was something Emma would never do. And she was pretty sure Regina knew this too.

 

“That’s as good of a place as any to start. Did you even talk to him? Ask him what he thought about Neal’s plans? Because Jesus Christ Regina, if you had, you would’ve known Henry wants to stay here. And a major reason of him wanting to stay here is you.”

 

Regina’s fiery brown eyes bore into Emma’s own after she’s finished speaking. It makes her feel slightly uncomfortable, though probably not for the reasons Regina would figure it does. Emma rubs at the wound on her forehead nervously. It was still pounding away nicely, but at least it stopped bleeding. She briefly wonders if it would leave a scar.

 

“And yet you and Neal would still abduct him to New York,” Regina growls, as she takes a few quick steps towards Emma.

 

“What?! No..” Emma shakes her head, balls her hands into fists in frustration. “Are you even hearing anything I’m saying? I need you to listen to...”

 

“No, I need you to listen to me,” Regina interrupts her, a sneer on her face and anger rolling off of her in waves. “Get the hell off my property. There’s really nothing more I want to hear from you. So unless you want a repeat performance from earlier this morning I’d suggest you to leave right this instant.”

 

"Repeat performance?" Emma gives Regina an incredulous look. "Are you fucking serious right now? If you think I will let you throw me around like a rag doll again, you've got another thing coming. Or did you forget about the supposed truce we had. The one you already technically broke earlier today."

 

"That truce is the only reason you are still standing. Now get out!"

 

"And what should I tell Henry when he gets home and sees the damage you have wrought, Your Majesty, ever thought of that?" It was a low blow, even Emma would admit as such. But Emma also knew that the one thing that might bring Regina back down to Earth would be Henry.

 

"I will not let you bring Henry into this..."

 

Regina looked absolutely livid as she spits out the words. Emma immediately realizes she gambled and lost this one. She all but feels Regina's anger reach the boiling point and senses her subsequent powering up of her magics. But at least this time she's prepared for what comes next.

 

She closes her eyes and remembers the lesson taught to her; magic is emotion. And hers comes from love. She focuses on the love she has for Henry, weaves it into a tapestry of magic and channels it towards her hands. In her mind she forms a impenetrable wall in front of her. Protecting her. She trembles with the effort it takes her, but she can feel the spell take hold. Can actually feel the wall appear in front of her.

 

When she opens her eyes again, she isn't sure who looks more surprised that her ward had actually stopped the wave of energy Regina had send towards her. Though it only takes Regina a moment to recover before she tries again. Only for the magic to once again bounce off the invisible barrier in front of Emma.

 

Emma lets out a joyous laugh of glee, feeling giddy as the effects of the magic start taking hold of her brain. "It worked," she grins. "It actually worked."

 

And then black spots appear in her vision, her world narrows to a tiny sliver and the last thing she sees is the ground rushing towards her.

  
  


-x-x-x-

  
  



	11. Chapter 11

 

* * *

 

 

-x-x-x-

  
  


What starts as a nagging feeling on the edges of an exhausted dream, increasingly turns into a ripping pain as Emma's eyes fly open and she instinctively grasps the broken fingers on her hand, onto top of which she has rolled to.

 

Pain gradually gives way to confusion, as she looks around the unfamiliar looking room and the extremely comfortable bed of which she has no memory of falling asleep on.

 

“Ugh..” Emma’s vision swims and she closes her eyes against a sudden wave of nausea. Where the hell was she?

 

“Finally awake I see.”

 

“Regina?!” Emma meant for the name to come out all angry, but instead it sounded more like a croaky stutter. It felt vaguely embarrassing, much as the whole damned situation felt to Emma currently. “What the hell did you do to me? And what is this place?” She looks around again, and wonders if Regina knocked her out, she can’t remember for the life of her what happened. “Wait..am I a prisoner now or something?”

 

Emma lays on the bed, watching warily as Regina draws nearer. Heels clicking evenly on the hard wooden floor with every step she takes. “I can understand that what has to pass for your brains got scrambled a bit with that fall you took, but even you should be able to see this is a bedroom dear. The dungeon is two floors down.”

 

“This isn’t funny Regina,” Emma hisses out between clenched teeth. Mindful of her broken fingers and the burning pain lancing through her side, she attempts to prop herself up right on the bed. It is her back protesting, loudly, that makes her sag right down again. She can actually feel where her t-shirt, probably caked with blood, sticks to her lower back. And when she moves, it feels almost like she is ripping her own skin off. One thing is for sure, she won’t try that again. _Holy crap._ Tears spring to her eyes as she tries to roll onto her side to alleviate the worst of her backache.

 

It figures that she is stuck on this goddamned bed, while the person responsible for her current state of seriously-messed-up is hovering nearby. Anger bubbles to the surface hard and fast. “What the hell did you do to me this time? Did you knock me out? Wasn’t it enough for you to throw me around my own apartment like I was a piece of trash?”

 

“I wasn’t responsible for knocking you out dear, you managed to accomplish that just fine all by yourself,” Regina responds coolly. Her eyes glitter darkly in the dimly illuminated room and Emma doesn’t know what to make of the expression on her face. All that she can remember is their shouting match on Regina’s front law and then...

 

“I stopped you,” Emma voices her returning memories, mouth sagging open slightly in wonder. “You were going to use magic on me again and I stopped you and then I...”

 

“Overexerted yourself and fainted,” Regina finishes Emma’s sentence as she folds her arms. “A foolish novice move. I considered leaving you laying on my lawn. You certainly don’t deserve the care I’m giving you now, considering your family’s penchant for stabbing me in the back.”

 

“You are the heartless bitch here,” Emma mutters, her jaw locking with anger. “You could’ve damn right killed me at my apartment without even bothering to hear my side of the story. How the hell is it that I’ve put my ass on the line in an attempt to work out something for the both of us and yet you still continue to think the worst of me?! You know what..I don’t even know why I’m bothering anymore, it is pretty obvious that you don’t trust me.” The bed creaks as she once again tries to prop herself a little more upright. She needs to get out of this place right now, despite her body’s protests.

 

Try as she might though, she just can’t move, can’t even manage to sit up without black spots appearing in front of her eyes. Son of a bitch. Emma bites her lip until she tastes blood as she tries to will the pain away. It is her back mostly, she is pretty sure that a lot of skin was scraped right off, with the way it feels as if all of her nerve-endings were exposed.

 

“Why should I trust your intentions with my son...”

 

“Our son,” Emma hisses out, her eyes blazing with fire.

 

For a moment Emma thinks she is about to suffer Regina’s wrath once more, the way the other woman’s eyes swirl with a dangerous color of purple. “You took him away from me once before, why should I trust you won’t do the same thing again!”

 

“The same way I trust you to not go after my family again,” Emma growls. Regina’s face is hovering right in front of her own but she’s just done being scared. “Shows how much I know right? You could’ve killed me,” she repeats. “And now it’s like we’re back at square one. Or worse. Do you honestly want me to tell Henry what happened so he’ll stop seeing you again?”

 

“You wouldn’t dare..” Regina’s voice is acerbic, but Emma can hear the barely audible trembling. Her eyes flit up to see the moisture gathering in the brown depths staring back at her, before Regina quickly turns around to face the wall. “But I can’t say I’m surprised that you would threaten me with such.”

 

The words sound like something fragile shattering and Emma can feel a lump settle in her throat. God. She was the victim in all of this, body broken, accused of things she didn’t do, and yet Emma can’t shake this sense of empathy she feels for the former Queen standing just a few feet away. Her undamaged hand slips into the pocket of her jeans and removes a handful of bloodied snippets of paper.

 

“Regina.”

 

When there’s no response, Emma swings one leg across the edge of the bed, thinking maybe she get away with stumbling around if she doesn’t try stretch her back. Which was of course an entirely wrong move to make. Violent spasms throw her back on the bed and she lets out a yowl of agony. “Fuck. God. Fuck,” she curses. “Damnit. Regina...”

 

She’s mildly relieved when Regina finally does turn around again, though the expression on her face still has Emma worried about what would happen next. “You should stop aggravating your injuries dear.” Emma is half expecting more snide remarks to follow, but then Regina’s eyes settle on the torn pictures Emma threw on the bed. Her mouth opens, then closes, and Regina's brows furrow as if she's puzzling something over.

 

“I spent that entire night browsing those albums you know? He was such an adorable little baby,” Emma says as she averts her eyes away from Regina’s inquisitive gaze. “And you were right about the year before my arrival. He looked miserable then, as if he wasn’t at ease. I know from having my pictures taken at the foster homes I frequented, when a smile is being faked and when it’s not. He wasn’t happy then. But he was happy before. And ever since he has started to see you this year, the pictures in this new album, it shows he’s happy once more.” Emma licks her dry lips and looks up at Regina. “And so are you.”

  
Emma watches transfixed as hints of doubt and regret wash across Regina face while her eyes flicker between the torn pictures of Emma and Henry spread haphazardly across the sheets and Emma’s face.

 

“So I don’t know how often I have to tell you that I won’t take Henry away from you, but I suppose I’ll just have to keep repeating myself until you finally start to believe it.” Emma puffs her cheeks and expels the air again slowly. “And about Neal...” This part never got any easier. “He is Henry’s father, so I do want him to be part of his life too, and I know Henry wants that as well. But not at the cost of what you and I have with him okay?”

 

And just like that Regina’s face contorts into a mask of anger again. “But that wasn’t what you told your boyfriend at the dinner now was it?”

 

“No.”

 

The silence that follows, as well as the look of an utter surprise on Regina's face has Emma fidgeting slightly, also now unsure of what just happened.

 

"Had I known.." Emma mutters under her breath and shakes her head, mindful of any muscles that might disagree with the motion. "It's not what I said indeed."

 

She draws in a breath and continues with newly found courage as the usual interruptions aren't forthcoming. “First of all he’s not my boyfriend all right? He and I...” she stops for a moment, grinding her teeth at her inability to explain the complicated relationship she had with Neal. “Whatever we had, it’s in the past. Again, not that it’s any of your business, but the only thing we share these days is Henry, that’s all.”

 

When it looks like Regina might open her mouth to no-doubt insult her yet again, Emma holds up a hand to stop her. “No, okay? Let me talk. At the very fucking least you owe me that after all this crap you pulled on me this morning.”

 

“And you owe me an explanation.”

 

Emma narrows her eyes in annoyance. “Jesus Regina.” She sighs and fluffs the pillow underneath her head a little to get more comfortable. “I’ll give you one, and after that you better damn well apologize for nearly killing me.”

 

“Fine,” Regina responds coldly. “If it’ll make you leave quicker. Though it would seem these sheets are already beyond salvaging.”

 

“Right,” Emma snorts. “Can’t have me bleeding all over any more of your property right? Guess the heartless bitch comment was right on the money,” she mumbles the last bit under her breath. Though from the death glare being directed her way, she is pretty sure Regina heard her anyway. She blows a few errant strands away from her eyes, dropping her head back on the fluffy pillow. Whatever.

 

And here Emma thought they had made some decent progress over the past few months. She doesn’t know how to fix this. Doesn’t know if she even has the will to try anymore. A part of her knows she’ll have to, if only for Henry’s sake, but then it raises the question how long any kind of shaky agreement they reached, would last this time around. When Regina was this distant, this cold, Emma thinks she hardly knows the woman at all. And maybe in a way, that was part of the problem.

 

“Neal ambushed me at the dinner with his proposal about going on a trip with him to New York. And for your information, he wasn’t going to stay there. Him and Gold found some dealer there who could sell them some relics with presumably magical properties. I swear, ever since Belle found that passage in the book about Gold having to find the place where the Dark One first appeared to strip away his powers forever, Neal’s been obsessed with opening up a portal back to their lands.”

 

Emma thought about how the town-hall had become one of the first casualties of Neal and his father’s magical shenanigans. Regina had been all too happy to blame that one on Emma right off the bat too. She briefly wonders how she’ll ever be able to have Regina trust her enough. And then her mind conjures up images of Archie’s faked death and the whole fiasco that followed on its heels. She cringes at the thought, which aggravates her back injuries, making her suck in a pained breath.

 

If Regina wanted her to leave after this well...that was going to be a barrel of fun. Emma can’t even lie on her back or stand up straight, let alone make her way to her car. And her flipping phone is still stuck somewhere underneath one of the seats. How the hell she managed to drive her car here in the first place is beyond her. But she sure as hell wouldn’t be leaving the same way. Which put her at the mercy of the woman currently leaning against the wall opposite of the bed. Yeah, apparently it was that kind of day.

 

“And you agreed with his proposal.” Regina’s slightly raspy voice pulls Emma back to the present.

 

“No.” At Regina’s single raised eyebrow Emma sought to clarify herself. “Okay, fine, I didn’t turn him down exactly. I said I would consider it. Look,” she says pinching the bridge of her nose. The cut on her forehead was starting to throb anew. “Henry was there. I didn’t have the heart to start off on another shouting-match. Not in the middle of the dinner, and not with Henry being present to witness it. So yes, I said I would consider it. That doesn’t mean that I actually will, okay? And I asked Henry right after what he wanted, and he said he’d rather go with you instead of Neal.”

 

“He did?” Regina’s face instantly crumbles and Emma can only stare on in wonder. She looks surprised...and sad. Emma can’t for the life of her figure out where the sad part comes from. She figured Regina would’ve been happy to hear Henry choosing her over Neal. And then it hits Emma. Henry hadn’t told Regina. Or the more likely scenario was; Regina hadn’t asked him. She had immediately jumped to conclusions based on what few things he told her.

 

And now they were here.

 

Emma watches as Regina stares at the pile of ripped pictures on top of the sheets. “And the picture?”

 

“It’s just a picture Henry wanted to take of all of us. For his album. I know you don’t like Neal, but he’s his father Regina, nothing will change that. And if Henry wants to clear out a little space in his life for him who are we to say no? A few pictures in an album won’t make him love you any less.”

 

“I don’t understand you.”

 

Emma can’t help but look confused at that odd statement. “Well I don’t understand you either most of time, so that makes two of us at least...?”

 

Regina casts her eyes down at her folded hands, looking so much smaller all of a sudden. “No I mean... what happened, you didn’t need to come here. You would’ve had the perfect bit of leverage to stop me from ever seeing Henry again. That’s what I don’t understand. Why do you keep trying to fix things between us? Especially when you've already won.”

 

“This isn’t a zero-sum game Regina. It’s not about winning anything, God... Honestly, I think I understand where Henry gets his silly black-and-white view of the world from. I actually think you are worse than him when it comes to that. You always think the worst right away and you won’t accept that people can be kind to you without asking for anything in return.”

 

“That’s because people always have ulterior motives Miss Swan,” Regina says as she starts to pace around the small room. “You also didn’t answer my question.”

 

“What question was that?”

 

“Why you keep trying to fix things.”

 

“Because unlike you, I don’t see the world as black and white. It’s a lot of shades of grey and most of the time giving something isn’t away from yourself. If I can fix something, I don't need ulterior motives to do so. Cliche as it might sound, virtue is its own reward in some cases.” Emma smiles at Regina then, though it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. There’s still the matter of her entire body feeling as if it’s on fire. “But uhm..speaking of fixing things...mind fixing me? I know there’s still a lot of things that we need to sort out before I’m even remotely able to forgive you for the abuse you put me through, but later..maybe? My back and side are really killing me.”

 

“I can’t fix you,” Regina replies. Her expression has softened somewhat and her posture is less defensive, but the mask of indifference is still firmly in place.

 

“Right, the no healing thing.” Great. Just great. Emma blows out a long breath in annoyance. She had kind of forgotten about that.

 

“You can though.”

 

“What, with my magic? Because that worked out so well last time.” Regina rolling her eyes makes Emma scowl in return. “What? I think I pretty much ran out of juice when I stopped Your Majesty from throwing me clean across the front yard. Again.”

 

“I wasn’t going to...” Regina’s jaw snaps shut with an audible click and she shakes her head. “Never mind. Just roll over on your stomach, I’ll be right back.”

 

“I..huh?” Emma blinks in confusion. “What?”

 

“Could you for once, please do as asked?”

 

“Fine, though only because you said please,” Emma huffs our grumpily. She kind of wanted to bring up the fact that Regina still hadn’t apologized or said sorry, but she literally didn’t have the energy for it. That and she really would like to be able to move a muscle again without ripples of pain shooting through every part of her body.

 

Regina returns a few minutes later carrying a tray filled with various objects she places on the bedside table. Emma recognizes a few of the things but her eyebrows hit her hairline when she sees some of the bottles. One was a deep green color, the other light blue, and both seemed to glow faintly in the sparsely illuminated room.

 

“I need to cut off what remains of your t-shirt,” Regina explains as she grabs a pair of scissors. “There’s also some wood splinters that I will need to remove before your back can be healed.”

 

“Oh joy,” Emma mutters out. “What’s the bottles for?”

 

“One’s alcohol for disinfecting the wounds. Your healing should be able to negate any possible infections, but some precaution can’t hurt.”

 

“That’s a joke right?”

 

Emma looks over her shoulder to see Regina give her a bemused look. Sighing she lowers her head back down onto the pillows in quiet resignation. “And the others?”

 

“The others you should drink right away. They are regenerative potions. One will help your body heal and the other should help with your magic.”

 

“Do you have some that make you grow taller or smaller too?” Emma jokes.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Wait...really?!”

 

Emma watches Regina shrug from the corner of her eyes. “Just drink the potions dear.”

 

“Right,” Emma says, extending her arm to grabs the bottles. She uncorks one of the them and takes a whiff. Her nose scrunches up immediately at the foul smell that greets here. “Seriously?” she whines as she holds the bottle away from her face. “This better not taste half as bad as it smells because your sheets will really be unsalvageable if it that’s the case.”

  
  


Instead of a reply she can feel something she assumes are tweezers grab one of the splinters lodged in her back and pull. Hard. Holy fuck. Tears jump into her eyes unbidden and the hand without broken fingers digs into the bedsheets.

 

“How many more are there?” Emma questions as she chugs down the potions while making a face. They were bitter as hell but if they did what Regina said they would do, it was worth suffering through the horribly acrid aftertaste. When she feels another splinter being pulled out, a little more carefully this time she notices, Emma wonders if there might not be a potion to dull the pain as well.

 

“A few,” came the soft reply. Which didn’t help pinpoint how many splinters were sticking out of her back at all of course.

 

“Do me a favor?” Emma asks, hissing as she feels a swathe of skin being dabbed with alcohol-drenched cloth. “Next time let me take a drink from that one first. Hell, next time let’s talk about stuff like this over a drink instead of destroying half my apartment. And me,” Emma adds as an afterthought.

 

There’s no answer, but then again Emma hadn’t expected any. It wasn’t as if Regina carried her heart on her sleeve, and this time wasn’t any different.

 

It’s roughly a minute later when she starts to feel the effects of the potions kick in. Like a magical buzz that makes her skin tingle. She has felt it a few times before, when she managed to focus enough on practicing her magic. Though the feeling was never this strong; like every nerve ending was charged. Some potion indeed.

 

“I think you can attempt to heal yourself now dear,” Regina says. Emma can feel the bed dip a little where the former Queen sits down and it makes her feel oddly self-conscious. Especially considering the fact she was practically half naked the way her shirt had been cut to pieces.

 

“How do you know?”

 

“Your eyes are glowing.”

 

Emma had expected a lot of answers but not that one, She swallows thickly upon noticing the emotions swirling in Regina’s eyes as she tugs at the haphazardly slapped on bandage on her side. It’s times like these she can’t make heads or tails of the emotional state of the other woman. She also finds it impossible to wrap her mind around the fact her eyes are glowing and she touches them off her own accord in wonder.

 

“White,” Regina answers her unspoken question. “Appropriate wouldn’t you think?”

 

“Is that another dig at me being good? Because I did just explain I don’t see the world like that. And the cosmic joke is on me because I certainly didn’t choose to be marked as good; as the savior.”

 

“You forget there isn’t always the luxury of having a choice.”

 

Emma lifts her head from the pillow at that and gazes over her shoulder. She sucks in a breath when cloudy brown eyes lock with her own. There’s so much pain there, Emma thinks, and right now Regina seems unable to hide any of it. It confronts Emma once again with all of things she doesn’t know about Regina and her past. But it’s the thought that she wants to that makes her unable to look away.

 

Regina is the one that does eventually, her eyes averting to the blood-stained sheets. Emma watches her quietly, watches as Regina bites her lips, watches the crestfallen expression that settles on her face. She doesn’t know what to say, so she doesn’t say anything at all. Recognizing the fact that Regina just needed a moment to herself, to reestablish control over her emotions.

 

Emma’s mildly surprised to feel one of Regina’s hands grasping her own a minute later. The touch soft and warm, it makes her glance up and study Regina’s face once more. But this time Regina doesn’t look her directly in the eyes as she speaks.

 

“You should be able to heal your side and your broken fingers by yourself. Your back is the tricky part, I will guide you.”

 

Emma can feel Regina’s magic glide across her own where their hands touch. It’s the strangest feeling she has ever had. She half expected the same sparking of Regina’s magic off of her own, like had been the case in her apartment and again on Regina’s front porch. But it didn’t happen. It took Emma some closer analyzing to determine why that was. She was still a novice when it came to magic after all. When she thinks of the magic that had been used on her before it felt more...wild for lack of wording, like Regina was letting it control her instead of the other way around. The thought startles her and her eyes immediately seek out Regina’s own.

 

_“You need to learn how to focus your magic. Control it. Don’t allow it to control you.”_

 

The explanation floors her completely and momentarily makes her falter in guiding her magic to her fingertips. If Regina notices, she chooses not to comment on it. Emma figures the only reason she didn’t was because Regina was too busy with her own inner turmoil, which comes as somewhat of a blessing in disguise to Emma.

 

“Take it slow,” Regina’s voice whispers somewhere near her ear. Emma shivers at the sultry tone that Regina uses, once again thankful that the other woman was likely too distracted to take notice. “There’s no rush, don’t think, let the magic flow. It’ll see the damaged parts of your skin if you just nudge it to right direction, suggest to it what you want. Let the magic touch you where it’s needed.”

 

Emma feels Regina guide their linked hands to a patch of sensitive skin and she closes her eyes. The healing is a slow process and it takes the better part of ten minutes to cover her entire back. By that time Emma had gotten used to Regina’s touch, welcomes it in a way, therefor it comes as something as a loss to her when the former Queen extricates her hand from Emma’s own when they are finally done.

 

The bed springs up a little as Regina stands up. Creates a little distance between as she moves towards the door. Emma can practically feel Regina’s walls slide right back up again as she pats her pants down.

 

“I trust you can manage to heal the rest of your injuries by yourself without fainting again?”

 

Yup, the walls were all the way up. Emma sighs and shrugs. “So long as your magical juice keeps me going.” Wait, what? “Uhm..” Emma flusters as the words actually register in her brains. “I mean...”

 

“I’ll just forget for both of our sakes you said anything dear,” Regina says a tinge amused as she reaches for the doorknob. “You should rest up when you’re done. The healing will still take quite a toll on your body.”

 

“Right...” Emma mutters. She watches Regina exit the room, feeling conflicted about what just happened. She rolls her eyes heavenwards and goes to work on healing her remaining injuries. Dwelling on Regina’s enigmatic nature was only going to hurt her brain.

 

Emma can feel her eyes get slightly droopy the moment she’s done healing her side. Regina hadn’t been kidding when she mentioned the toll it would take before. She swears she’ll only close her eyes for a second. It’s the vague sounds of Regina working on something downstairs that finally lull her into sleep.

 

When she wakes up again, it’s brighter in the room and Emma’s widen in shock at how much time must’ve passed. A glance at the alarm clock on the bedside table reveals it’s early in the morning. She still bolts up from the bed instinctively, relieved to find out there was no pain when she does. In fact she feels better, more rested, than she has in weeks. She also feels naked. Which was not so surprising, given the fact she had removed the ragged remains of her t-shirt when she healed herself.

 

Of course it did pose the question on what the hell she was supposed to wear right now.

 

“Regina?” She yells out. When there isn’t any answer forthcoming, Emma opens the door and pokes her head out. She’s unsure why she’s being shy like that, it’s not like there would be anyone else but Regina in the house. “Regina?!” she tries once more.

 

Emma sighs deeply when there is no reply. One of these days she is going to ask the woman where the hell she kept disappearing to. The last time she spent the night browsing through photo albums until she had fallen asleep on top of them, Regina hadn’t been present either when she woke up.

 

It’s only when she closes the door again that her eyes catch the neatly folded up pile of clothes lying on the upholstered chair at the far end of the bed. Oh. Jeans and a t-shirt, her size Emma was willing to bet. How the hell Regina acquired these was a mystery to Emma but she wasn’t about to question it. She almost missed the envelope that was tucked between the clothes. There was nothing written on it but Emma knew it was meant for her, just like she knew Regina had put it there on purpose.

 

She opened the envelope to find a stack of photographs. Newly mended together, as if they were brand-new, of her and Henry. The same ones that had been ripped to shreds just a day earlier. It makes her throat constrict. The real surprise comes when she sees the small scrap of paper neatly folded in two at the bottom of the stack of pictures.

 

A small scrap of paper with just two neatly written words on it as she unfolds it.

 

_I’m sorry._

  
  


-x-x-x-

 


	12. Chapter 12

  
  


* * *

 

 

-x-x-x-

 

A week passes and she finds herself carrying the note with her all the time. She gives it no conscious thought but maybe it’s the importance of the two words written on the small slip of paper. A reminder of the fact it wasn’t a figment of her imagination, that it was real, something tangible to hold on to considering how all the days irrevocably blurred together now.

 

-x-x-x-

  
  


“I thought I might find you here.”

 

The way Regina’s body freezes up completely in surprise makes Emma chuckle. She imagines it doesn’t happen often that someone catches the former Queen off-guard like this. When Regina turns around fully to face Emma, revealing the pruning shears she was holding, any funny comment she was about to make dies in her throat though. At least the expression on her face didn’t signify she would use the shears for anything other than the plants. Not that Emma was about to test her luck. Especially considering their most recent altercation.

 

“Miss Swan...”

 

“I’m still patiently awaiting the day you’ll just call me by my given name.”

 

“You might be waiting a long time dear.”

 

“I was afraid you were going to say that,” Emma responds as she rolls her eyes.

 

Regina drops the pruning shears on a small table and removes her gloves. “To what do I owe the pleasure?” Then frowns as she looks at her watch. “And at this time...shouldn’t you be dropping off Henry at school right now?”

 

“Kind of?” Emma dodges the question as she looks over her shoulder. “I forgot Henry had this science-project today, so he’s grabbing the things he needs for that from his room right now. He’ll still be in class on time no worries.”

 

“Hmm,” came the noncommittal response.

 

Emma doesn’t know what else to say and she kicks at a small rock near her feet. They had only talked once over the phone since Regina had assaulted Emma a week ago. Although technically the three sentences spoken barely counted as a conversation.

 

She throws a quick glance at the woman standing opposite to her, arms folded defensively, eying her warily. It reminds her of their brief interactions months ago, when every conversation had been strained and awkward. It really did feel as if they were back at square one. Stuck in an emotional stalemate where neither of them were willing to give an inch.

 

Emma rubs at her eyes tiredly. She can feel the onset of a headache coming on. Way too little sleep would do that to a person. Maybe she should get a few sleeping pills.

 

“Are you alright dear? You look tired.”

 

“I’m fine.”

 

The response was automatic. It was also a lie. Not that Regina needed to know that. Although Emma was pretty sure from the single raised eyebrow she got in response that Regina wasn’t buying her bullshit brush-off anymore than Emma herself.

 

She was tired though. Dead on her feet even. There was this fleeting thought ghosting through her head that she had sought Regina out in her garden for a reason, but it was eluding her currently. When asked, Emma would blame her inability to concentrate on Regina’s choice of clothes. And the heels. She can’t help her eyes from zeroing in on the ample cleavage on display, she’s also pretty sure Regina probably noticed this by now. Normally she had a filter for these kind of things. But normally she wasn’t this tired either.

 

“Diner.” Right that was it. That was the thing she was here for.

 

Regina looks comically confused the moment the word leaves Emma’s mouth. “Excuse me?”

 

“Dinner. You know the one that you’ve blown off for the past few months; that dinner?”

 

“I’m not sure I follow.”

 

“I think it might help with...stuff,” Emma hesitates upon seeing the look on Regina’s face. As if Emma was crazy. Truthfully she probably was a little crazy for suggesting this. But she figured maybe what they needed right now was to actually take some steps forward instead of being stuck in the same loop as before. Emma was all for finally making some actual progress. And if that meant making a crazy suggestion to have dinner together with her son and the woman who haunted her whenever she closed her eyes, then so be it.

 

Regina looks everywhere but at Emma when she finally speaks up. “You want to...I really don’t think that’s such a good idea right now.”

 

“What isn’t a good idea mom?” Henry pipes up from somewhere behind Emma.

 

“Henry,” Regina smiles when the boy runs towards her immediately and gives her a hug.

 

“Oh kid, your mom just invited us both for dinner tomorrow-night, I think something about your favorite dish? I asked if I should cook it and bring it over and she said it wasn’t such a good idea.”

 

“She’s right ma, you really can’t cook.”

 

“Hey!” Emma grunts out, offended. It didn’t matter if it was the truth or not, she just didn’t like being called out on her shortcomings. Especially since she was already feeling so insecure about if she was raising Henry the right way. The only person she could compare notes with was standing a few feet away and yeah, Emma wasn’t going to touch that one right now. Given how fragile and strained their current conversations seemed to be.

 

“I can make a mean scrambled egg,” she jokes in a bid to lighten the situation somewhat.

 

“I hardly think that falls under the description of cooking dear.”

 

Emma narrows her eyes in annoyance, silently contemplating on an appropriate come-back. She almost misses the trembling of Regina’s hands, the simmering of fury in the stark brown eyes currently centered on her, and her alone.

 

She immediately realizes she has made a mistake. One she needs to correct before crap got out of hand again.

 

“Henry did you get all the things needed for your science-project?”

 

To his credit, Henry looks from Regina to her and back again as if he can sense the storm brewing. He really is one smart cookie, but right now Emma needs him to scoot for a bit so she can talk to his adoptive mother alone.

 

“I uhm..they are next to the car.”

 

Emma fumbles around in her jacket’s pockets for the keys for a second before she tosses them over to Henry. “Put them in the trunk, I’ll be right over okay?”

 

He glances at each of them again and seems poised to ask more questions untill Regina nods at him. It seems enough to convince him they need a moment and Emma lets out a breath of relief. She watches him go with a heavy feeling on her heart. It’s the thought that he doesn’t know what happened a week prior that bothers her greatly. Though she suspects he might be aware of more than he lets on. Emma adds a mental note to have a little heart to heart with him sometime soon to clear the air. After she did the same with his other mother that was.

 

“I’m sorry.” Emma tucks her hands into her pockets as she tries to gauge Regina’s mood. “I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have manipulated you like that, it was a shitty thing to do, especially since Neal basically did the same to me like a week ago.”

 

Regina seemed to relax a little at the placating words. Her eyes soften enough to give Emma some courage to continue with her monologue.

 

“Look, if you want we can postpone it for another week or even later still. I’m sure I can think of something to tell Henry.

 

“No need.”

 

“I can even..” Emma stops mid-sentence and just stares dumbly at Regina. “Uh..what?”

 

“Tomorrow evening is fine Mis..Emma.”

 

Regina actually looks amused with Emma’s impersonation of a fish. Her mouth opens, closes, opens again but no words seem to find their way out.

 

Eventually she just settles on voicing what she thinks. “I’m so confused right now.”

 

“Yes, well, that’s nothing new dear.”

 

“I thought you were...”

 

“Upset? Mad? Going to blow a fuse?”

 

“Yes to all of the above?”

 

Something dark flickers across Regina’s face right then, but it’s gone just as fast and Emma doesn’t know what to make of it. It does make her wonder if they should yet be having this dinner. Everything is still so raw, the nerves exposed all over. Like it would just take the slightest of mishaps for them to fuck everything up again. But she’s reminded of the conversation they had in this same garden months ago. The mutual promise to try to make things better.

 

Though Regina’s warning that it could all blow up in her face still rings around in her ears. And with it, the scene in her apartment replays itself in her mind like a slide-show she can’t turn off.

 

“I don’t blame you for thinking that.” Regina looks so heart-rendingly sad that it takes all Emma has to not take the few steps that separate them and place a hand on her shoulder to give some comfort. But just like she didn’t at the pier, she doesn’t act on it now either.

 

Though there’s the odd mystifying thought that, at some point in the future she might just do exactly that.

 

“I..I’m..”

 

“I know,” Emma interrupts. It wasn’t always about the words, she likes to think she understands that more than anyone.

 

Regina nods at her and there’s the ghost of a smile on her face. It never quite reaches her eyes but it’s there anyway. “I suppose I will see you tomorrow night then?”

 

“Right,” Emma mutters. “So uhm..did you need me to bring anything?”

 

“You can bring whatever you want dear, as long as you don’t attempt to cook it first.” Regina smirks at her and Emma rolls her eyes.

 

“Oh ha ha, you Your Majesty, are absolutely hilarious. I suppose you will just have to settle for my sunny disposition then.”

 

Emma smiles as she turns and starts to make her way to the car. Henry has already been waiting for a while and she figures it won’t be long before he’ll come out to look for them. That and he’s supposed to have been in class about...she checks her watch, five minutes ago... Crap. Well then... At least she brought the patrol-car. She can probably get away with turning on the sirens. It was an emergency after all. There’s this brief flashback to when Regina had been mayor and Emma’s smile grows. Fat chance in hell she would’ve been able to get away with it back then.

 

Sometimes she really misses those days.

 

She glances back over her shoulder and stops dead on her tracks at what she sees. Regina tending to the apple-tree, looking as happy as Emma has ever seen her. It makes Emma’s heart leap into her throat. It also makes her turn back towards the garden. Despite the tiredness that’s seeping into her very bones, and despite the fact that Henry’s going to be even more late from his class.

 

There’s a question tumbling around in her brain and she just needs to know the answer to it. Even with the niggling doubt that she might be pushing too far too soon; she’s unable to shake the overwhelming feeling that this might be important somehow.

 

“Regina?”

 

Regina actually jumps up when Emma calls out her name. That was twice on one day she managed to surprise her. Maybe it wasn’t just Emma that was distracted today.

 

“I thought you had left already...”

 

“Yeah, I kinda did too. I want to...why did you agree on the dinner? I mean..you had every right to brush it off.” Emma stares right into Regina’s eyes as she speaks, trying to understand what was going on inside the former Queen’s head. “What made you reconsider?”

 

“Just so we are clear Miss Swan,” Regina says as takes a step closer to Emma, right into her personal space. “This is in no way a means to encourage you to manipulate me like that again. But I appreciate your apology and...you gave me a choice, a way out.” She casts her eyes down for a second, away from Emma’s inquisitive gaze, before they flit back up again, shining with an emotion Emma can’t name.

 

“For someone who’s life has been manipulated, forced towards a certain destiny from the very beginning, a choice is more precious than anything you can imagine.”

 

Emma nods wordlessly, her throat too constricted to say anything for a moment. “I do understand that.”

 

“I know you do,” Regina says softly. A quiet look of understanding passes between them before Regina turns away, stares towards a fixed point somewhere behind Emma. “You should drop off Henry before he misses that class completely.”

 

“Right, yeah...”

 

Emma doesn’t turn around when she walks towards the car this time. Though the things Regina told her occupy her thoughts for the better of the day.

  
  


-x-x-x-

 


	13. Chapter 13

 

* * *

 

 

 

-x-x-x-

  
  


It’s the wind rustling through the leaves and the silence that lingers in between, that serves to soothe her frayed nerves.

 

Though there is the occasional cricket chirping and she can hear something scuffling around in the underbrush nearby, but otherwise it’s quiet. Combined with the uneven shadows cast by the lanterns placed strategically at various locations around the garden, Emma could almost call her surroundings magical. Certainly if she kept her sight at level with the various flowers and plants, the meticulously trimmed hedges that surround her from all sides, it could pass as a scene straight out of one of the fairy tales in Henry’s book.

 

At least it made her understand why Regina spend so much time in here.

 

It was easy to lose oneself in, if you imagined it just hard enough or wanted it badly enough. The harsh outside world never quite managed to stretch its tendrils out to corrupt this spot. This safe haven in an ocean of chaos and uncertainty. A safe haven she sorely missed having herself these days.

 

“Is there something specific in my garden that keeps drawing you towards it dear?”

 

Emma had heard the rustling of fabric behind her to signal the arrival of another person. She had also known who it was that came to seek her out. Still she had postponed turning around until the very last moment possible. Even after the...strangely uneventful, albeit not uncomfortable dinner they enjoyed half an hour prior, Emma still had a bit of a hard time dealing with Regina’s close proximity. She wasn’t sure what she really had expected with the dinner, but having a normal one that she could imagine taking place in any home, was not on that list.

 

“Depends...”

 

That earns her a curious look. “I’ll probably regret asking this but; what does it depend on?”

 

“Just what kind of herbs you are growing near the tool shed.”

 

Regina snorted, looking vaguely amused by the attempt at a joke. “Though there are days I wish I had access to those kind of herbs, there are various, obvious, reasons why I restrict my selection of them to the kind purely meant for medicinal usage.”

 

“You are aware that the herbs I’m talking about technically fall under the same category right?”

 

When the only reaction she gets in response is a set of narrowed eyes and folded arms, Emma shrugs. “Just stating facts.”

 

She averts her eyes away from the other woman and gazes up at the firmament.

 

It is a beautiful night with the full moon and the cloudless sky makes all of the stars shine even brighter. Though she wonders, once more, if there would ever be a time she could look at them without feeling a dull ache in her heart. If there would ever be a time when staring at them wouldn’t fill her with the same sense of melancholy she has felt ever since her early childhood. When she had spent countless hours stargazing, thinking about the rest of the world that was out there. Thinking that eventually things had to get better. Instead they had gotten worse. And she had spent many more hours wishing she could gaze at the stars as she cried herself to sleep in the cold damp confines of a jail-cell while a new life was growing inside of her.

 

“Did Henry get his homework sorted?” She asks eventually. Because the silence is no longer comfortable and the presence of the woman nearby unnerves her more than she would care to admit.

 

“Yes, it’s why I came to find you actually...”

 

“Oh?”

 

“It’s late and tomorrow’s another school day.”

 

“Right,” Emma says as she glances at her watch. It was actually a little past Henry’s bedtime already.

 

Regina appraises her silently, as if poised to ask something but lacking the courage to do so. Emma watches her tuck a few strands of hair behind her ears. It was a nervous, almost shy gesture. It was also strangely endearing to Emma to see Regina so flustered.

 

“Do you...want to say good night to him?”

 

“I’m good. He hasn’t been here in almost two weeks, I don’t mind if you had him all to yourself for tonight. I think Henry wouldn’t mind either.”

 

Regina nods at that. “I’ll tell him goodnight for you then.”

 

“Thank you,” Emma says softly as they fall into steps up the path towards Regina’s mansion. “Since it’s late I should probably go too. Dinner was nice though and Henry seemed to appreciate it a lot so maybe we could do it again sometimes?”

 

“We could, and you could also stay a little longer if you want to.”

 

The offer took her completely by surprise and Emma was unable to mask how conflicted she felt about it. A part of her desperately wanted to believe it was a genuine gesture, not fueled by any ulterior motives. It was a chance to bridge some of the gaps between them and normally Emma wouldn’t have given it a second thought. But normally she wasn’t plagued by the memories of getting thrown across her own apartment, getting almost choked to death, by the very same person that extended the offer.

 

With the silence that stretches out way longer than it should, the expression on Regina’s face quickly changes to the all too familiar blank mask and she turns her gaze towards the mansion, hastening her steps. “Never mind, I shouldn’t have suggested that. I’m sure you can show yourself out.”

 

Emma sighs with the realization that Regina was building up walls in front of her again. And though her facial expression didn’t give anything away, the look in her eyes was inherently sad. “I can stay,” she offers up, which immediately makes Regina stop and give her an cautiously optimistic look. “Hell, your liquor cabinet is much better stocked than mine is anyway.”

 

“Oh...first the food, now the liquor, should I be locking away my silverware?”

 

Emma smiles broadly at the familiar banter. This Regina, at least, she understood perfectly. And she breathes a little more easily at having sidestepped a potential emotional landmine.

 

“I’ll have you know, I stole cars, I never burglarized people’s houses.”

 

“And I’ll have you know your taste in cars is abysmal. You couldn’t have picked up something that doesn’t look like it might spontaneously lose all of it’s wheels when you so much as sneeze in it’s direction?”

 

Emma huffs indignantly at that. “It drives just fine.”

 

“You are missing the point dear. It shouldn’t be driving at all.”

 

Rolling her eyes Emma stops at the bottom of the stairs, watching quietly as Regina puts a hand on the banister and turns to look at her. “I’ll check on Henry, see if he gets settled in all right. I’ll be down again in a moment.” Then after a moment of hesitation she adds, “are you sure you don’t want to say goodnight?”

 

“Positive,” Emma answers as she glances up to see if Henry might be listening in. “I’ll go find the booze.”

 

“Classy, your regal lineage just shines right through.”

 

Emma mock curtsies, smirking at the exasperated look on Regina’s face as she ascends the stairs. “Thank you, Your Majesty, I do try.”

 

On the way to the liquor cabinet Emma muses a bit on what Regina would want to drink. The most logical choice would be cider, but she wonders what else she favored. When she thought back about their previous interactions she could only remember the former Queen drinking red wine, cider and the surprisingly good quality whiskey they had shared not so long ago. The latter seemed like a safe choice at least and God knows she could use a decanter or two. Maybe she’d actually get some sleep in for a change.

 

She doesn’t know what catches her attention, but passing by the door opening leading to the dining room, something makes her freeze and stop right in front of it.

 

Something that invokes memories of the dinner. Which by all accounts should have been an whole new level of awkwardness. And yet had been the exact opposite of that. The way they had just eaten and talked, without any snappy remarks or hurtful comments being hurled around. Like any other family would. And it was that realization which had given her pause and stopped a spoon full of pudding midway on it’s trajectory to her mouth.

 

Emma had dabbed at her mouth with a napkin while evading the curious look Regina was throwing her way and excused herself. Saying she needed a little breath of fresh air. She had felt Regina’s eyes on her while she walked out of the room, but to her great relief she wasn’t followed.

 

Soon as she was around the corner and out of sight, Emma wrapped her arms around herself and squeezed her eyes tightly shut. She hadn’t felt that off-kilter in ages. It was all too ironic, realizing that the dinner she had set in motion ended up making her feel this uncomfortable while both Henry and Regina had been completely at ease. Emma knew how to handle dishes being thrown around the dinner table, she knew how to handle arguments that escalated into fights. She’d taught herself to be invisible, to not do anything that would draw attention to herself. A protective mechanism that had served her well throughout her years in the foster system. And after that, dinners with multiple people had been far and in between.

 

She had felt so horribly out of her element at the table. Not knowing where to look or what to do. Thankfully Henry had talked enough for it to be not so noticeable, but it had done nothing to help put her at ease. Looking across the immaculately set table at Regina placing food on Henry’s plate made a lump form into her throat. It was the domesticity of the gesture, the thought that she wouldn’t mind seeing them this content every single day of her life that had thrown her emotional state into a irreversible tailspin.

 

She had ran towards the garden right after that, knowing that Regina would likely leave her be while helping Henry do his homework. Though the peacefulness of the tranquil garden had soothed her, she had still been unable to sort out her conflicting feelings when it came to the woman who tended to that same garden.

 

Her thoughts drift back to the present, eyes settling on the table that was likely the object to set off the flashback in the first place. It makes her wonder how many times since Henry decided to live mostly with her and her family, Regina just sat there all by herself. Eating alone at the much too large and impersonal looking dining-table. Her stomach wraps itself into knots as she imagines the scene.

 

Looking down at her hands, she is not surprised to find them to be trembling. She can feel her anxiety rising to the level at which she would normally make a run for it. Only there was nowhere to run this time, not without causing possibly unrepairable damage. Not without undoing all these small steps they’ve taken.

 

The steady clicking of heels on hard wood startles her and she hides her shaking hands behind her back, turning to face the source of all of the confusion that clogs up her brain.

 

“Should I be worried for the safety of my silverware after all dear? Or did you just get lost?”

 

Emma takes a deep breath, schooling her features into what she hopes would be a mask of neutrality. “Well this mansion sure is big enough to get lost in I imagine,” she shoots back. “And I don’t know about your silverware, it hardly seems worth stealing to me.”

 

“And you would know this how? Because it is my belief that one of the spoons alone is worth more than your entire wardrobe and that disaster on wheels you call a car, combined.”

 

Rolling her eyes heavenward, Emma walks towards the study, knowing without looking that Regina was following after her. “If I had a drink every time you insulted my choice of clothing or my car I would likely be inebriated twenty-four seven.”

 

Regina shrugs unapologetically as she grabs two tumblers from a tray nearby. “Speaking of drinks...whisky I would presume?”

 

“You presume correctly,” Emma confirms. She watches with veiled interest as Regina pours the same whiskey for herself as well. It bothers her for reasons she doesn’t want to decipher right now. Instead she decides to steer the conversation, and hopefully her own thought-process towards a safer topic. “How did it go with Henry?”

 

“I think the day’s events took their toll on him, he was pretty worn out. He did say he enjoyed the dinner a lot though before he went to bed.”

 

“Meaning he wants to have more of them? You know I wonder if he’s just saying that so you’ll cook his favorite dish all the time,” Emma jokes.

 

“One of us has to cook,” Regina jibes right back. Though there is no hints of malice in the way she says it.

 

Emma smiles but doesn’t reply as she takes a large sip of her whiskey. She watches the amber liquid swirl around in the tumbler, thinking of another safe topic they could discuss. Eggshells, it reminds her of eggshells, the way they were both so obviously trying to avoid the more serious topics. The way they avoided talking about the things that happened roughly a week ago. It was the big honking pink elephant in the room and they were doing their damned best to ignore it.

 

“I...”

 

She actually hears Regina’s voice breaking, hears the hesitation which contorts her entire demeanor into one of uncertainty. Emma decides to wait, doesn’t say a word as she studies Regina from the corners of her eyes, somehow feeling deep down that she was asked to stay a little longer for a reason.

 

“Thank you for not...telling him, a-about..what happened.”

 

The silence that follows in the wake of Regina’s words is almost suffocating in it’s intensity. The only sound comes from the large clock steadily ticking the time away, in a corner of the room. She tries a few times to catch Regina’s eyes with her own, to gauge her mood, but the former Queen avoids her for all intends and purposes, her gaze stuck somewhere onto the wall in front of her.

 

“I know I threatened to before...but I meant what I said about not taking him away from you again. I just..” she traps her lower-lip between her teeth. “If he asked me..directly, I wouldn’t know what to say to him, Regina.”

 

“The truth.” Regina steps away from the couch she was leaning against, her eyes darting around the space that separates them before finally boring into Emma’s own. The eddies of regret rippling across Regina’s face makes her heart stop for a long drawn-out second. “You should tell him the truth.”

 

“Regina...”

 

“No, you shouldn’t...I won’t make you lie to him.”

 

“I don’t have to pick either of those two options you know?” That nets her a wide-eyed curious look and Emma quirks her lips into a half-smile. “I could tell him the whole ordeal stemmed from a rather bad misunderstanding.”

 

“That’s a..interesting way to describe it.”

 

“Look...I’m not saying I...”

 

Regina holding one of her hands up in a stop-sign effectively makes the words lodge somewhere halfway into her throat. “I know...and I-I..It won’t happen again.”

 

Emma blinks the gathering moisture in her eyes away and wraps her hands tightly around the empty tumbler. She mentally wills them to not start trembling again as a barrage of memories chooses that moment to assault her brain. But the glass starts to shake a little anyway and she puts it down on the table, stuffing her hands deeply into the pockets of her coat, effectively hiding them from sight.

 

It’s only when her fingers comes into contact with the rubber band binding the stack of photographs together that she remembers what she originally meant to ask after the dinner. A question subsequently forgotten when she had a panic-attack.

 

“I know,” Emma says softly, trying not to agitate the other woman unnecessarily, “it better not. Thank you for...restoring these though.” She procures the pictures carefully and hands them over to the woman eying her wearily without another word.

 

“You want me to...”

 

“Place them back where they came from, yes,” Emma fills in.

 

She tries to ignore how their fingers brush together when Regina accepts the photographs, but there’s no mistaking the sharp intake of breath coming from the woman standing just a feet away. The pictures and the hand now holding them are immediately snatched away, as if they got burned and Emma feels strangely rejected by the way Regina turns her back towards her right after.

 

“Do you know the reason why I started to catalogue his photographs?”

 

In a way it is a rhetorical question and Regina is still facing away from her, so Emma doesn’t have a clue how to respond. So she opts not to, silently praying it’s the right decision to make.

 

“Because I knew, right from the start, that the curse would be broken eventually. I wanted...I..wanted to have these pictures, to remember, to have something solid to hold on to when it eventually did. Even then I knew it would never last and at least, when I lost everything else, I would still have these albums.” Regina pauses then and Emma can practically hear the difficult swallowing. The attempts to collect herself, even without actually seeing the expression on Regina’s face. “At least, when Henry found out the truth, when he...h-he would see me for who I truly was, I’d still have the pictures of when we were happy. I could delude myself it was still that way, could just lose myself in them, before the people I cursed would’ve eventually come for my head.”

 

Emma tries to wrap her mind around everything that Regina told her. The importance of the albums to her, the real reason behind why she had reacted so strongly to the thought that Emma had betrayed her. But what really hits her squarely into her chest is the admission that Regina had known all along her curse would be broken. And yet..

 

“Why did you cast the curse if you knew it would be broken eventually?”

“Why did you actually settle down anywhere for a little while; knowing it would never be permanently, knowing you were going to run somewhere else again eventually?”

 

Emma frowns at hearing the parallels between her own past and Regina’s being vocalized like that. She likes to think being here, having stayed in Storybrooke, is progress. Even if Regina would point out that she has family now to ground her, that she has a reason to stay now, Emma knows that’s not the whole truth. And secretly she hopes they would leave that particular topic well be. She is far from ready to admit these things to herself, let alone the person that keeps turning her world upside down.

 

“What are you trying to say Regina?”

 

“I thought..”

 

Emma is transfixed by the way Regina paces around the room, her hands clenching and unclenching rhythmically, apparently unaware of the fact that she is telegraphing her unease with the topic they are discussing. She wonders as she stares at the pursed lips, the pained expression, if Regina ever told this story to anyone else.

 

“I had lost...over there,” she finally mutters in a soft whisper-like tone. “There was nothing left to lose for me. The curse was a last resort, an escape, and I thought..I thought it would finally lead to my happy ending. I thought I could finally win, that I could have it all.”

 

“I...Regina..”

 

Regina lets out a mirthless chuckle, shaking her head as she stops her pacing and turns to face Emma. “This supposed victory just proved to be more of the same misery for me. The only good thing that came from that damned curse, from Rumple’s trickery, was Henry.”

 

“Things can change you know?”

 

“What are you trying to say?”

 

“I..” Emma can feel Regina’s eyes on her but she doesn’t dare to look up right now. Fearing what she might give away if she does. “I don’t know much about this happy endings stuff. To be honest I think it’s all a load of crap. The world I grew up in was a mess Regina, fairytales weren’t real to me, not even to escape into. And even now, it’s hard for me to realize all the stuff from the books is actually true. So I might not actually understand how a happy ending works, I might not yet truly believe in it, but I do believe everyone deserves a chance at happiness. Even deposed Evil Queens.”

 

Regina gave her a look that mostly consisted of utter disbelief. “You are quite delusional if you think you can judge over what people deserve dear,” she scoffed.

 

“I’d like to call it optimism Your Majesty, you should try it sometimes,” Emma mutters out as she stifles a yawn. Her eyes have grown increasingly more heavy with the past few minutes. And that in combination with the two tumblers of whiskey she’d emptied made her feel too drowsy to focus much anymore on their conversation. Plus she feared she might say things she would never say otherwise, the way her filter was just shot to hell right now. “It’s late, I should go, some of us still have to work in the morning.”

 

“Of course, I’ll see you out.”

 

“Right uhm, and don’t worry about me driving around drunk or anything, I’ll walk, I could use the fresh air anyway.”

 

They stand around awkwardly near the door. Emma not sure of what to say and Regina looking at the cusp of spilling something but she never does. “I did enjoy the dinner Miss Swan, Henry did too so I suppose we should do it again sometimes?”

 

Emma allows the corners of her mouth to curl into a faint smile as she flicks her eyes up. “We should yeah.” She turns around and walks away, throwing a hasty fumbled goodbye across her shoulders. “Good night Regina.”

 

“Emma..wait, I..”

 

Emma tenses as she slowly turns to face Regina. Every fiber in her being tells her to keep walking. To get away before things got too personal. To run. But for once she ignores her instincts, and she waits, heart clattering into her chest at a frantic pace as she does so.

 

“Did you mean what you said? Back there..about everyone deserving to be happy?”

 

“Yes. But you don’t...do you?”

 

Regina stares at her blankly. “What do you mean?”

 

Later, much later, she knows she’ll regret saying this. Will regret showing such insight into the conundrum that was Regina Mills. It confused her to no end, knowing this woman so well when she shouldn’t. Blurring the carefully mapped out interactions that was her safety net up until now. “You don’t think you deserve to be happy.”

 

And Regina...Regina just falls apart in front of her. Actually visibly flinches at the words, backpedals a few steps into the retreat of her own house as she casts her eyes down towards the wooden floor. “Maybe I don’t.”

 

“Maybe you should. In this world you don’t have much left to lose anymore either. But you might just have a lot to gain, Regina.”

 

She doesn’t really get a response to that, not that she expected one. There is a softly whispered, “good night Miss Swan,” after a few seconds have passed. And then the only sound is of the heavy door clicking shut, leaving Emma by herself again.

 

She stares at the door for a while before sighing and looking up at the star-filled skies once more. One day. One day... She would look up and feel happy, would feel her heart soar instead of ache as she gazes at the stars.

 

The trek to her apartment is uneventful, except for almost running her sleep-drunken ass into a lamppost. It also takes way too much time for her to unlock the damned door. She doesn’t know if it is her inebriated state or shaking hands, but she’s relieved when she finally manages to jimmy it open.

 

She peers into the darkness that greets her. Wallows in it momentarily before her anxiety starts to rise again. Flicking the light-switch, she gazes at the stairs that lead up to her bedroom longingly, wishing desperately that she would be able to just head up there and fall asleep. Instead she stares across the room, at the broken cabinet, to the empty spots in the cupboard that once had been filled by glasses she hadn’t bothered to replace yet.

 

Without giving it any conscious thought she dips her hand into her stash of liquor and fishes out the bottle of the strongest looking stuff she can find. She tugs the lid off and sets it to her mouth, taking large gulps, relishing the painful burn that trickles down her throat and settles in her stomach.

 

Sagging down against the kitchen counter she folds her arms across her knees and rests her head on them. Tears streak down her face unbidden, splashing one by one to the cold floor below.

 

_Another sleepless night._

-x-x-x-


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Trigger for mentions of child-abuse, nothing overtly graphical, but enough to warrant the warning nevertheless.

 

* * *

 

 

-x-x-x-

 

She has Henry staying over at Regina’s for the next few days too. Which turns into a week. And even a little longer. She needs the peace and quiet to center herself. That and bottles of liquor. Though she knows it only blots out the memories temporarily. They’ll return eventually. They always do.

 

-x-x-x-

 

 

When Emma wakes up, sweaty, out of breath and heart pounding a mile a minute; she is dismayed to find her bedroom to be shrouded in darkness still. She is even more dismayed when she glances at her alarm-clock and finds that only two hours have passed since she last checked the time. Groaning, she swipes a few damp strands of hair away from where they cling to her cheeks. Her throat is parched, tongue plastered to her palate and she can still feel the lingering effects of the large amounts of alcohol consumed prior to retiring to her bedroom. She supposes it was too much to hope for that it would knock her out long enough to actually sleep a full 8 hour cycle.

 

Tatters of an interrupted nightmare tug at her, but she is too drowsy, unable to focus enough on them to remember what she had been dreaming about. There is still a general awareness though, and in the claustrophobic darkness of the room she swears there is someone hiding their presence. A shadowy figure, a memory, a nightmare. Dark eyes, swirling with madness, watching her, a voice taunting her, a hand entering her cone of vision, hitting her. Over and over. There is shouting, begging, pleading; but she doesn’t remember it ever stopping until she goes numb from the pain.

 

There is movement in her periphery. Her hand lashes out to smash the light switch of her bedside lamp. Blood rushes through her veins, making her ears buzz as she wills herself to calm down. It was just a dream, a nightmare, a memory. A demon from a past she would sooner forget. She would bury it, would get past it, she always did.

 

She pads to the bathroom quietly, trying not to wake up Henry who is sleeping in the room adjacent to hers. Splashing ice-cold water into her face over and over, the prickling on her skin creating a sharp contrast to the feverish heat suffusing her after waking up. It helps center her mind a little, though it doesn’t eliminate the dizziness and untethered feeling that the bottles of whiskey had brought on.

 

Blinking her weary eyes owlishly in front of the mirror, she lets out a muffled gasp at the image that is staring back at her. She barely recognizes it as herself, looking so haggardly, her face ghostly pale, cheeks hollow and the dark bags underneath her eyes becoming increasingly harder to hide. Make-up can only conceal so much, this, she knows too. She takes another look at her bloodshot eyes and splashes a few more handfuls of cold water onto them. It won’t help of course, only time does. But it is slow, that process, and she knows better than to think burying it, trying to pretend it isn’t happening, makes the painful memories go away. Back into the recesses of her mind they had spawned from.

 

Talking about it had helped in the past. But to the people that knew it, she would always be damaged goods. There was the whispering in the hallways, the looks when people thought she didn’t see, the pity in their eyes they so desperately tried to hide from her. She saw it all anyway and she didn’t want to be that person anymore then. So she had ran. Over and over. She didn’t want to be that person anymore right now either. She didn’t want to relinquish the control she had over her life, over who she was, to the demons from her past. To the people she no longer wanted to remember.

 

Sighing Emma turns away from the mirror. She needs more sleep. Desperately. But her heart-rate speeds up at the thought of what she would find when she closed her eyes again. And more alcohol to numb her brain was out of the question. She needed to be at the station in a few hours and she still had a kid to take care of too.

 

She dons an oversized t-shirt that she uses as sleepwear, and makes her way downstairs. Ignoring the liquor stash, Emma instead detours over to the coffee-machine, setting it to brew a fresh pot. God knows she won’t be able to catch anymore sleep this morning anyway and she really needs a few cups of strong coffee to properly start the day. And it is something to distract her. Briefly she considers the book, locked away in a drawer, a mere feet away, before discarding it as risky for more than one reason.

 

She pours a large cup of coffee, not even bothering to think about the consequences of trying to gulp down the scalding hot liquid as fast as she can. After burning her tongue she starts to take smaller sips, never quite having had the patience to drink coffee at a normal pace. Even after all the burns suffered because of it.

 

“Ma?” the voice breaking the silence makes her freeze in her chair at the kitchen island. Emma swears she hadn’t made all that much noise, but she still silently curses herself for waking Henry up.

 

“Henry..I’m sorry did I wake you up?”

 

He rubs at his eyes a little and slowly walks up to her, a questioning look on his face that makes alarm-bells go off inside of her head. “No..I..was going to the bathroom and noticed the light was on downstairs. Can I stay up too, until I need to get ready for the school?”

 

Emma twirls the mug around in her hands as she stares at it contemplatively. “You should probably go back to bed again, you need the rest.”

 

There’s a defiant glint in his eyes that reminds her way too much of his adoptive mother. “And you have to be at the sheriff’s station tomorrow right?”

 

“Kid..” she scolds, shaking her head with dismay at his antics. Honestly she got where he came from, but he was just a 11 year old; and even in this world full of fairytales that turned out to be real she realized she needed to give him some stability, a sense of normalcy. Even with his mothers being the Evil Queen and the saviour in turn.

 

“I’m not tired...”

 

She rolls her eyes at the pout on his face. “Maybe you aren’t tired now, but you have a whole school day ahead of you and I’m dropping you off at your mom’s after that remember? I’m pretty sure she won’t be thrilled if I showed up on her doorstep with you clinging to me, half-asleep.”

 

“I don’t think she’ll be that upset. I think she likes you more now, and the dinner was nice. I’m sure mom wouldn’t mind if we had another one in the evening?”

 

She squints at him, not buying the innocuous look that was plastered on his face. Sneaky little kid. “You are just saying that because she’ll cook your favorite dish again, aren’t you?”

 

“Well...it’s better than microwaved meals?”

 

“Hey!” she huffed, feeling a little offended by the continuous digs at her cooking skills. Or lack thereof. She swore one of these days she would take up on Mary Margaret’s offer and actually get some lessons in the kitchen. Something that didn’t equal burning everything that was put on a fire. “I think that’s the cue to get your ass back to bed mister.”

 

“You aren’t going back to bed yourself?” he asks when she doesn’t make a move to follow after him.

 

“Henry...” she pinches the bridge of her nose. Times like these she really wished he wasn’t this smart and observant. “I’ll be upstairs in a little bit, don’t worry about it okay?” It’s not a lie. But it’s not the truth either. She will go back to bed, but she won’t be sleeping. Instead she’ll probably lay awake, with the light on, until the alarm goes off in a few hours.

 

He smiles at her, tugging a little at the sleeves of his pyjamas while turning towards the stairs. “Goodnight ma and I’m really happy you and mom are getting along now,” he says as he ascends the stairs.

 

“Yeah...me too Henry,” she responds quietly.

 

When he is out of sight she glances down at the mug in her hand. It’s trembling violently in her white-knuckled grasp, and keeps trembling even as she moves to refill it.

 

“God damn it”

 

Emma curses loudly as a few files from the stack she was carrying over to her desk slip from her grasp and tumble to the floor, creating a chaotic mess. Somehow she made it through the morning and into the station, even though most of it is just a hazy memory. Losing it now is out of the question.

 

She groans in dismay at seeing several previously clipped notes sitting in-between the papers. Even more work, it is not like she didn’t already have a gigantic to-do list already. She is pretty sure she’ll be busy for another century with this mountain of paperwork. It is mostly people filing damage-reports after the wraith attack, a giant attack; she still hasn’t heard that whole story yet from her parents. And of course the burning down of a certain town-hall.

 

She eyes the door leading out of the police-station with longing. It is not fair that because she has some previous experiences with paperwork and being the sheriff of the town, she got saddled with the backlog of reports and files as a result.

 

Throwing the papers on her desk with a lout thump, she bends down and scoops up the mess from the floor and dumps that also unceremoniously on top of the growing pile. She rubs at her forehead, feeling the beginnings of a forming headache. Automatically her hand strays towards one of the pockets of her jacket, fingers wrapping around the heavy bottle that rests there. Sleeping pills she picked up after dropping off Henry at school earlier. There is a fleeting thought that she should’ve gotten her hands on them much sooner. But then this was a small town and she knows that even her need for sleeping pills would probably cause rumors, cause ripples in the town’s gossip circuit. She could really do without having her name whispered wherever she went. As if just being the saviour, a supposed role-model, wasn’t a burden enough as it stood.

 

Grabbing the mug off the edge of her desk and setting it to her lips, she grimaces when the cold and bitter liquid makes contact with her slightly burned tongue. When the hell had she put it down there? She swears it was just a few minutes ago, but when she looks outside the sun is already setting in the sky. It would seem she wasn’t going to get much work done today. Not if she kept losing track of time without knowing where it went.

 

Emma sways slightly on her feet as she tries to make out the text written on one of the notes. The lines blur together in front of her eyes. Shaking her head doesn’t really clear out the fog that is blanketing her brain. She grabs the mug from her desk and throws the contents in the trashcan, not caring even a little bit about the mess it was going to make.

 

God, her eyes were starting to get so droopy now. She could really do with this day being over already. She hits up the coffee-maker to make a new pot, tapping a nail against the mug in her hand as she waits. From the corner of her eyes she notices a forgotten piece of paper near the radiator and she sighs and makes her way over to it. Black dots float in her vision and the room start to spin slowly as she bends down and stands quickly back up with the papers in her hand and she grabs the edges of the desk to stabilize herself.

 

Groaning she flops down on the chair next to the desk, eyes dropping closed as her heads starts to nod. She lowers her head on her folded arms. Maybe if she could just rest a few minutes to gather her bearings. Just a few...

 

She can hear the voice. Coming from somewhere far away. It is yelling at her. Throwing angry accusations at her. There are memories that weave themselves in between. Bitch, whore, little slut, unworthy of even the scraps of food they’ve been feeding her.

 

It is dark. It is always dark when he comes. She can hear the voices arguing. The objects being thrown against the wall in the next room. She wraps herself into a small ball, arms protectively gathered around herself. Not that it ever helped, but she hopes, prays sometimes that if she could just make herself small enough, insignificant enough, he would stop hurting her.

 

There is something tugging at her. Tugging harshly. And she remembers this too. The fist that connects with her body. The belt whipping parts of her that could easily be hidden underneath layers of clothes. She no longer screams, though the tears are still there, falling down along her cheeks unchecked. She doesn’t scream. Though sometimes when it’s too much she’ll still beg, plead, even silently pray that it would be over soon. Always silently. It is not like anyone was listening.

 

The voice is louder. It is calling her name. Angrily, so very angrily. She fights it. Wants to fight the hands that are shaking her.

 

She snaps awake then, disorientated, squinting even as she raises her hands up to defend herself. The voice is more subdued now, but the dark figure still hovers over her.

 

A shadowy figure. Looming over her.

 

Emma grabs the gun she knows is holstered at her side instinctively and raises it in front of her with trembling hands.

 

-x-x-x-

  
  



	15. Chapter 15

 

* * *

 

 

 

-x-x-x-

  
  


She is swaying on her feet, vision swimming in front of her. The gun feels heavy in her hands, heavier than she remembers as she aims it at the figure in front of her. Hands are are being raised in the air slowly, cautiously, but she keeps the gun trained on the other person’s chest-area.

 

There is a voice calling her name urgently, then frantically as she takes an involuntary step backwards to stabilize herself. Images from the dream float through her head and she can hear the rushing of blood in her veins. Maybe it’s the adrenaline-rush, maybe it’s a sudden sense of clarity but when she hears her name called out once more, she slowly lowers the gun.

 

She’s confused when the weight in her hands suddenly isn’t there anymore. The gun is gone, and she can only stare blankly at her empty hands. Emma shakes violently as she tries to separate the dream from reality.

 

Slowly the pieces start to slide together in her muddled brain. The dark-clad figure standing just a few paces away. The gun vanishing. The dream.

 

“Miss Swan why were you pointing...”

 

Her eyes grow huge upon noticing the figure, Regina, taking a step closer. She scrambles backwards purely on instinct, her feet tripping over the chair behind her. “I-I...” There’s a sense of the world shifting on it’s axis as she falls against one of the desks, her fingers raking across the surface as she desperately tries to gain purchase on something. A bottle falls from her pocket onto the floor, paperwork flying everywhere as her head connects harshly with something metal in origin and she lets out a shocked gasp in pain.

 

“What are you..” Regina scrunches her eyebrows. “Are you drunk?”

 

Whatever anxiety and leftover fear from the nightmare resided within Emma, sharply turned to anger at that particular accusation. She rubs at her sore forehead and wearily glances up at Regina. “I am not drunk,” she snaps even as she gathers her bearings.

 

“I see.” Though Regina sounded unconvinced as she folded her arms and titled her head, fixing Emma with a scrutinizing look.

 

“I’m not,” Emma growls out vehemently, gnashing her teeth together as her frustration mounted. “I was just disorientated all right?” She grabs hold of the edge of the desk and tries to hoist herself back up. Her head spins the moment she’s standing again, and she has to blink away the dizziness. All the while she can feel Regina’s eyes on her, following her every move. It makes the simmering anger she’s already feeling at Regina’s intrusion and subsequent rampant accusation, near it’s boiling point.

 

“Which in turn prompted you to point a gun at me?”

 

“Jesus Christ,” Emma sputters out as the confusion and fear she felt upon waking up replays in her mind “I didn’t..just no okay? You were yelling at me, shaking me, I was...”

 

“You were sleeping on the job,” Regina finishes the line for her, sounding as annoyed as Emma has ever heard her. “Believe me dear, if I had known my attempts to wake you from your tax funded beauty sleep resulted in having you get this trigger happy, I would’ve tried a different approach.”

 

Emma mentally counts to ten. She’s pretty damn closed to doing something drastic, and history had taught her that was never a good idea. Especially not when it included Regina, a rather pissed off looking Regina at that. Instead Emma purses her lips and lets the silence linger on for a moment. Enough to let the rapidly escalating situation cool down a little. Though at the same time the lack of distraction makes the pounding inside her head jump to the forefront again. What little shuteye, involuntary or not, she got, obviously hadn’t been enough to cure the staggering amount of sleep deprivation she was suffering from.

 

“Why are you here, Regina.”

 

“Because one of us at least has to be the responsible parent.Wouldn’t you agree?”

 

“What the hell is that supposed to..” Oh. Emma’s gaze immediately snap to the clock hanging above Regina and her eyes widen in surprise. Fuck. It explained a lot. “Henry...” she trails off, sounding as miserable as she’s feeling currently. “Is he..”

 

“Henry’s fine dear,” Regina interrupts her before she can voice the question. “His teacher called when you didn’t pick him up. They couldn’t reach you, and apparently I’m still listed as a emergency contact.”

 

Emma swallows around the sudden lump in her throat. She knows she should’ve acknowledged the potential danger she was putting Henry in by her mental instability a lot sooner obviously. But that was the whole crux of the matter. Emma didn’t want to acknowledge it, any of it. Because if she did, it would make the whole thing real. And having been there before, the thought of having to face it all over again was an unbearable one.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“You damn well should be, he was worried sick Emma.”

 

Emma glares angrily. “Don’t start. I said I was sorry.”

 

“It’s not me you should be apologizing too.”

 

Sighing, Emma plops herself down on the desk, not caring one bit about the messy sprawl of paperwork that’s still residing at her feet. “I know, believe me. Where is he now?”

 

“At your parents’ house. I assumed whatever the reason was you not picking him up from the school, it was safer he was out of harm’s way. This is Storybrooke after all, I couldn’t ignore the possibility that there was something potentially dangerous out there.”

 

Nodding, Emma picks at her nails a little, avoiding Regina’s attempts to catch her eyes in fear of giving away how troubled she really felt at having failed Henry like that. God, how the fuck could she have been so stupid as to fall asleep shortly before having to pick him up? She’s relieved Regina was there at least to take care of him but at the same time... At the same time she feels more conflicted then ever. Emma just can’t find it in her to thank the woman when in the end she was responsible for all this crap in the first place.

 

Henry was safe at least, which was the most important thing right now. She should probably call her parents later and ask if they wanted to take care of him a little longer. Or as long as she needs to get over these resurfaced memories. She just needs time, that’s all.

 

And space...

 

Her eyes stray back towards Regina, who seems to be awaiting some sort of response from her. She knows Regina has said something earlier, but for the life of her Emma can’t remember what it was.

There was the arguing and then the mention of taking care of Henry, but otherwise it’s all a blur to her.

 

She really needs some space. Which means she really needs Regina out of here.

 

“Sorry, Your Majesty, I’m a bit occupied right now. Thank you for picking up Henry but if you don’t mind I want to get back to work. I’m sure you can show yourself out.”

 

Emma was, of course, lying through her teeth about the getting back to work part, but it wasn’t as if Regina needed to know that. Instead of Regina leaving though, she’s faced with the strangest mixture of emotions flickering across her features. To Emma she almost looks worried. Worried about what though, or who? Her? It makes Emma feel thoroughly confused.

 

“What is really going on Emma?”

 

The use of her first name, once again, in combination with the deadly serious expression she’s faced with, clues Emma in that Regina was in fact worried about her. It was vaguely alarming to her, the knowledge that Regina might be closing in on her secret.

 

“Nothing. I have no idea what you’re talking about,” she bluffs. “I’m fine, really.”

 

“That’s why I find you asleep on your desk in the middle of the day and..” Regina’s voice trails off as her drifting eyes get stuck on something on the ground.

 

Emma follows her line of sight and is horrified to see what object caught Regina’s attention. The sleeping pills. How did they even get there? The memory eludes her completely. She pinches at the bridge of her nose. The pounding is getting worse. If only Regina would just leave, God.

 

“And you have sleeping pills prescribed to your name,” Regina finishes her previous sentence as she bends down to scoop up the bottle.

 

“I didn’t take any of those if you must know,” Emma mutters as she folds her arms defensively.

 

Emma resists the urge to yank the bottle out of Regina’s hands. If only barely. Regina twirls the bottle around and traces the plastic ring sealing the screw cap in place with her fingers, probably taking mental note of the fact that Emma indeed hadn’t taken any of the pills yet.

 

“But you do have them.”

 

“Thank you for stating the obvious,” Emma grunts out sarcastically. She’s really reaching the limit of interactions she can have with Regina right now. When she thinks back about it, maybe that dinner hadn’t been such a good idea after all. At least she thinks that Regina probably caught a whiff of something being wrong with Emma back then. It would explain why she wouldn’t let this crap go now, much to her dismay. “I don’t see how it’s any of your business whether or not I happen to own some sleeping pills.”

 

“It is if it makes you point guns at people.”

“Again with that one,” Emma growls. She’s fuming now. Honestly, she got it. Pointing guns at people without any justification was bad, there was no reason to keep flogging that particular dead horse over and over, Jesus Christ. “I told you..”

“And what if you had shot me? What if it was someone else who walked in here? What if that someone was Henry, Emma?!” Regina practically yells the last sentence right into her face.

 

All of the wind is knocked out of her instantly as the words register into her brains. It’s like a punch to the gut and she wheezes for breath. She can see...visualizes it. Henry stepping into her periphery, her aiming the gun at him and... No, she can’t... Emma hides her head into hands, covering her eyes as if that would erase the thoughts that were now etched into her mind’s eye.

 

“I wouldn’t...I-I’d never...at him.”

 

“But you could’ve,” Regina points out once again, though the tone she uses is softer. “And you did at me. You were looking directly at me, but don’t tell me you were able to even ascertain just who it was you were aiming a gun at, at first.”

 

“Stop,” Emma pleads. “Just stop.” Her mind keeps replaying the memory of when she woke up, but instead of Regina standing in front of her, it’s Henry. She swears she can still feel the cool metal of the gun into her clammy hands, her fingers trembling as she put light pressure on the trigger. Tears well up in her eyes unbidden.

 

“I will stop as soon as you tell me what is going on with you. Henry said you haven’t been yourself lately, and you were acting strange when you came over for dinner too. Not to mention you look like a complete mess right now. If you aren’t hitting the bottle then what the hell are you doing? You mentioned a while back you wanted us to be honest with each other, remember? To try to get along. Yet you keep hiding things, you lie to me, you’re putting people in danger, including Henry.” Regina’s features contort into anger, and her eyes shoot fire as she stares Emma down. “This is not acceptable, and I will not relent until you tell me what is wrong with you.”

 

And just like that, Emma snaps. Completely. Snaps.

 

“You want to know what is wrong with me?! I’ll tell you what is wrong with me..” Emma yells, one of her balled hands slamming against the desk she’s sitting on, as she hops off of it. She’s standing right in front of Regina within a split second, leaning into her personal space, their faces inches apart. A red haze of anger clouds her vision.

 

“You are the reason I’m a fucking mess in the first place! If you hadn’t assaulted me like that in my own damn apartment, I wouldn’t be going through this shit again. I-I wouldn’t...” the sentence hangs as her throat constricts painfully. “I..Damn it,” she grits out between clenched teeth, tears escape her eyes without her consent.

 

She stares at her clenched fists, shaking partly with fury, partly with anxiety. It’s painful, admitting this weakness, this memory of the demons that haunted her checkered past. This crap that was supposed to be locked up somewhere far away in the recesses of her mind, key tossed away and forgotten. Actually vocalizing how truly distressed she really is makes it even more real to her.

 

And all the fight drains out of her instantly. She takes a step backwards. And another. Until she feels the desk against her back, and then she slides down onto the floor into a crumpled heap. Head hidden in her hands as she tries to suppress the sobs that well up from deep within her.

 

“I’m...” she actually hears Regina’s voice break. “I’m sorry. I didn’t...I didn’t know Emma. I’m sorry. I should’ve seen this.”

 

It’s the self-loathing that drips off of every uttered syllable that makes Emma look up and into Regina’s concerned brown eyes.

 

“I know I should’ve apologized like this to you a lot sooner, but..I-I..,” Regina pauses, looking frustrated at her inability to vocalize her thoughts. She wrings her hands agitatedly, eyes staring forward unseeing. “I’m just...I’m not used to taking responsibilities for the results of my actions. I never had to when I was Queen, nor as Mayor of Storybrooke. I’m sorry,” she repeats, finally turning her head to look right at Emma. “I want to fix this.”

 

“You can’t. I just need time, all right? I just need..”

 

“Sleep,” Regina offers up, voice soft as she looks at the bottle in her hands. “You are right, I can’t fix everything. I can’t undo what I did.” The pills land into the trashcan with a loud clanking noise and Emma’s eyes flicker between it and Regina’s face in confusion. “But you don’t need these pills, they are a crutch, they won’t help with the things you see whenever you close your eyes.”

 

Emma feels her breath catch in her throat at the startling realization that hits her then. Regina wasn’t just saying these things to appease Emma, she was saying them because she spoke from experience. ‘I should’ve seen this.’ A thousand questions float around her brains, but she doesn’t know how to voice any of them.

 

“Regina?” Emma questions, as she yawns and rubs at her droopy eyes.

 

Regina shakes her head, deflecting all the unspoken questions that lingered within the empty space that separated them. It was just a few feet. It might as well be miles, the way Regina’s walls slam right back into place.

 

“Let me help you.”

 

Emma sighs and nods, not even entirely sure what she’s agreeing to. Not caring a particular lot either. She’s too tired to even pick herself back up again. Let alone question what Regina’s plan of approach was.

 

Regina takes one Emma’s hands into her own then, slowly, silently asking with her eyes if it was okay.

  
“What are you...”

 

“Trust me. Please.”

 

Three words. But Emma knows there’s a whole world of meaning that they convey. She nods again, and she can feel the soothing rub of fingers across her wrist. Although she knows later, when she could think clearly again, she would ask herself if that really happened or if it was just a figment of her imagination; of her sleep-deprived clouded mind.

 

She stares at the hands that envelop one of her own, the touch brief and barely there, and then there’s an odd sensation of weightlessness. A feeling she can’t describe no matter how much she tried. It does jostle her awake a little more, and when the purple smoke clears out a second later she’s standing right next to the bed in her own bedroom. Emma smiles faintly for the first time that day at the thought of finally having a few hours of undisturbed sleep. She’s so occupied by the thought of sleeping that she hadn’t even noticed Regina letting go of her hands. Nor had she noticed when Regina moved to the other side of the bed.

 

“So how does this work?” Emma queries as she stifles another yawn.

 

“Just lie down, I’ll take care of the rest,” Regina explains, briefly looking straight into Emma’s eyes before darting her own away to some fixed point above the bed. “I’ll be around to make sure your sleep remains undisturbed and...maybe, we should..” she trails off, coughing to clear her throat. “We should probably talk more...after.”

 

Emma wants to nod her consent, but the moment Regina’s hand hovers over her forehead her eyes drift shut. And then her mind goes gloriously blank.

 

She doesn’t know what wakes her up. And she’s confused for a long drawn out moment as she rubs at her eyes and props herself up against the headboard. The puzzle pieces slowly slide together as she thinks over the previous days events. Waking up, drawing a gun on Regina, their altercation right after. Regina’s offer to help her sleep and to stay in the room to watch over her...

 

Only there was no one else in the room with her. Emma can’t help but feel mildly disappointed at noticing that fact. A part of her had really hoped Regina would make good on her promise. A tinge of anger bubbles to the surface at the strange feeling of abandonment she experiences right there and then. She allows it for a second before she takes a few steady breaths and lets go of it again.

 

She takes in the time on the alarm-clock and is dismayed at the realization that only a few hours have passed since she went to sleep. But at the same time she feels pretty damn good, her mind feeling clearer, sharper, despite the relatively short nap. Courtesy of Regina’s magic if she had to take a guess. Emma is pretty sure this particular sleeping session was supposed to take longer though. Which takes her back to what had woken her up.

 

And then she hears it again.

 

Angry shouting. A man and a woman. Emma thinks they sound vaguely familiar to her, but the walls and floors muffle the voices too much to make out whom they could belong to. Quickly combing through her unruly hair with her fingers she swings her legs over the edge of the bed and makes her way downstairs.

 

And even though she had an inkling of what she might find down there. She’s still surprised at the scene unfolding in front of her.

  
  


-x-x-x-

  
  



	16. Chapter 16

 

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-x-x-x-

  
  


Emma doesn’t make her presence known right away. Instead, she watches, curiosity warring with an innate sense of self-preservation as she lurks in the shadows. She wants to get a grasp on with what the hell is happening before she leaps into the fray.

 

Her stomach ties itself into knots as she listens to the argument that is going on. Like the childhood memories she would rather forget, the volume of the people shouting still makes her freeze up when she hears it. It doesn’t matter that it is her parents, her real parents, this time; it is more the association that causes the knee-jerk reaction. The barely suppressed anxiety, the need to hide until it all blows over. Like it eventually always did.

 

Only she hopes she isn’t that person anymore.

 

“I’m just asking you to..”

 

It is David that interrupts Regina, his face contorted into an angry sneer as he towers slightly over the surprisingly meek Regina. “Because we are supposed to believe you suddenly have my family’s best interest at heart?”

 

“Yes,” Mary Margaret says, standing next to David. “You can’t tell us you brought Henry over out of the blue. You knew something was going on with Emma didn’t you? Where is she Regina?”

 

“I swear, if you harmed her in any way I will..”

 

Emma watches, heart clenching in her chest, as Regina holds up a hand to stop David’s threat from being finalized. The former Queen’s eyes are haunted, slightly dulled, as if she hasn’t slept in a while. Emma thinks about how Regina had offered to help her sleep, but neglected to mention whether she was going to catch any of it herself.  Probably not, Emma muses as she takes in just how tired and lackluster Regina looks. It makes Emma feel strangely unsettled.

 

“I..” Regina’s voice falters, and she swallows with difficulty. When she glances up again, Emma’s breath catches in her throat with the guilty look on her face. She was going to...

 

“She’s helping me,” Emma speaks up as she pads into the living-room, barefoot, placing herself between her parents and the source of their scorn.

 

She figures it’s the best way to divert their attention away from Regina and give her a breather. Besides, it is paramount that what happened between her and Regina stays between the two of them. She is having a hard time dealing with that crap as it stands, having her parents interfere as well would probably turn it into a shitstorm of epic proportions.

 

“Emma..” Mary Margaret says, her expression instantly changing from worried to relieved.

 

Emma notices her mother giving her a once over and she resists the urge to roll her eyes. Sometimes she thinks her parents forget that she is an adult too; is in fact, older than they are. At the same time the idea that they are genuinely concerned for well being, warms her a little on the inside.

 

“What do you mean she’s helping you? What happened?”

 

“David...” Emma tries to catch his eyes, but he has already side-stepped her and is leveling a murderous glare at the woman standing behind her. “It’s not..”

 

“What did you do to her?!” David shouts, completely ignoring Emma grasping his arm to stop him from doing something drastic.

 

“Guys, please?” Emma tries once more.

 

She gnashes her teeth with frustration when her mother too turns away from her also, her attention entirely focused on Regina again. There’s more shouting, some finger-pointing and strangely Regina does nothing throughout it all. She just let’s it happen, eyes mostly downcast, every now and then flicking from David and Mary Margaret to Emma and back to the ground again. Emma has no idea what she’s thinking, but judging from the slight trembling of the hands that are balled to her sides, even former Queens on the road to redemption have a breaking point.

 

The possible outcome of Regina blowing a fuse now was enough to spur Emma into action.

 

“Stop this, please!” she shouts at her parents. She’s relieved when they both turn towards her instantly while throwing her and each other questioning looks. Which kind of makes her realize that she doesn’t really know how to explain what’s been going on with her. Or how to explain that Regina really is helping her. She doesn’t want to lie to them, but she knows she can’t tell them the truth either.

 

“Look...I’ve just had a hard time sleeping lately, it’s why I collapsed back at the station. Regina is providing magical help to cure my insomnia. I’m just...I’m really exhausted right now. So until I’m back to normal would you mind having Henry stay over for the time being?”

 

“Oh honey,” Mary Margaret murmurs. “You know Henry can always stay at our place, that’s no trouble at all. Why don’t you come too? I’m sure we can...”

 

“I’m fine here,” Emma interrupts. She shakes her head in dismay when it looks like both of her parents might protest again. Grasping their arms she leads them to her front-door. “Don’t get me wrong, I love you both, but honestly, this isn’t helping things at all. Just trust me on this, and give me a few days all right? That’s all I’m asking.”

 

David opens his mouth once more to say something but Emma’s glare effectively silences him. She raises an eyebrow and opens the door of her apartment and pushes them both out.

 

“Emma, please think about this?” her mother pleads. “You can’t trust her, you don’t know what she’s capable of.”

 

Emma wants to laugh with the irony of that statement. Since she knew exactly what Regina was capable of, or she herself when it came down to that. She understands their concern too, which is why it’s probably for the best they didn’t know the truth. At least not right now. She couldn’t take the risk that things would escalate again, the risk of having things fall apart when everything was so fragile right now.

 

She smiles at Mary Margaret, though it’s weak and barely tugs at her mouth-corners, she likes to think she tried anyway. “You don’t have trust her, just trust my ability to make my own decisions when it comes to this,” she asks softly, beseeching her mother with her eyes to see this from her point of view. “You can’t protect me from every bad thing out there, you need to let me make my own choices, even if some of them are a mistake. Honestly I’ll be fine, I’ll call you guys later to keep you appraised if you want but...just let me do this, all right? Please,” she adds when she notices her mother not looking entirely convinced yet.

 

Mary Margaret nods at her, cups her chin briefly and sighs quietly. “I’m sorry honey. I know it might feel like we suffocate you at times, but truly, it’s because we love you and want to protect you. I wish you..I wish you told us what was going on. We could’ve helped you, you know you can always talk to us right?”

 

“I do know that,” Emma says, evading her mother’s inquisitive gaze. “I-I..didn’t want to worry you guys for no reason.”

 

“I just don’t understand Emma; why is Regina helping you with this?”

 

“It’s...complicated.” Which was an understatement if there ever was one. “It’s not just the insomnia. I’ll explain later okay? I promise I will. Please tell Henry everything’s going to be fine, from me?”

 

“Emma...” David starts to protest. But with her pleading look he finally seems to relent. He squeezes her shoulder briefly and his eyes silently convey that if she needs help all she’ll have to do is ask. It’s more comforting to her than a thousand words and she flashes him a grateful smile as he turns away from her.

 

Emma watches her parents leave with a heavy feeling in her heart. And it’s not until they step into their pick-up truck and drive away that she turns around to re-enter the house again. She needed that little bit of precious time to collect herself. Though she still finds herself at a loss of words when she spots Regina sitting on a stool at the kitchen-island. There’s an edge of steel in her eyes when she looks up at Emma, and Regina’s posture reminds her of someone that’s spoiling for a fight.

 

“You do know they won’t rest until they have figured out what is truly going on, don’t you dear?”

 

“You were going to tell them, weren’t you?”

 

“Perhaps I was.”

 

Emma sighs, as she leans back against one of the kitchen counters. A wave of tiredness hits her suddenly and she anchors herself as she waits for her vision to clear. Those few hours of sleep, dream-free as they might’ve been, were nowhere near enough for her sleep-deprived brain it would seem.

 

“Why?”

 

“Why did you stop me?”

 

A million reasons. But Emma doesn’t voice them right away. She studies Regina silently, watches from underneath her eyelashes as the former Queen taps a few fingers against the wooden surface. There’s an aura of nervousness surrounding Regina, and though it’s barely noticeable, Emma thinks it’s there nevertheless. And she’s pretty sure she isn’t imagining the tenseness of her shoulders, the slight twitching of skittish brown eyes as they dart around the room, unable to settle on anything for longer than a few seconds.

 

It reminds her of the scene she had stumbled onto earlier. How Regina, despite standing her ground, had let every accusation, every threat, just wash over her. She finds it hard to reconcile this image with the memory of how Regina had leaned over her fallen form, angry, eyes flashing fire, as she hoisted Emma up into the air magically and choked the very air out of her lungs.

 

Emma swallows around the lump in her throat. She desperately needs something to distract her thoughts away from that trip down the memory-lane. “Do you want some cocoa?” She asks Regina. A bemused smile curls her mouth-corners up at the set of raised eyebrows she gets in return. Shrugging, she pulls a carton of milk from the fridge and fills up two mugs. Honestly she might be a bad cook but she can make a mean hot cocoa. “My stomach is acting up a little,” she offers up by way of explanation.

 

“You do realize hot chocolate will likely upset it even more, right dear?”

 

“Actually, believe it or not but...the cocoa helps settle it down a little usually,” Emma says, she gives Regina a faint smile, grateful for the temporary reprieve from the more serious talk that she knew was about to follow.

 

“I..” Regina hesitates, fidgets, then continues speaking, her voice noticeably stronger than before. “I do believe that. I used to give Henry warmed milk to help with his tummy-aches when he was little.”

 

Emma’s smile grows with that revelation. It’s odd, in a way it should probably upset her, finding out about all of the things she missed while Henry was growing up. But at the same time it makes her realize how well off the kid had been with Regina. With someone who truly cared for him, cherished him, loved him. How the hell she ever thought that Regina didn’t love him is beyond her right now.

 

She finishes preparing the cocoa with a sprinkle of cinnamon, handing one of the steaming mugs to Regina who immediately eyes it suspiciously. Brown eyes flicker from Emma to the mug before she sighs in resignation and takes a delicate little sip from the mug.

 

“Good right?”

 

“Mhm.”

 

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Emma says, smirking at the unimpressed look thrown her way.

 

She doesn’t drink much of her own cocoa, despite the earlier excuse that the reason she was brewing the stuff was to cure a tummy-ache. In reality it was just a distraction. Something to keep her occupied until she was sure she could face the upcoming discussion.

 

“I stopped you...because I didn’t want them to know right now,” she finally confesses, stirring the spoon in her mug absentmindedly. “Because I knew they would question me until they got to the bottom of things, just like you mentioned earlier. And..t-they would know Regina.”

 

Her voice trembles, heart thudding painfully in her chest but she vows to push on.

 

“They would figure it out, how damaged I really am and I just...I’ve seen the difference it makes, the way people look at you once they know..I don’t want my parents to look at me like that, like someone to be pitied, to be poked and prodded until they can figure out a way to mend me back together again. You and I both know it doesn’t work like that. No matter how much time passes, how much the visible damage fades away, the scars will always be there to stay.”

 

Regina remains silent for a long time. Long enough for Emma to wonder if there would be a response forthcoming at all.

 

“You should still tell them Emma,” Regina finally says, rolling the spoon around between the tips of fingers as she stares straight into Emma’s eyes. “It helps to have someone to talk to about these sort of things.”

 

“Did you have someone to talk to?”

 

A dark look passes over Regina’s face, and she freezes up slightly, spoon clanking against the rim of the mug as it’s dropped back down. “Why are you so sure that I have similar past experiences as your own?”

 

“Am I wrong?”

 

“No...” Regina’s voice breaks with that single syllable and Emma is having a hard time not covering one of Regina’s hands with her own, to offer some comfort, no matter how small. “No you are not.”

 

“Your mot..”

 

Regina winces and interrupts before Emma can finish her sentence. “Please, can we...I..not right now if you don’t mind?”

 

Emma nods, takes a sip from the cocoa and makes a face at finding it lukewarm. “Did you confide in someone?”

 

“Actually I did not, there weren’t many people I trusted and after what happened with Snow...” Regina’s facial expression hardens for a second, tension pouring off of her in waves before she sighs and shakes her head with dismay. “I trusted even less. I could tell you how to not deal with it however.”

 

That comment makes Emma’s head tilt up and follow Regina’s gaze to the collection of empty liquor bottles neatly tucked away half behind her trash-bin. “Seriously?” she mutters, jaw clenching at the thought of how much it would cost to replace her stash of pick-me-ups. “All of them?”

“Drinking only dulls everything temporarily, it won’t make your problems go away. It’s a crutch much like those sleeping-pills were.”

 

The vehement tone Regina uses makes Emma question if the former Queen used to indulge in drinking-binges, or whatever had to pass for those in the Enchanted Forest. It also makes her wonder just how Regina eventually managed to deal with it. The most obvious answer that springs to her mind would be magic. It’s the one constant in Regina’s life, Emma figures, but it also makes using magic to sleep; to blur the things that were too painful to face, just as much of a crutch.

 

“And using magic to help me sleep isn’t?”

 

“I never said it wasn’t dear,” Regina responds evenly.

 

“Then what?” Emma is unable to keep the frustration out of her voice much as she tries. She stretches her neck, popping some knotted muscles, a yawn escaping her notice before she’s able to clap a hand across of her mouth.

 

“You needed that undisturbed sleep, but the magic I used, it’s very taxing and I can’t sustain it for longer periods of time. There’s a meditation technique I can teach you, it does take some preparations but only requires a little magic and you should be able to do it all by yourself,” Regina explains, as she steeples her fingers, eyes settled on a crack in the wood. “If done right it should help keep the nightmares away.”

 

“Did it help keeps yours away?”

 

“Most of the time,” comes the soft, hesitant reply. “Sometimes it’s...” Regina’s previously cool facade crumbles completely in front of Emma’s eyes. She knows, somehow knows, that Regina is remembering thinks from her own past, things she’d rather not remember. The way her eyes become glassy, unfocused, as if she’s not entirely in the present.

 

“Regina...”

“I’m sorry,” Regina whispers so softly, it’s barely audible, even in the stifling silence of the room. “I never meant for any of this to happen Emma, I just..”

 

“Lost control,” Emma fills in. Because she knows this too.

 

“Yes, how did you?!” Regina questions, eyebrows furrowed as if she’s trying to figure it out.

 

“Know? Because magic is emotion, and you were so angry at me at that moment you couldn’t think straight, could you? I’m not...I can’t let it go, not just yet, but for what it’s worth I do forgive you.”

 

The way Regina just stares straight at her right afterwards. All liquid brown eyes, quivering red lips, like she could just fall apart in front of her at any moment and it makes Emma... It makes her heart do the strangest things, makes the emotional turmoil in her head even worse than it already was.

  
And it almost makes her...

 

“Teach me this meditation thingy?” Emma asks, voice scratchy. She averts her eyes away from Regina’s, hoping the other woman didn’t notice how truly off-kilter she was feeling currently.

 

It’s a distraction, what she’s doing right now. How she changes the topic. A crutch in the same way everything else was, the way she pushes all those dangerous thoughts and feelings she’s developing, to the back of her mind. They won’t stay there forever of course.

 

But for now they do, which is enough to ease her mind. And there's a strangely comforting feeling wrapping itself around her heart as she watches quietly while Regina starts explaining.

  
  


-x-x-x-

 


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for again mentions of child-abuse, this will get better, but stuff needs to be out there before one can heal from it.

 

* * *

 

 

 

-x-x-x-

 

Emma doesn’t know what she had expected would happen. She thinks, maybe even subconsciously, that Regina might check up on her in the following days. That doesn’t happen though, and after a week passes, the disappointment fades into a strangely empty feeling that she can’t shake no matter how she tries.

 

-x-x-x-

  
  


Emma had just set a fresh pot of coffee brewing when the knock sounded on the door. Her eyes immediately flickered from the door to the drawer in front of her, the spellbook still safely resting within and she is torn between locking it up again or going to the door to tell whomever it was at the other side to get lost.

 

Seriously, she is really not in the mood for any company today. Not after showing up at the station for the first time in over a week, only to be barred by her father from entering. She was sure he meant well, giving her more time to recover from whatever it was that affected her so much, but god, being cooped up in her apartment so much made the walls close in on her. Which was why she had unlocked the drawer, thinking that maybe practicing a little magic would make for a decent distraction.

 

Honestly, if it was her parents to check up on her again or play twenty questions, they had another thing coming. She works up a little anger to tell them off as she opens the door. Only for her to swallow the words when she takes a notice of the person standing in front of her. Her mouth opens and closes a few times before she’s able to shake herself out of the surprise-induced stupor.

 

“Regina?”

 

“You look surprised dear.”

 

“Well uh..” Emma tucks a strand of hair behind one of her ears as she takes in Regina’s appearance. Strangely the way the other woman looks; flawless as per usual, not a sign of weariness that mar her features, unsettles Emma greatly. She doesn’t need a mirror to tell her she still looks like a bit of a mess. Though the dark bags beneath her eyes have faded a little. The meditation having helped a great deal with settling back into a proper sleep-cycle.

 

“Maybe I am,” Emma admits after a moment. “Since you didn’t bother to stop by after teaching me that meditation stuff...color me surprised I guess.” Though she tries, vehemently, to keep the bitterness out of her voice, the way Regina’s expression hardens tells her she hadn't entirely succeeded on that effort.

 

“It worked though, didn’t it?”

 

“Yes it did.”

 

Regina looks away from her, to the empty street behind them and Emma doesn’t know what to make of the shadow that passes across her features. Turmoiled, Emma thinks, the right word would be turmoiled. For all the facades the other woman hid behind, the perceived perfection, it was moments like this that made her realize Regina was just as ordinary as any other person. And right now, she looked just as lonely and lost as any other person could be. It tugs at her heart, this sudden change of perspective. While at the same time it also makes her wonder if Regina was really here to check up on her, or if there was another reason entirely she came to Emma’s place tonight.

 

Maybe she wasn’t the only that had a really shitty day. Misery did love company after all.

 

“I assumed if it didn’t you would’ve sought me out, or contacted me.”

 

“So you are here to what...check up on me?” Emma questions. She folds her arms across her chest and leans back against the door frame.

 

“Maybe I am,” Regina reiterates Emma’s earlier phrase. There’s a definite sadness that haunts her brown depths as she turns away from Emma. “Though since you seem to be doing a lot better I’ll take my leave again. Good night, Miss Swan.”

 

“Wait...Regina.”

 

Emma watches as Regina’s entire body freezes up, but she doesn’t turn around and Emma is reminded of how this situation mirrors the one of when she came to Regina’s house after arguing with Neal. She is reminded of how much she needed someone to talk to back then and the thought brings some clarity about Regina’s actions. It also gives her the little boost of courage she needs for what she’s about to do.

 

“You sure you don’t want to come inside?”

 

Regina turns to face her, eyes unreadable in the looming darkness of the night. “What exactly for dear?”

 

“I thought that...maybe we could talk.” Though it’s meant as a statement, there’s the hint of a question to it. An uncertainty that Emma can’t hide no matter how she tries. She just hopes that Regina won’t make this anymore difficult than it has to be.

 

“Is there a specific reason why we should?”

 

Apparently, Regina did have to make things difficult. Emma blows out a long breath in frustration. “Isn’t that the real reason you came over here tonight? Come on Regina, you could’ve just called me and asked how I was doing. So I’m thinking the real reason you’re here is because something is bothering you and you don’t know where else to go.”

 

“That’s quite presumptuous of you.”

 

“Only if I’m wrong.”

 

And Emma was quite sure she wasn’t wrong. Not when she took in the flickering of hesitation clearly etched on Regina’s face. For a second it looks like the former Queen might cave and accept Emma’s offer, but when the seconds tick away into silence, Emma realizes something else might be needed still. Another bridge to be build, another olive-branch to be extended. She mentally poked at all the reasons that could fuel Regina’s hesitation, only to eventually come back to the same thing that always seemed to play such a significant role between them. Trust. In the end it always came back down to trust. And Emma knows that even though they’ve grown closer, Regina still doesn’t trust her. Not completely.

 

She fumbles for the right words to say, while launching herself away from the door-frame. “I’m not like them you know, if that’s what you’re worried about.” Catching the questioning glance thrown her way Emma clarifies, “whatever is on your mind right now, I wouldn’t be judgmental about it. I’m not like them; like this town full of people you cursed, I’ve never seen you as the Evil Queen. So if it’s that, if that’s the reason you think you can’t trust me, to keep things to myself; you shouldn’t, okay?”

 

Regina stares at her for a long time, long enough for Emma to feel decidedly uncomfortable. But she returns the stare unflinchingly, comfortable in the knowledge that Regina not running away yet was a minor victory in of itself. And she would take whatever she could in situations like these.

 

“I’ve been burned before,” Regina speaks up softly, pursing her lips. “I-I..don’t..” Emma’s heart clenches with the look of vulnerability on Regina’s face. “How could I be guaranteed you wouldn’t betray my trust as well?”

 

“You can’t. You’ll just have to take the chance that I won’t.”

 

“You do realize that is a lot to ask, don’t you dear?”

 

If it’s supposed to sound snarky, it misses its effect as far as Emma is concerned. The words sound rather hollow, as if Regina isn’t even sure herself anymore why they are having this discussion. Maybe she doesn’t, Emma thinks, holding her breath as she watches Regina take two careful measured steps forward, until they are standing scant feet away from each other.

 

“And what would you gain from this, hm?”

 

“Why would I...” Emma’s words falter when she notices how she is being scrutinized by a set of brown eyes following her every move. Like she was being measured. “What if you’re not the only one that could use someone to talk to right now?”

 

Regina scoffs at that. “Yes I would imagine you might have difficulties finding people to talk to. What about your despicable parents, Miss Swan? Your friends or even that mongrel Neal?”

 

Ignoring the insults and keeping her eyes trained deliberately on Regina’s, Emma clears her throat. Once, twice, then speaks up, consciously aware of the fact she is unable to keep her voice from sounding so small. So..damaged. “Right, because they would understand what it is like to be the victim of child-abuse. The only person that I know of that can relate to that would be you.”

 

She averts her eyes away, all energy drained right out of her. But she knows she didn’t imagine the flinching, the barely audible gasp.

 

“Emma...I..”

 

“Just come inside, please,” Emma whispers, hugging herself as she turns back into her apartment. She doesn’t bother to see if she’s being following, the steady clicking of heels on pavement behind her was all the confirmation she needed.

 

She walks to the liquor-cabinet on auto-pilot. Actually opening the door before remembering the fate that had befallen her stash of booze. She lets out a small sigh, pinching the bridge of her nose as she shuts the cabinet-door again. Damnit, she could really use a little liquid courage right now. She hears the front door snap shut and spots movement from the corner of her eyes as Regina walks to the sofa. There’s the strangely comforting thought that follows on the heels of knowing that she can’t really touch any alcohol just yet. The idea that Regina was likely just as much in need of something strong before they broached the real reason the former Queen turned up on Emma’s doorstep.

 

“I’d offer you a drink but..well, you know,” Emma says, smiling faintly. “You owe me a few hundred dollars worth of liquor by the way.”

 

Regina actually snorts at the teasing remark, and Emma’s smile broadens, secretly relieved some of the tension between them had dissipated.

 

“Only a few hundred dollars, dear? Your taste in alcohol is even more atrocious than I believed.”

 

Rolling her eyes, Emma grabs two mugs and fills them up with coffee. “I’m well aware of my shortcomings when it comes to expensive liquor Your Majesty, I believe the top row of your wine-rack alone is worth more than my entire year’s salary.”

 

“Try five years salaries.”

 

“Right, I was going to mention that it sounds like I need a raise but...maybe I just need to raid your liquor-cabinet and sell it on e-bay or something, instead.” Emma smirks at glare she gets in return for that comment. “Want some coffee though?”

 

At the wordless nod, she hands over one of the mugs to Regina. She lets out a small chuckle when she sees Regina’s face contort into an expression of utter horror with the first careful sip from the scalding liquid.

 

“This is by far the most horrific, foulest, brew I have ever tasted in my entire life,” Regina sputters. She sniffs derisively at the mug containing the offending drink before placing it on the table in front of her.

 

“I only offered you coffee, I never said it was good coffee.”

 

“Perhaps instead of replenishing your collection of cheap liquor, you should consider investing a few hundred dollars into a proper coffee-machine. I’d advise a capsule-model since even you couldn’t possibly ruin that type of coffee.”

 

Emma tries to hide her smile into her coffee as she takes a large gulp. “I dunno.” She shrugs. “It tastes just fine to me. I’d say you are just spoiled when it comes to coffee, or drinks in general.”

 

Regina’s nose crinkles as she eyes the mug on the table and for a moment Emma thinks she might give it another try. But instead her eyes become slightly unfocused, like she was actually staring far past the mug, lost in thought. Emma studies her quietly for a little while over the rim of her own mug. She loathed to break this moment between them. This banter that was so easy to fall into sometimes. If she just pretended hard enough, Emma could envision their relationship like it was over a year ago. Sheriff and Mayor, the games they played, the snark they exchanged. It’s a sobering thought though. The knowledge that everything changed. The things they now knew about each other.

 

And the things they had yet to discuss.

 

“Regina,” she speaks up, swallowing at the vulnerability the other woman was trying to hide when she heard her name being called. “You know we don’t have to...”

 

“I think we should actually.”

 

“Now I really do wish I had something strong to numb things a bit.”

 

“I could conjure up something if you want to.”

 

“No it’s okay, I suppose. I’m just...” Not ready for this, Emma thinks. At the same time she knows that Regina likely already knew a great deal about her past and it helps calming her nerves somewhat. “What happened?” she asks after just a moment of hesitation, scratching at a small tear in her jeans absentmindedly and catching the questioning glance directed her way from a corner of her eyes. “I mean..why did you come over today?”

 

“I was..” Regina clears her throat, while standing up from the sofa.

 

Emma watches as Regina walks to the nearest window and places one of her hands on it. It’s so reminiscent of the time she’d done the exact same thing in Emma’s bedroom that it makes her heart skip a beat. Always placing one of her hands on the window, and peering into the obscuring darkness that laid behind it. As if wanting to touch things she couldn’t. It reminds Emma of..of..herself, in the past, stuck in that jail-cell and willing to do anything to get back out again. The behaviour of someone who had once been imprisoned. And her world shifts a little on its axis with that thought.

 

“There were a few spellbooks I came across while I was searching for something. They were my mother’s” Regina says, voice breaking, the hand that hangs limply by her side balls itself to a fist, knuckles turning white as she keeps her gaze fixed on the window in front of her.

 

“Regina..”

 

Ignoring her, Regina continues and Emma feels her heart contracting with the way the former Queen was trying to protect herself, even while lying herself bare.

 

“One of them was really old. I’ve only seen it a few times, when I was...younger, much younger. I did not really see the significance. Not until I studied the spells it contained. The nature of them. I remembered though...”

 

Emma sees the tears gathering in Regina’s eyes in the reflection of the mirror and suddenly she looks so very small. Small, even with the heels she was still wearing. Regina’s appearance right now reminds her in no way of the woman she had once butted heads with. Gone was the room-filling presence of the Mayor, or even of the Queen she used to be. She looked..younger, Emma thinks, and maybe in a way she was. As if recalling the memories from the past so vividly changed her back into the little girl she once was.

 

“After you..told me at the station, about how my actions made you remember the past, made you remember...” Regina trails off, removing her hand from the window and wrapping both arms around herself.

 

“Things. I was reminded of everything my mother did to me. The lessons she taught me. Over and over, until I believed them to be the truth. And when I...protested the notion, when I rebelled, she used a spell on me. Always the same spell. It immobilized me, made made me powerless, anything I-I..it was all useless. She made sure that I knew that. She made sure, while choking the life out of me and making my heart strain inside my chest until I was sure it would spontaneously combust; that I knew no matter what I tried to do, I could not escape her will. I would not escape her absolute rule.”

 

“I’m..sorry,” Emma whispers after she’s sure Regina is done with her monologue for now. “I know how inadequate those words are, believe me. God..Regina, I know I’m repeating myself but your mother really was one hell of a piece of work, you know that right?”

 

“I know..” comes the soft reply as Regina finally turns around to face her. There are tear-streaks on her face but Emma ignores them to the best of her ability, knowing that right now Regina was in a fragile mental state. “And you’ll probably think I am...crazy but, I miss my mother sometimes, I miss...the same person who made my life such a hell. I miss the person who pulled the heart of my true love out of his chest right in front of my eyes and crushed it. All to teach me a lesson. That love was a weakness. That all that mattered was power. And I...I miss her,” Regina repeats, the arms around her chest tightening ever so slightly, eyes filling with tears once more.

 

“I..she was still your mother Regina, even after all the horrible things she did to you, she was still your mother. It’s not crazy at all if you miss her.”

Emma bites the inside of her cheek when she spots the sudden change of expression that is directed her way. No longer sad, it was leaning more towards some kind of anger. The bitter kind, laced with self-loathing that makes Regina’s eyes dart around wildly through the room.

 

“How can you say that?!”

 

“What do you mean, what’s..”

 

Regina takes a step closer and Emma can feel a spike of nervousness that she is unable to repress lodge itself into her chest. “How can you say it’s okay for me to miss her, how can you be okay with any of this? When I..when I did the exact same thing to you Emma. I was so sure..I wasn’t..I didn’t want to turn into her. I didn’t...” a sob bursts forth from Regina then as she hides her face into her hands and turns away from Emma. “Do you remember that day when you found me at the pier?”

 

Emma freezes up completely with those words. Gets stuck mid-motion as she was about to lay a hand on Regina’s shoulder to comfort her. She remembers that moment all too well. Regrets not making a move even now. She should’ve made her presence known, when she had seen the former Queen all by herself, grief-stricken and crying her heart out. And yet, she had chosen to walk away. She has never stopped wondering if things could’ve been different somehow if she had walked up to Regina that day. If she had done the right thing, instead of taking the cowardly way out, instead of letting herself be blinded by the family feud she had found herself in the middle of unwittingly.

 

“The real reason I teleported away was because you were wrong when you said I was nothing like my mother. I just...I didn’t really realize it until then. I didn’t realize how much like her I was becoming. How much I turned into the one thing I once swore myself I’d never turn into.”

 

Emma expels a breath she had been holding in subconsciously while fearing what Regina might say. She is relieved to hear Regina was talking about the second time Emma had found her at the pier. Though the thought that Regina still didn’t know Emma had seen her at that same place before, when she’d been at her absolute lowest, still eats away at her all the same.

 

“You are, not, her,” Emma emphasizes as she puts a hand on Regina’s shoulder and makes her body spin half towards her. “You never did any of those things to Henry, Regina.”

 

“I have..you weren’t there. When I regained my powers I enchanted the tree outside of Henry’s bedroom window. Enchanted them so they would restrain him, render him immobile, if he tried to escape the house. I did the exact same thing I swore not to do, to him...” then her eyes flick towards Emma’s. “To you.”

 

“It’s not the same thing,” Emma exclaims, jaw clenching as she tries to suppress the memories of the icy cold tendrils of magic wrapping themselves around her throat. “You are not her.”

 

Regina’s expression hardens, but to Emma’s relief she doesn’t remove the hand that’s resting almost casually on one of her shoulders. “Why are you so adamant on insisting that I’m not?”

“Did your mother ever admit to you she made mistakes?” When Regina’s eyebrows furrow into a frown, Emma presses on. “Did she ever apologize to you? Or take responsibility for how her actions basically ruined your childhood?”

“No,” Regina admits. “She apologized for some...things, but never for all of her actions. Never for overpowering me. Never for..for Daniel,” she whispers, eyes cast to the far wall of the room.

 

“But you did. You apologized multiple times, you even said it yourself that you aren’t used to taking responsibility for your actions. But you are..and that’s what counts in my opinion, it’s what matters, it’s the difference between who you are and who your mother was.”

 

A bitter choked-off laugh escapes Regina’s lips. “Did you know that I initially thought I could harness magic to do good, that I could shape it so it wouldn’t harm another human being? How naive I was. The very first time I actually used magic, it was to banish my mother away to another land. It changed me Emma. Even then, it changed me, turned me into something I used to despise. And I...right now it frightens me, this knowledge in the back of my mind that I might someday fully turn into her. That one day, when it all becomes too much, that I’ll just..give up and pull my heart out of my chest, just to make it all stop.”

 

Regina’s hand settles over her heart, fingers digging into the fabric protecting it, scrabbling for the flesh below and Emma instinctively reaches out. Attempts to stop her from doing any serious damage. “Regina, no. Stop it please.” She grabs a firm hold of Regina’s hand, clasps it between her own protectively. “No matter how cliche this might sound; it does get better eventually.”

 

“I know,” comes the softly uttered reply, “but I’ll always remember it. All of it.”

 

Emma sighs, lets go of Regina’s hand and sits herself back down on the sofa. “Yeah that’s the fun part isn’t it? The memories. Sometimes I wish I could erase it all, literally erase everything and start from scratch.”

 

She tries to avoid Regina’s eyes attempting to catch her own, but only half succeeds. There is a look they exchange, a quiet understanding they reach. And it’s like something just snapping itself right into place, the way they can convey so much without using any words.

 

“But I’d miss the good things too much you know? The things that are worth remembering.” Emma folds her hands into her lap and stares at them contemplatively. “They will drown out the bad things eventually.”

 

“Do they now dear? Because I distinctively recall that only little over a week ago you were pointing a gun at me because you couldn’t separate dreams from reality due to what I did.”

 

“It’s...it’s different,” Emma grits out between clenched out.

 

“How is it..”

 

“It just is, alright?” Emma snaps. She shakes her head because of the way Regina looks at her. The way her mouth opens to protest. “Besides, there are actual reasons why I could never blame you personally for this and I think you need to hear me out before piling all of the blame on yourself over what happened.” She sighs, looks straight at Regina and back down again, knowing she can’t afford to back down now.

 

“You might want to sit down for this.”

  
  


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	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: mentions of child-abuse. Things will get better...slowly.

 

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There’s a row of crescent shaped indentations marring the skin of her arm; caused by subconsciously tightening the grip she had on it with her hand. She had felt the need to anchor herself, to clutch onto something as the words spilled from the lips. Formed themselves into explanations of things she would much rather bury far into the recesses of her mind again.

 

Her eyes flit from the slowly fading marks to the woman sitting opposite of her. A mug in her hands, the coffee long gone cold. And yet she was taking slow careful sips from it, a wince accompanying each and every one of them. There is a strangely contemplative look on her face, like she was pondering over something.

 

Emma doesn’t know how much time passes before Regina finally replies to what has been said, though what she says does nothing to assuage the tension that turns her stomach into knots.

 

“And what happened at the station?” Regina questions, eyes downcast as she twirls the mug around in her hands.

 

“You’re asking what I saw, aren’t you?”

 

The nod she gets is answer enough for Emma and she sighs. She glides her fingers across the slightly reddened skin of her arm. The indentations are gone, but she can feel the phantom pain flickering along her nerve-endings, like a buzz she is unable to shake.

 

“When I have those nightmares, I don’t see you, if that’s what you’re wondering. I know who it is, but...I don’t really see anyone, Regina. It’s just..a clump of shadows, bleeding all over the place. A blotch of darkness that fades in and out, hollow colorless eyes that stare at me, distorted shouting; that’s what I see, that’s what I hear, what I dream of.”

 

Regina noticeably swallows a few times, looking Emma straight in the eyes as she speaks. “But what I did still triggered what happened back there.”

 

“Yeah but it’s because...you were shouting at me, angrily, if I remember right. And I could feel this...pressure on my arms, like you were shaking me, I assume to wake me up. But at that moment, I could hear his words, could feel him shaking me, gripping my arm so harshly that I thought he would break it. I could sense his presence hovering over me, like some shadowy figure. And then I woke up and you were standing over me, although at the time.. It all blurred together for me, I couldn’t...separate things, I could only feel this paralysing fear seep into my very veins. The gun I raised on you, that was pure survival instinct, nothing more nothing less, okay?”

 

Emma doesn’t realize she gave away way more than she intended to, until she rewinds the monologue inside her head. A part of her desperately hopes that Regina might not inquire about it, but another part of her knows that Regina is way too observant to just let this go.

 

“Him?” comes the softly uttered question.

 

It shatters the remainder of the illusion that she could unveil what happened to her during the time spent in the system, on her own terms.

 

“I think it’s easy enough to put two and two together isn’t it?” she answers in a tone that is laced with more bitterness than intended.

 

“I..have some fairly good idea yes, but it’s not the whole story as you’ve put it so eloquently a few times before. I think I deserve to..”

 

Emma jumps up from the sofa and takes a few long strides and ends up right in front of Regina, hovering over the former Queen. “Deserve?” she grounds out incredulously, voice dangerously low. Her jaw is clenched so tightly it’s a miracle nothing breaks and her knuckles have turned white from the strain she’s putting on her balled hands. “No..you don’t,” Emma hisses. “You have no right...you have no idea what I-I, what I’m...” Emma’s loses her train of thought when two liquid brown eyes bore into her own with a look of understanding that takes her breath away. Squeezes the ball of anger she had been nurturing into a million smaller pieces until they just float away slowly.

 

She turns on the balls of her feet, stumbles towards the kitchen and hammers her balled fist into the wooden surface of the kitchen island a few times. It is the loss of power that she can’t come to grips with. The way she has to give up control, even when sharing stories of the monsters that had crossed her path during her childhood years. It was easier to channel all of her feelings into anger than to show how vulnerable she was really feeling right now.

 

“Emma...”

 

Emma doesn’t even bother to look up from her resting position. There’s the tentative touch of fingers that hover across the damaged skin of her still bunched up fist. Her hand is being coaxed into a stretching position and she has the distinct impression Regina is inspecting it for any possible damage she might’ve caused to the bones or tendons. Her hand is sore and smarting like hell, but Emma is pretty sure, even without Regina telling her so, that she didn’t break or damage anything. She didn’t hit things hard enough for that. Unlike the times when she had in the past.

 

“Sorry,” Emma mutters, squeezing her eyes tightly shut to prevent the moisture clouding up her eyes from forming into tears. “I just...I hate sharing this. I hate this,” she growls angrily. “I only told two people before. And when I was with this shrink he made me...remember it. It put me back into that room, Regina, it put me back into that freaking room, back into that small scrap of a girl I once was. I swear I could feel it, his hands on me, his alcohol-tainted breath wafting across the space that separated us.”

 

“There’s no need to continue if you don’t want to,” Regina’s voice rings out from somewhere behind her.

 

“It’s..it’s fine,” Emma says. When she opens her eyes again, she is not surprised to find her hands trembling. “You were right before, you do deserve to know what happened, to know why you aren’t entirely to blame for the reason why I’m reliving the past.”

 

She takes a deep breath before continuing. “It happened before you know? When I just got into my job as bail bondsman. There was this guy with a two by four and I don’t know...I guess I was careless, high on the adrenaline rush that came with the chase. Before I knew it there was this spike of pain on the back of my head and then I was kissing the ground. When I rolled over he was hovering over me. And I-I..froze completely. He was saying stuff, threatening me I think, but the words didn’t register in my brains, it was all just a blur to me. There was some noise coming from across the fence of the alley we were in and he got distracted. That made me snap back awake again and I scissored his feet from underneath him and knocked him out.”

 

Emma flicks her eyes from the wood of the kitchen island she’s leaning on, to the counter where Regina is standing, reclining against it ever so slightly. The expression on her face is unreadable, but Emma know she’s heard every word.

 

“Did you have nightmares following that?”

 

“A few, but I didn’t really remember any of them. I did wake up restless a few times.”

 

“So it’s the assault itself that triggers your nightmares?”

 

“No..I.” Emma sighs and blows a few errant strands of hair away from where they are hovering in front of her eyes. “It’s the loss of control. It’s the inability to do anything. When you...used magic on me, I couldn’t do anything Regina. When that jackass hit me with that two by four, I couldn’t do anything. When my foster dad cornered me in my own bedroom I couldn’t do anything. That’s the common denominator. It’s not what you did, it’s what he did. I’ll always have relapses when shit like this happens to me.” Emma bites her lips as she tugs at a small splinter that was embedded into the skin of one of her fingers. “I didn’t want to face this, I didn’t want to remember again. It all went well for so long that I thought I could forever be free of this. So I ignored the nightmares to the best of my ability, I stuffed away the memory of what happened, drank away the anxiety I felt at times. Until it all just...blew up in my face.”

 

Regina scrutinizes her for a long time, arms folded across her chest as she absorbs everything she heard. Emma can almost see the wheels turning inside of her head and she wonders what the other woman might be thinking. Whether she was aware of the parallels between their respective childhoods just as much as Emma was. Strangely though, Emma was feeling lighter inside, as if a heavy weight had been lifted off of her chest by the chance to vent some of the bottled up feelings and memories of the past. Regina for her part looks more troubled, her eyes darkening as they briefly catch Emma’s own before being cast back down the ground.

 

“I’m still sorry for what happened,” Regina says after a moment.

 

“I know.”

 

“I..used magic.”

 

Emma wants to ask what she means but when she sees the former Queen’s mouth working furiously she decides to bide her time.

 

“To suppress everything,” Regina clarifies. “It is why I was so opposed to you using liquor or pills as a way to help you cope with this. I used magic and it only made things worse.”

 

Worse how? Emma thinks but she doesn’t actually voice the question at first. She ponders a little on what Regina said, thinks of the warnings Regina had uttered before. That one should control magic, not let it control them and it brings a lot of clarity to Regina’s behaviour. Almost too much clarity.

 

“Because you wanted to be in control of things?” Though it comes out like a question, to Emma it’s more of a statement. And the way Regina tenses up right in front of her is proof enough that her assessment was right on the money.

 

“Yes,” Regina confirms, voice detached as she regards Emma coolly. It’s almost like a mask that slips across the other woman’s face. Not the mayor’s either, Emma knew that one. No, this, she realizes, was a sliver of the Evil Queen she used to be. Just a sliver, but it makes Emma’s blood run cold nevertheless.

 

“Magic provided everything. No one could hurt me anymore and to rule out even the possibility that they would; I always struck first at anyone that could be threatening me.” Emma doesn’t know if its the look on her face that does it or if it’s something else, but Regina seems to deflate a little after that admission. As if the mere words were a drain somehow on her emotions.

 

“In the end, everyone seemed like a potential threat.”

 

“That was your grand solution?” Emma huffs out. No matter how she approaches what Regina just told her, all she can see is how Regina made others suffer just because she was suffering herself. “You what...you took out what happened to you on everyone else?”

 

“Maybe most of them deserved it,” Regina replies, eyes narrowing into a glare as she launches herself away from the counter and right into Emma’s personal space.

 

“Is that what you think?” Emma asks incredulously. Because if Regina truly was convinced her abuse of magical powers was the right way to get over a childhood trauma then Emma was done talking for the day. She just..she can’t. She won’t sacrifice all this progress they’ve made today because Her Majesty had somehow reverted back to her Evil Queen persona.

 

“Regina..” she tries to catch the other woman’s attention, her gaze stuck on something behind Emma.

 

“I used to,” Regina says after a moment, voice subdued as she walks over to the upholstered chair and sits back down again. “It’s easier to think they did, rather than to face the truth of what I’ve done, don’t you think? To them...to you...”

 

“Do you have nightmares about them?” Emma questions. She claps a hand across her mouth, eyes widening with the realization of actually having said that out loud. There’s a little tinge of fear that strikes her in the chest when she looks over at Regina, praying that the question wouldn’t reset their burgeoning trust back to square one.

 

But to her surprise Regina just laughs humorlessly at the question. “Yes I do. I suppose you’ll want to know if I regret what I’ve done too? The answer to that question would also be; yes. I regret a lot of things Emma. But you didn’t have magic like I had when you were young so you couldn’t possibly understand this; couldn’t possibly understand how corrupting this can be without anyone that corrects you.”

 

Emma can feel anger bubble up with that statement. “No,” she snaps. “I just had a really shitty childhood courtesy of your magic.” She sits back down on the sofa, glaring when it looks like Regina might open her mouth to say something. “No, okay? You’re going to sit there and listen, Your Majesty, to the reason why all of this shit happened in the first place.”

 

For a brief moment Emma thinks Regina might refuse out of stubbornness and disappear in a cloud of purple smoke, but when she glances up she finds a pair of brown eyes fixated on her. Her stomach drops in the chest and suddenly she’s glad she hadn’t eaten anything for the past couple of hours, since she’s fairly sure it would’ve made it’s appearance again by now. In a puddle on the floor, in various streaks of brown and green. Just picturing the imagery makes her stomach protest violently and she takes a few deep steadying breaths before she speaks up.

 

“I was 14 when I got into their house,” she starts, throat constricting as she remembers. “They had 2 other kids there. I found out pretty fast that to them, we were just glorified meal tickets. We barely got fed at all, all their money went to booze and cigarettes and he was an avid gambler too. I didn’t know he was hitting the boys until I woke up one night to one of them screaming. I opened the door a little to check what was happening and though I couldn’t see anything, I could hear it. And I-I, closed the door again and put the pillows over my head and pretended everything was fine.”

 

“Emma...”

 

“I need to..” Emma bites the inside of her cheek as she feels a few tears slide down her cheeks. “Let me finish this. You said it yourself it helps to talk about it, remember?” With the confirming nod, Emma wipes away the tears and stares down at her laced fingers.

 

“She didn’t give a fuck at all. I think because, as long as he was hitting them, as long as he was hitting...me, he wouldn’t lay a hand on her. He didn’t start on me until one day when the boys were on some school trip together. They weren’t there and I-I thought I would be okay, that since he had ignored me up until then, he would continue to do so. He used his belt mostly and I could hear him rant, nonsensical things while he beat me. I could beg all I wanted, would scream for help and sometimes he’d laugh, other times he just ignored me and continued to beat me until he had his fill.”

 

Emma pulls her legs up on the sofa and wraps her arms around them, lays her head down on her folded hands. There’s a haze of tears now, blocking her vision. And yet she knows, can sense Regina’s presence somehow. Can almost taste the hesitation whether or not she needed to put a stop to this, to confront the fact that Emma was currently falling apart in front of her. But a few seconds pass with nothing happening and Emma isn’t even sure what she’s expecting anymore.

 

“That bastard always had excuses ready whenever people did happen to notice some of the bruises underneath all of the layers of clothes they forced us to wear.” Her voice is croaky as she speaks now, but she doesn’t care. “A school doctor sounded the alarm though and we all got tossed back into the system. I stayed at the same school for a while and went to a shrink to talk about what happened. The looks they threw me Regina,” Emma grits out as she rubs at her eyes wearily. “People whispering in the hallways, fingers that were pointed at me behind my back. I thought about...” She lets the sentence hang, not able to confront these particular memories just yet. “The foster family I got into after that was a lot better. At least until the father lost his job. I was 16 then and I didn’t want to end back up in the damned system so I ran. And I never stopped running. You know what happened after...”

 

There’s only the silence that greets her and her own muffled sobs as the tears run down her cheeks unchecked. Every now and then she lets out a quiet hiccup as she attempts to control herself. She can’t bring herself to look up at Regina.

 

She must’ve drifted off at some point because when she wakes up again it’s much darker in the room. She squints against the darkness, the only light coming from the moonbeams that are filtering in through the blinders covering a nearby window. It’s only when she props herself upright that she feels the extra weight covering her body. She panics for just a second, until she spots the plaid that is draped over her form and the bunched up coat that is placed beneath her head. It doesn’t register to Emma right away, not until she unfolds the coat, that it isn’t hers.

 

There hadn’t been any dreams that she could recall either. Just the zoning out right after she finished her story. She realizes now that Regina might’ve actually put her asleep on purpose before tucking her in and the thought makes the corners of mouth curl up ever so slightly into a faint smile. And when she cleans up the mugs from the table later and finds one of them to be a little warm to the touch still, the smile grows.

  
  


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	19. Chapter 19

 

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Nine days pass kind of in a haze. The tenth day though, she finds herself in the local park. With Henry...and his adoptive mother. And she really can’t remember for the life of her how the hell she managed to let herself be talked into this in the first place.

 

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“You aren’t actually going to sit down at all, are you?” Emma asks a tinge amused.

 

When there’s no answer forthcoming, she tilts her head up slightly and glances sideways at the woman standing next to the swing-set. Emma swears there’s a disdainful look being thrown the empty swing’s way, as if the mere thought of having to sit down on it would be beneath her stature.

 

“I’m also pretty sure you won’t catch anything from sitting on it.”

 

Of course there was no response and Emma suppresses the urge to sigh in frustration, it would seem even casual small-talk was saturated with certain awkwardness. Heck, when she had returned the coat a few days ago the entire conversation had been strained. If you could have even called it a conversation. Emma had handed over the coat and asked if they were okay, Regina had responded they were and then Emma had awkwardly shuffled her feet, said hi from Henry and scurried back to her car as fast as her feet had been able to carry her.

 

Yeah as far as that whole ordeal went; Emma had sort of imagined it going very differently when she had mulled over the different scenarios in her mind. Regina being just as off her game as Emma had been herself, hadn’t been one of them though. She supposes it might not be so strange when she looks back at their interactions over the last couple of months. Two steps forward, one step back, seemed to be about accurate when it came to how they were muddling along in their..

 

Friendship? Emma wonders, eyebrows scrunching together with the thought.

 

She thinks of how they had each shared a little piece from their pasts; of their broken childhoods. There was a certain level of trust they had established between each other on that day and somehow that didn’t really hit her until now. It also makes her feel guilty for other reasons and she knows that this opportunity right now would be one of the few she had available to broach this particular subject. She owes it to Regina at least, to be open about these things, to maintain that trust. The thought of once again ending up at square one, was an unbearable one.

 

“Regina?” she tries to catch the woman’s attention. But when Regina’s eyes stay stubbornly fixed on the boy collecting leaves a small distance away, Emma rolls her eyes heavenward. “You know he won’t just vanish into thin air the moment you take your eyes off of him right? Really, if you are so worried about him being in harm’s way, why don’t you help him? The sooner he’s done, the sooner we can leave again.” Emma shrugs and bends her knees a little to put the swing into motion.

 

“He does not need help,” Regina states calmly after a moment. Her arms are folded stiffly across her chest and her eyes are still unwaveringly staring straight ahead.

 

“Right,” Emma mutters.

 

She can’t help but snort inwardly at that statement. For a kid that didn’t need any help with this particular school-assignment, he sure managed to rope both of his mothers into accompanying him to the park. In theory, he could’ve likely handled this all by himself. Sneaky kid. His semi-manipulations to get to spend time with the both of them once again confirmed to Emma that Regina really was the one that raised him for ten years. Emma remembers the bitter taste of getting played by Regina before the curse broke and she briefly wonders what games the former Queen might’ve played back in the Enchanted Forest. Someday, she thinks, she might have to ask her mother about that.

 

Which does bring her thought-process around full circle.

 

Emma puts out one foot to bring the swing to a stop again. “You sure you don’t want to sit down?”

 

“Why are you so adamant about getting me to sit down on one of these contraptions?” Regina sniffs delicately as she taps the hard packed earth with one of her feet in a show of petulant annoyance. “I am not even sure these are built sturdy enough to withstand the weight of grown adults. Frankly I’m surprised yours hasn’t broken down yet.”

 

“You know I’m confused right now. Was that you stubbornly refusing to sit down on a swing-set and coming up with the most far-fetched excuses I’ve ever heard not to; or was that a dig at my weight?”

 

The smirk that tugs at the corners of Regina’s mouth pretty much confirms it was likely both. Or at least if she got in a little snark, then it was a bonus as far as Regina was concerned. Grown adult, her ass. Sometimes Her Majesty could be just as childish about these sort of things as the kid they shared.

 

Emma curls her fingers around the linked metal chains that held up the swing. An anchor, she always was in need of an anchor when it came to serious discussions. Even if she chipped away a little at the walls that surrounded Regina like a fortress currently; coaxed her into a little bantering, Emma knew what was about to follow wasn’t going to be as fun.

 

“I just..I wanted to say something and...it seemed like a good idea for us both to sit down for it?”

 

When there’s a curious, if somewhat suspicious, glance being thrown her way, Emma figures she can try to sugarcoat it a little. “It would be a huge strain on my neck if I have to look upwards all the time when I’m talking to you.” Regina of course didn’t budge a inch. “Oh for the love of...honestly, just sit down okay?” The narrowed eyed glare that’s directed her way right after causes her to wince and gaze down at her lap nervously. “Please?” she adds softly, in an attempt to appease the other woman.

 

Whether it’s the please that does it or something else, Emma doesn’t know, but when she looks up again a moment later, Regina is slowly settling herself down on the swing next to her.

 

“Is this about...” Regina let’s the sentence hang and she avoids the puzzling look Emma gives her.

 

It suddenly crosses Emma’s mind that Regina was likely just as nervous as she was, albeit for entirely different reasons. Regina had been the one that had made a quick and quiet exit after they had both poured their hearts out to each other. Emma hadn’t really thought about it until now but, she assumes Regina has no experience with this sort of thing, with opening herself up to others like she had. And all of a sudden most of the woman’s erratic behavior ever since Emma and Henry had arrived in the park to meet up, made a lot more sense.

 

“No I-I..uh.” Emma stutters haltingly. Her heart-rate picks up as she swallows nervously. She’s just buying time, postponing the inevitable and in the back of her mind Emma knows it’ll be easier if she just gets this over with already.

 

“I uhm...I talked to Archie.”

 

She holds her breath for a long time after that. Long enough to suffer from a serious lack of oxygen as she waits for Regina’s response.

 

“I see.”

 

And Emma hadn’t expected that particular response.

 

“That’s all you’re going to say?”

“What sort of response were you expecting dear?”

 

Emma tugs her lower lip between her teeth and worries it as she thinks of a response that would defuse the situation instead of escalating it. Her eyes skittishly flicker across Regina’s face as she tries to gauge the other woman’s mood. In a way, she thinks, it would’ve been easier if Regina had responded angrily instead of using the cold indifferent tone she had. As if she didn’t care and Emma wasn’t buying it.

 

“Honestly I expected you to be angry or something, or at the very least make an inquiry about what it was we talked about”

 

“Is there a reason I should be angry?”

 

Emma can’t suppress an audible gulp with that question. Or rather the way it was said. There was an undercurrent of hurt there that Emma hadn’t picked up on before.

 

“How about I just tell why I went to Archie instead?”

 

“If you must.”

 

Emma follows Regina’s gaze towards Henry, who was waving at the both of them and held up a few multi-colored leaves like a prized possession. She forces herself to smile and wave back before turning towards Regina again. To her surprise the former Queen is staring right at her and Emma can’t bring herself to look away. She’s mesmerized with how Regina seems unable to keep the emotions from shining clearly through her brown eyes, even with her features otherwise schooled into an impersonation of the Mayor she used to be.

 

“It’s not the sleeping problem, if you’re thinking that. I’m actually doing pretty fine in that department right now and it’s mostly because of you,” Emma confesses as she averts her eyes to one of the trees nearby. Studying it like she had never seen one before. “But..you were right about my parents before, when you mentioned they wouldn’t give up until they figured out what transpired between the two of us.”

 

“So you finally told your parents then?” Regina’s sounds...almost resigned when she speaks up. Though resigned to what eludes Emma momentarily. “I assume that was the real reason you invited me over here hm? To reveal what will happen now that they know I broke the truce?”

 

And that makes all of the puzzle pieces slide together with a forcible click inside Emma’s head. It’s almost deafening in its intensity, the knowledge that a part of Regina still believes Emma would conspire to have her barred from seeing Henry again. Even after everything that happened, even after what happened just a week ago.

 

“What? No..no okay? No. You know what? Fuck the damn truce, it’s not even relevant anymore, at least not to me. I know you Regina and I do trust you too, even if you apparently still don’t trust me.”

 

“I..” Regina seems momentarily taken aback by Emma’s outburst. There’s a unreadable expression on her face as her shoulders sag down a little, like there was a weight on them that she was no longer able to bear. “I do...but your parents...we will never see eye to eye, Emma. I only assumed that since you told them, they would have something in store for me accordingly.”

 

“Well maybe you shouldn’t.”

 

“Shouldn’t what dear?”

 

“Assume,” Emma answers, as she tugs at a thread of her shirt that had come loose. “I didn’t tell them. But I..I want to,” she finishes, softly, tone subdued as she thinks over that particular scene. The whole idea of her parents knowing she got abused as a child still scares her witless.

 

Regina looks at her wide-eyed, as if she suddenly understood where Emma was going with this. “You went to Archie for advice.”

 

“Yes,” Emma admits simply. Because what else could she say? “I can’t keep changing the subject whenever they ask me what happened. I can’t keep brushing them off either. They mean so well and I..especially Mary Margaret always looks at me so sadly whenever I refuse to answer her questions. They know I’m doing better and I think that eases some of their concerns, but they should know the truth Regina. I don’t want to destroy this slowly building relationship with my parents, this family bond we’re developing, now that I finally have parents. It’s tough enough as it stands, with all the crap that goes on in this damned town in the first place.”

 

“Is this the part where you blame me?”

 

Emma’s brows hike up her forehead with the odd question. “Blame you for what?”

 

“All of it.”

 

“And accomplish what exactly Regina? Jesus..haven’t we been over this a dozen times or so already? I’m not going to dwell on that. I refuse to live in the past or blame any single person for everything that happened to me. All I really want right now is for things to go back to normal, or a semblance of normality anyways considering all this fairytale business.”

 

Emma shakes her head slowly as she glances sideways at Regina again. “I want to get to know my parents, I want to know more about the lands they came from, their history. I want to be a family with them without it suffocating me anymore, like it does now whenever I spend too much time with them. And I...”

 

Regina’s eyes find her own then and Emma almost loses the train of thought because of it. “I want Henry to be happy. I want..to be happy with who I am; to shed all this bad shit that happened to me, to even get removed off of this damned pedestal everyone put me on because I broke a curse. God I just..I don’t know okay? I’m not this hero, this savior everyone makes me out to be. I don’t even want to be...I just want to actually be normal; be happy for a change,” she repeats softly.

 

The expression on Regina’s face changes from unreadable to something that much resembles a bone-deep sadness and it actually makes Emma’s heart skip a beat or two. “I want you to be happy too,” she blurts out before she can stop herself.

 

Emma gasps as she realizes she said the last bit out loud and Regina for her part looks just as off-kilter as Emma is feeling.

 

“Regina...”

 

“I think you were right before, perhaps I should help Henry collect the remaining leaves for his album.”

 

“Wait.” Emma grabs Regina’s elbow before she can make herself scarce, though she’s not at all surprised to find the woman stubbornly refusing to actually look her in the eyes. “I’m not going to take that back, so if I somehow embarrassed you by saying that, well, tough. I do mean it, like I meant it before when I said that everyone deserves a happy ending.”

 

There’s no response. The wind rustling through the tree-branches and some voices in the distance is all that greets Emma’s ears and she sighs and lets her hand fall away from Regina’s arm. “I just wish you believed that yourself.”

 

She pauses for a second, thinking of the one thing that had been in the back of her mind for the better part of last week. “I’ve never even..properly thanked you for watching over me the other day. Covering me up and staying over for a while longer to ensure I had a nightmare-free sleep. So..thank you,” she whispers.

 

Regina’s head dips down but she doesn’t speak up. After a moment she takes a few steps forward and Emma’s heart sinks with the silent dismissal of her words. But then Regina stops again and glances across her shoulder, eyes glistening and a faint smile playing around her lips. “Thank you, for saying that you want me to happy.”

 

Emma nods and returns the smile. “You’re welcome.”

  
  


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	20. Chapter 20

 

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-x-x-x-

  
  


A sudden knock on the window startles Emma, causing her to bolt upright in the driver’s seat in which she had been slumping down and bump her head against the car’s roof in the process. With a stream of expletives she kicks open the car door to check out the unwelcome disturbance.

 

Though maybe in retrospect, she should have guessed who would walk up to her car this late at night, especially since Emma had been parked right across that person’s house for the past hour and a half or so.

 

“Ow,” Emma grumbled, rubbing at the sore spot on her head a little as she wearily eyed Regina standing right next to the car.

 

The other woman’s hands are on her sides, a scowl on her face, though the twinkling in her eyes betrayed her quiet bemusement at Emma’s current predicament.

 

“I uhm..” Emma flustered as she sorted her thoughts.

 

Normally, she would never be caught off guard like this. But normally she didn’t come back from a really exhausting session with the town’s shrink either. The things they discussed filter through her brain even as she fumbles for an appropriate explanation for her presence outside of Regina’s house.

 

She had wanted to see Henry. Dredging up the painful memories of giving birth to him in prison had accumulated into driving over to the place where he’d been staying overnight almost automatically. It was only when she had arrived there, exited the car and actually laid eyes on the building in front of her; almost entirely shrouded in darkness, that she had thought of the fact that he would likely be in bed by now. She entered the car again and stared at the house, torn between seeking the company of woman inside and maybe asking to see the kid they shared, or driving home and laying awake most of the night. Emma sincerely doubted that even meditating would ease her mind enough to sleep tonight.

 

“I was just...”

 

“Spying on me?”

 

“Uh..no? Yes..no?” Help? Emma can feel herself flushing an even deeper shade of red with her inability to explain herself. She’s met with a single eyebrow raised in a silent question. “I wanted to see Henry.”

 

“At this time of the night?” Regina questions incredulously. “Need I remind you that he’ll be spending most of the following week at your house? Why would you even...”

 

Emma swallows convulsively when Regina stops mid-sentence. Her eyes soften as she looks over at Emma a strangely contemplative look on her face. “Why did you?”

 

“I just explained to you that I wanted to..”

 

“No,” Regina interrupts her. “I mean why did you drive over here right now. At this time. You knew he would be in bed.”

 

Sighing, Emma leans back against the closed car-door and twirls the car-keys around between her fingers. “I talked to Archie.”

 

It wasn’t an explanation of course, far from one, but Emma wasn’t in the explaining mood currently. She briefly thinks about brushing off Regina’s inquiries and heading back home. Something stops her though. Something in the penetrating gaze that is fixated on her currently, that resonates deep within her.

 

“And I wanted to see Henry,” Emma repeats. She doesn’t know how to explain the feeling in her gut otherwise. This bone-deep ache that fills her chest cavity and makes her heart clench painfully. The memories of Henry as a newborn, that still bleed through her every thought. She had wanted to see him almost desperately, even during the session itself. And she still did now. Especially with the knowledge in the back of her mind, that in theory he was only a small distance away.

 

“You should come inside then.”

 

“Uh..what?” Emma blinks a few times in confusion. “I thought that he would’ve been asleep by now?”

 

“He is but..he had a long day and as I’m sure you know, whenever he’s really worn out he sleeps like the dead.”

 

Emma chuckles at that. “Yeah, he really does, doesn’t he? Must be something he inherited from his father though, I’ve always been a light sleeper.” Something dark flickers across Regina’s face with the mention of Neal and Emma holds her breath for a moment. She half expects some snide remarks to follow and yet finds herself surprised to see Regina’s face regain its neutrality as she turns towards the direction of the mayoral mansion.

 

She thinks of Neal’s request the other day, to take Henry with him on some camping trip at the edge of the woods and thinks better of asking Regina about it today. Something told her the former Queen wasn’t in the mood. Instead she decides to change the subject to something that wouldn’t cause any friction between them.

 

“How did you know I was here by the way?”

 

“Didn’t we already discuss your lack of subtlety once before?”

 

“That was in the bug. I used the patrol car this time, the lights were out, I was parked in a dark spot, how was this not subtle?”

Regina smirks at her as she opens the door and enters the hallway. “We really need to work on your definition of subtlety dear. Because if this is the way you handle stake-outs, I can’t figure out how you ever caught anyone.”

 

“I wasn’t staking you out...I...” Then realizing what she said, Emma promptly snaps her mouth shut with an audible click. “Uh..forget I said that, I’ll just..follow after you,” she mutters as heat suffused her cheeks anew. Emma closed her eyes and rubbed at them, seriously, if she put her foot in her mouth once more, her face would likely stay this red for the rest of the night.

 

To her great relief Regina says nothing in response as they make their way across the stairs, though Emma assumed the only reason she didn’t was because they had arrived at Henry’s room. The door opens with a slight creak and Emma winces at the unexpected noise that cuts right through the silence permeating the house otherwise. She supposes she shouldn’t have been surprised that Henry slept right through it.

 

There’s a watery smile on her face as she watches him sleep. Slightly curled on his side, one of hands tucked half under the pillow. There had been nights when he had first stayed over, after the curse broke and after she returned from the Enchanted Forest, that she had spent hours watching him sleep. With thoughts of the things she missed throughout the years of him growing up. But even then, she realized, he had been really well off with Regina. He was a healthy and smart kid, if one with a really skewed view of the world. She wonders how it must’ve been for Regina, to have raised him for ten years like a son, only to have him alienate from her right in front of her very eyes. Day by day, until he showed up with Emma on her doorstep.

 

Emma’s eyes search out Regina’s form in the obscuring darkness of the room. She had expected her to be somewhere on the opposite side of the bed. To find the former Queen to be standing right behind her makes her heart skip a bit. They were almost standing close enough to touch and Emma finds herself mesmerized by their close proximity. The brown eyes that briefly flickered to gaze into her own before they were averted back to the boy sleeping a few feet away, blissfully unaware of everything going on around him.

 

“I sometimes wondered,” Emma whispers as she wraps her arms around herself. “If he always slept like that. So peaceful, so...innocent I suppose.”

 

It takes a while before Regina answers and Emma watches her quietly as she tucks in a few corners of the blankets that cover him. There are times when she looks at Regina and wonders if motherhood came to her purely instinctively or if it was a process of growing. If she read any books on parenting like Emma had when she first found out she was pregnant. Even in...prison, when she knew with utter certainty she would never have a chance to be a mother to him; she had read books on parenting. Her eyes tear up slightly as she remembers those moments. Remembers his birth. Remembers things that conflict her so much; the way they leave her torn between sadness and happiness. The happiness of bringing a life into this world and the sadness of having him taken away right after, leaving her a sobbing emotionally distraught mess that had taken weeks to recover from.

 

“He did.” Regina’s answer pulls her from the painful memory-train and she takes few deep breaths as she tries to regain her equilibrium. “He might have inherited his ability to sleep through anything and everything from his father like you said. But the way he sleeps, the peacefulness, the slight drawing up of his knees to his chest, he certainly got that from you.”

 

“How..” Emma stops herself from finishing the question before it fully forms on her lips. She had almost forgotten about the times Regina had watched her sleep. It unsettles her a little when she thinks about it now. Emma had never watched anyone sleep. Not even Neal for the brief time they’d been together. And certainly there had been no one else afterwards to whom she got emotionally attached enough to allow herself the vulnerability of staying over and sleeping in the same bed after sex.

 

Emma practically feels Regina’s eyes on her as she takes a step forward and bends across the bed. She places the lightest of kisses on the crown of Henry’s head, brushing a few strands of hair away as she does so.

 

She takes a moment before turning around again and slowly walking back to the door. Seeing him had eased her mind a little, though she wasn’t about to take any chances that their prolonged presence here would wake him up. Certainly the barrage of questions he would fire at the both of them, alone, was enough reason to exit the room before something stirred him from his slumber.

 

Emma stops at the top of the stairs. There was something that came to her mind when she had watched Henry sleep. And she couldn’t really hold it in much longer. She already knew first-hand what the consequences would be of just bottling these things back up and storing them away. Eventually they’d accumulate to something she could no longer contain.

 

“When he was born...he was all pink and..” Emma licks her lips and stares at the far wall. “At first he didn’t cry and I-I thought..but then he did, Regina. I didn’t know that someone could be that small... He was so very small and he was crying and I.. For a moment I thought I could...keep him. I imagined raising him somehow, as my own, imagined seeing myself taking care of him. And then they just...took him away.”

 

There are tears prickling in her eyes and she swallows around a sob that wells up from her throat. A hand comes to rest on her arm, steadying her and Emma’s eyes flash gratefully to the woman standing in front of her, offering her comfort wordlessly.

 

“I really thought back then, that I would never see him again, you know?”

 

“Until he showed up on your doorstep 10 years later,” Regina says quietly.

 

“Yeah..” Emma answers as she lets out a low chuckle and wipes away a little moisture from her eyes. “Smart-ass kid, even then.” She smiles and squeezes the hand that’s still resting on her arm lightly. “It was my birthday and I..I made a wish actually, just before he knocked on the door.”

 

Regina regards her curiously, taking her hand away and motioning to follow after her as they walk down the stairs. “What did you wish for?”

 

“Uhm..” Emma hesitates, fidgeting with the hem of her shirt. “It’s silly but..in one of the first foster houses I was in, there was this girl called Caroline. And she..she said if you made a wish on your birthday, that if you wanted it badly enough it would eventually come true. I was like...7 or something then, I dunno, I guess I was certainly gullible enough to believe in that. For a long time I thought my parents gave me up for a reason, that they would eventually come to find me and take me away. So every birthday I wished for them to find me. I suppose, even when I grew older, when I knew better, I still continued to wish for that, turned it into some sort of birthday ritual. Something to hold on to.”

 

“In a way, that girl was right. Your wish did come true.”

 

“Yeah..and opened a whole new can of worms,” Emma states wryly.

 

“I have some freshly made cider,” Regina offers as they get to the door of the study. “If you want to stay a little longer?”

 

Emma thinks of declining but nods affirmatively after a second or two. The cabinet at home was still empty and save for a few sips of red wine at her parents’, she hadn’t touched a drop of alcohol the past few months. She thinks she can concede having a drink after the harrowing day she had.

 

The door to the living room is slightly ajar and Emma glances inside curiously. The room had been darkened when she had looked at it from outside, from her car. But her attention is caught by the half-empty glass that sits on a small table next to one of the windows. A single chair was moved from across the room to the window, far enough to not be seen from outside, but close enough to the window to still be able to peer outside. Emma realizes with a startle that Regina had likely been sitting here for a while, nursing a drink in the dark while keeping an eye on the patrol-car parked outside. Until she had finally what...managed to summon up enough courage to confront her? Emma frowns as she stands in the empty room, staring at the car still parked across the street.

 

“Found out my little secret have you?”

 

“Apparently,” Emma answers without turning around. She had heard the clicking of heels behind her as Regina entered the room. “I suppose the real question would be; who was staking out who, hm?”

 

She’s mildly surprised to find Regina handing over a glass of cider wordlessly before she walks up to the window. Regina tucks a single arm below the elbow of the one holding the glass of cider as she stares outside. Much like she must’ve done before, Emma muses as she takes few steps closer herself.

 

“I was..pondering over some things, after I put Henry to bed. It was too cold to sit in the garden anymore and I had moved to the study when I saw the patrol car pass by the house. I found the living room afforded me a better view so I moved here instead.” Regina glances across her shoulders, takes a sip from the cider and circles the rim of the glass with one of her fingers, head dipping down slightly as she speaks up again. “I’ll be honest and say I had no idea what to expect at first. I thought you would knock on the door eventually. But when an hour passed...”

 

“You approached me instead. Why did you?”

 

“Curiosity, mainly.”

 

“And?” Emma prompts. She’s pretty sure that’s not the whole story. And the way Regina’s eyes dart all over the room proved her hunch to be correct.

 

“You truly are insufferable,” Regina proclaims after a moment, lips pursed as she fully turns around to face Emma. “But fine...I’ll admit I’ve gotten used to your company. To having someone to talk to and...I thought that, there had to be a reason you were out there, alone in your car, in the darkness.”

 

Like Regina had been sitting alone in front of the window in the darkness, Emma thinks as she mulls over some things. “You were feeling lonely.” Immediately after she says it, she regrets it, seeing as how Regina’s shoulders slump down, a look of defeat passing across her face before she walks out of the room.

 

“Regina? I didn’t mean to...”

 

“But you are right,” Regina answers from the hallway. “The days when Henry isn’t here, when no one is here... The house is too big Emma, too empty.”

 

“I never understood how the hell you managed to pass the time in the first place,” Emma blurts out. She had been thinking about that in the past. There was the gardening she knew off and she figured Regina spent quite some time cleaning the house and keeping everything in it’s pristine state. But otherwise... She drew a blank what the hell the woman could be doing otherwise really.

 

“I think I should show you then,” Regina says softly.

 

To Emma’s confusion Regina walks to the direction of the foyer. She stops in front of one of the small tables set in the respective corners of the hall and circles her hand once counter-clockwise. The table disappears as does much of the floor, revealing a set of stairs leading down.

 

Emma’s eyes grow huge as saucers while watching Regina takes a few steps down towards whatever laid beneath the house. “Coming dear?”

 

“I..uh... You know when you mentioned the dungeon was two floors down I really thought you were joking.”

 

“You thought I was joking?”

 

“Never mind.” Emma rolls her eyes while peering down the stairs cautiously. “I’m almost afraid to ask but..what’s down there anyway? Please tell me nothing to torture people with.”

 

“That depends on your definition of torture I suppose.”

 

Emma snorts, takes a deep breath and ventures after Regina down the stairs. Her jaw drops all the way down when she finally lays eyes on the actual basement-room. “What the hell..is this?”

 

There’s something that she thinks resembles an alchemy lab in one corner of the room, with a large workbench next to it. The workbench is littered with beakers in various sizes, glass bottles, some alembics and a few mortars and pestles. There are also some tools she doesn’t recognize and dozens of labeled and dried herbs that are hanging from hooks on one of the walls.

 

What really caught her attention right away though, were the shelves on the opposite wall. Most of them were filled with multi-coloured bottles, some were emitting a fluorescent light, that shone rather brightly in the otherwise dimly lit room. There was also one shelf that had only books on it, Emma would wager they were all magical in nature.

 

It dawns almost immediately on Emma what it is that Regina is showing her. “Those potions you gave me,” she exclaims awe-struck. “You made them here?”

 

“Yes I did. I’ve been experimenting with perfecting the formulas.”

 

“Wait,” Emma says as she wanders over to the spellbooks and opens up a random one. “Making them takes magic right?” A slow affirming nod confirms her theory was correct. “So, that means I can make these too? Wow.”

 

She had been making decent progress the past few weeks with conjuring up balls of energy to illuminate rooms, even managing to steer them across the room instead of only floating them above her hands. The wards had become stronger too, though she supposes she hadn’t had a chance to test them in theory. A shiver runs down her spine as she thinks back about the last time she had to use one. She quickly shakes the unwelcome memories and glances over at the former Queen standing quietly in front of the wall filled with dried herbs.

 

There’s an unreadable expression on her face, but it was her eyes that gave Regina away again. They were saddened, as if the things she was thinking about were painful to her in a way. Emma has no idea what to make of it, but she’s not stupid enough to think it doesn’t have something to do with revealing a secret basement filled with magical stuff.

 

“Regina?”

 

“Yes dear?”

 

“Why did you show me this now? It’s not just because I asked what you were doing with your spare time is it?”

 

The slight quivering of her lips were the first sign that Regina was crumbling right in front of Emma. Just before her face fell completely and her eyes filled up with tears. “No. No it’s not just because of that.”

 

“Then why?” When there was no answer forthcoming, Emma steps into her personal space. She hesitated for only a moment before she cupped the former Queen’s chin and raised it up so she could look her in the eyes. “Regina, what’s going on? Why show me this now?”

“Because you need to know and I need to teach you,” Regina answers evasively, removing the hand from her chin even as she spun herself around and wrapped her arms tightly around herself. “You can already read the spellbooks so those should pose no trouble for you. The brewing of potions could take a few days to..”

“No..stop,” Emma grits out, teeth grinding together in frustration. “Just..stop, why the hell do I need to learn this? You can...” She stops mid-sentence, eyes growing huge as a thought strikes her out of the blue. “You think..you think you won’t be here to make these. You think you’ll...”

 

“Be imprisoned, yes,” Regina finishes for her as she leans forward, elbows resting on the workbench. “I broke the truce. You know the punishment for that, the terms that were agreed upon. It’s something that I brought onto myself and strangely..I’ve come to accept the consequences of those actions.” Regina turns around slowly, tears freely flowing down her face. “So yes, I won’t be here to make these potions, but it’s valuable knowledge that I don’t want to be lost forever.”

 

Emma had known about the lines in the truce that signified Regina would have to wear a collar, suppressing  her magic and be imprisoned somewhere until her death, but she hadn’t really thought... She hadn’t thought... The idea made her sick to her stomach and Emma has to actually close her eyes and divert her thoughts elsewhere to stop her dinner from making it’s reappearance.

 

“They won’t, Regina..they can’t,” she sputters out. “There’s Henry too and...they can’t,” she repeats.

 

“They might.”

 

"No..you know what? I can go over there tonight, now even, and tell them what happened and you know what? I won't accept them doing that, I'll offer to keep an eye on you if they want me to, but I won't allow them to just...I won't. Not after all the ways you've helped me, not when I've seen how much you’ve changed Regina.”

 

“Emma..”

 

“Let me..let me tell them okay? My side of the story, they need to know everything, not just why I became such a mess, but the reasons behind it. What you did..” Emma swallows around the lump in her throat. “It triggered what happened..but it’s not the real reason, you know that, but they don’t. They need to know that I’ve forgiven you for what happened and they need to know you’ve helped me with dealing with the aftermath. So just..let me do that and I promise you, no one will get locked up in some damned cell afterwards, not if I have anything to say about it.”

 

Regina regards her quietly for a moment, as she rubs some of the tears away from her eyes. “I suppose this means I won’t teach you how to brew potions tonight then?”

 

“No, though I wouldn’t mind another cider or two.”

 

Instead of answering, Emma feels a hand move into the pocket of her jacket and fish out the car-keys. “I wasn’t going to drive home tonight, maybe walk but...”

 

“Just a precaution dear,” Regina says. “You should be able to remember the location of the guest-room. It’s yours for the night, if you want to.” She briefly grasps Emma’s hand in her own and squeezes it and Emma smiles faintly in return. “I will get another cider and maybe I could at least teach you some of the spells in these books.”

 

“Spell-casting while tipsy? I hope this place is burn-proof,” Emma jokes as she watches Regina ascend the stairs. The only response she gets in return is a soft smile before Regina vanishes out of sight.

 

Emma’s gaze gets stuck on the workbench and her stomach drops.

 

She bites her lip and thinks of the wish she didn’t make for her last birthday. She hadn’t needed to make it for the first time since she started the tradition. And despite it being months ago, she closes her eyes and makes a wish.

  
  


-x-x-x-


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea how well I managed to get inside Snowing's heads, but I tried so, forgive me if it's not good enough. And yes this means there's 10 chapters to go.

 

* * *

 

 

 

-x-x-x-

  
  


Her eyes never waver from the mug of cocoa in her hands. Not even as it is slowly growing colder with the minutes blurring seamlessly into one another. She had taken one sip, at the start, when the liquid had been so scalding hot she’d burned her tongue just the slightest bit.

 

She plays with the small bit of whipped cream that’s still leftover. The rest of the huge stack that had once resided on top of the cocoa was now melted into a white-brown mesh of colours. Emma absentmindedly dips a finger into the cold mess, stirs it slowly as the words continue to spill from her lips.

 

At some point, when she nears the ending of the the story, she can feel a hand slowly sliding over her own, which is grasping the mug in a grip that is almost painful in it’s intensity. The hand curls around her fingers slowly, squeezing a little in comfort and Emma sighs, closes her eyes and relaxes for the first time since she started talking.

 

“I’m doing better now,” she says, eyes finally glancing up to meet her mother’s glistening ones. “Honestly I’m fine, there’s no need..”

 

To worry, she finishes inside her head. The words echo around in her thoughts, confronting her with the fact that even now, she was trying to deflect possible painful questions before they could be asked. The same way she had in the past. It was a defense mechanism, much like running had been for her, for as long as she could remember.

 

“Emma, oh honey...”

 

She swallows with difficulty. These are her parents she has to remind herself. And they knew now. Lying about how she was still struggling at times with these resurfaced memories would only end up harming their growing bond. Would only negate the way she had just opened herself up to them.

  
  


It is the feel of her mother’s arms enveloping her into a tight hug that finally makes the dam burst. She cries for a long time, her sobs half-muffled by her mother’s shoulder. Fingers slowly comb through her hair and Emma can’t remember ever feeling so protected, so loved.

 

“I wish you would’ve told us sooner, Emma,” Mary Margaret speaks up after her sobs die down a little, hesitation causing short pauses between her words.“I wish... We really would’ve liked to help you with this, in any way we could.”

 

“I know,” Emma mumbles, using the sleeve of her sweater to wipe away a few of the tears as she extricates herself from her mother’s hold. “I just..” she sighs and smiles at David when he places a hand on her shoulder. “When the nightmares happened initially, I pretended I was fine, like it wasn’t happening, or at the very least...that they would pass. I..uh, I drank quite a bit to numb it all and when that stopped working I sorta skipped sleeping altogether.”

 

“Is that why you had a breakdown at the station?” David questions curiously, a frown tugging at his eyebrows. “You know I can take over for a while longer, even now, if you need some more time off.”

 

“David is right, if you need some more time for yourself, we can Henry over too. And honey, you know we’re always here if you feel the need to talk, right?”

 

Emma licks her lips, tasting the saltiness the tears she shed left behind and flashes a grateful smile at her parents.

 

“That’s something I’m still learning you know?” When her mother gives her a confused look, her smile grows a little. “Being a parent, having parents, actually talking to them. It all just..happened so fast. And I-I..there has been some foster families in the past that were great but they were never..real, they were not my real parents, they weren’t...you. So for everything I just did, it’s new to me, like a learning process. I never really opened myself up to people before. Because in the past, all that got me was being stomped all over, being pointed at, being looked at like I was damaged goods. I never had people that cared, that saw past all that, I never had people listening to me, like you just did, without being judgmental about it all. So I’m learning and the reason I didn’t tell you before was because I didn’t know how, because it scared me so much. It scared me to think of what your reactions might be. And it scared me when I realized it would change everything. I didn’t tell you, not because I didn’t trust you, I didn’t tell you because you matter so much to me that it literally terrified me when I thought of the impact this would have on our growing relationship.”

 

“All of this is new for us too,” Mary Margaret speaks up after a moment, hands moving to cover Emma’s own, tears shining in her eyes once more. “Everything is. Sometimes there are things I’d like to ask you, or sometimes I wonder if there’s things you would want to ask us and I...don’t know how to approach it.” Emma watches as she fidgets, glances up at David who is standing beside her as if asking silently for help. “The last time we were parents Emma, was when you were just born. When I held you in my arms for that brief moment , God I was so happy, we were both so very happy and then we had to..just let you go again. It broke my heart, sometimes when I think about it, it still does in a way. So I do know about how new this all is, it’s new for me every time I see you and realize we’ve missed 28 years of watching you grow up.”

 

“Do you still...think about that sometimes?” Emma questions carefully, chewing the inside of her cheeks nervously.

 

“About putting you in the wardrobe?” David prompts. His eyes are slightly glassy like he’s actually remembering it somehow and Emma thinks it’s probably not too far from the truth. “Yes,” he whispers softly. “Yes I’ve thought about it ever since the curse broke. I’ve wondered many times whether we did the right thing Emma. Sometimes I think I might even regret... At the time I thought we were doing the right thing, but right now? Right now I don’t know...I really don’t know if we did. I just..”

 

“Because of what I just told you?”

 

Emma watches as he dips his head, a guilty look on his face, tears shining brightly in his eyes. She shakes her head slowly, because she got where he came from. She got the blame he tried to pile on top of himself, continuously beating yourself up over things that happened and you couldn’t change back no matter how much you wanted them to. Emma got all of it because she had done the same damned thing so often in the past. Questioning herself if she shouldn’t have kept Henry after all, especially during the first few months after her release from prison; when she had had nothing else to do but wander around aimlessly, feeling more lost than she ever had and having no one to turn to for help to get through it all.

 

“You know there were times when I wanted to blame you for all of that crap. There were times when I wondered what the hell was so wrong with me that I had to be abandoned as a baby and dumped somewhere in the woods.”

 

Emma pauses, closes her eyes against the feelings that still assault her at times when she thinks about all of it. Yes, she used to want to blame them too, maybe a part of her still wants to at times. But a larger part of her is glad that she found them eventually, that she has a family now. And she thinks it’s more important that she has this now, way more important than dwelling on the crap that happened in the past, than trying to pin the blame on anyone.

 

“Emma..” Mary Margaret exclaims softly as she puts her hands on Emma’s cheeks and holds her gently, soothingly. “I’m so sorry...”

 

“I can’t blame you anymore than I can blame anyone else for all of this mom,” Emma whispers. She is consciously aware that she did just refer to Mary Margaret as her mother and somehow it removes some of the heaviness that had been residing in the pit of her stomach. “If Regina hadn’t casted the curse, if Gold hadn’t manipulated her into doing so.... What I’m trying to say is none of it can’t be undone anymore, so I’m trying to make my peace with it. I’m trying to get past it. You weren’t the ones responsible for some asshole of a foster father that got his jollies from beating up the kids he was supposed to take care of. Or for having Neal set me up for one of his crimes so I ended up in jail pregnant. I had a choice too. I could’ve chosen to keep Henry, tried to raise him, but I knew he’d have better chances out there, with someone who could properly take care of him, with someone who loved him.”

 

There’s a flash of anger that shimmers in David’s eyes at the veiled mention of whom had ended up raising Henry. “Regina might’ve been a good mother to Henry but it doesn’t erase all the bad things she has done Emma.”

 

“No, but does anything?” Emma asks as she looks right at David. “You can’t tell me she is the same person right now as when she was the Evil Queen from your realm. I know you don’t trust her. I know that there’s a good viable reason why you drew up the truce, why you had to make absolutely sure she couldn’t do anything bad thing ever again without being held personally accountable for it.  But I also know she has changed too, she even changed away from the cold Mayor that reigned this town when I first arrived here. And she is a good mother to Henry. In a way, it’s probably ironic that because of the curse and because of everything that happened afterwards, Henry exists in the first place. And he’s been one of the biggest motivators for her to change who she is.”

 

Emma can see how what she said impacted her parents and she smiles encouragingly at them. She knows her interactions with Regina have been more frequent and she also remembers the conflict and worry etched across their features when Regina had been over at her apartment to help her with sleeping problems. In a way, she understands their concern, understands that all the tainted history laying between them and Regina would probably mean they’d never trust her again. And she doesn’t even know why she does so much herself, why she has come to trust Regina even with her life, but Emma knows she does. Just like she knows Regina would never use magic against her in a harmful way ever again.

 

The knowing look on Mary Margaret’s face worries her somewhat though. Like she’s onto something Emma isn’t telling her and Emma gulps with the thought. She averts her eyes quickly, away from the inquisitive eyes centered on her and onto her laced fingers lying on the table in front of her. They briefly flicker to her watch and her eyes widen in horror.

 

“Oh crap, Henry,” she mutters out, quickly standing up from the chair, the abrupt motion making it fall backwards onto the floor with a soft thud. “I was supposed to meet him at Granny’s for lunch.” She hadn’t realized so much time had passed until now.

 

“I uhm...” she flusters as she drags a hand through her hair sheepishly. “I’m sorry but...”

 

“It’s okay Emma,” her mother says as she also stands up. “We can finish this another time, I’m glad we talked though. I’m glad you confided in us like this.”

 

Emma nods mutely, her throat too constricted to say anything in response. She felt better though, more grounded and so much lighter inside. Like a huge burden was lifted. It was progress too, she thinks and much more healthy than trying to pretend that everything was fine all the time, when it really was not. When she really was not.

 

“I’ll walk you out,” Mary Margaret offers up, her eyes narrowing as to say that she wasn’t going to take no for an answer and Emma winces a little with the look. She might be as old as her parents were, but apparently that didn’t mean she was immune to being parented. There was no need to be walked out at all, since the distance was just a few meters and her bug was parked right outside, but then again Emma wasn’t foolish enough to think her mother was seeing her out by herself without a good reason.

 

She knew what this was really about and her suspicions got confirmed the moment the door of the apartment closed behind them.

 

“I didn’t understand at first,” Mary Margaret starts as she paces a little. “When we were at your place a few weeks ago, I didn’t understand why she was there, why she was helping you with things you didn’t even want to talk about with us.” She glances up then, catches Emma’s eyes and Emma’s heart drops in the chest with the sadness that emanates from her mother’s eyes. “It hurt us both, it hurt me, Emma. Because I didn’t.. I didn’t understand.”

 

Emma swallows, once, twice, opens her mouth to say something, to apologize, but the words never pass her lips.

 

“I know sweetie, I’m more okay with it now that I know. Regina knew didn’t she?” Emma just nods silently, because she doesn’t even know how to respond to that. She doesn’t understand how her mother could possibly know...

 

And then it hits her.

 

“And you know because...”

 

Mary Margaret’s lips curl into an inherently sad smile. “Yes. I did live with her for years Emma. And I thought that...I thought initially Cora was a great mother. I thought she cared for Regina, I thought she loved her so much that she would do anything to make her happy. At the time, I was too young...too naive to truly understand how manipulative her mother could be. I didn’t even find about Daniel until it was already too late. But before that I saw..I saw what Cora did to her, I heard the things that were said to her and I often pretended afterwards that it never happened. I pretended that I was just seeing things. But I knew..” Mary Margaret sighs then. “I knew.”

 

Emma lays a hand on her mother’s shoulder, stopping her in the middle of frantic pacing she’s doing.

 

“She was.. was so angry I think..” Mary Margaret continues, eyes flicking from the door to the trees just beyond the porch of the house. Emma understands her mother was missing David’s presence even now. “When David insulted her and was accusing her, I saw this..purple sheen appearing in her eyes and she was trembling, like she was about to hurl something towards us. But then she...I don’t know..something stopped her and she just deflated right in front of our eyes. I might not understand what happened between the two of you, but I know she has been helping you. And I know that whatever your doing is helping her in turn.”

 

“It’s...complicated,” is all Emma manages to offer in return. Because fuck if that wasn’t the truth either. Half the time she thinks that she gets by some of her interactions with the former Queen just by winging it. It certainly had nothing to do with any past experiences on how to help someone redeem themselves. Somewhere in the back of her mind she thinks it might even be a sliver of the person that was supposed to be the savior. Though just who exactly was saving who right now eluded even her.

 

There’s this vaguely amused look on her mother’s face and Emma has no idea what to make of it. It does make her fidget slightly in discomfort and check her watch again.

 

“I ran into Regina the other day actually,” her mother says and Emma just knows, from the growing smile on Mary Margaret’s face, her eyes must be huge as saucers right now. “Nothing happened, no worries. That’s actually the surprising thing I suppose. She just walked right by me at Granny’s, a huge cup of take-away coffee in her hands. There was no look of disdain, no sneering or snappy comments, she just...looked at me and then she left through the doors without saying a word.”

 

Emma knows her mother said more after that but her brain stopped processing the words somewhere after the mention of the coffee. Granny’s coffee. The same coffee that had somehow magically appeared on her desk right before she started her shift at the station ever since she went back to work. Emma supposes right now, with this strange flip flopping feeling inside of her chest, that magically might not be too far off from the truth after all. She had attributed it to her parents kindness at first, something to start of her days properly, especially considering the horrible coffee-machine at the station which was more often broken than not. But now.. Now...

 

“Emma?”

 

“I uhm..”

 

“Where did you just disappear to,” her mother questions, her head titled slightly in curiosity.

 

“Uh..nowhere important I guess. I should go though, Henry is waiting.”

 

Her mother regards her quietly for a moment before she nods and wraps her arms around Emma’s body. Emma doesn’t know what to do at first, actually freezing up for just a split second before she relaxes again and welcomes the gesture. This is new too, she thinks, but at the same time she wouldn’t mind experiencing it more often. And it’s the knowledge that she will which makes the lightest of smiles tug along the corners of her mouth.

 

“Say hi to Henry from us and remind him that David wants to take him to the stables over the weekend, okay?”

 

“I will,” Emma vows. “And thank you...this, it helped more than you know.”

 

“We’ll talk more later.” Her mother smiles, squeezes her hand once more before entering back into the house through the door, leaving Emma standing there, collecting her thoughts for a good long minute before making her way to her car.

 

When she arrives at Granny’s, she’s not surprised to find Henry already seated at one of the tables.

 

“Hey kid, sorry I’m late,” she apologizes as she tugs off her jacket. After the whole incident with her not picking up Henry at school, she had been much more consciously aware of always being on time when it came to meeting him anywhere.

 

“It’s okay,” Henry responds, even more chipper than usual. Which immediately makes all the alarm-bells go off inside Emma’s head. Usually when he was like this, he had something up his sleeve. “I already ordered...” he finishes, flashing a huge smile at her.

 

And Emma... Emma can only groan in reply, as she drops her head into her hands on the table. She has the sneaking suspicion that whatever he ordered was nowhere near healthy. Probably the opposite and the second thought hitting her afterwards was that Regina would likely kill her when she found out.

 

Which immediately makes her head tilt back up and glance at the stack of coffee cups behind the counter. “You know your mom won’t like it when she finds out I’ve been feeding you fries again.”

 

The only response she gets initially is a disinterested shrug. “I don’t think she’ll mind too much, she was in a pretty good mood earlier today.”

 

“Oh?” she fishes.

 

“Well I talked to her about Neal, he mentioned that he wants to go on a camping trip in two weeks. He said you would talk about this with my mom?”

 

Right..about that she thinks, mentally slapping herself for not talking about this with Regina. She shifts around uncomfortably in her seat as she conjures up a mental image of what Regina’s response might’ve been.

 

“Uh..I kind of forgot,” she mutters, picking at her nails and wishing silently for the food to arrive soon. Or a hole to open up beneath her feet and swallow her whole. Either option seemed like an attractive alternative to the one she was in now. “What did she say?”

 

“Mom said it was okay if I went, though she still wanted me to talk to you about it too.” He waits for her response for a while after that, but Emma is literally at a loss with words. How the hell..she said yes even though she didn’t like Neal, Emma just can’t wrap her mind around it. Though she supposes since it was Henry that asked and she’d do anything to make him happy, it wasn’t that strange for Regina to agree to it.

 

“So can I go?”

 

“Sure Henry...of course you can go.” Though mentally she added a note to talk to Neal about this trip. The woods was something different than a trip to New York and this was Storybrooke. Plus there was the fact that Neal’s father was the Dark One and all...

 

“Cool,” he mutters, snatching a few of the fries from the plate that is placed in front of him.

 

Emma shakes her head at the display. One of her hands digs into the pocket of her pants. Curls around the smooth, cool to the touch, laminated card that always resides there. She actually washed it once, horrified with the discovery of having left the card in her jeans when she put them in the washing-machine. But when she dug around in the pockets and found it again, she had been pleasantly surprised to find it unharmed. It still felt and looked as new as the day she had been given it. And even though she had never needed to use it, the gift still reminded her of one of the turning points in their relationship. The first signs of a building trust between them. So she might never use it, but she vowed to always carry it with her anyway.

 

Besides it couldn’t hurt. Just in case, she thinks as her eyes catch the coffee cups again.

 

She smirks as a plan hatches in her head and she reaches for the phone in her other pocket. “Hey kid, how would you like it if we invited your mom over for lunch?”

  
  


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	22. Chapter 22

 

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“What the hell is all that?!” Emma blurts out, eyes widening as she attempts to wrap her mind around what she is seeing.

 

“I know your experience with groceries must be limited, given that all of your meals come pre-made. But surely even you must be able to deduce what is in these bags dear.”

 

Emma blinks rapidly for a few seconds until something dawns on her. If Regina was carrying the bags then how the hell had she knocked on the... She looks down at the minuscule indentations left at the bottom of the door, squaring her jaw and fixing the woman standing in front of her with an unimpressed look.

 

“If your heels get any sharper, you’ll put them through the damned door next time. Jesus, you really don’t know the meaning of comfortable footwear do you?”

 

“I can assure you, these heels are perfectly comfortable,” Regina says as she moves the weight of the bags around in her arms.

 

Snorting in response, Emma thinks about how she stumbled around like a total klutz every time she tried wearing heels. Not to mention how her feet had ached, after only wearing for them an hour or so and she just can’t understand how Regina is able to do it. Then again, she supposes Regina had over 28 years to practice.

 

Emma automatically grabs a hold of one of the bags which was extended towards her, before realizing what she was doing. “Not that I don’t mind free stuff but, what’s the occasion?”

 

“The occasion,” Regina states with a slightly haughty tone, “would be your spoiling of my so..” she halts mid-sentence and Emma frowns at the unidentifiable look suddenly passing across Regina’s features. Like she wasn’t even sure herself why she stopped. “Your spoiling of Henry’s healthy appetite, with your continuous persistence on feeding him junk-food.”

 

“I’m not..” Emma shakes her head and brings her hands to her eyes, rubbing at them wearily. Just what she needed after the restless night she had, Regina calling her out on her parenting methods. She could’ve sworn they were past this by now, but apparently not. “Look, if this is about the other day...he already ordered before I arrived. I just got back from my parents’ and I wanted a little pick me up and some distraction. Plus I thought it would be nice if we spent a little time together in a public setting, so excuse me if the fact that I eat comfort food on occasion gets your panties all up in a twist.”

 

Instead of getting an answer, Emma watches as Regina walks past her and towards the kitchen without as much as a word. Sighing, she closes the door and turns around to study the other woman’s demeanor. Emma had spotted the barely noticeable flinching when she had barked at Regina, but otherwise the woman’s usual mask of indifference hadn’t shown any signs of slipping. Emma scratches idly at her neck with the discomforting feeling that settles in her chest. She hadn’t meant to respond in the stand-offish way as she had. In a way it was strange too, since the dinner they had shared together a while ago with Henry had been pleasant, even picturesque. But she supposes that might have been because of Henry being there with them in the first place. His presence and both of them engaging him in small-talk, was something of a safety they could always fall back onto when things got tricky otherwise.

 

And he wasn’t here now.

 

“Regina..” she tries to catch the other woman’s attention. Her back is turned towards Emma, hands digging around in the grocery bags which are lined up on the kitchen-counter, without actually pulling anything out of them and Emma feels the earlier discomfort intensifying.

 

“I wasn’t trying to scold you Miss Swan,” Regina speaks up after another moment. Her hands still and settle themselves on the counter in front of her, fingers splaying outwards. “I merely figured that since you forced me to eat that slop that had to pass for food, it was only fair that you ate something healthy in turn.”

 

“So wait..this is your way of saying you’d like to do something nice in return? You’re going to cook? Right here and now?” Emma questions incredulously. Because she honestly hadn’t expected to have Regina preparing a dinner in her kitchen, when she answered the oddly-sounding knock on her door minutes since.

 

“I could leave these,” Regina turned slightly and motioned towards the collection of bags. “But I’m afraid that if I returned in a week, they would’ve created a new life-form instead of ending up in a meal as intended. So yes, I will cook. Mainly for Henry’s sake, a growing boy shouldn’t have to sustain himself with microwave-dishes and the health-hazards they serve at Granny’s alone.”

 

“You know I was going to act all offended, but then I realized you are probably right,” Emma said, offering up a smile in response to Regina’s dig at her cooking skills. “I actually did get better at cooking though, Mary Margaret has been teaching me.”

 

“And their house hasn’t burned down yet?”

 

Emma rolled her eyes. “Yes, shocking, I know.” Then she stared at Regina quietly for a while, knowing that their conversation was about to turn more serious with her next words.

 

“I’m sorry for snapping at you before. I actually do appreciate this a lot. More than you know in fact. And I’m pretty sure Henry will be overjoyed as well when he gets home. I suppose I..I’ve just been..” Emma lets the sentence hang as she pinches the bridge of her nose. She doesn’t want to have Regina thinking that she had had a sudden relapse. The truth was that some days, or nights rather, were worse than others. Emma doesn’t even know what triggered last night’s nightmares, especially when there hadn’t been any to haunt her dreams for a while now. Maybe it was the discussion with her parents last week, or it might have just as easily been something in the files she read at work the day before. It didn’t really matter in the end, but for some reason she still found it hard to talk about with the woman regarding her curiously.

 

“Rough night?” Regina more states then asks.

 

Emma nods wordlessly.

 

“I could cast a spell before I leave tonight, if the meditation isn’t doing enough for you.”

 

“Thank you,” Emma says softly as she moves towards the bags of groceries and begins to fish out various items to keep herself occupied. “I think I’ll be okay though. It’s probably just because of the talk I had with Mary Margaret and David. Everything got pushed to the forefront I suppose, it’s not as bad as before though. It’s just going to take some time for those memories to fade again.”

 

When the look of concern doesn’t vanish from Regina’s face, Emma rushes to reassure her. “I’m okay really, I would tell you if I wasn’t. I do appreciate the offer though. If it does get worse, I’ll take you up on it okay?”

 

“That’s fine dear,” Regina says, then taking a step forward and laying a hand on one of Emma’s arms, looking her straight in the eyes as she speaks. “I couldn’t ask while we were at Granny’s with Henry there, but since I’m actually here and not in a jail cell, I assume nothing will happen with the truce?”

 

“No, nothing will,” Emma cuts in sharply. “I think I said this before but honestly I don’t give a rat’s ass about this damned truce anymore. At this point some of the stuff that’s in that scrap of paper will do more harm than good. Especially because everything has changed so much since it was drawn up. Besides, what happened between us didn’t come up and I think it’s my decision in the end whether to tell them or not. They know now what happened to me in the past, Regina. They know what lead up to these painful memories that might resurface from time to time. Isn’t that enough? I don’t want one singular event, which I know you regret so much that you wish you could turn back time, to dictate our future.”

 

After finishing, Emma can see a relieved smile playing across Regina's features as she lets out a breath she had been holding. “Thank you, truly. But be as that may be, your parents might not share your..”

 

Emma cuts Regina off with a raised hand, “No, okay, the things mentioned in the truce wouldn’t solve anything. They wouldn’t help me, not like you have been helping me. So again, as far as I’m concerned it’s just a worthless piece of paper.” She places a hand over one of Regina’s own and squeezes it briefly. “It’s not important, you know? This is, what we’re doing right now is important, at least to me.”

 

“It is, isn’t it?” Regina questions as she stares at the hand covering her own.

 

Emma flusters a little and removes it. There was a certain intimacy in the gesture that she hadn’t really taken a note of until she saw the intense look that Regina gave her. Their whole discussion had taken its toll on Emma and she flounders a little, trying to think of how to steer it towards something that wouldn’t cause heaps of tension between the two of them.

 

“You were going to cook? I mean..” she turns a deeper shade of red despite herself with her inability to produce a proper sentence. “Henry will get home soon, so...I thought that...”

 

The bemused look Regina is giving her doesn’t help Emma at all. She fidgets around uncomfortably, fingers curling around the batch of bananas she grabbed from one of the bags. “Just put me out of my misery,” she whines as she puts the bananas down on the kitchen-counter. “What the hell do you need these for anyways?”

 

“Actually those are for myself, you were supposed to unpack the leftmost bag. I trust you are able to cut the poultry into small slices without managing to ruin it in some form or way?”

 

Groaning, Emma puts the bananas back into the bag in front of her and places it somewhere to the side. “Right, I can probably do that, since you asked so nicely and all.” Then she thinks about Henry’s imminent arrival and her mind flits back to something she meant to ask few minutes ago. “I’m sorry,” she starts, as she grabs a chopping board. “About uhm..the camping trip. I know Henry brought it up with you and I’m sorry, I should’ve mentioned it before.”

 

Regina stops washing and scraping some of the vegetables for a moment and looks up to her. “Why didn’t you?”

 

Blowing out a breath, Emma twirls the knife she grabbed between her fingers nervously. “I thought that..well I didn’t know how you would react at the time. I just..I know you don’t like him very much, so..”

 

“There was a time I didn’t like you either,” Regina replies. Then, as if realizing what she said, her expression falters and she averts her eyes and goes back to washing the lettuce as if she hadn’t said anything at all.

 

Emma actually gapes in response for a few seconds, before she is able to recover from her initial surprise over what Regina had just unwittingly revealed. Of course they had grown closer over the past couple of weeks and months, but she had always found it hard to gauge what Regina thought it all meant. At least until now. Or well..

 

“But you like me now?” she sort of wonders out loud. A part of her doesn’t even expect a serious response to that question. At most, she thinks, she would probably get something noncommittal, something dismissive, an insinuation that she was just imagining things.

 

“Yes.”

 

And that single syllable answer stops her knife mid-motion above the poultry she was slicing and dicing. Her mind races with a thousand questions in response to what Regina just admitted, but she can’t find the words. She can’t actually find the words for a few long moments, and when she eventually does even she has to cringe with the poor way she phrases such an important question. “Yes, what?”

 

“I wasn’t aware that needed more clarification, dear.”

 

“Uhm..”

 

“Though I’ll admit I had some ulterior motives when I agreed to Henry going on a trip with Baelfire,” Regina says as she smoothly changes the topic. “I needed to arrange time with you alone.”

 

“Oh?” Emma questions, feeling both surprised and confused with the admission.

 

“When I taught you some of the basics of spellcasting at my house, I could sense your potential. You are very gifted Emma. I knew this before, but I didn’t realize how gifted you were until I could feel the currents of the magic you were weaving. There was a reason I cut our lessons short then.”

 

“Which was what exactly?”

 

“I needed time to think, mainly,” Regina clarifies as she looks up from the tomato she was slicing. “To put things into proper perspective. I want to teach you more, during the time when Henry is away. I could show you a few very important spells that could help to save your life. Or other people’s lives for that matter.”

 

“Like Henry’s” Emma deduces. She know she is correct with her assumption when Regina smiles at her faintly in response. At the same time though, one of her hands flies to the pocket of her jeans and fumbles for the card that she always carries with her. A frown creases her brows as she tries to understand the logic behind Regina’s sudden offer about teaching her more magic, given that Emma could always contact her in time of need.

 

“You gave me this calling-card though,” Emma states as she circles the smooth object in question with her thumb. “And you said I would always be able to call upon you.” When Regina stubbornly refuses to look her way Emma can’t help but feel a little frustrated. They had already gone over this before, hadn’t they? “Regina..seriously what’s going on this time? I thought we already established...”

 

“It’s different.”

 

“How is it different?!” she exclaims vehemently. “You suddenly want to teach me more advanced magic out of the blue, what aren’t you telling me?” Suddenly Regina’s speech hurts something deep within Emma "I.. I thought we went over this Regina. You're not going anywhere. You can trust me on.."

 

"Your dear parents aren't the only dangerous thing in this world Emma.” Regina explains, her soft brown eyes catching Emma’s own and imploring her wordlessly to just listen to what she was saying. “It’s a precaution more than anything. This doesn’t have anything to do with the truce nor does it involve other things in that regard. But just think about it, Rumplestiltskin already managed to burn down the Town-hall for example. And who knows what he might do in the future.” She hesitates, a helpless expression etched on her face as her eyes flicker across Emma’s face. “The card doesn’t pull me to you, it only tells me when you need me and I will arrive fast as I can. But should I not be able to..” Regina says, setting the knife and tomato neatly on the counter and pausing for a moment. “I trust you enough to keep him safe. I could not bear the thought of something happening to him, not if there are ways to prevent it, prepare for it.”

 

“Let me do this Emma, for Henry. For us.” Regina says, pulling herself taller again and staring into Emma’s eyes. “Besides, there are aspects of magic I need to make sure you get right. Mistakes that you’d make otherwise on your own; reaching too far and too fast.”

 

Emma’s brow quirks up slightly, her worries forgotten for a moment. “I though you said I was gifted. And then you go on scolding me for mistakes you’re sure I’d make.” A stray chuckle escapes her. “You slip into that teacher role very easily, Your Majesty. I’m really not that bad at that magic business as you said.”

 

Expecting a comeback, it takes Emma a few moments to notice that Regina is no longer looking at her but instead staring at the poultry she was cutting. “What?”

 

“Not bad with magic you say, but when it comes to cooking,“ Regina admonishes while pulling the bowl away from Emma. “The bones don’t belong in the dish. You’re not supposed to chop them along with the meat.”

 

“I thought it would be great for the calcium-count?” Emma tries a feeble attempt at a joke. Honestly, she hadn’t even noticed she had been cutting a few bones along with the meat. She figured it probably happened during the whole discussion with magic, she had just been too distracted by it to pay much attention to what she was doing really. In fact it was probably a small miracle she hadn’t cut off her own fingers when she thinks about it.

 

After briefly considering a quick grab for the few pieces of poultry that hadn’t been stripped yet, she feels a set of narrowed eyes boring into her and thinks better of it. “All right, I get it, no more attempts at cutting any meat,” she mutters as she holds up both of her hands in an universal sign of surrender. “Anything else I could do to help though?”

 

Regina hums quietly under her breath, before her eyes divert away for a moment to something behind Emma. “I suppose you could make us some coffee.”

 

“Coffee?” Emma sputters incredulously. “That same coffee that you called, and I quote ‘the foulest brew I’ve ever tasted’? Because I’m pretty sure I’m not hearing this correctly.”

 

“Actually dear, I said it was the most horrific, foulest brew I’ve ever tasted. Which is why..” Regina titled her head to the object behind Emma. “You’re going to make an espresso with that machine.”

 

“What mach...” Emma stares at Regina in a state of utter confusion until turning around and spotting the brand new Espresso machine that she was pretty sure hadn’t been there earlier today. Or at least, she thought it hadn’t been there earlier today. Right now she wasn’t so sure anymore though. “How the hell?” she wonders as she touches the coffee-maker with the tips of her fingers; a part of her still didn’t believe it was real.

 

“Don’t think of it as a gift though,” Regina says as a smirk plays around her lips. “Think of it as a way to prevent the future torture of my taste-buds.”

 

Rolling her eyes, Emma nevertheless couldn’t suppress feeling a bit joyful over the gift, even if it wasn’t a gift according to Regina. Emma wasn’t about to call her out on that bullshit though. Though at the same time she thinks of the coffee-cups that still continued to magically appear on her desk every morning and she can’t suppress a goofy smile.

 

“Right, just like the coffee you’re buying for me every time I’m at the station isn’t a gift?”

 

“Perhaps it’s just a reminder to you what real coffee should taste like?” Regina quips, without looking up from the pans she is moving around. “I could stop of course, if it bothers you. I know it might be a bit harsh for you to know there’s actual coffee out there that doesn’t taste like 10 day old dish-water.”

 

Chuckling, Emma fumbles around a bit with the plastic foil that covers the stack of capsules neatly placed next to the machine. “Well to be honest I wouldn’t mind if you continued to bring me coffee every day. I think it’s...” Sweet, she thinks, her nails catching on a corner of the foil as her mind goes blank.

 

She can see it though, in her mind’s eye. Regina bringing her a sandwich or a bearclaw along with the cup of coffee every morning. It’s like an eye-opener in a way and Emma just can’t shake the images no matter how she tries to focus on something else.

 

Unaware of how much time has passed, she suddenly hears the loud slam of a door hitting the wall and Henry runs in like the whirlwind he is, kissing and hugging them both while talking a mile a minute about the day he has had. And Emma listens to him, tries to take it all in, but she misses most of it as her eyes continue to flicker towards Regina and her stomach ties itself into the strangest knots.

 

She watches their interactions from a distance, but the only thing that Emma can think about is how she doesn’t just want the coffee, she wants the rest too.

-x-x-x-

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	23. Chapter 23

  
  


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Emma is sitting crossed-legged on the grass, staring intently at the tennis ball lying just in front of her on the ground. Her forehead scrunches up slightly as she tries to focus, tries to regulate her breathing as to not disrupt her concentration. Try as she might though, the ball only rolls around a little on the grass but otherwise doesn’t move, never mind that she is supposed to teleport it across the garden.

 

Huffing a little in frustration, she repositions her legs so she can sit more comfortably. This time, her eyes close as she imagines the ball in her mind. Imagines it moving from one point to another and holds the image in her mind.

 

“What part of ‘keeping your eyes open didn’t you understand, Miss Swan?”

 

Her eyes snap open with the scolding voice coming from somewhere in front of her, causing her concentration to falter, before it goes completely. And so does the ball. She watches, with a little dismay, as the magical hold she had on it gives it enough momentum to send it flying across the garden and bounce of one of the mansion’s walls.

 

“Regina!” she growls agitatedly as she moves to stand up straight and pats herself down. “What part of give me some time alone to try this, didn’t you understand?”

 

“I gave some time dear,” Regina responds as she taps her foot, looking decidedly unimpressed with Emma’s tantrum. “I also did explain, that it is important for you to always keep your eyes open. Outside factors can severely hamper your spell-casting, it’s something you need to be aware of at all time.”

 

Emma scowls as she glances at her watch. “Thirty minutes is not ‘some time’, it is barely any time at all. I just want to be free of any and all distractions and your presence is making me nervous.” She clamps her mouth shut with the last admission. It sort of slipped out before she realized and she fervently hopes Regina won’t comment on it.

 

Though she does end up receiving an raised eyebrow in silent inquiry, Regina’s attention seems more focused on something on the ground at the other end of the garden.

 

“What?” Emma questions as she follows Regina’s line of sight to the tennis ball lying in one of the flowerbeds.

 

“Aren’t you going to...fetch it,” Regina questions almost innocently as she picks a little at her nails.

 

“You did not just...” Emma’s voice trails off and she envisions steam must be coming out of her ears right about now. “You picked that tennis ball on purpose didn’t you?” she accuses as throws a quick murderous glare towards the woman eyeing her coolly. Emma grits her teeth as she stomps off towards the location of the tennis ball in question. “I thought the idea was to instruct me about more advanced magic, and to teach me how to be in control of it, not to make fun of me.”

 

“The ball was picked on purpose to prevent you from harming yourself, or anything on these premises for that matter,” Regina states as her gaze drifts to the dirty imprint left by the ball on one of the pristine white walls of her mansion. “Though apparently you always manage to find a way somehow,” she muses somewhat amused as she flicks her wrist. The ball magically appears in her outstretched hand as Emma looks on dumbfounded. “When I said fetch, it wasn’t meant in a demeaning way dear, but right now you are letting your frustration cloud your judgement and your anger guide your magic. Rule number one remember?”

 

“Right,” Emma mutters sheepishly as she tucks a few strands of hair behind her ears. “No attempts to cast magic while angry or distracted. Sorry.”

  
  


Regina gives her a contemplative look for a moment before throwing the ball at Emma. “Don’t worry about getting it all in one go Emma, it will take some time to get everything right. You made more progress than you realize, truly. Perhaps it’s time for a small break, I’m sure your thirsty by now.”

 

Emma nods as she throws the ball up a few times, catching it again without even looking at it. “Yeah,” she confirms and follows after Regina into the house. “Kinda hungry too actually.”

 

“Of course you are,” Regina says, while they walk up to the kitchen. Though she sounds more amused than annoyed at least. “I can fix us up something quickly, if you promise not to try and help.”

 

Rolling her eyes heavenwards, Emma leans against one of the kitchen-counters and watches Regina work quietly for a few seconds. “I’m not that bad, you know?”

 

“Oh?” Regina queries, eyebrows raised. “Aren’t you now, dear? Because if I recall correctly, it was you that burned down your parents kitchen last week.”

 

“Half the kitchen...actually,” Emma corrects her. “Besides that was as much my mother’s fault as my own. And hey...at least I can put fires out pretty fast these days.”

 

“Excuse me if I don’t find that knowledge very comforting. I prefer to keep my kitchen the way it is currently.”

 

Emma shrugs as she takes the bottle of water extended towards her and takes a few quick gulps from it. “Thanks,” she mutters as she wipes away few stray droplets from her chin and licks them off her fingers. It takes her a moment to notice that Regina is staring at her, her hands stuck somewhere mid-motion above the sandwiches she is making.

 

“Uh...Regina?”

 

Brown eyes skittishly flick up to lock on her own, then avert themselves away just as quickly and Emma doesn’t understand what the hell just happened. She could’ve sworn Regina had been staring at her lips though. Unless she was imagining things. But then she thinks back to the way Regina had been looking at her in similar manner, when Emma had covered one of her hands briefly, while they were in Emma’s own kitchen little over a week ago. She had avoided touching Regina afterwards, since everything that happened that day and especially with her own quiet realization when it came to imagining things that could take place in the future, still had her so thoroughly confused.

 

“How about you though?” Emma asks, thinking what they both needed right now was a little distraction. Though when Regina looks at her confusedly she elaborates, “I mean, didn’t you ever have any magical mishaps? You know..fumbled spells, destroyed or blew up things, stuff like that?”

 

“I set Rumplestiltskin on fire once,” Regina answers, smirking slightly at the wide-eyed expression Emma knew was residing on her face. “Oh it’s nothing like that at all dear, that smarmy little imp isn’t so easily subdued. And before you ask, yes, something he did made me very angry and I lost control. He also made very sure it never happened again afterwards.”

 

Emma swallows, with the way Regina’s eyes slightly glaze over, like she was remembering things from the past. She knew some of Regina’s history with Rumple, like the fact he had been mentoring her in magic, but she never really asked in detail about any of it. Though it does make her think of what the ‘imp’, as Regina called him, was up to right now and the effects it would have on everyone. Or perhaps mainly on them in particular. It’s a topic she had been avoiding up until now. But Emma wasn’t as stupid as to think that Rumple would ever cease his attempts to open up a portal back to the Enchanted Forest. And it was only going to be a matter of time before he actually succeeded in doing so.

 

“Did he ever ask you to help him with his current project?” Emma inquires carefully, as she tears the sandwich Regina handed her in half.

 

“Yes, in fact he did. I not so politely declined his offer. I have no desire to return there.”

 

“So you did think about it then.”

 

“In the first few years after I cast the curse, I did nothing but think about returning there,” Regina says softly as she plays around a little with the sandwich on the plate in front of her. “I sacrificed so much to escape those lands though and I’ve come to realize there’s nothing left there for me to return to. Even with how everything fell apart and everyone that hates me here, I still prefer Storybrooke over the memories of that place.”

 

Nodding, Emma takes a bite from the sandwich, eyes widening with how good it tastes. “This is actually really good,” she mumbles as she chews, grinning at the disapproving look being cast her way. “And I do know what you mean, I was there for only a short time and I prefer not to ever return there.”

 

“From your descriptions of it, it’s a lot different than before though. The lands were ravaged when I cast the curse and the ogres you came across weren’t so numerous before. But even if it was all restored to what it was like before I still wouldn’t want to go back there.”

 

And then, then Regina looks right at her, holds her gaze for a long moment and Emma stops what’s she’s doing and finds her heart speeding up. Because she knows what Regina is trying to ask her without actually saying the words. What Emma would do herself if the portal was actually opened. What would happen to Henry.

 

It is so very easy to read the former Queen at that moment. So easy that it makes Emma wonder when everything shifted so much. Shifted in a way that they opened up to each other like this, to have Regina put the ball in her court like this, without immediately jumping to conclusions or assuming the worst right away. Unlike before when she had basically insisted Henry would stay in Storybrooke no matter what. It also turns her thoughts into a jumbled mess and she doesn’t actually say anything right away. Though at the same time she finds she is no longer hungry and sets the half-finished sandwich back down on the kitchen counter with a pang of regret. It had been good after all. And now it was going to go to waste.

 

“I haven’t really...thought about that in a while,” she finally says, quietly enough that she almost whispers the words. It was the truth too. Ever since the altercation with Neal and her insistence for him to drop it or she wouldn’t let him see Henry again, she hadn’t thought about it much. “I meant what I said before Regina, I don’t want to go there, I might have been born there but I don’t feel connected to those lands at all. I wouldn’t belong there.”

 

“But your parents do want to go back.”

 

It is a statement more so than a question and Emma sighs. There was quite some truth in what Regina just said of course, even if it was mainly David that wanted to return; her mother didn’t seem so taken with the idea. Foregoing that, if they did move to the Enchanted Forest... The idea of having them go there without her rips right into her and from the looks Regina gives her, Emma knows that she must be showing the pain she feels right now very clearly across her features.

 

“I see,” is all that Regina says. But Emma understands the meaning behind the clipped response and she struggles to put into words how she feels about the whole goddamn mess before it spun even more out of control.

 

“If they go, I will go too,” Emma finally says as she approaches and places a hand on Regina’s arm, turning the woman gently around to face her properly while they were talking to each other. “I won’t lie to you about that Regina. I have already lost 28 years with them, I refuse to lose anymore. So yes I will go with them if they ask, even if they would probably have to drag me kicking and screaming through that freaking portal. Here’s the thing though...you should go too. I know Henry wants to go and I know he’ll want you to go too. So come with us...if it ends up happening, join us.” Emma knows the last line comes out almost pleadingly, but she can’t stop the desperation from shining right through. It would kill the kid, that much she knows. What she hadn’t accounted for though was the way it was killing her to think about leaving Regina behind.

 

“I..” Regina smiles faintly at Emma. “I suppose I will consider it then,” she says as Emma lets go of her arm again and takes another sip from the water-bottle. “I don’t think I could bear to lose Henry again.”

 

“Right...” Emma mutters as she looks down at her boots to hide the odd bout of disappointment she feels with hearing those words. She likes to think what they are doing, how they are moving forward, is no longer solely about Henry. But maybe she was wrong. She bites the inside of her cheek for a moment as she takes another gulp from the bottle to distract herself.

 

“Besides, you could use some more magic at your disposal if you want to get rid of the ogre-infestation over there.”

 

“Arrows seem to do a fairly good job too actually.”

 

“Oh?”

 

“Mary Margaret shot one of them in the eye when we were over there.”

 

“That will do the trick indeed,” Regina smirks. “Magic is probably a lot less hassle though, in the end. Especially when it comes to getting rid of the bodies. Speaking of which, we should probably continue with your lessons.”

 

Groaning, Emma rubs at her face. “Are you sure we can’t just continue this another day? I’m a little winded already and...”

 

“No,” Regina interrupts her, eyes narrowing to slits as she looks right Emma, making her gulp a little in response. “Henry will be back on monday, so we don’t have a lot of time and I wish to make the most of it to teach you.”

 

“We should just tell the kid, you know?” Emma grumbles as they make their way back to Regina’s backyard. “I don’t think he minds magic as much these days. He has mellowed out a fair bit.”

 

“That might be true, but I doubt he’ll respond well to having you explain to him that I’m the one that’s teaching you, Emma. He’ll always be more suspicious when it comes to me practicing magic, than would be the case with you.”

 

“Maybe that’s because he hasn’t seen what good you can do with magic, Regina. You should show him the basement, the potions you’ve been brewing, I think that will help lift some of his suspicion already. The rest, well he’s a kid you know? Just be patient with him, I think he’s still getting used to this whole fairytale business and his moms being the savior and the Evil Queen in turn,” Emma explains as catches the ball that Regina throws her. She glares at the object in question for a moment before continuing with her reassurance that Henry would eventually come around to them both using magic. “He still compares a lot of things to that damned book of his, it’s going to take some time for him to realize that there’s a lot of pages missing in that thing. A lot of stories that never made it in there.”

 

“It is probably for the best that some of those stories never did make it in there,” Regina says, as her hands ball to fists at her sides. “I wouldn’t exactly call them fairytales.”

 

“I know,” Emma whispers, as she catches Regina’s wounded brown eyes with her own. “Remember? I know. Let’s just...” Emma trails off as she holds the tennis-ball up, “continue with the magic-lessons as you said.”

 

Regina nods at her wordlessly, seemingly relieved at not having more past events resurfacing. Which made two of them, Emma thinks, as she tries to focus her attention elsewhere. Like the ball in her hands. And having it magically teleport somewhere somehow.

 

She tries, eyes open this time, to make it go somewhere, but the only thing she succeeds in is making herself grow more frustrated by the minute.

 

“This isn’t working,” she hisses as she throws the tennis ball away with an agitated motion of her hand. “Everyone keeps saying that magic is emotion and I’m pouring all of what I’m feeling into it, but nothing’s happening, so I don’t know what more you want me to do.”

 

Instead of replying right away, Regina plucks an apple from the tree behind her and throws it to Emma. “Since it seems you and the tennis-ball have insurmountable differences, perhaps you just need a different object to bond with.”

 

Regina seemed poised to continue with her lecturing but abruptly halts when she spots Emma sinking her teeth into the apple.

 

“Miss Swan!” she scolds, eyes blazing right into Emma’s own. “Stop that, I was going to..”

 

Emma grins cheekily as she moves the apple back to her mouth. She’s feeling the earlier hunger returning in full force and an apple seemed like a nice snack. Except when she takes a bite this time she spits it out right away, gagging as she does so. “God, what the fuck!?” she exclaims angrily as she continues to spit out bits and pieces of what looked to be... Yeah that was a lemon in her hand alright, and it had been an nice juicy apple before. She glares accusingly at Regina who folds her arms and purses her lips in response.

 

“If you are done acting childish, I will throw you another apple and explain to you how you could approach it differently.”

 

“Fine, explain away,” Emma mutters as she swirls her tongue around inside of her mouth in futile attempts to get rid of the sour taste. She catches Regina staring at her again from a corner of her eyes, before the former Queen blinks and looks away, while looking a lot more flustered than before.

 

Another apple is thrown at her and this time Emma doesn’t even look it. A part of her, likely the more childish part that Regina hinted at, was considering to take another bite from this apple too, if only to spite the woman standing in front of her. She resists the urge though, if barely.

 

“I was going to explain to you that perhaps I approached this the wrong way. When you used magic before, at Gold’s shop, what did he tell you?”

 

“That I...” Emma’s mouth falls open a little, and she suddenly gets it. “It’s about protecting someone. You think that..”

 

“If you imagine the apple to be someone you want to protect, it might help focus your magic enough without you having to even think about what your doing,” Regina confirms for her. “Imagine it’s Henry, or even your parents if you want.”

 

The rest of Regina’s words never quite make it to Emma’s ears. Instead she stares at the apple and thinks of something else entirely. The fact that Regina didn’t think to include herself in that equation. It bothers her. A lot even and though she tries in vain to rein in her feelings, she can feel them all flowing through her anyway. And suddenly, she feels herself become airborne. She’s light, weightless and disorientated. Her eyes go wide before she feels herself landing into what seemed to be a clutch of branches, ass-first.

 

“Ow,” she grunts out as she fights a wave of dizziness that suddenly assaults her. Her hands are slung protectively around one of the larger branches as she tries to wrap her mind around what the hell had just happened.

 

“Miss Swan!”

 

She swears the voice comes from somewhere further down. And then her vision clears enough to see that Regina is in fact standing right at the root of the tree, a mixture of bewilderment and annoyance flickering across her face. The annoyance eventually seems to win out. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“You want to know the truth?!” Emma yells down. “I have no idea!” She laughs for a moment then reaches for one of the apples hanging right above her head. “But it’s certainly a good location to land at though.”

 

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”

 

The menacing tone with which Regina addresses her makes Emma freeze and reconsider. She stares longingly at the apple for a moment, not even understanding herself why she wasn’t bothered by eating them, considering they belonged to one certain former Evil Queen and all.

 

Rolling her eyes, she grabs a hold of the branch hanging overhead and slowly slides herself down towards one of the lower ones. Eventually she hops down onto the ground, faltering a little as she impacts on it. “My head,” she complains as she tries to shake the rising headache.

 

“I suppose you forgot rule number 3?”

 

Which was overextending herself, if she remembered correctly. The only thing was that she didn’t do it on purpose this time. She was just thinking of... Her eyes drink in Regina giving her a slightly concerned look and she immediately averts them again to the apple that she’d been holding minutes ago, lying on the grass next to her feet.

 

“Yeah I guess I did,” she lies. Regina gives her a curious sideways glance but apparently decides not to comment on it. “Feeling a little woozy, I think I’ll sit down inside for a moment if you don’t mind?”

 

“Of course, “ Regina says. “I’ll get another bottle of water too. I’d give you one of the potions but I haven’t made new ones for a while and I’d like to keep a few around in case of an emergency.”

 

“Right, that’s okay,” Emma slurs, as she shakes her head to clear her vision again. She manages to stumble into the house and plop herself down on the nearest comfortable surface she can find, which happened to be the sofa. There was a remote nearby and she sits upright for a moment to scan the hallway, only to find it empty. Shrugging she turns the tv on and flips a few channels until she comes across a flick that seemed decent enough.

 

Regina appears next to the sofa a minute or two later, holding what Emma assumed to be two glasses of iced-tea adorned with a slice of lemon on one side, which Emma immediately fished out and tossed into Regina’s own glass.

 

“Very funny, Your Majesty.” Emma rolls her eyes as she takes a sip from the glass.

 

“I thought so too dear,” Regina answers, her eyes twinkling slightly. A loud scream almost makes the glass fall out of her hands and she immediately spins on her heels to find the source of the noise.

 

Which was the blonde girl, seriously why was it always the blondes that died first?, getting stabbed repeatedly with a knife as some masked guy went to town on her.

 

Regina looks almost comically horrified at the scene unfolding in front of her, yet her eyes stay firmly pinned on the television for a few long seconds before turning to Emma again; lounging on the sofa. “Why on earth would you be watching this movie?”

 

“Because it’s entertaining?” Emma shrugs as she parks her glass on the coffee-table and pulls at her boots.

“What are you doing?”

 

“Isn’t that obvious? Making myself more comfortable. Besides I figure you wouldn’t like it if I put my boots on your nice plushy sofa and all.”

 

“But..” Regina’s sputters. “Is there a particular reason you should be the watching the movie here instead of at your own apartment?” She questions, as her eyes dart between the car chase scene on the tv and Emma.

 

“Yup,” Emma grins cheekily. “Your tv is a lot bigger.” When it looks like Regina might protest again, Emma pats the space next to her. “Come on Regina, lighten up, haven’t you ever watched a horror flick? This one’s kinda fun actually.”

 

“I don’t see how this particular movie would be any fun at all.”

 

“It’s just a movie, come on, live a little,” Emma tries again as she tucks her now boot-less legs slightly underneath her and curls up against one side of the sofa. “I’m still a little winded, I’ll promise to get out of your hair as soon as the movie’s done, deal?”

 

“Fine,” Regina huffs. She looks at the empty space next to Emma for a long time, almost as if thinking she would catch something from sitting down. And it reminds Emma entirely too much of the situation at the swing-set a few weeks ago. She smiles faintly at the memory and then feels the sofa giving away a little as Regina finally sits herself down, though stiffly and regally, making Emma roll her eyes again.

 

“You must really be a fun date to take to the cinema,” Emma muses out loud. Then her eyes widen as she realizes what she just said and her jaw snaps tightly shut. Suddenly watching a movie in such a close proximity to the woman that was the source of all of the unraveling feelings inside of her, didn’t seem like such a hot idea after all. She focuses on the movie though, figuring as long as she keeps her eyes trained on the screen she couldn’t blurt out even more embarrassing things.

 

Thankfully Regina never responds to her slip-up and Emma breathes a little easier as the minutes pass. It’s about halfway through the movie, when Emma makes a quip on how she knows who will be the next person that’s going to die and Regina doesn’t respond, that she realizes something is off.

 

“Regina?” she tries to catch the woman’s attention again. There’s just silence that answers and Emma finally looks away from the tv to the other side of the sofa. She smiles broadly at the sight that greets her. Regina Mills, curled slightly on her side, one hand tucked under her chin, peacefully asleep.

 

 

 

-x-x-x-


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will take a little longer to post, possibly a week or longer even. I have good reasons and I want the chapter to be perfect and hit upon all the notes. In any case thanks for the support/etc so far, it's very appreciated.

  
  


-x-x-x-

 

It has been two weeks since beginning the magic training and the lunch Regina prepared for her. Emma can’t bring herself to cook alone once again, so she heads towards Granny's.

 

-x-x-x-

  
  


As Emma enters, she spots them right away at one of the tables towards the far end of the diner. Both have their backs turned towards her and Emma grins when her eyes drift towards the food that is placed in front of them. Oh she is going to have a little fun with this, she thinks, as she quickly orders a large sandwich with some extra mayo on the side for herself.

 

“I would’ve thought such a huge scoop of ice-cream counted as one of the health-hazards this place serves.”

 

Regina actually jumps a little in her seat and the spoon she had been holding clanks down on the saucer placed beneath the glass bowl.

 

“Guilty pleasure?” Emma questions as she answers the scowl on Regina’s face with a quirk of her eyebrows. Honestly this was just too good to pass up, opportunity-wise. She can’t recall ever seeing Regina eat any ice-cream. The fact that she was sharing a big bowl with Henry at Granny’s right now, it warmed her heart in a way. It’s also something she couldn’t have envisioned Regina doing a few months ago, or heck at any time before the curse broke for that matter.

 

“Perhaps,” Regina says as she picks up the spoon again. “I’ve come to see the benefits of treating oneself or others on occasion.”

 

“Uh-huh,” Emma hums, glancing over her shoulder for a second to see if her sandwich was ready yet. “These occasions, do they happen to be the days you drop him off at my place? Because it explains why he is always acting like a kid on a sugar-high, because that would be exactly what he is...”

 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about dear,” Regina says, her features schooled into a look of mock-innocence that Emma wasn’t fooled by in the least.

 

“Are you two arguing?” Henry asks, a slight frown playing around his face as she looks at them both in turn.

 

“Nah kid, I just kinda unveiled one of your mom’s secret master-plans to drive me crazy. And it involves you and way too much ice-cream. How often does she bring you here exactly?”

 

He gives her a puzzled look for a moment, while spooning as much ice-cream as he can into his mouth. Eventually after a quick glance at Regina he shrugs. “I don’t know, every now and then I guess. We’ve tried almost all of the flavors too. This is a really good combination though, right mom?”

 

“I agree sweetheart,” Regina says as she scrapes off a tiny bit of what Emma assumed to be some sort of forest-fruit flavor and eats it almost delicately.

 

Trust her Highness to approach even the consumption of ice-cream in such a regal way. It wasn’t as if anyone was truly paying much attention to them, let alone the way they were eating. Though at the same time it makes Emma wonder how often Henry and Regina had stopped by here over the past couple of months and there’s a slight pang of regret and hurt that follows on the heel of that thought. She understands they needed to spend some time alone on occasion, to renew their bonds and rebuild some of the trust between them, but.. Well she doesn’t even know how to analyze what she’s feeling really. She just knows she would’ve liked to receive an invitation on occasion to eat ice-cream, the three of them together, without specifically wanting to dwell on the reason behind why she’s feeling so hurt that she had been left out.

 

She was so lost in thought she almost missed the oddly scrutinizing look that Regina was giving her. Right, maybe she should just have the sandwich wrapped so she could take it with her to the station, she muses as she averts her eyes to the bowl that’s missing half its contents now.

 

It did in fact look pretty appetizing. And despite not being a huge ice-cream fan, Emma liked whipped-cream and spotting some she swipes her finger through it, bringing a dollop to her mouth. Henry immediately grabs a hold of the bowl and moves it out of Emma’s reach, to her great amusement. Regina’s reaction was a bit different though.

 

“Miss Swan!” If predictable at least. “That is completely unsanitary and inappropriate...” then she trailed off as her eyes followed Emma licking off her digits slowly and meticulously.

 

Emma suppressed a smirk as she watched the expression on Regina’s face falter, her mouth opening slightly and cheeks darkening. “I’m sorry, you were saying?” she sassed, finally letting her two fingers slip from her sealed lips with a small audible pop.

 

She continues to hold Regina’s gaze steadily for a moment longer until the pair of brown eyes narrow and Emma spies something of a wicked gleam entering them that makes her mouth run dry. She didn’t need a rocket scientist to tell her she had made a huge mistake by teasing Regina like this.

 

The spoon Regina had been handling before is picked up again and it makes another dip into the meager remains of half-melted ice-cream. But instead of actually putting it inside of her mouth, Regina sucks the gooey mess off the spoon slowly, eyelashes batting slightly while she does so. Emma could feel a tinge of arousal hitting her straight between the legs and just when she was about to open her mouth to tell Regina to knock it off, the woman managed to amp up their little game even more. Her tongue snakes out slowly, wrapping itself slightly around the spoon’s surface and flicking across of it a few times until it was squeaky clean.

 

Try as she might, Emma is unable to stifle the little gasp with the imagery presented to her. It was likely only due to Ruby’s timely interruption to inform that Emma’s sandwich was ready, that she didn’t make an even bigger fool out of herself.

 

Holy crap...when she started with all that, she could have never imagined Regina giving as good as she got. She also couldn’t believe she had just managed to let herself be pulled in that little bout of flirting they had just done. Fetching her sandwich at least gave her some time to tamp down on her escalating emotions and cool herself down a little as well. But in her mind’s eye she could still see the intense look in Regina’s eyes as she sucked and licked the spoon and it really did nothing for her brain which was already completely on the fritz after that little show.

 

“Aren’t you going to join us, Miss Swan?”

 

Shit, really? No. No, just say no, she thinks as she closes her eyes, hand wrapping around the edge of the plate and opening her mouth to say exactly that. “Yeah...sure.” She’s just going to blame that on her brain being fried and nothing else. Jesus, she can’t even really look at Regina right now. Though when she sits down, after fidgeting a little to find a comfortable spot, she does look up from her plate after a moment, to catch Regina looking at her a bit smugly. Emma does a little eye-roll, in hopes of downplaying what transpired between the two of them.

 

“Are you alright, Ma?” Henry asks as he tilts his head a little to look at her.

 

“Sure?” Emma mumbles around a mouthful of sandwich. “Why do you ask Henry?”

 

“I don’t know, you look weird,” he says as he fumbles around a bit with the now empty bowl. “And I..uh, I thought if you got sick you wouldn’t practice magic tonight.”

 

Ah, so that’s what the kid was after. Emma snorts as she swats Henry lightly across his head. “Here I thought you were concerned for my well-being, but you just want to see me fail at teleporting stuff and watch the fruits fly against the walls of your mother’s house.”

 

“Maybe,” Henry answers as she smiles broadly at her.

 

“Never change kid, never change,” Emma chuckles.

 

“Mom says you’re getting better at it though.”

 

“Oh really?” Emma looks over at Regina with a look of curious interest. “Does she now?”

 

“Don’t let it go to your head dear,” Regina answers with a smirk. “But yes, I’d say you are making some progress.”

 

Nodding, Emma takes another bite from the sandwich. Secretly she is glad they managed to slip back into the comfortable small-talk, rather than let the earlier flirting suddenly dictate their interactions from now on. She thinks of suggesting some magic lessons away from Regina’s mansion, or even the town. To a place somewhat more seclusive, when some movement from the corner of her eyes makes her stop everything she is doing instantly. Her body freezes up completely when she fully takes in the appearance of the person that had just entered the diner. She closes her eyes and mentally counts to ten, because deep inside she knows nothing good will come from whatever is going to happen next.

 

She catches Regina’s frown and confused look just before Neal stops at their table.

 

“Hey,” she greets him, voice as neutral as she can manage.

 

The fact that he doesn’t even bother to look at Regina, crawls across her spine with a sense of foreboding, even as she waits to see what he’s going to say to her.

 

“Emma, hey uh...” he finally does glance over to Regina briefly, before he gives Henry a toothy grin, “hey kiddo.”

 

“Dad,” Henry says smiling as he fist-bumps Neal. “Did you get invited here?”

 

“No, not really,” Neal says in response as he glances over nervously at Emma. “I came here to talk to your mom actually.”

 

Emma simply counts to ten again. After the camping-trip he had been a bit more bold when it came to requesting more time with Henry. And Emma had been getting more frustrated in turn. In the end, as she had explained to Neal over and over, though apparently to no great success, it was Henry’s choice where he wanted to stay and with whom he’d like to spend time.

 

The kid had been gushing about the camping-trip quite a bit, but at the same time he had also admitted he had missed both of his moms a lot. Emma had talked to him a little afterwards, even gave him a choice, but he insisted he wanted to stay with either her or Regina. Henry had also pleaded that he really wanted to stay in Storybrooke and Emma assured she would never ever force him to go with Neal somewhere if the kid didn’t want to go. Even despite Neal’s insistence that once he was back in the outside world, he would have a great time. It was Henry’s choice and she doesn’t understand why Neal won’t get it into his thick skull that she wasn’t going to disappoint Henry. She had been through that once before, and she refused to go through it again.

 

“What is this about Neal?” she asks as she pushes the plate with the half-eaten sandwich away from her in an agitated manner.

 

“I..could we go outside for this?”

 

Though every fiber in her being compels her to say no and tell him to come back another time, she knows she’ll only postpone the inevitable. She knew Neal, he was like a dog after a bone when it came to this kind of stuff, so with a deep sigh she stands up from her seat. Ruffling Henry through his hair, she shares a half-smile with Regina who’s looking at her worriedly. She tries to convey with her eyes that everything will be fine and she hopes, when she turns to go after Neal, that it eased some of Regina’s worries.

 

“I repeat..” she starts the moment they are outside of the diner.

 

“I think you know,” Neal immediately interrupts her as he paces around, his eyes betraying how agitated he really was. “I was hoping you reconsidered it.”

 

“Are you still going on about your trip to Detroit? Because I thought I made myself very clear when we talked over the phone that there was nothing to consider. I’m not going to force the kid to go on some glorified road-trip with you, just because you think it would be good for your relationship with Henry.”

 

His face contorts in anger as he levels a look of pure disbelief at her, though she doesn’t even blink at his antics. She did know him after all.

 

“You can’t keep him in this town forever Emma.”

 

“I’m not keeping him anywhere,” she shoots back, squaring her jaw as she glares at him.

 

Her eyes flit from his face to the diner behind him and for a moment they lock on Regina’s own as she finds them looking straight at her from behind the windows. She breaks away a second later and pinches the bridge of her nose. Son of a bitch, she couldn’t do this here. Not when there could be people walking onto them; though mainly Regina and Henry, whom she spies talking to each other as she steals a glance inside again.

 

Emma grabs hold of his arm, ignoring his protests and drags him to the side of the diner, where they were out of sight of anyone sitting inside.

 

“The only reason he doesn’t want to go with me is because he never goes outside of this town. He doesn’t really know the outside world. I could take him to some theme-parks and I’m convinced he would have a blast.”

 

“The thing is Neal, he doesn’t want to go. So to me, that’s the end of the story.”

 

“Only because you never talk to him about it, you don’t encourage him at all to go and see other places besides this accursed town,” he states vehemently, spreading his arms and turning to look around. “And she isn’t helping matters at all. Haven’t you ever considered she might be a really bad influence on him? It’s not healthy for the kid to be around her so much Emma.”

 

“Are you even listening to yourself right now?! Jesus Neal, the kid is who he is right now thanks to Regina. She raised him for 10 years and despite who she might’ve been in the Enchanted Forest, she probably raised him better than you and I ever would’ve been able to.”

 

“Are you even listening to _yourself?”_ he counters, as he gets right into her face. “If you would’ve told me you were pregnant in the first..”

 

“Shut up!” she yells right back. “Seriously, can it. I was in jail at the time for fucks sake, thanks to you. I’m not going to accept any advice on raising Henry, not from the idiot that let me take the rap for him because someone who used to be a piece of freaking wood told him to do so. Christ Neal, I’m so done with all this crap,” she says in a slightly more subdued tone.

 

Because really, she is so very done with it all. With arguing all the time like this, when it really doesn’t get them anywhere. She wants to move past it, wants to forgive him so badly at times. For how she never truly trusted anyone with her heart after he broke it so completely and utterly. For how he messed her up so much and got her stuck in the jail pregnant. For never contacting her afterwards. Emma wants to forgive him, but when he’s being such a jerk like right now, she doesn’t really see how she ever could.

 

“Whatever you think about August’s methods, he was right in the end Emma. You needed to break the curse.”

 

“And you what, you needed to break me first to do so?” she questions as she feels tears shoot in her eyes. “Don’t you get it Neal? I never wanted any part in that. I never wanted some grand destiny, to be some sort of savior, to have all of my freedom stripped away from me and force me to become some breaker of curses. I want to make my own mistakes, my own choices. And right now, I’m doing the same thing for Henry. So whether you like it or not, it’s his choice where he goes and with whom he stays. Not yours and not ever anyone else's either.”

 

When it looks like he might cut in, she holds one of her hands up to stop him. “No, you listen to me,” she hisses. “If you ever decide to influence my life, or Henry’s, or hell even Regina’s life in any way like that again, I will make sure you never get to see Henry ever again. Are we clear?”

 

He nods at her, looking at her almost sadly when he does so and for a moment, Emma is reminded of the guy she used to know. The guy she fell in love with it. But then she averts her eyes, a few stray tears trickling down that she quickly rubs away.

 

“I’m sorry,” he finally says, so softly that it’s barely audible. “I really am sorry Emma, about all of it. I thought I did the right thing at the time.”

 

“For what it’s worth, I believe you are sorry. But when you say you believe you did the right thing, that still sting so badly Neal.” She puffs up her cheeks and blows out a shaky breath as she hears him walk away from her. “I’ll talk to Henry and see if he wants to spend some days over at your place, but I won’t coerce him into going on any trips with you. That’s the line I’m drawing there.”

 

“Thank you,” she hears carried on the wind as the footsteps slowly fade away.

 

“Fuck,” she growls as her hands clench and unclench. She looks longingly towards the dinner. An image forms itself in her head, of Regina looking at her so worriedly before she left the place with Neal and she closes her eyes as a few more tears slip past them. She can’t go in there right now, she realizes, not when she’s feeling so messed up.

 

Instead she walks to the back of Granny’s and looks for something to punch. There are a few trashcans there and for a moment she considers using magic on them, maybe throwing them around a bit, or setting them on fire. But then Regina’s voice rings around in her head, warning her about rule number 1; to never use magic when angry and Emma deflates a little with the thought. She paces around, coming to a full stop at the wall of the place and leaning her forehead against it, her hands again balling to fists. She wants to hit something so badly and few times she almost does, but she manages to rein in the urge at the last moment.

 

Emma doesn’t know how long she has been out there, but at some point she realizes she is being watched and her head tilts to the side and up to see who was intruding on her privacy.

 

“Oh..Regina, hey,” she manages to croak out. Emma barely recognizes that voice as her own, but all of the anger and bitterness she was feeling somehow manages to lodge itself into her throat.

 

Regina looks at her curiously before walking closer. “That wall didn’t do anything to you, did it?”

 

“Hm?” Emma questions, trying to follow Regina’s line of conversation and failing pretty spectacularly.

 

“You look like you were about to punch it dear.”

 

“Oh that..” Emma mutters as she purses her lips. “Better a wall than a person though, right?”

 

“Neal?”

 

Emma just nods and reclines against the wall while lowering her head, hiding her face behind a curtain of blonde hair.

 

“Are you..are you alright?” The question is uttered hesitatingly and softly, so very softly that it turns Emma’s stomach into knots.

 

And Emma takes a long time to reply. Because she is even struggling with herself on how to respond. “You know, I was going to lie and say I’m fine but the truth is, I’m really not,” she says honestly, tilting her head backwards and rests it against the wall behind her.

 

Regina doesn’t say anything, but moves a little closer until they are almost side by side and Emma studies her quietly for a moment. “You meant that didn’t you?” she asks eventually. Receiving a slightly puzzled look in return. “I often thought that Neal had changed, ever since I met up with him again in New York. But he never asked me that really. I’m just...I’m so mad at him right now, about how he keeps thinking he did the right thing by landing me into jail. As if he did me some sort of great favor by doing that you know? And he never asked me that once, how I was doing, if I was alright, because he seemed to think it wasn’t important.”

 

“There was a time when I didn’t think it was important either...”

 

Regina evades the attempts to catch her eyes this time, though the tone in which she spoke was filled with regret that Emma easily picked up on. “But you do now. And to me, that makes all the difference.” She smiles faintly at Regina after she finishes speaking and feels relieved when Regina returns the smile easily. And something just snapped right back into place, even as they both looked away again.

 

They stand in companionable silence for quite some time, until Emma glances at her watch and notices how much time had passed, she curses under her breath and flashes an apologetic look at Regina. “Sorry, I guess I have to go back to the station. I suppose I’ll just ask Ruby to pack up the remains of my sandwich.”

 

Regina chuckles at that and Emma rises an eyebrow at her. “What?”

 

“Henry ate the rest of your sandwich.”

 

Snorting, Emma walks up to the front of the diner. “Of course he did, I swear the kid has a bottomless pit instead of a stomach in that chest of his. Well I’m not all that hungry anymore anyways so..”

 

“I could treat you to some ice-cream,” Regina offers up.

 

“Uhm?”

 

“Henry always says that ice-cream makes everything better.”

 

And Emma stops walking altogether, just staring right into Regina’s eyes in wonder. Because she understands the gesture for what it is and she can actually hear the words Regina just spoke in Henry’s voice as he told her the same thing so many times before. “Alright,” she says, “you can treat me to some ice-cream. I do want extra whipped cream though.”

 

Emma swears Regina’s eyes glaze over slightly with the mention of whipped cream and then she thinks about her little stunt an hour ago. She only barely manages to keep her features schooled into a mask of neutrality as she recalls the heated look in Regina’s eyes.

 

They are just about to enter the diner again when a wave of something explodes outwards, turning the scenery into steep angles and completely throwing Emma off her balance. She manages to make a grab for Regina’s arm and they both fall back against the diner’s door.

 

“Did you just..” Emma questions as she tries to stand back up, vision swimming in front of her eyes.

 

“Yes,” comes the icy response. “Yes I did.”

 

“That was magic right? A lot of magic..”

 

Regina nods and they both rush into the dinner, in which the patrons are seemingly unaware of anything being out of place and Regina hastily asks Ruby to watch over Henry while they are gone.

 

“Gold?” Emma questions once they were outside again.

 

“Gold,” Regina confirms as they rush towards the origin of the disturbance together.

 

-x-x-x-


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longest chapter so far to make up for the long wait. Sorry, swamped in work. Still I estimate to have this finished at the start of August if the other chapters stay on track ;) Thanks again for all of the support so far, very appreciated.

  
  


* * *

 

-x-x-x-

Emma holds the phone with one hand, the other splayed across her forehead in annoyance. There is a dull throb starting right below her fingers and it was only a matter of time before it would escalate into a full-blown headache.

 

“No,” she says into the phone, rubbing wearily across her forehead, brows creasing into an even deeper frown. “I have no idea. Look, all I know is that both Regina and I could feel a huge buildup of magic and it originated from Gold’s shop.”

 

She turns around and rolls her eyes at Regina, who was looking up from where she was cutting some vegetables. She seemed somewhat amused, the corners of her mouths twitching a little and Emma sighed as she realized there would be no help forthcoming when it came to dealing with Mary Margaret’s barrage of questions.

 

“No, I just explained it to you.” Emma was getting pretty close to just pretending that the phone suddenly lost service and hang up on her mother. But knowing Mary Margaret, she would likely show up a few minutes later at the door and demand to get some answers. “I know there was no real damage, that’s the whole point Mary Margaret. He covered up whatever the hell it was he was doing. All it did was trash the inside of his own shop. But the amount of magic he was controlling was off the scale. Regina said that if Rumpelstiltskin hadn’t contained the explosion, it might’ve taken out half the town okay?”

 

She closes her eyes as her mother fires off more questions than her brain can handle. The throbbing getting worse in turn.

 

“Yes,” she finally answers when her mother asks her if it could actually happen at some point. Emma figured there was no sense in sugarcoating it. “You think she’ll be able to help?” Catching Regina’s questioning look, Emma mouths the word ‘Blue’. “Well if you and David could, I suppose it can’t really hurt to try. And no, I’m going to stay here for a few hours more at least. There might be something in Co..” Emma bites her lip as she quickly scrambles to correct herself. “Regina’s collection of spellbooks that might offer some help with this.”

 

And then her mother has to start about him of course. “No Mary Margaret,” she growls out agitatedly. “We had an argument earlier today, so no. Can you just put Henry on so we can say good night to him, please? Yeah, okay, thanks.”

 

Emma smiles as she hears Henry’s voice a moment later. “Hey kid. No, we’re okay, nothing happened, don’t worry. I’m just going to stay over at your mom’s for a while, we’re going to do some magical research.” Then she chuckles as he sighs and whines about wanting to help. “You have school tomorrow, remember? I promise when your mom teaches me magic again, you can be there to make fun out of me, deal?” Emma spots the intense look Regina is giving her from the corners of her eyes then, realizing that she was probably itching to talk to Henry herself. “Look kid, if we’re done early I’ll stop by and pick you up okay? I’m handing over the phone to your mom now, so you can talk to her. Yeah? Sure, good night for now Henry.”

 

She hands the phone over to Regina and looks on quietly as the woman paces around the kitchen while she talks to Henry animatedly. Regina in worried-mom-mode is still something that surprises Emma in a way. It is odd too, since at the same time she shouldn’t be this surprised. After all, Emma had personally witnessed the lengths she was willing to go to protect Henry. The thought makes her turn around ever so slightly so Regina can’t see the expression on her face. There are things that trouble her still, ones that she hasn’t been able to broach yet. Or maybe she had just been subconsciously stalling.

 

Emma sighs as she fiddles around a little with what she assumes to be a waffle-iron. Although it looks way too fancy for such a use. Then again, so did most other kitchen-appliances she had come across.

 

“Don’t touch that.”

 

Her eyes go wide immediately and she withdraws her outstretched hand, feeling like a little kid that just got told to stay out of the cookie-jar. “Jeez, it’s not like it’ll spontaneously break down the moment I touch it or anything,” she huffs out annoyed. She sort of omits the fact that she had demolished two of her mother’s kitchen appliances. One very recently, which in turn had led to half the kitchen catching fire. Granted, she had done a little more than touch it. Not that Regina needed to know that of course.

 

“Be that as it may,” Regina says, as she hands the phone back. “I’d rather not take the risk.”

 

“Right..” Emma says and though she is tempted to offer up another quip in return, she decides to disengage for now. Instead, she glances down at the phone and grinds her teeth. Even with Regina’s assurances earlier about Gold being unable to do anything dangerous for next few days, because even the Dark One had to recharge his batteries after expending that much magic, she still worries incessantly.

 

After pocketing the phone Emma freezes up, feeling an intent gaze on her back. She half turns around and sees Regina leaning against the counter where she had been cutting up vegetables before; eyes still tracking her every move. “He’ll be fine you know.”

 

“How do you...”

 

“Because that’s what mothers do, they worry, and right now your entire body practically radiates worry.”

 

Emma makes a face. “That bad huh?” she mutters as she rolls her tense shoulders. She had been a big ball of nerves ever since they got back from Gold, but she thought it wouldn't be that noticeable. “How do you shut it off?”

 

Regina’s answering smile is strained. “I never do, I’m just better at hiding it. Don’t forget I’ve had a lot more practice than you have.”

 

Nodding thoughtfully, Emma looks on as Regina fetches some things from the fridge. “It’s not only Henry you know?” she speaks up after mulling over things for a bit. “I think it’s more the knowledge that we can’t control what Gold does. For all we know he could already be busy with some new project while we’re busy preparing dinner. Or well...you are at least,” she corrects after Regina raises an eyebrow at her. “It makes me feel useless in a way. Even with finally acquiring some control over my magic, I’m not having any illusions we could stop him from doing the same shit a week from now for example.”

 

“He won’t though.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

Regina pauses while sorting out some seasonings. “I mean, that it was most likely some object that held a great amount of magic within, that causes that implosion, with that same object getting destroyed in the process.”

 

“Implosion?” Regina rolling her eyes at her, makes Emma glare in response. “What?” she questions peevishly.

 

“I would think you’d know what an implosion was dear.”

 

“It’s not that,” Emma says as she drums her fingers on the kitchen-counter. “More like I didn’t realize it was an implosion. I thought it was an explosion.” When Regina gives her an impressed look she shrugs. “I actually have picked up a few things here and there, it’s not as if all I did was steal cars when I was a teenager.”

 

“Do you remember where the largest quantity of destroyed objects was at the back of his shop?”

 

“Yeah..I.oh,” Emma hums as she processes that. “So you think whatever that object was, it was designed to suck things inwards? Like a vortex? Or a..”

 

“Portal,” Regina fills in. “Exactly like that yes. It was supposed to gather energy I imagine, but probably became too unstable and started to suck in everything around it. That is when Gold shut it down and used some kind of spell to contain the magic within, until it perished by itself.”

 

“And since we already know all this, why are we doing research again?”

 

“Because I want to know just exactly how much magical energy was contained. I want to know what spell he used. He never taught something like this to me and I’m pretty sure it is in none of my own spellbooks.”

 

“But they might be in your..” Emma halts before she can say Cora’s name, recognizing the fact it was still a sore subject to Regina.

 

In a way it also worries her at times, when she thinks about the sheer amount of spellbooks Regina has in the basement. Around half of them were Cora’s and Emma can’t even begin to imagine what spells were written down inside of them. The one thing she does know is that the times she had encountered Cora, she had only ever used harmful spells, which wasn’t very promising when it came to looking at them later this night. If anything, it made cold shivers run down her spine at the thought of perusing them in order to find a clue what Gold had all been up to.

 

“Rumple taught my mother a lot of things, so yes they might be,” Regina answers a little too quickly, eyes downcast towards the chopping board.

 

Emma watches as Regina rummages through some cabinets for a moment, having run out of things to ask when it came to the subject of Gold and the incident earlier today. In a way it was weird how quickly things had changed from catching Henry and Regina eating ice-cream together, to what had happened at Gold’s. And now she was here. There was one other thing Emma remembers she had meant to say to Regina at the diner, before Neal had soured her mood considerably.

  
  


“You know I’m glad you told Henry about you helping me with my magic,” she says, corners of her mouth curling up in amusement when Regina freezes up, one hand outstretched towards one of the pans. For a moment, it does have Emma a little worried as she can’t see Regina’s face after all and she hadn’t been there when the other woman had broached the news to the kid either. She had assumed, because Henry had showed up the next day to watch Emma fumble with magic under Regina’s tutelage, everything had gone just fine, but now though...

 

“He..” Regina clears her throat as she retracts her hand, folding both her arms across her chest. “He didn’t take it so well initially. “I showed him the basement afterwards, the potions I’d been brewing, explained their purposes and I think that helped. Then I promised Henry he could be there next time I taught you magic and that seemed to take away most of his suspicions.”

 

Emma puffs her cheeks. She had known it would be a tough sell for Henry, but at the same time she had kinda hoped he would’ve warmed enough to the idea of both of his mothers being gifted with magic. “I guess it should’ve been me that told him.”

 

“No,” Regina shakes her head dismissively. “I think it was best that I told him. He would’ve been even more reluctant to accept it if you had.”

 

“Yeah that’s probably true,” Emma affirms. “I’m also glad you’ve been teaching me too, you know?” she says softly as she dips her chin, evading Regina’s inquisitive gaze. “I haven’t forgotten that speech you gave me when you showed up in my bedroom after the town-hall burned down. Or the rules you’ve been teaching me.”

 

“Are you trying to tell me something dear?”

 

“Maybe?” Emma hedged. And then she thinks back to earlier today, how close she had been, and how close she could still get in the future; realizing there really was no escaping this subject. “I..when you found me behind Granny’s, I wasn’t just looking to punch the walls,” she admits as she tucks a stubborn lock of hair behind her ear. “I thought of setting stuff on fire, like the trashcans, I just..I wanted to destroy something so badly...”

 

“But you didn’t,” Regina says as she tilts her head sideways, her brown orbs locking on Emma’s own eyes. “I think that’s the important part Emma. You didn’t, you stayed in control.”

 

“What if I won’t be able to?” Emma wonders, unable to keep the fear out of her voice as she speaks. “I mean, Neal riled me up so much I could’ve just set him on fire right there and then. What makes you so sure I won’t? How can _I_ be sure I won’t?”

 

“I can’t give you any guarantees,” Regina explains as she draws a little nearer. “There is no fail-safe for this Emma, there is no way to shut down your emotions while you cast magic. The only way you can make sure you won’t be influenced, is to remove your heart and you saw what this did to my mother, what it turned her into. You have to trust yourself, trust your ability to control yourself, let the anger fade into another emotion instead of letting it boil and fester. That’s the only way I know of to stop that from happening. To stop yourself from losing control.”

 

“But you lost control,” Emma blurts out before she’s able to censor herself. “Shit..” she mutters, going wide-eyed right afterwards, “Regina...”

 

“No it’s alright, dear,” Regina assures her, keeping her gaze centered on Emma’s features. “I suppose it was only a matter of time before this came up again and it is important in the light of recent events.” Then pausing for a moment she takes a deep breath. “What stopped you,” she asks so softly that it is almost whisper-like. “In the alley at Granny’s, what stopped you from using magic?”

 

“You,” Emma answers almost automatically. “I mean..what you told me about magic, the rules you explained. And I...” she hesitates, thinking of the alley, thinking of Neal and then she stares down at hands, tips of her fingers pointing outwards. “I could feel it, so strongly, coursing through my veins, flowing towards my hands. I could imagine it in my mind, setting everything around me ablaze. A part of me even thought it would feel so good, just letting go, but another part of me..it pulled me right back to the present.”

 

“Was it just what I told you?”

 

“No I think... Well it was also just you in general, maybe Henry too, the idea of disappointing him. It..it scared me Regina, to get so close to losing control. There’s so much magic within me sometimes and so many conflicting emotions, it just, it scares me.”

 

“As it should,” Regina says, as she looks across the kitchen, gaze stuck on the far wall. “Fear shouldn’t be an unwelcome feeling, often it can help you”

 

“You didn’t answer my question though.” Regina’s lips purse and Emma wonders if she was crossing a line somehow with her inquiry. “Not that you have to..” she hastens to explain. “I’d like to know, I think it’ll help me understand in a way, but you don’t have to, okay?”

 

“There was a reason why I asked you what stopped you, Emma. It’s because...because there was nothing to stop me. And I’ve already lost control so many times, I’ve let the anger and rage consume me so many times before. What was one time more, in the grand scale of things?”

 

Emma notices how Regina’s hands tremble where they are resting on the counter between them and she reaches out to cover one of them with her own. “You can stop if you want,” she offers up as a way out. Yet inwardly she hopes Regina will choose to continue. Despite a few flashbacks, their conversation and especially Regina’s explanation was invoking. She thought it would help them both a great deal, to really get to the bottom of why the former Queen had assaulted her like that.

 

Regina’s answering smile is so heartbreakingly sad that it makes Emma ache somewhere deep inside. “I thought things would get better. You brought Henry back to me and you made an effort when no one else was even bothering. I entertained the notion we could even be kindred spirits when you arrived at my house after your fight with Neal. I thought that..if I could befriend you, if I could build some trust with you, maybe things could change for the better for me as a whole.”

 

Regina’s eyes get a little liquid as she speaks, but yet her voice stays unwaveringly strong somehow and Emma doesn’t even know how the hell the other woman is able to manage that.

 

“And then you thought I had been duping you and that’s what made you throw me all over my apartment?”

 

“No.” Regina pulls her hand out from underneath of Emma’s, wrapping both arms around herself as she ducks her head and stares at the ground silently.

 

“Regina...I’m trying to..”

 

“You were right you know?” Regina interrupts her.

 

“About..about what?” Emma questions, trying to understand what Regina was talking about.

 

“When you said that I always immediately assume the worst. It’s because that’s exactly what happens. You remember what happened with Archie?”

 

“That’s not..”

 

“But it is relevant. I know my mother made an air-tight case against me, so I do not blame you for believing I killed Archie in the end. When I came to your apartment and you denied everything, it felt to me like history was repeating itself. I could not bear the thought of losing Henry again, I could not bear having you worm your way into my life, only to stab me in the back when I expected it the least.” Regina’s eyes find her own and it renders Emma speechless, for a moment there aren’t any walls and she can see right through everything. “I never...I didn’t want to..kill you, I just wanted you to suffer like I had at the time, I wanted to hurt you and I wanted...”

 

“Regina..” Emma doesn’t even care if Regina tries to pull away this time, she makes a quick grab for one of the other woman’s hands and clasps it between both of her own.

 

“I thought you were playing me for the fool, I thought that Henry would be ripped away from me forever. I had nothing left to ground me Emma. It’ll never excuse what I’ve done, but it’s important you know this. When there’s nothing left to lose, the only thing I always fall back on is anger and revenge.”

 

“I sort of wish we had just talked about it instead of acting all defensive like we did back then,” Emma muses out loud.

 

“Frankly I doubt anything you could’ve said would’ve deterred me, dear. I did not trust you, nor your motives.”

 

“But you do now.”

 

“In general yes,” Regina says, a slight twinkle in her eyes as she walks away from the counter and back towards the chopping-board. “When it comes to preparing a meal though, it would be a different matter. I think I should continue with the preparations, else we’ll likely starve tonight.”

 

Emma smiles, though rolling her eyes at the, by now, very familiar dig at her cooking-skills. “Thank you,” she says as she watches Regina slice up a few tomatoes. “For sharing that with me I mean. And for what it’s worth, I believe you can stop yourself from losing control in the future.”

 

Regina’s eyes flicker from the knife she is holding towards Emma’s face and back again. “You can’t really know that for certain.”

 

“Maybe not, but since you’re helping me stay in control of my magic, I think it’s only logical that I can try and do the same for you, don’t you think?”

 

Regina’s only answer to that is a slight nod and a growing smile curling the corners of her mouth upwards. Emma studied her for a while from her position at the counter, comfortable in the knowledge that they had made some progress. And it had bolstered her confidence in her ability to cast more complex magical spells.

 

After a few minutes she did grow increasingly restless. Here Regina was putting quite some effort into making them both a nice meal and she was just milling about uselessly. “Hey Regina, isn’t there at least something I can do to help? Something I can’t burn, or chop the wrong way for that matter,” she muttered, a hand brushing through her hair in a sheepish manner.

 

“I suppose you could hand me the vinegar and the salad dressing.”

 

“Right..”

 

Well at least there wasn’t much she could do to screw that up, she figured. Besides dropping them on the floor that was, which worried her for a moment as the vinegar was all the way in the back of the top cabinet and she can’t quite reach it from her position. The only thing she succeeded in is bumping it even more back to her great frustration. Eventually she stands on her tiptoes, one hand on the counter to balance herself, she almost reaches it when her fingers slip a little and the momentum bumps her into Regina who was standing next to her.

 

Something that sounded a suspiciously lot like a curse escapes Regina’s lips and she sucks in a very audible breath, face contorting in pain.

 

“Regina what...” And then Emma sees the blood staining the cutting board. A lot of blood even and her stomach turns a little at the sight. “Shit,” she hisses and immediately grabs for Regina’s shoulder, turning the other woman towards her so she can see the damage.

 

Regina had one of her hands wrapped around the other, but blood still dripped down steadily from between her fingers, forming a small puddle at her feet.

 

“Shit,” Emma cursed again. “Regina, I’m so sorry.” She closed her eyes for a moment before focusing on what to do. First things first. Emma grabs a clean towel from a cabinet nearby and after removing Regina’s hand, she quickly wraps it around the bleeding wounds. “Two fingers?” she asks. She had only gotten a quick glance at the damage done, but the cuts in question seemed to be pretty deep. She mentally cursed herself again for being such an ass.

 

“Yes, the knife was pretty sharp.” Regina winces as Emma increases the pressure on the towel-covered wounds.

 

“It might leave a...” Emma’s eyes suddenly shoot open as an idea strikes her out the blue, “..scar.” She grins like a fool at Regina who is now looking at her like she grew an extra head. “It doesn’t need to, I can just heal you.”

 

“No.” was the immediate response, which made Emma’s eyes flit towards Regina’s own in confusion.

 

“Why the hell not Regina? I mean it’s my fault, the least you can let me do is heal these cuts. They were pretty damn deep you know? Might even have caused nerve damage.”

 

The answering sigh did nothing to help clear up Emma’s confusion. “Could you retrieve the first aid kit for me first please? It’s in the bathroom. The wounds need to be disinfected no matter what.” she explains when Emma doesn’t budge at first.

 

“Okay, fine,” Emma begrudgingly agrees after Regina continues to stare her down.

 

Her thoughts race a mile a minute when she runs towards the bathroom and rummages through the cabinets there. She finds the first aid kit easily at least and she is back in the kitchen in no time flat. But Regina was nowhere to be seen. Grabbing another clean towel, she is about to yell out, but Regina’s voice sounds out from the next room.

 

“In the living room,” Regina yells and Emma takes few quick strides through the doorway joining the rooms. “I needed to sit down,” she explains as Emma spreads the kit out on the sofa Regina is sitting on and fishes out various items, opening the bottle of disinfectant and soaking some of it into a cotton ball.

 

Emma kneels in front of Regina and removes the towel carefully, swallowing at the single pained whimper that escapes the other woman when the wounds themselves are exposed. “Why didn’t you want me to heal you?” she asks. It is partially curiosity, partially a way to keep Regina’s attention occupied with something else while Emma dabs the alcohol into the wounds to clean them out.

 

When there’s no answer forthcoming, Emma looks up from where she is sitting, one of her hands reaching out to cup Regina’s chin. “Regina?”

 

“I wanted to try to heal myself first,” Regina admits after a moment, though she still stubbornly refuses to meet Emma’s gaze. “Needless to say it didn’t work,” she mutters out bitterly.

 

Emma doesn’t even know how to respond to that at first. She does let go of Regina’s chin, stomach twisting itself into knots as she does. “Not right now maybe, I don’t think you should stop trying though,” she says as a way of reassuring Regina. Emma leans a little more forward, knees bumping into Regina’s legs as she tries to get more comfortable. Turning the wounded hand a little she dabs at the wound once more before placing it on her own leg.

 

“I’m crap at most other magic it would seem, but I’m good at healing Regina, so let me try to heal you alright?” Emma smiles faintly. “Besides the worst I could do is set your hand on fire,” she jokes, getting an amused snort as a reward for her effort.

 

“Go ahead then dear,” Regina says, her eyes following Emma’s every movement with interest.

 

And Emma focuses, keeps her eyes open as she hovers one of her hands right above the finger that had suffered the brunt of the damage. There’s a little blood that wells up from the cut and starts to trickle down Regina’s finger. It makes her realize that she was actually attempting to heal another person, not just a tree or even some superficial wounds on her own body, but a living and breathing person sitting right in front of her. Her eyes find Regina’s own for a moment and the clear trust that shines in them is enough of a boost of confidence to cast her eyes back down again.

 

Taking a deep breath she focuses her magic, feels it flow towards the tips of her fingers driven by the beating of her heart. It comes easier to her, the healing, the emotions involved in it, certainly it’s a lot easier than healing herself and this both surprises her and confuses her at the same time. Though she recognizes the circumstances were different, there is something else too. Like she can feel the warmth of Regina’s hand seeping into her own. And the magic that flows between them, because it’s not just her own. It is certainly Regina’s too; gentle in a way she wouldn’t have thought possible. An ebb and flow of magic while she heals, that is soothing in a way she hasn’t felt earlier.

 

Closing her hand tighter around Regina’s wounded one, Emma can feel the cut slowly closing, the skin mending itself back together. There’s tingling in her fingers, a warmth blooming in her chest as the magic seems to envelop the both of them, like their own private cocoon shielding them away from the outside world.

 

Emma is so absorbed with what she’s doing she almost misses the sound coming from somewhere in front of her. Something akin to a muffled gasp. She immediately worries that she might have done something wrong and her head shoots up slightly, eyes finding Regina’s own.

 

“Are you...” whatever she was going to say next dies in her throat when she notices how close they are all of a sudden. Faces inches away from each other and there was no mistaking the heated look that was directed Emma’s way.

 

Not a gasp of pain, she thinks, even as she watches, mesmerized as one of Regina’s hands comes to rest on her cheek. There’s a fleeting thought somewhere to stop this before it could happen but it drifts away even as their bodies drift closer.

 

She doesn’t know if Regina leaned down or if she rose up to meet her. But a moment later she feels a pair of soft lips slowly sliding against her own. Emma keeps her eyes open, one of her hands slipping into Regina’s hair even as she rises, pushing the other woman further onto the sofa and following up on her hands and knees, desperate not to lose the feeling of those lips against hers. With a few moves she ends up straddling on top of Regina, even as their kisses grow more heated, punctuated by yet another gasp as Emma runs her tongue over the lips she doesn’t want to pull herself away from.

 

Emma can feel one of Regina’s hands rest on her thigh, their kisses intensifying as fingertips explore the skin beneath her jeans. The other hand joins it and Emma's teeth gently close on Regina's lower lip as she feels them traveling up on the insides of her thighs and over to behind of her, squeezing gently and pulling her along as Regina shifts to recline against the pillow at the end of the sofa

 

As she follows Regina’s prompt, her legs come into contact with the first-aid kit and sends it crashing down onto the floor, followed by the sound of glass breaking. Startled, both freeze mid-kiss and Emma scrambles backwards in blind panic a split second later.

 

One of Emma’s fingers moves to her kiss-swollen lips and her eyes glue themselves to Regina who’s still sitting on the sofa. Her hair is tousled, make-up smudged and the dress she’d been wearing was slightly rucked up to her waist and all Emma can do is stare. Stare as one second flows into a few more and then finally the single finger falls away from her lips and the world comes crashing back down on her.

 

Her eyes close, hands clenching and unclenching as it truly dawns on her what a colossal mistake they had both just made. She opens her eyes again and Regina’s wide eyes stare at her, half hidden by a mess of wavy brown hair. And Emma curses inwardly. How the hell did she even allow this to happen. She had just been meaning to heal Regina, not take advantage of her vulnerable state. Shit.

 

“Regina..” it comes out slightly croaky and Emma clears her throat once before she tries again. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.” She doesn’t even know what else she could possibly say to fix this as she watches with some dismay as Regina lowers her gaze down to her hands instantly in response.

 

“Please, can you at least look at me?” she grits out frustrated when Regina doesn’t even acknowledge the apology nor say anything in response.

 

Regina’s head does tilt upwards with her plea, though the cold look in her eyes twisted a knife somewhere close to Emma’s heart. The pain is almost physical in its intensity as Emma is forced to watch Regina building up walls right in front of her.

 

“Shit..I’m really sorry,” she apologizes again.

 

“I know, you already said that,” Regina responds, tone low and emotionless as she rubs the back of her hand along her mouth, smearing the lipstick even more.

 

Emma’s eyes are drawn towards the blood staining the fingers of Regina’s hand red. She doesn’t connect the dots immediately until she realizes with a small gasp of horror that she only healed one of the fingers. The other one had been forgotten the instant their lips connected. She reaches out immediately on instinct. But stops herself, withdrawing the hand again when Regina jumps up from the sofa and moves a few paces away from her.

 

“Don’t touch me.”

 

“I’m so..” Emma sighs and doesn’t finish the apology this time when she takes notice of the glare being directed her way. “You know what, never mind, I’m just...I’m gonna go and pick up Henry.”

 

“Of course,” Regina says.

 

Her expression betrays nothing of what was going on inside of Regina’s head and Emma wants to kick and scream, anything to draw a proper response from the woman she was slowly turning her back towards. Anything to rewind the past thirty minutes or so and pretend none of it ever happened.

 

She walks outside on auto-pilot, grabbing her jacket from the coat-rack as she does. With every step she takes she expects to be called back, to have a chance to talk over what happened but, somehow it never happens. And the last glimpse she catches of Regina before the door locks behind her, is of Regina cradling the wounded finger in her other hand, a few drops of blood falling down on the floor.

 

-x-x-x-


	26. Chapter 26

 

 

* * *

-x-x-x-

 

Emma turns the volume up a bit higher still. The music never did seem loud enough and certainly the small selection she had put on her ipod was in need for some dire reinforcements. This was the third time she had heard this particular guy shout at the top of his lungs about money and power. Frankly it was all getting a bit tiring too. Then again she would have to axe half of the other songs in her collection, because they mostly revolved around lost loves and broken hearts. Which just hit a little too close to home.

 

Even if it has been over a week now.

 

She rounds another bend and slows her running to a more comfortable pace. Her lungs felt like they were going to burst soon anyhow and she can spot the parking lot through the trees and underbrush lining the track. Emma glances at her watch and lets out a groan in between her pants, it was early still. Too early. She hadn’t thought of what to do with the rest of her day yet.

 

Wiping some beads of sweat away from her forehead, she almost doesn’t see the person that’s leaning against her beloved bug. Almost. Immediately she slams on the brakes and stops to a dead halt, though she’s too far away from the tree-line now and directly in her mother’s line of sight.

 

Well fuck.

 

Her eyes flick from the track behind her to the car and she’s about to turn around and make a quick run for it when Mary Margaret launches herself away from the vehicle; tilting her head to look right at her.

 

So much for that idea. That and she’s currently at the receiving end of a stern look that didn’t seem too promising, all things considered. Never mind that she had brushed off her parents’ requests to see her for the better part of the week. Or the fact she’d had her father cover for her at the station, citing health-reasons as a viable excuse. Being caught red-handed while out running instead of sleeping off her supposed sickness made her feel like a naughty teenager playing hooky all of a sudden.

 

“Mary Margaret, hi,” she greets her mother as she slowly walks over to her, unplugging the headphones and stuffing them into her pocket. There are a million different reasons going through her head, of why her mother could be here and subsequently she thinks of a million different ways to brush her off at the same time.

 

“Emma,” her mother greets in turn, pausing for a moment before fixing her brown eyes right on Emma’s own.“You look surprisingly well.”

 

It wasn’t the words that made Emma cringe. It was the way they were said in combination with the set of narrowed eyes that seemed to peer right into her very soul. She knew she had been busted of course, but her mother’s voice had also been laced with a tinge of disappointment. A twinge of guilt curled around in her chest. It wasn’t so long ago that her parents had told her that Emma could always talk to them about anything. And though she had been tempted, especially the past few days in particular, to drive over to them and pour her heart out, she had never gone through with it in the end. What the hell was she supposed to say anyway? Because she certainly couldn’t tell them what happened. Mainly because she didn’t have a clue herself what the hell had happened. And now everything was so royally screwed up and her mother was looking at her in such a disapproving way that her stomach twisted itself into knots in response.

 

Sighing, Emma licked her dry lips and fished for the car keys in her pocket. “I’m going to go out on a limb and say you aren’t here to cheer me on while I’m running,” she mutters as she grabs a water-bottle from the depths of the cooler she had put in her car’s trunk.

 

“No I’m not, I think you know why I’m here Emma,” Snow says softly, an expression of concern crossing her features. “I’m..I-I don’t understand Emma, why didn’t you just tell us?”

 

To which all Emma can do is stare back at her mother in utter confusion as she splashes a little of the water into her face to cool off.

 

“About you and Regina?”

 

“Wha..what?!” Emma stutters out, wide-eyed. How did they know? When did they... She can’t wrap her mind around it and even though she knows she’s doing a pretty good impression of a fish on dry land, Emma can’t find the proper words to voice her surprise over what her mother just told her.

 

“Henry seems to think the two of you had a really bad fight.”

 

“Oh..”

 

Right. Of course the kid would think that, Emma muses. She had after all promised he could be present the next time Regina was going to teach her magic. Which had never happened in the end. And all they had done ever since..ever since... All they had done was ferry the kid back and forth between the both of them without any explanations given. So of course he would think that they had fought. Of course he would think that was the reason they were avoiding each other and things reverted back to how they were months before. When he had always spent time with either her or Regina, but almost never with both of his moms together.

 

“So you did have a fight then?”

 

Snorting, Emma screws the cap back on the bottle of water. “The opposite actually,” she blurts out without thinking.

 

Her mother’s eyes go as wide as saucers right after she finishes speaking and that’s when it dawns on Emma just exactly what she might’ve implied.

 

“Oh God...you and Regina? You...”

 

“No!” Emma quickly cuts off her mother before she could continue with that line of thought. “No, that’s not what I meant. No,” she adds once more for good measure. “We didn’t...” Sighting, Emma looks around for something to sit down on. She honestly didn’t want to have this discussion while standing up. In fact, she would rather not have the discussion at all. But when she flicks her eyes back towards her mother, the reassuring look directed her way takes away some of the lingering nervousness.

 

“Can we sit down for this? Over there maybe?” Emma asks as she points to a pair of wooden benches near the starting point of another path that led into the woods. Suddenly she’s thankful it is still early in the morning. She knew from having ran along these tracks numerous times before, that they were pretty quiet during this time of the day.

 

“If you didn’t fight and you didn’t...” Mary Margaret trailing off makes Emma fidget around uncomfortably on the bench she was sitting on. She’s fairly sure there’s a pink tinging her cheeks that has nothing to do with her run through the woods earlier. “What happened?”

 

Emma looks down at her laced fingers, eyebrows furrowing as she ponders over her mother’s loaded question. “What happened is that I screwed up. Everything was going so well between us and I just had to go and screw it all up.” All the frustration she is still feeling when she thinks about that fateful day builds up inside of her again; threatening to spill over the moment she actually lets it.

 

“And the worst part is, I don’t even know how to fix it,” Emma grits out agitatedly, placing her hands on her shaking legs, trying to still them. She shoves a hand into her slightly damp hair and stands up from the bench in one quick move. Maybe sitting down hadn’t been such a great idea after all, she’s feeling way too keyed up.

 

“It shouldn’t have happened in the first place,” Emma says, raising one of her fingers towards her lips to touch them. If she closes her eyes she could pretend it never happened. But if she closes them for too long she can still recall it all so vividly. Like it happened just yesterday and she opens her eyes again, staring wistfully off into the distance. “Not like that. It shouldn’t have happened like that...”

 

“Emma,” she can hear her mother’s attempt to catch her attention while she paces around like a caged tiger. “It would really help if you told me just exactly what it was that shouldn’t have...”

 

“I kind of kissed her,” Emma blurts out, eyes fixed solidly to the ground in fear of what the expression on her mother’s face might be in response to what she just admitted.

 

There’s actually no reply forthcoming for a while and Emma feels torn between finally looking up and facing the music, or stubbornly keeping her eyes casted downwards. Eventually when she does tilt her head up, peering through a curtain of blonde hair, she’s surprised to see Mary Margaret looking right at her. “How can you only kind of kiss...” her mother throws her hands up in the air, shakes her head and continues, “you know what, never mind, I really don’t want to hear you explain that right now. But..Emma, honey, if that’s all there is to it, why didn’t you just tell your father and I?”

 

“Because, that’s not all there is to it.”

 

“Then tell me the whole story,” Mary Margaret says as she pats the empty space on the bench. “Because whatever it is, it’s obviously got you upset enough to avoid just about everyone and everything for the better part of the week and have your father cover for you at the station.”

 

“I didn’t have David take over for me at the station because of..” Emma lets the sentence hang, even as her head clouds up with memories. Of when she had stepped into the sheriff’s station two days after she had kissed Regina and made such a mess out of things. Of sitting down at her desk at her usual time and finding just empty space where there would normally be a cup of steaming hot coffee waiting for her. The sense of loss that hit her then.

 

The sense of loss that hits her now.

 

“Forget it, it’s not important anyhow,” she says as she sits down on the bench again. “I didn’t tell you because I was still trying to sort things out myself mom,” Emma explains, tucking some unruly hairs back behind her ear. “Needless to say I haven’t made much progress.”

 

“Are we still talking about you kissing...” Mary Margaret stops talking for a second, looking as if she just swallowed a lemon, “I swear this will be not awkward some day, though probably not today.”

 

“No, it’s more about what happened before that I guess,” Emma mutters as she traces patterns on the wood. “Or after..also that awkwardness was a pretty good reason for me to not talk about this with my parents of all people, God...” She throws a glance towards her mother from the corner of her eyes, not quite willing to face her directly, “You know, I'm surprised you're not freaking out more about this, this is Regina we're talking about..”

 

Shifting her gaze right back down at the bench, Emma feels an arm around her shoulders, giving her a reassuring squeeze. “I’m your mother,” Mary Margaret says and Emma can swear she hears a smile through those words. “Even if I might wish that you had picked just about anyone else from this town, it is your choice in the end sweetie. I’m not going to tell you to not see people and risk losing you all over again. This..well I won’t lie..it’s going to take a little time to process, okay?”

 

“Okay.”

 

For a moment they just sit quietly, until Mary Margaret releases Emma and gives her a soft pat on her back. “So let me get this straight, this happened on the day Gold blew up half of his store, correct?”

 

“Right,” Emma confirms. For a moment she wonders how her mother knew this, but then she remembers the lunch-invitation that had been extended to her the day after that. The one she had blown off with some bullshit excuse. The first of many she had blown off with some bullshit excuse. It intensifies the guilt that she has been feeling, ever since she first spotted her mother leaning against her car.

 

“We were just..we were going to browse through some spellbooks, try to find something that could help with the whole Gold situation.”

 

Not that he was a threat anymore, Emma thinks. Her mother mentioning over the phone, about how Belle managed to talk Gold down from doing any more experimenting that might prove to be dangerous to the town, had come as somewhat of a blessing in disguise. It gave her a perfect excuse to keep avoiding Regina in a way. It should’ve made her feel relieved too, knowing that everyone was safe for the time being. And it actually did for a split second, filling her up with a sense of joy before leaving behind this strangely empty feeling once more.

 

“Regina was slicing something for some dish she was going to make, I bumped into her and she cut herself.”

 

She pauses for a moment, trying to recollect herself. Telling the story made her remember. Remembering made something twist itself inside her heart. Like something had twisted when Regina looked at her afterwards. So cold and detached, devoid of the warmth that she had shared with Emma over these last couple of months.

 

“I was...I healed her and then we were kissing and I just..I don’t even know what happened in between. It shouldn’t have happened like that,” she whispers as her expression falls.

 

“Emma...” She can feel a hand settling on her shoulder and draw a few soothing circles there. “Did she..did Regina reject you? Is that why..”

 

“No, that’s not it at all.” And Emma would laugh at the irony of it, had it not hit so close to what actually happened. Only in reverse. Because she’s not as stupid to think that it was just the kiss that fucked everything up, it was what she said afterwards too. “I said I was sorry. After we..kissed I said I was sorry and I’ve never... I was such an idiot, I shouldn’t have kissed her, but I shouldn’t have said that either and now I don’t know how to fix it.”

 

“Hold on a second,” Mary Margaret says, giving Emma a puzzled look. “Did you, or did you not want to kiss her? Because you’re really confusing me with what you’re saying right now Emma.”

 

“I did but..”

 

“Then why did you apologize?”

 

“I don’t know...I guess I panicked,” Emma fumbles for an explanation.

 

“Panicked?” The expression on her mother’s face signified a growing frustration with Emma’s inability to explain herself.

 

“Yes...panicked. I just..I crossed a line that day Mary Margaret, and now I can’t..uncross it anymore.”

 

“But why do you want to uncross it, it's clear to me you wanted to kiss her. Yet you continue to contradict yourself. Like you aren't even sure what you want.” Her mother looks right at her then, the hand on Emma’s shoulder moving down to cover her hands, squeezing softly. “What do you want Emma?"

 

Everything, Emma thinks, but instead she turns her head away from her mother’s penetrating gaze, not answering the question at first. And there is a good reason too, since she had been asking herself the same question over the past week or so. What did she want? The answer was always the same. Everything. All the things she has already had and all the things she knows she can still have. With Regina. Because that is the one truth she has been trying to deny, and it is the thing that has her running scared now.

 

“Emma...honey, look at me please?”

 

But Emma still stubbornly refuses for a moment more. Stalling for these precious few seconds she knows she needs to mull things over.

 

“Emma.” She can feel fingers on her chin, turning it until she is forced to look right into her mother’s eyes again. “Are you in love with her?”

 

No, she wants to say. In fact, her mouth opens a few times while working furiously around that single syllable, but it never quite rolls across her tongue. It never quite makes it past her lips. No, she wants to say, but in the end all that follows is silence.

 

“I think the fact that you can’t say no to that question says enough don’t you think?”

 

Emma closes her eyes as she thinks about that. The fingers curled around her chin drop away and she dips her head down. “Does it?” she wonders out loud, eyes briefly flicking up towards her mother before she casts them down again. “I don’t even know what that means Mary Margaret. I don’t know...” she sighs and doesn’t finish that particular sentence. She’s hardly been able to sort out what she was feeling herself, let alone discuss it with her mother of all people. Besides it shouldn’t be the focus of their conversation, the focus should be on how the hell she’s going to fix this gigantic mess she’s made.

 

“Look, all I want right now is to have things go back to the way they were before. What we had, I don’t know..call it a tentative friendship, but I want that back, mom, I just..want that back. And I don’t know how.”

 

“Have you thought of telling Regina this?”

  
Emma gives her a mother a quizzical look in response. “What do you mean?”

 

“You can’t fix this unless you talk to her and you haven’t exactly been talking to her have you?” Mary Margaret admonishes her gently. “You should go and see her, tell her the same things you’ve just told me.”

 

“That is if she’s even going to hear me out in the first place.”

 

Her mother smiles encouragingly at her. “Emma, the way I see it you could continue to run along these dirt tracks every day like you’ve been doing this past week or so, feeling miserable because of what happened while trying to summon up the courage to fix what is between the two of you, but never doing so in the end. Or you could just go and talk to her.”

 

“But I don’t even know what I really told you now, let alone...“ Emma shakes her head. How could she even hope to keep her thoughts collected when confronted by Regina. When she is even now doubting every word, conjuring up images of how any one of them could ruin what little remained of their relationship.

 

“Just talk, sweetie.” Mary Margaret smiles at her again before looking at her watch and abruptly standing up from the bench. “I should probably go, I promised to have lunch with David. If you want, we could have Henry over for today?”

 

“I..” Emma hesitates, which makes her mother roll her eyes in response and grab her arm. “What are you doing?!”

 

“Apparently giving you a much needed push in the right direction,” Mary Margaret answers, guiding Emma towards her car.

 

“Wait,” Emma says when they’re almost back at her car, cognizant of her inability to keep the apprehensiveness out of her voice as she speaks. “Its just that..I’m not exactly good at talking...” she tries with one last feeble attempt at getting out of having to face her fears.

 

“Emma...”

 

She takes in the exasperated look her mother is giving her and cringes. “Fine, okay, I’ll try...” the rest of her sentence is cut off, as Snow pushes the door of her buggy shut.

 

Minutes later, she sits in front of Regina’s mansion in her car and Emma stares at her hands which are wrapped around the steering wheel. She is clutching it so tightly that her knuckles have turned white from the strain. When she eventually does remove one of her hands it is only to move it to the keys dangling from the ignition. The urge to run, to drive away again is almost overwhelming in its intensity but still she hesitates.

 

There is a flash of a memory which comes to her when she stares at the path leading up to the house. She had done a great deal of damage leaving like she had in the first place. Leaving instead of talking. And that single thought strengthens her resolve to not leave again, not before actually talking this time.

 

She takes a deep breath and steps out of the car.

-x-x-x-


	27. Chapter 27

  
  


* * *

 

-x-x-x-

 

 

Despite of how much time Emma had spent processing her thoughts and practicing what to say to Regina; the sight of her, on her knees and tending to the garden still caught Emma off guard. It also gave her the strangest sense of deja-vu. Regina even wore a pair of ever-impractical heels while kneeling on a small mat and removing weeds from the herb-garden, seemingly oblivious to the fact that she had a visitor. Not that Emma was buying that for a second. She had spotted the tensing of muscles, the slight stiffening of Regina’s posture. Even with her back turned towards Emma, she probably knew the exact moment Emma had set a foot into the backyard.

 

She knew she should probably say something. One of those lines she had practiced so well, but being here and seeing Regina for the first time in over a week, was rendering her incapable of forming any words. And there was the added complication that the dress Regina wore was too similar to the one she had on when they had...kissed. The memory brought a slight flush to Emma’s cheeks.

 

She still didn’t know what to say either. The first thought that had came to her was to apologize, again. But that was how she had fucked things up in the first place. She wants to sort out this mess so badly, to get past it, maybe even to forget it all even happened and continue where they left off. It’s just that...she knows they can’t anymore. Short of erasing their memories of that event, pretending that the kiss never happened was not an option. Which meant it changed things. And maybe that was the whole issue in a nutshell. That it changed things between them, something she hadn’t deemed them both ready for. Certainly she knows she isn’t.

 

Her mother’s advice to ‘just talk’ rolls around in her head and though she opens her mouth a few times to do just that, words still elude her.

 

“I assume from your sudden intrusion upon my premises and your silence so far you are trying to work up the courage to grovel for some kind of favor? Go ahead and ask for it dear, so I can decline and continue with more pressing matters.”

 

Of course Regina had to break the silence first. The words themselves make her cringe, never mind that Regina hadn’t turned around and was still in a kneeling position, back turned towards Emma. It was a dismissive gesture, but at the same time it was also a vulnerable position to be in and yet...

 

She doesn’t even know how to respond to the snide remark, it was as hostile as she has heard Regina be in months. It makes her feel both guilty and saddened by the thought that she had managed to ruin their budding relationship so completely and thoroughly by running away like that without explaining herself. And explaining herself now might just turn out to be too little and too late to fix things between them again.

 

“Regina...” she is slightly proud for managing to utter the name without her voice breaking. “Look I know I deserve that comment but you and I both know that’s not why I’m here.”

 

“Oh..do I now?” comes the cold retort, “forgive me for not being able to find it in myself to care why you are here. Now if you would evacuate these premises again please? I’m rather busy right now as you can see.”

 

“Enough, alright?” Emma hisses as she walks up towards Regina. “Enough with this bullshit, I know I fucked up and I also know whatever I do or say can’t suddenly make everything alright, but seriously Regina? How the hell can I even try to fix this when you won’t even give me a chance to explain myself?”

 

While Emma is speaking, Regina stands up lightning-fast as she removes her gardening-gloves and throws them clear across the yard angrily. Her nostrils are flaring when she turns and properly faces Emma; the expression on her face nothing short of livid.

 

“Explain yourself how, Miss Swan? Because from what I recall you’ve made yourself pretty clear.”

 

Regina folds her arms but curiously evades Emma’s inquisitive gaze. It takes Emma a moment to realize why this was. The trembling of hands Regina tried to hide almost desperately. The hurt that was disguised as anger. The knowledge that even now Regina was trying to patch up the holes in her walls that Emma herself put there, it was turning her stomach into knots.

 

Emma sighs and stuffs her hands in her pockets, flicking her eyes to the herb-garden Regina had been tending to moments before. “I really screwed this up didn’t I? I never meant for any of this to happen, I’m sorry.”

 

She almost misses the way Regina visibly winces in response to her words and Emma freezes, eyes widening with what she just said. “No,” she mutters out horrified when Regina turns around, seemingly poised to make a bee-line for the door to her house.

 

“Regina stop.” And when Regina doesn’t respond, she grabs a firm hold of one of her arms and tugs at it to make her turn around. “God damnit, stop. You need to listen to me okay?”

 

“Let go of me!” Regina snaps, a mixture of anger and desperation crossing her features as she tries to wrench her arm loose.

 

It’s the idea of Regina using magic to get out of the situation that finally fuels Emma’s courage enough to come clean. “Do you even understand why I apologized after we...” She looks right into Regina’s eyes. “After we kissed,” she finishes softly. “Because I don’t think you understand. You don’t understand that I’ve wanted to kiss you for ages now. God, even before the curse broke there were times when you frustrated me so much that I just...I just wanted to kiss you to shut you up.”

 

She is relieved to find Regina stopping her struggles, though she still stubbornly refuses to meet Emma’s eyes. “If you...” Regina’s voice is soft as she speaks, but there was an underlying hurt she was unable to hide. “Wanted to kiss me why did you apologize for it. Why did you...”

 

“Run off?” Emma questions. A barely discernible nod is her only answer and Emma swallows thickly. She lets go of Regina’s arm too, now that it seemed the other woman was no longer going to bolt. “Because I was afraid. I panicked, I didn’t expect it to happen like that, not for something I wanted to do for such a long time. The only experience I had for feeling like that didn’t end well...” she combs her fingers through her hair nervously. “I’m not sorry for kissing you, I am sorry for being drawn into it by.. events” Emma sighs out, struggling to keep her voice more steady than her trembling hands. “I.. and I’m sorry for running off like that.”

 

“So you apologize,” Regina’s voice raises, almost shouting in the quietness of the garden, “again, for kissing me. Like it is the worst thing we could have done. And then you run off, only to show up selfishly a week later with some vague explanations.” She draws in a deep breath, words coming out quietly now and the bitterness in them makes Emma’s stomach curl up on itself. “Is that the best you can do? And what do you expect me to say right now Emma, that everything is forgiven all of a sudden?”

 

“I didn’t say that,” Emma says defensively. “I didn’t say you should forgive me right away for screwing everything up like that.” She balls her hands at her side, feeling powerless and lost all of a sudden with her inability to explain herself like she had intended to. “But I did, didn’t I? Screw things up I mean..” she repeats, shoulders sagging as she wonders if she had truly ruined it all without there being some kind of solution.

 

“I damaged what was building between us, didn’t I? I hurt all this progress we’ve been making over the past few months. I..hurt you,” she whispers the last words, her eyes finding Regina’s own and holding them as she tries to convey everything that she couldn’t with mere words. Before Regina averts them, Emma could see a flickering, a faltering of her expression and she knew she had been right and somehow that makes her feel even worse, for being the cause behind it all.

 

“I never wanted to do something that would hurt you, but I somehow managed to do exactly just that, didn’t I?” she repeats when there was no answer forthcoming. Regina just stands a small distance away, silently, arms folded even tighter across her chest, head bent towards the ground.

 

“Yes, you did,” Regina says after a few more seconds have passed in silence. Her voice is small and the words are so strangled that Emma can feel her heart clench in response.

 

She wants to say she is sorry again, but Emma stops herself before she does this time. Instead the sense of restlessness that has been steadily creeping up to her over the past few minutes reaches a point with which she starts to pace around, though only a few quick steps every time.

 

“It's not about the kissing, you know?” she breaks the silence eventually.

 

Regina’s confused look prompts Emma to clarify herself. Even though she’s not entirely sure of what she’s trying to get at. “Why I ran? I didn’t lie about what I said before, I really did want to kiss you since before the curse broke. I've wanted to kiss you after that too. I even want to kiss you right now,” she confesses as her heart beats a little faster. “You have no idea how much I want that. But I also don't want to screw everything up because of it. It’s why I ran then, it’s why I’d run now. We just settled into some sort of friendship Regina, if I kissed you again right now I wouldn't be able to stop at that and I don’t think you would be able to either. Just like we wouldn’t have been able to stop that day and that’s what scared the crap out of me when we finally did stop.”

  
  


“You are basing that on the wrongful assumption that I would allow something like this to happen again, dear.”

 

All Emma can do is stare at Regina incredulously for a moment. “That’s just crap Regina, Jesus,” she grits out as she comes to a standstill in front of her. “Are you seriously trying to tell me that you don’t want to kiss me again? Because since I got here I caught you looking at my lips twice, Your Majesty, and the last time I checked, it also takes two people to kiss like we did that day. So don’t tell me that crap about how you wouldn’t want this to happen again, since the truth is you feel this, whatever it is between us just as much as I do.”

 

“And what is it you feel?”

 

Which was the last possible question Emma had expected. And as such she doesn’t have an answer ready. It reminds her too much of the question her mother had asked her. If she was in love with Regina and much like then, she is unable to answer that question. But she still isn’t able to deny it either. She struggles with finding a proper response that wouldn’t make Regina clam up even more, but her thoughts are clouded and Regina’s close proximity and the way she’s sizing Emma up isn’t helping matters much.

 

“I don’t know,” she admits, voice soft and dripping with uncertainty. “I really don’t know, but I want to find out. And I don’t want us to stumble into something we aren’t ready for. I just..I miss what we had before, I missed our interactions this past week and I really miss how you won’t even tell me what is going on inside of your head right now. Ever since I got here all you’ve been doing is bristle at everything while still holding yourself back. I’d take anything, even if it means angry yelling over the mostly silent treatment you’ve been giving me.”

 

“Believe me dear, you’re better off with me holding back.” Regina’s answer is clipped, collected and it makes Emma’s blood boil.

 

“Actually I am not. Because I really liked that Regina, even if she was a bit difficult to handle at times. But I prefer her instead of the person hiding herself behind walls, the person which I’m facing right now.” Regina’s face contorts into an ugly sneer and her eyes bore holes into Emma’s skull, but otherwise she didn’t move a muscle, much less say anything in response and Emma realizes she has to step it up a little. “And I’ve been trying to explain myself at least. I’ve put myself out there. I’ve told you what’s been going on with me and all I want right now is for you to at least give me something, anything, in response so I know there’s at least a chance for us to salvage this.”

 

All she gets is more staring and silence and Emma can feel any hopes she had of resolving their situation withering away with every passing second. The sense of defeat doesn’t really hit her on the spot, not until she realizes that her mistake might’ve just cost her everything.

 

“I know I shouldn't apologize again but I'm still sorry for hurting you, I' m sorry for running away and I'm sorry for causing such a gigantic mess in the first place. I'm not...sorry for kissing you, but I realize I’ve completely blown any chances of it ever happening again so...I’ll just...I’ll just go then...” she stutters out haltingly, eyes darting towards the trees, flowers, even the ground, anywhere but at the woman standing in front of her, who’s eyes she can feel following her every move.

 

She clenches her jaw almost painfully, a little moisture gathering in her eyes as she turns away from Regina and starts to walk towards the general direction of her car. Though she knows they might be able to mend a little of the damage done over time, she also knows that even reaching square one is slipping beyond her grasp.

 

She’s too caught up into her own inner turmoil to register the fingers on her shoulders for a moment. There is only a tentative touch there, until the pressure increases and makes her stop dead on her tracks. She freezes and goes wide-eyed when the fingers slide down the slope of her shoulder and trail across the arm that’s slung to her side. It’s like they are barely there at all, the touch fleeting and light and Emma finds herself mesmerized by the sight. Her mouth opens to ask Regina what she’s doing but then the tips of the fingers reach her hand and curl around it until they lace themselves together with Emma’s own.

 

“Regina?” she questions as she feels herself being turned around by the hand now holding her own. There’s a quiet wonder etched across Regina’s features, her eyes softer and definitely calmer than Emma remembers seeing them ever since she set foot in the garden.

 

Regina’s free hand reaches up towards Emma’s cheekbones, fingers splaying themselves lightly across the skin there. Emma holds her breath and stares into Regina’s eyes which hold hers captive. She doesn’t want to break whatever it is that Regina is doing currently, but at the same time she can’t help but feel utterly confused and lost as to what is going on.

 

“What are you...”

 

“Shhh,” Regina shushes her, as two fingers glide down towards her lips and settle over them. They move away after a moment even as Regina moves closer and though Emma has doubts over whether she should even let this happen or not, it all fades away when she feels the softest brushes of lips across her own and she swears her heart skips a beat or two in response.

 

Regina’s hand slips away from Emma’s, moving up to splay itself across her other cheek. When there’s a light nip at her lower lip, Emma’s eyes open half-mast to regard Regina curiously. There was a faint smile gracing her features that made her look far too beautiful and Emma could only stare in wonder. And then the lips were back, sliding across her own in an almost maddening slow way. Emma makes no move to stop Regina, and Regina in turn seemed content to keep the contact between them light and exploratory, never attempting to deepen the kiss even once.

 

Emma doesn’t know how long they kiss, but the second time Regina’s lips move away, she moves backwards a little further, though her hands stay settled firmly on Emma’s cheek-bones. A pair of brown eyes flicker from Emma’s lips to her eyes and she can feel her heart pounding away in her chest at the intense heat that clearly shone within them.

 

“What...” Her attempt to vocalize her confusion apparently didn’t stretch beyond a single word. She clears her throat to try again, even as one of her hands moves up and covers Regina’s own.

 

“I’m not..good with words,” Regina explains, ducking her head a little as her cheeks color. “But I..I’ve wanted to do that all week Emma. Even when I..I was hurt and angry..I still wanted to do that. A part of me hates you for bringing that out of me. A part of me hates that it had to be you that somehow slipped behind all of my defenses. That it had to be you that...” she trails off and looks right at Emma. “I should hate you for making me feel this way. This weak and exposed but I..don’t. Even with what you did, I can’t.”

 

“I...” Emma feels the hands fall away from her cheeks and the loss of them renders her strangely speechless for a moment. “So..what do we do now?” she wonders out loud.

 

“I don’t know.” Regina looks as lost as Emma feels and her throat constricts painfully. “Perhaps try to continue where we left off..”

 

“Do you think that will work?”

 

“I’m open to other suggestions.”

 

“The only thing I’m currently capable of thinking about is what it would feel like to kiss you again, which probably isn’t a good idea right now.”

 

“No,” Regina’s voice is laced with regret as she stares down at her folded hands. “I suppose it’s not for the time being.”

 

“Right so...” Emma let’s the sentence hang as she fidgets with the hem of her t-shirt.

 

“Magic practice tomorrow?” Regina suggests. “Correct me if I’m wrong but I’m pretty sure Henry’s been badgering you about it since last week as well.”

 

Emma snorts at that, then smiles broadly. “Yeah he has. I think that’ll work though, maybe throw in a dinner before that, since I know how much you hate it when I feed him junkfood.”

 

“You’re pushing it dear.”

 

“I know.” Emma grins stupidly as Regina shakes her head and huffs.

 

“Fine, but only for Henry’s sake.”

 

“Sure.” She smiles again, but slowly her expression falters as a little bit of worry sets in.

 

There’s this fear she can’t shake that their easy banter was only masking the unresolved issues that still lingered between them. A hand settles over one of her own and squeezes it briefly and Emma’s head tilts to look right at Regina. Somehow she must’ve realized her fears and feelings, because the look she is giving Emma is nothing short of reassuring.

 

“Someone once told me to take small steps,” Regina says and Emma remembers the words from when she’d first tried to broker a peace between the two of them in almost the very same spot they are standing in now.

 

“Someone did huh?”

 

“Yes, I’d like to think it was pretty good advice.” The corners of Regina’s mouth curl up in a faintest of smiles. “It’s going to take time...”

 

“Right..I know that,” Emma mutters as she dips her head. “Tomorrow night then?”

 

Regina nods in confirmation and still Emma feels torn. She so very badly wants to kiss Regina again right at that moment that she knows it’s probably for the best to walk towards her car instead and create a little distance between them.

 

When she gets back to working next morning, the first thing she notices when she sits down at her desk, is the steaming hot cup of coffee waiting for her.

 

-x-x-x-


	28. Chapter 28

* * *

-x-x-x-[  
](http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9084864/28/All-These-Small-Steps-You-Take)

 

Weeks turn into months and they settle into some form of routine. Emma doesn’t know what she had expected but it wasn’t this.

[  
](http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9084864/28/All-These-Small-Steps-You-Take)-x-x-x-

 

* * *

 

 

Dull thumps echo around the quiet office as a ball is thrown against the wall and caught again on the rebound. After losing the count at around 97, Emma sighs and starts rolling the tennis ball around her empty desk, just as empty as it had been since the shift started.

So much for a distraction she thinks as her eyes catch the phone on her desk briefly. She doesn’t even know what she had expected really. It had been a quiet week in general and short of a small bar-brawl at the Rabbit’s Hole, which had been over before she even arrived, there hadn’t been much to do. She even spent a little time earlier in the week sorting out the filing system and inputting some older data into the computer. Which meant she had absolutely nothing left to do now.

Emma yawns as she glances at the phone once more, almost willing it to ring before bouncing the ball off the wall again absentmindedly. This kind of sucked, since all she was accomplishing right now was exactly the opposite of what she had in mind. Last night’s events seemed to be stuck on a loop for her and with nothing to distract her, she kept mulling things over. Kept poking at the situation mentally, kept thinking if she should’ve done things differently.

Maybe if things hadn’t been so awkward lately. Hell, every moment they had spent together, alone, without Henry running interference between the two of them, had been loaded with awkwardness. And last night hadn’t been any different. When she had been invited to stay for a drink, Emma had once again declined politely, just like the last four or so times she had done the same thing over the past few months. She doesn’t know if she’s become even better at reading her, or if Regina stopped trying to mask her emotions but Emma does know Regina had looked fairly disappointed before she’d schooled her features into something that approached neutrality. A mask that Emma had noted with some dismay, seemed to be the default that Regina returned to whenever something was bothering her.

She had thought about possibly accepting the offer after all, while Regina had walked her out, but Emma had been so confused still. And there was this never dissipating tension that ran between them now; she couldn’t put her finger on what it was, but if Emma had to guess it was because they had barely touched ever since that morning in Regina’s garden. Ever since they last kissed.

And that was what bothered her now. She’d been so close to kissing Regina last night. And she knew, from the look in Regina’s, from the way she was unable to keep herself from staring at Emma’s lips; that Regina wouldn’t have minded it in the least. Probably welcomed it in fact, so why hadn’t she kissed Regina? Why had she gone for a peck on the cheeks at the last possible moment instead of kissing the other woman goodnight like she really wanted to? Why had she made things even more awkward. Up until the point she’d stuffed her hands deeply into her pockets, shuffled her feet a little, before making some lame ass excuse and practically ran to her bug and drove home, without so much as a glance back?

Emma catches the ball again and rubs it between her hands as her eyebrows scrunch together into a deep frown. Regina had been teaching her magic once or twice a week and tomorrow they were going to delve into some more offensive spells. Just the two of them. Since Henry would be over with his father for the weekend. It would be the perfect opportunity to do.. Something at least. If only she could decide what.

Maybe ask her out on a proper date?

The ball rebounds a bit too low this time and though Emma ducks after it, until she is poised precariously on the edge of the chair, she still fails to catch it. Sighing, she watches the ball bounce around a few times before coming to a dead stop in a corner of the room.

Staring at it for a moment, Emma smiles and raises one of her hands in front of her. Even though she knows Regina would probably frown upon using magic for something as mundane as retrieving a ball from the ground, Emma likes to think it is harmless enough all the same, plus it is practice too. She stares at the ball and smirks with satisfaction as it vanishes and poofs into her hand a moment later. At least she has gotten really good at moving small things around now. Well...moving things towards herself, teleporting them elsewhere still was a hassle at times.

Emma distinctly recalls the last time she had tried to teleport an apple somewhere and it had ended up flying through one of Regina’s mansion’s windows. Needless to say the owner of said property hadn’t been exactly amused when she had taken note of the damage done. To be fair though, Regina had herself to blame, licking her lips after they had drank some lemonade in the garden to cool down and some of the moisture had clung to her slightly parted lips...

She studies the ball in her hand and thinks of teleporting it back to the corner where it had been moments ago, while mentally praying it wouldn’t end up being launched through one of the station’s windows. Emma is not entirely sure how she’ll end up explaining that one to her parents.

“You know, I don’t think I’ll ever get used to knowing you can wield magic.”

“Jesus...” Emma mutters, eyes wide. The ball vanishes from her hands and ends up just short of clocking Neal in the head as it sails right past him and bounces against the wall behind him.

“I suppose I should be happy that wasn’t a chair instead?” Neal questions as he glances over his shoulder at the ball which is slowly rolling towards the door.

“Sorry. I was..distracted. I didn’t expect to...” To see him here? She takes in his appearance quietly for a second. Why was he here? Her brain immediately supplies a bunch of worst-case scenarios and every single one of them fills her with a sense of dread. “Why are you here Neal? Please tell me your father didn’t blow up something else.”

“No,” he responds evenly, making some of the worries she was feeling ebb away. “Not yet at least, that’s why I’m here.”

Only to make those same worries rise back up again with a vengeance. Suddenly Emma wishes she had something stronger to drink than the horrible black drab that had to pass as coffee. Leaning back against the desk, she steals a quick glance at the trashcan next to it and the now-empty coffee cup that she had tossed in just an hour or two ago. A wistful look passes across her face as she thinks of the difference between Granny’s coffee in the mornings and the stuff that was brewed by the coffee-machine at the station. It never used to bother her as much before, certainly she had drank enough of the stuff before the curse broke. She wonders briefly if she is becoming a bit too spoiled.

“Want some coffee? I’m having a feeling that whatever you’re going to tell me, it’ll likely take a while and I don’t know about you, but I could really use some caffeine.”

“If that coffee is as bad as I remember it being, then no thanks, just water would be nice.”

Right, she had almost forgotten about the two brief visits he had paid her before. Once to tell her he was going out of town for a little while. And once to discuss where Henry would be staying over the course of the following weeks. At least both of those visits had been amicable, he had been almost subdued during their brief discussions and they had parted ways on good terms. It had considerably lifted her mood at least and gave her some hope that they would be able to find viable solutions in the future when it came to Henry.

Throwing him a water-bottle she fished from the mini fridge, she detours to the coffee-machine herself. Even though she knows she would likely only take a few small sips of the black substance, it was something to stall for a minute or so more, for Emma to gather her thoughts.

“I didn’t bother me as much when I discovered you could do magic initially,” Neal says from somewhere behind her and Emma freezes for a moment while rummaging about for her usual coffee-cup. “Probably because there wasn’t time to process it then. But..” She looks over her shoulder as he pauses and spies him twirling the cap of the water bottle between his index finger and thumb, while staring at it and appearing deep in thought. “It did bother me somehow afterwards, it was like this prickling presence at the back of my mind, knowing you could use magic, knowing what magic can do to people.”

“You worry it will...”

“I’ve seen up close what it can do to people, Emma.”

“But that’s different, your father is the Dark One,” Emma counters as she leans back against the wall and takes a small sip from her coffee.

“Believe me I know,” he says bitterly, the cap springing from between his fingers and landing on the floor between them. “That’s why I was helping him, I wanted my father back, the one I knew when I was young, but...” he sighs and closes his eyes for a moment. “Do you know how I ended up in this world initially?”

“Your father said you were running.”

Neal chuckles mirthlessly. “I’m sure he did. I opened a portal to a world without magic; to a world where he could be just Rumple. We could’ve been happy here, without magic, without this corrupting influence that changed him into the monster he is now. But when the portal opened he...let me go.” Emma sees some moisture gathering in his eyes as he blinks rapidly to clear them. “Instead of choosing me, he chose to keep his powers, he chose to be the coward he was known as before he became the Dark One. So yes..I ran. I didn’t want to have anything to do with him anymore.”

“But him almost dying changed things I assume.”

“Yeah, I thought that..well I saw flashes of my father instead of the Dark One, when we were in the back of his shop. I somehow hoped that this brief encounter with mortality as well as these passages from Belle’s books would change him. Would make him consider giving up his powers once and for all.”

Emma studies him quietly over the rim of her cup, mulling over the things he just told her; trying to figure out how it all fits into him coming over to the station. Somehow she was still missing some of the puzzle pieces. “Why tell me this now, Neal?”

“Because I don’t think it changed him at all. Because he’s been continuing these experiments of his, in secrecy, despite of how dangerous they are. You saw what happened the last time things got out of control Emma, there’s no telling what could happen next time. And I just..I’m done trying okay? I gave up on trying to change him.” Neal’s hands clench themselves into trembling fists, skin around his knuckles turning white with the effort. “He’ll gladly put an entire town in danger just to have a chance to return to the Enchanted Forest and right now I doubt he’ll even want to go there to give up on his powers. The way he’s been behaving lately, he could just as well be going there to make sure he’ll be able to keep them forever instead.”

“Again,” Emma says, unable to keep the hints of exasperation out of her voice, “why tell me this?”

“Because I might not like magic, but I’m also not stupid enough to think I can stop my father; not when he won’t listen to a single word I’m saying. The only thing that can stop him, that can stop his magic, would be more magic, Emma.”

“My magic?” Emma questions incredulously.

“Yours, Regina’s, whatever will stop him. I will likely leave town again for a while, just to put things into perspective, maybe try to find out if there’s another way to somehow stop him from using magic ever again. But I just..I’ve seen him kill people before, I know about the people he killed before, I refuse to have him take more lives. I..”

“Neal,” Emma whispers his name as she approaches him cautiously. She has a pretty good idea what he’s doing right now. Blaming himself for saving his father’s life if she interpreted the look on his face correctly. It made sense too and even though she is very conflicted about the whole situation with Rumplestilskin, he is still Neal’s father.

The moment she places a hand on his shoulder, his head tilts up, a helpless look etched across his features.

“I’ll talk to Regina okay? Maybe the Blue Fairy too. There’s got to be a way to make him stop using magic that has the potential to open up portals.”

“I stopped supplying him with magical relics after that last incident,” Neal says as he grabs the water bottle from the desk and takes a large gulp. “That’s when things got strained between us. I thought that maybe it would stop him, but instead it only seemed to determine him to try even harder.”

“You shouldn’t blame yourself for that Neal. I know we have our disagreements over some things you’ve done in the past, but I think you did right by protecting your father, by trying to save his life when he was in danger. He might be the Dark One but he is still your father.” Then thinking over what she just said, the corners of Emma’s mouth curl up in disdain. “And apparently Henry’s grandfather too.”

“I don’t think my father cares much for that.”

“Small blessing,” Emma states wryly. “I don’t know what I would’ve done if he had insisted on seeing his grandson every now and then.”

“Speaking of which though...thank you for letting him stay over during the weekend.”

Smiling, Emma sits herself down on one of the desks, legs dangling over the edge. “You’re welcome, I know he’s been a bit ecstatic to spend some more time with you.” She narrows her eyes at him, “something about sword fighting?”

Neal holds his hands up in a sign of surrender. “I’ll have you know we use wooden swords, the only harm that could befall him would be a few splinters.” Then his expression falls a little as he stares pensively at the water bottle in his hands. “He won’t be too happy I’ll be gone for a while I guess.”

“I wouldn’t worry about it too much,” Emma responds. “He’s been...different, might just be he’s growing out of his black and white views on the world out there.”

“I don’t think it’s just that.”

Emma regards him curiously. “What do you mean?”

“Henry has been telling me about Regina teaching you magic. He seems to be pretty okay with it judging from the tales he has been regaling me with.”

The expression on Neal’s face is unreadable, his eyes dart around the room and Emma can’t suppress this sense of worry where he might be going with this. The connection between her and Regina was still relatively new and fragile. And other than Henry giving them suspicious looks at times or what her parents knew of it; Emma was pretty sure they had managed to keep what was growing between the both of them a secret.

“Please tell me you aren’t going to go off on another rant about how Regina’s interactions with Henry might be corrupting him.”

He sighs, giving her the best wounded look he can manage and all Emma can do is roll her eyes at him in response. It never worked on her in the past, she has no idea why he would think it would be any different now.

“I guess I deserved that,” he mutters, pursing his lips. “I was frustrated when I said that and maybe...a little scared.”

“Of?”

“Not being able to see Henry again. I was afraid that he would be taken away from me, that I would be barred from seeing him. That I would lose him before I ever got to know him.”

“You already know that I won’t do this. I won’t limit your interactions with him alright? No matter how pissed off I get at you at times, I wouldn’t do that to you, or Henry for that matter.”

“I know this now,” Neal says softly, barely audible. “I didn’t back then. The thought of having to give him up just like I gave you up in the past...”

Emma fixes him with a glare upon hearing those words. “You didn’t have to,” she exclaims vehemently, nostrils flaring with the anger she is trying to suppress. “You could’ve fought for me, you could’ve asked freaking Pinnochio if there was another way. Instead you..”

“I thought I might have another shot...” he interrupts her, turning her anger into a confusion with his odd statement. “I thought that once you broke the curse, I could have another chance. And then you showed up in New York and I-I figured maybe with some time... We could grow closer yet again, have what we once had before.”

“You threw away that chance when you landed me in jail, Neal.” It comes out tiredly instead of angrily, a testimony to how weary she was of revisiting this particular topic. “Please tell me you didn’t break off your engagement because of that...”

“No, there was this whole thing about how the hell was I was going to explain to her that fairytales were real and that most of the characters in the books were living in a town in Maine.” He pauses and catches her eyes for a moment. “But..I guess I did still feel something, enough to make me question what I was feeling for Tamara, enough to make me ask myself if I could commit myself to anything less.”

“Neal..” Emma tries to think of how to let him down gently.

“It’s not just about what happened between us is it?” he asks her and Emma’s previous worry about where Neal would be going with this reasserts itself. “That I won’t have another chance at this. It’s not only because you ended up in jail because of me.”

“I’m..” her voice breaks a little as she flounders on what to tell him. “I’m not sure what you’re trying to say.”

Her thoughts race as she thinks of how to steer the topic away from where she was pretty sure it would be going, but to her horror she comes up empty. Opening her mouth a few times to say something, anything, she’s beaten to it by Neal.

“All this time you’ve spend together with her, the way you jump up to defend her instantly, all of your interactions recently.”

“I...” Emma just stares at him in disbelief.

“Regina, Emma? I might be dense sometimes but I’m not blind,” Neal says as he stands up from his chair and throws the empty bottle into the trashcan. “I also won’t tell anyone, if that’s what you’re worried about. I’ll be out of your hair in any case in a few days.”

Emma’s brains are completely scrambled, she can’t even find the words to deny his assumptions. All she can do is gape at him while her cheeks color into what she can only assume to be an interesting shade of red. “I don’t...” she finally manages to croak out. “How did you..” Somewhere in her mind there’s this vague notion that she was supposed to laugh it off; not admit that he was right, but it gets lost in the chaos.

“Neal...” she leaves the question up in the air, knowing he would pick up on it anyway.

“It’s the way you look at her,” he answers her as he turns around and walks towards the exit.

And even though Emma knows she should probably leave this well be, there’s this innate sense of curiosity that prompts her to ask anyway. “How do I look at her?”

“The same way you used to look at me.” He turns around and smiles at her, though she can’t find it in herself to smile back; too taken aback by the bombshell he just dropped on her. The next moment he leaves through the door and she’s left alone again.

Emma sits quietly at her desk for a while. Thinking over what Neal told her, what she herself had only been guessing so far, she finds she can no longer stay here. Nor can she wait for tomorrow. She casts a quick look at the phone on her desk before dismissing that thought.

Instead she grabs her blue leather jacket from the coat-rack and snags her car-keys from her desk.

[](http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9084864/28/All-These-Small-Steps-You-Take)   
  
  


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	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter count expanded for the last time (I promise!) chapter 31 got promoted to be significant, with 32 being sort of the epilogue. Also this chapter has a little Hurt/Comfort and no Neal (yay?)

* * *

-x-x-x-

[](http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9084864/29/All-These-Small-Steps-You-Take)   
  


“Miss Swan!”

“Uhm?” Emma belatedly realized, after her eyes settled on Regina, that the woman had likely been calling her name to get attention quite a few times already. At least judging from the extremely frustrated expression on her face and the way her hands were firmly planted onto her sides.

“You did not hear a single word of what I was just explaining to you, did you dear?”

Emma had the good sense to cringe a little at the scolding she was receiving. She gave Regina a sheepish look, as sure enough, the other woman had been right on the money with her assumption. Her thoughts had drifted elsewhere, while Regina instructed her on what to do and her concentration had drifted along with it. The tennis-ball was still in her outstretched palm, not having moved an inch in the past few minutes. Feeling a little caught, Emma lowered the hand and curled her fingers around the ball that was now slightly warm to the touch from the extended exposure to the sun.

“Perhaps a break might be in order?”

Sighing, Emma wipes few stray drops of sweat away from her forehead with her other hand. If only Regina knew what had gotten her so distracted. It wasn’t the heat at least. Though she had to draw in question the woman’s sense of timing; practicing magic during the hottest time of the day. And while watching a slightly overheated Regina try to explain magic wasn’t exactly helping her concentration, the real distraction laid into what happened a few days ago. Or rather, hadn’t happened a few days ago.

In retrospect maybe she should’ve handled the whole situation differently. But then these sort of things always seemed to happen between the two of them. Like some sort of cosmic joke; the outside interference that kept stalling the progress they were making.

On the other hand, in this case there was no one to blame but herself.

“Maybe, yeah,” Emma answers Regina’s question as she makes her way to the wooden bench shaded by a clump of trees.

Regina studies her for a moment then shakes her head, “I’ll go get us some refreshments, perhaps that’ll help you clear your head.” There was an edge of frustration to the tone Regina used and Emma wonders just how long she had been trying to get Emma’s attention previously.

Dropping the tennis-ball into the grass next to the bench, Emma tries to jog her memory a little. Lowering her head into her hands, she expels a long breath in frustration when she comes up empty. Mostly because all she could remember was thinking about how to divert the subject away from their magical lessons and towards broaching the question of having a possible dinner together sometime soon. But of course no suitable occasion had come up to do so.

When Emma stood at Regina’s door a few days ago, she had been so damn determined too. But then, after relaying Neal’s concerns over what his father might be up to, Regina’s face had taken on such a distraught expression that whatever else Emma had wanted to say died in her throat. Before she knew it, Regina had driven them both over to Gold’s shop to once again confront him, only to be told it was none of their concern. Regina had been positively livid the entire drive back to the mansion, and while she hadn’t spoken a single word, the way her hands had cramped around the steering wheel told Emma more than enough.

It didn’t help matters that Regina had insisted on ramping up their magic practice sessions; citing the need to have Emma ready for whatever might happen the moment Rumple actually managed to open a portal. The question of how likely it was that he would succeed was something that remained unspoken, but it seemed even Regina believed that there was no question about it anymore.

Mary Margaret and David didn’t have much luck with the fairies. Rumple had stolen most of their fairydust supplies months ago and the dwarves were yet to uncover more of the stuff. Which meant that, according to her parents, it was just up to her and Regina now.

And all Emma wanted to do was pretend that it wasn’t important, shove it all to the back of her mind and instead spend some time together with Regina; talking about things that didn’t involve scheming little imps or magic in general for that matter.

“Is it because of Gold?” Regina offered her an glass of iced-tea as she asked the question.

“What about him?” Emma couldn’t help feeling a little confused, “and thank you.”

“The reason you’ve been so distracted lately.”

“Partially I suppose.” It wasn’t exactly a lie at least. “You could feel it too right? In his shop? The magical residue? It’s nothing like before, when we were there after the implosion, this to me felt like..like, well, more. I don’t know if that makes sense.”

“It does,” Regina says quietly, toying with the slice of lemon perched on the rim of her glass. “You are right.”

“So how does any of what we’re doing right now help with that?” Emma exclaims frustratingly, figuring if nothing else, this would help her keep her attention on the magic instead of the things she really wanted to ask.

“What do you propose we should be doing then dear? As you are well aware magic is emotion, but it’s also important to be able to properly focus on what you are doing. Seeing as you aren’t even able to complete simple parlor tricks right now...”

Regina left the sentence hanging to Emma’s great annoyance. But it also helped spur her into action and even as she places the glass of ice-tea down in the empty space on the bench between them, her eyes found the tennis-ball at the same time. The magic bubbles to the surface easily and Emma guides it towards her outstretched hands. An image comes to her and she holds on to it, linking it to where she wants the ball to go. And then it is gone from the grass.

Emma smirks as she turns her head to catch the glare directed her way.

“Was this really necessary Miss Swan?” Regina sputters indignantly and plucks the ball from her lap where Emma had teleported it. There is a small brown-ish stain on the pale-blue dress she is wearing and Regina’s eyes narrow as she takes a note of it.

“Got the point across, didn’t it?” Emma ducks her head to hide her amusement. “Interesting how you never seem to call me Miss Swan anymore, except when you’re annoyed with me,” she remarks as she peers at the woman from underneath her eyelashes.

“Since you seem to have this strange, almost compulsive, penchant for annoying me dear, I do believe I will continue calling you Miss Swan quite a lot in the foreseeable future.”

Emma’s nose wrinkles as she grins broadly at the dig, unlike in the past, she could recognize these comments for what they were; harmless banter. Studying Regina a little closer though, revealed that underneath the immaculate facade she was hiding some worries of her own. Emma could only assume it was the same thing that had her worried in turn; Gold’s antics when it came to magic. Magic that even she and Regina combined would likely be hard-pressed to counter when it came to it.

“Since I completed today’s course of so-called parlor tricks, can’t we try something more difficult?” Emma questions carefully. “Something more...useful?”

“Are you trying to tell me something?”

“I was just thinking that..” Emma tamps down on her lower lip while dodging Regina’s questioning look. “I know the basics of protecting myself. I know this stuff about barriers that was written in the book you once gave me but...well, I wondered about more advanced stuff you know? Things from...” Emma hesitated then, fidgeting with the hem of her shirt, “from your mother’s books?”

It wasn’t exactly the easiest subject to broach, especially considering that on the day they had discussed the book’s contents initially, their impromptu kiss had thrown such a big wrench in the works. And after that there hadn’t been a reason anymore to talk about it, until now at least.

After a moment of silence from Regina, Emma is about to offer an apology, but the look on her face must have revealed how she was feeling. “It’s alright dear.” Regina offers. “My mother had enemies, indeed a lot of enemies. So yes, she certainly had to find ways of protecting herself.” Smiling slightly, she looks at Emma who suddenly seems more intent on finding where the tennis ball had gone, rather than returning the gaze. “I’m just concerned that this would be too much of a leap suddenly, from the games with simpler things. It would be a whole different kind of magic.”

“That’s quite it though, isn’t it?” Emma replies, feeling a little more encouraged. “Would these games, as you say, be enough when it really came down to something serious.” When Regina still gives her something of a doubtful look, Emma thinks of something to convince the other woman. “If I remember right it was you that said I was gifted, right? And it was also you that said that you wanted to teach me appropriate magic to protect people, Henry in particular. I think we both know it’s not just about Henry anymore, it’s about everyone, the town, my parents, you. I want to learn this, so I can protect you too, the same way I know you can already protect me.”

There’s silence for a few seconds, until Regina breaks it, “very well, though we’ll start with the barrier spells you already know.”

Emma was still mentally conjuring up new arguments to convince Regina when the words register in her brains. “Really?” she exclaims with wide eyes.

“Of course dear, unless you’re having second tho..”

“No,” Emma interrupts her. “No, it’s all good. Even if it’s the spells I already know, it beats teleporting the damned tennis-ball around the yard.”

Regina nods and then stares at her thoughtfully for a long moment, long enough to make Emma’s heart beat a little faster. “Thank you for saying that,” she speaks up eventually, as one of her hands reaches out to tuck a stray lock of hair back behind Emma’s ear. “That you want to protect me,” Regina clarifies, her eyes flicking to her out-stretched hand, a little color making it’s way to her cheeks as she withdraws it again.

Emma catches the hand with one of her own before it retreats too far and moves it back towards her face, leaning in to it ever so slightly and smiling when Regina got the hint and cupped her cheek. “I enjoy this,” Emma whispers, lacing their fingers together. “And I..missed this too, so whenever you feel the need to touch me, I-I don’t mind you know?”

There is no answer, but Regina still keeps looking at her, with this mystifying look that Emma can’t decipher no matter how she tries. After a few seconds more, the fingers remove themselves from Emma’s and the hand moves away again wordlessly. She wants to ask what the other woman was thinking, wants to continue in the vein of what she said previously, but found the words stop from crossing her lips with Regina standing up from the bench and avoiding her eyes.

“Regina?”

“Let’s just..” Regina clears her throat as she stares at the herb-garden in front of her. “Lets try the barrier spells alright?”

“Right..” Emma mutters, trying to school her features into a mask that wouldn’t betray her bitter disappointment at the way Regina was shutting her out again.

Briefly she thinks of disrupting this damned back and forward dance they seemed to be stuck in, by throwing the woman against the mansion wall and kissing her senseless. But, it was only a thought and the urge slowly fades back into the recesses of her mind. It was how she fucked things up in the past and she would be damned if she lets that happen again. So she’ll give Regina time, as much as she needed to; even though at the moments like these, it kills Emma inside to not be able to do as she was feeling.

When she looks at Regina again, even though her back is turned towards Emma, she can’t help thinking of what Neal told her. That it was the way she looks at Regina. The way she used to look at him. When she had been in love with him.

It’s strange too. Because when she thinks of it now, when she admits it to herself now; that she’s in love with Regina, she can’t remember when she didn’t feel this way. And though she has analyzed herself, thought back about all the weeks and months that have passed, which they spent together, she can’t pinpoint an exact day when things changed.

Maybe because things were changing still.

Even now. Even with Regina’s semi-dismissal moments before. Emma wasn’t stupid, she could feel this mounting tension between the two of them. And if she could feel it, so could Regina. Something would likely have to give. Soon.

Until then at least she was going to patiently bide her time.

“Miss Swan?”

Emma rolls her eyes. “What?” she says, unable to keep the aggravation out of her voice.

“I was asking if you could try to conjure up a barrier around the table there. But it seems you once again weren’t paying attention. Perhaps this isn’t such a good idea after all.”

“Just give me a minute to think, alright?”

“So you weren’t distracted and did pay attention to everything I just told you?”

“I didn’t say that,” Emma admits as she feels herself flush under the scrutinizing look she was receiving. “Why the table?” she asks in order to steer the topic to something that wouldn’t make her blush an even deeper shade of red.

“Did you or did you not read the basics on barrier-spells?” Regina asks her, sounding exasperated with Emma’s stalling tactics.

“I did but..”

“Then cast a barrier around the table.”

Emma scowls at the order. Honestly sometimes she didn’t get Regina’s mood-swings. Or come to think of it, maybe she did, in a way. How she moves from appearing so vulnerable one moment to cold and distant the next. A way to protect herself, even though Emma knew with utter certainty, that Regina should trust her enough by now to know Emma wouldn’t hurt her. But then, the damage from their mutual pasts, from their lost loved ones, maybe it did make sense. In a twisted kind of way.

“I only ever casted barriers around myself Regina,” Emma speaks up as she attempts to explain herself. “That table holds no value to me, it’s not something I want to protect, so I don’t know right now how to cast a barrier around it, okay?”

 

Relief floods her when Emma notices some of the coldness dissipating from Regina’s features. “I see, lets try a different approach then dear.” Her lips quirk up in a soft smile as she makes a few motions with her wrists.

The barriers aren’t visible, but Emma knows they are there all the same. Not only can she sense them, but when she takes a step forward and stretches her hands out, she can feel it too. “How strong is this stuff?” she questions curiously.

“Strong enough to withstand a building collapsing on top of you, in theory.”

That statement makes Emma’s eyebrows hike up to her forehead. “That strong huh?” She thinks of the groundwork behind conjuring up the barriers and makes a motion with her own wrist. The barrier pops in place instantly and she smiles gleefully at the easiness with which she manages this.

“Do you feel the difference?” Regina’s comment makes her focus on the separate barriers. It also makes Emma aware of her shortcomings and she growls a little under her breath. “You are capable of much stronger magic Emma, I will show you a few things, just don’t expect your barrier to be as strong as mine as fast as today okay?”

“Okay,” Emma confirms.

Regina swirls the fingers of one of her hands in the air a few times and both barriers disappear, leaving Emma gaping at the ease with which Regina was able to do this. “Why is this still so hard for me?” she wonders out loud while trying to stop herself from pouting.

“You still think too much dear. You need to guide it, control it, but it’s instinctual, it doesn’t require as much thought as you try to put into it.”

“Right, emotions again.” Emma puffs her cheeks and thinks of protecting herself from harm. Imagining she was also protecting others at the same time, letting her emotions guide the flow of magic. As she casts the barrier this time, she can already feel the differences.

“Very good,” Regina says. “I’m impressed with your progress. There are a few other tricks to it. Even if your barriers are slightly weaker like in this case, there are ways to strengthen them temporarily. Though there are drawbacks as well. Your front side would be a lot stronger, but your backside would be virtually unprotected as a result.”

“If I get it right you’re trying to say you can shift the energy?”

“Very astute dear.”

“But wouldn’t it be easier to only place a frontal barrier in this case?” Emma questioned.

“A complete barrier is probably the wiser choice in most situations Emma. The more barriers you need to conjure up, the more energy you need to spend on keeping them up. Someone could easily flank your sides by the time you put up another barrier. While if you shift the energy, you can focus the magic where it would be needed the most.”

Which did make sense, Emma thinks. She lowers the barrier herself this time, feeling a little drain on her reserves as she does so. Sometimes, when she practiced the more common spells, she almost forgot about how quickly magic ran out in this world. It did make her curious as to what limits, if any, would be posed on one’s magic usage in the Enchanted Forest. Or other worlds for that matter.

“I’ll conjure up a few balls of energy and test your barriers with them, if you want to try out shifting your powers. They wouldn’t do much if they did penetrate the barriers, it’s very weak magic, compare it to a tennis ball hitting you.”

“Funny,” Emma mutters as her eyes twinkle. She hadn’t forgotten how Regina had thrown the same ball to her a few days ago and told her to teleport it elsewhere. Only for the ball to bump into her shoulders because Emma failed at the task.

Regina circles her very slowly, slow enough for Emma to strengthen the barrier pretty easily every time another ball of magic energy was thrown. She thinks about half of the magic passes through her barrier once, but questions if it actually happened because she can’t recall feeling any of the energy-ball’s effects.

“Could you put a little more power behind those energy-balls?” Emma questions after she blocks another one. “Because I can barely even sense them hitting the barrier,” she adds when Regina raises an eyebrow at her in a silent question.

“Fine, but tell me if it’s too much alright?”

Emma nods and immediately feels the difference when the new energy-balls spark off her barrier. She is still able to keep up with it though and smiles broadly as she blocks every ball that is launched towards her, without faltering even once.

“A little more?” She asks.

“I’m not sure if that’s a good idea. This is probably enough for the day, dear,” Regina says as she stops casting for a moment.

“Why?” Emma responds as she rolls her shoulders. “I think I’m actually getting pretty good at this and I feel like I’m in a bit of a flow right now? So I think we should continue.” When Regina still hesitates, Emma tries to assure her. “Just, let’s try this for a few more minutes okay? We can go back to boring teleporting and levitating spells after that if you want.”

Regina seems to struggle with herself for a few seconds before sighing and nodding her head. “A few more minutes,” she conceded. “Ready?”

Emma can feel the difference this time. She has actual trouble with blocking some of the balls, though she does get better after the first four or so. Keeping her focus on the barrier, she flicks her eyes every now and then to the woman circling her. It was going pretty damn smoothly too. Until she glances up a bit too long and catches sight of Regina licking her lips as she casts another energy-ball.

Emma’s attention wavers. For a second. Just a second. But it proves to be enough.

She is too slow. And it is like..it happens in slow motion. She can feel the force of the impact hitting her right on her chest, knocking the wind out of her and launching her backwards. Her shoulder hit something solid and she can feel her arm scraping along an object. It ends with her head colliding with the table’s edge and she falls down half against it, feeling woozy as her vision shifts in front of her eyes.

One of her hands goes up to her forehead and comes away wet, though there didn’t seem to be that much blood, meaning it was likely only a scrape. For a moment, a flash of a memory holds her captive. The dull throbbing of the cut on her forehead, her back impacting against something, the sound of wood breaking. Her eyes close as she pushes the memory away. Only for them to shoot open again when she hears the gasp.

Her eyes find Regina with difficulty, taking in the utterly horrified expression that is painted clearly across her features. Her hands tremble, and then she runs before Emma can say even a single word. She’s too shocked by what just happened still, but the urge to go after Regina gives her a second wind. Standing up on wobbly legs she calls out Regina’s name, unsurprised to get no response in return.

“Shit,” she curses as she takes a few careful steps towards the house. Emma prays that Regina is hiding somewhere within and hadn’t teleported to another location. If she did, Emma wouldn’t have a clue on how to find her and fix what happened.

“Regina?” she tries calling again after she enters the house.

Emma has to find support to hold on to a few times, the impact with the table outside having left her with just the slightest concussion it would seem. Getting more frantic with every room she searches, Emma comes up empty every single time. Briefly, while standing in the foyer she wonders if Regina could be hiding in the basement, but then her eyes flit up to the staircase. She could slap herself for not thinking of that before. If she had to take a guess, Regina was in her bedroom, one of the only places where she would be likely to draw comfort from.

Emma doesn’t see her at first. Even though the door was ajar enough for her to pass through and into the room effortlessly, the curtains being drawn cast the entire room into darkness, despite the fact it was only late afternoon. It is the few stray rays of light entering the room from a side of a curtain that isn’t closed fully, that partially touch the person standing in front of the windows.

Breath catches in Emma’s throat as her eyes grow accustomed to the lingering darkness and she takes notice of how Regina’s arms are drawn around herself and how her head is bend slightly forward.

“Regina?” she calls out quietly, her heart beating a little faster as she slowly walks up to the woman. “What just..just happened was an accident, you know that right?” Emma asks as she comes to a standstill between the large bed and Regina’s still unmoving form.

“Yes..” comes the very soft response, “I know.”

“Then...” Emma swallows around the lump in her throat as she thinks of what to say. “Is it..the memories? Of what happened before? Because it’s not the same at all.”

“I..” Whatever else Regina was going to say, Emma doesn’t know as all that follows is an almost suffocating silence.

Emma’s shoulders slump a little in defeat. She wants to.. Do something, anything and yet.. For once she just screws her courage and takes one more step forward. She moves her arms around Regina’s waist, until her hands find Regina’s and settle on top of them. Emma sucks in a breath as she feels Regina’s hands grab hers and for a moment...for a moment she thinks the comforting gesture wasn’t welcome and her arms would be pushed away. But to her surprise she feels some pressure being exerted instead, forcing her limbs to be wrapped tighter around the hands and arms beneath her own.

Most of Regina’s body is still tense though and Emma pulls the woman against her chest, molding their bodies together as she wordlessly tries to reassure Regina that they are okay. “Let it go,” Emma whispers next to one of Regina’s ears, smiling lightly at the hints of a shiver she can feel passing through the body. “I got you, just..let me do this.”

Regina visibly relaxes into Emma’s embrace and she leans forward slightly on impulse and places a series of soft kisses on Regina’s exposed shoulder. “It was just an accident,” Emma repeats softly.

She feels a little confused when Regina tenses up for a moment, before extricating herself from Emma’s hold and turning around. There are few stray tear tracts that Emma can spy before her eyes are drawn towards the pair of brown ones focusing on her intently. Regina freezes when her eyes flicker to Emma’s forehead and one of her hands reaches out hesitatingly.

“I’m sorry,” Regina says, voice small, “I didn’t..we shouldn’t..”

“I’m fine,” Emma tries to reassure Regina. She is struck by an idea and one of her hands shoots up to cover the hand Regina was attempting to retract again. Much like she had done earlier, Emma guides their linked hands back towards the wound. “Help me,” Emma whispers as she tries to convey with her eyes that there was no one to blame for what happened.

She focuses her magic while catching Regina’s eyes and what she sees there makes her heart actually skip a beat or two. A warm feeling engulfs the spot where their joint hands rest, settles into the dull throb below the skin and slowly makes it ebb away into nothingness. While she heals, Regina’s eyes never waver from her own and Emma can’t look away. Even though she knows what’s in her eyes right now, what’s behind them, what she has been trying to hide the past few weeks. Or maybe even longer.

Regina doesn’t say a word all through the healing. Nor when they are done. But there’s a gentle pressure on their linked hands, forcing it downwards, towards Emma’s chin and Regina stares at her lips, the intent clear. Emma can’t even think of stopping her, as the space between them becomes smaller until warm puffs of air ghosts across her skin and soft lips brush against her own as Emma closes her eyes, losing herself in the kiss.

Soft at first, it quickly grows deeper. A tongue slides past her lips into her mouth and Emma groans in response. She untangles their fingers and moves one of her hands to the nape of Regina’s neck while the other wanders across Regina’s cheek; keeping their mouths firmly fused together.

It is not until Emma can feel a hand dip along the hem of her t-shirt and settle onto the naked skin underneath it that she slowly brings their kissing to a stop. Before Regina can say anything, Emma moves one of her fingers across the other woman’s lips.

“I want to...” Emma states as she removes her finger and slides her tongue quickly across Regina’s kiss-swollen lips. “You have no idea how I want to, but, considering what just happened I-I just, I don’t think...”

Regina licking her lips, slowly and meticulously, transfixes Emma utterly and throws her thoughts into such a state of disarray that she forgets completely about whatever it was that she was going to say next. “God, that’s really evil,” she manages to croak out when the pink tongue disappears again.

“Stay,” Regina asks, her eyes soft and questioning as they flicker between Emma and the bed that was in front of them. “I’m actually pretty tired and I just..stay,” Regina repeats. “Please?”

Emma recognizes the request for what it is and simply nods. For a moment she feels indecisive as she watches Regina taking off her heels and settling herself onto the bed. But then sucking in a deep breath, she wrestles a little with her own pair of boots, before laying herself down stiffly on the other side of the bed.

She raises an eyebrow as Regina sighs and and rolls her eyes. The eyebrow rises up even higher when Regina turns to her side and wriggles herself into Emma’s direction and it was only then that she gets the hint. Her arms wrap themselves around Regina’s body again, mimicking their earlier embrace.

The toll of the day’s events, as well as the warmth that is shared between their bodies lulls Emma into a state of drowsiness. One of her hands is grasped and raised, with a soft kiss placed on the palm. Emma watches as Regina’s head tilts slightly up and sideways from where it had been resting on the pillow and she suddenly finds herself at the receiving end of a radiant smile.

Smiling back as she settles their joined hands down onto the bed, Emma simply looks as Regina sighs and closes her eyes slowly, all the remains of weariness melting away from her features. After what can only be minutes, Emma hears Regina’s breathing settling into a steady rhythm and she become aware that this is the second time she sees her falling asleep; and realizes Regina has rarely looked as peaceful as she does now.

As she feels her eyelids growing heavy also, Emma can only think that this is the sight she wishes to keep falling asleep with from now on.

 

 

-x-x-x-

* * *


	30. Chapter 30

 

* * *

 

-x-x-x-

Emma stops at the top of the stairs. The smell of freshly brewed coffee entices her and she is really hankering for a dose of much needed caffeine. And yet she doesn’t move.

 

Because despite of how the morning has gone down, there’s a reluctance to move forward. All of the previous day’s events are still tumbling through her mind, highlighting her inability to face on any one of them specifically. She knows it means something though, what happened early last night. Regina’s request for her to stay over, to be touched. The way she had dropped her walls and basically requested to be held. The memory of it still brings a smile to her lips.

 

But at the same time, when she had woken up this morning, she had been alone. And Emma knew from having woken up once or twice during the night, that Regina had been right next to her with one hand having crawled underneath Emma’s t-shirt and splayed across the naked skin of her abdomen, appearing to be peacefully asleep. Her heart had skipped a beat upon noticing the almost serene expression on Regina’s face then. And though Regina’s wandering hand was distracting, to say the least, Emma left it where it was, content to spend some more time watching the other woman sleep before she drifted off herself again.

 

That was the last time she had seen Regina, because the moment she woke up again, Emma had been alone in the suddenly too big, bed. Briefly, she had panicked, unsure of what happened and where she was before the day’s events had caught up with her. And then the panic had faded, replaced by a strange sense of disappointment, mixed with a little awareness of why she was feeling that same disappointment. The knowledge that she had been looking forward to actually waking up the way she had fell asleep; holding Regina so close to her.

 

Emma had been looking forward to seeing Regina wake up. All tousled hair and squinting sleepy eyes, slightly groggy from sleeping for such a long period of time. She had wondered, she had imagined and so for Emma to wake up alone, it stirred something deep within her. Feelings she was still coming to terms with and an abrupt realisation that being alone all the time, even if she had Henry around sometimes, was no longer going to cut it.

 

She wanted more. A lot more. Sleeping together and waking up, more. Spending time together without needing an excuse to, more. And it’s what made her stop where she was standing at now. Peering down the spiraling stairway, pondering over what she is going to say to Regina.

 

But the minutes pass and she is coming up empty still. Not to mention she really wanted the damn coffee. Sighing, she slowly walks down the stairs and makes her way to the kitchen. All the while hoping that the situation wouldn’t descend into awkwardness when she makes her presence known.

 

Regina has her back towards Emma while she is mixing something in a bowl and despite her wool gathering earlier, Emma still has a hard time focusing on what she is supposed to do. What she is supposed to say. Her eyes quickly skim over the various items and products on the counter and she swiftly deduces just what exactly Regina was making for breakfast.

 

“Pancakes?” she blurts out. Then realizing what she said, her eyes widened. So much for starting up a deep and meaningful conversation right off the bat. “Uhm..” she mutters upon noticing Regina turning around, one eyebrow cocked in question as she gave Emma a quick once over.

 

“Henry always seemed to enjoy them for breakfast,” Regina speaks up after a moment. “I was thinking that...” she turns around and pours a little of the batter into the frying pan. “Unless you aren’t staying of course..”

 

“And miss out on the pancakes? Not a chance, of course I’m staying,” Emma grins as she walks up to Regina and watches her flip two of the pancakes around. “You knew I was standing there before I spoke up, didn’t you?” she more states than asks.

 

“Do we really need to address your lack of subtlety again dear?”

 

Chuckling, Emma reaches out with one of her hands and idly draws a few circles on Regina’s arm. She notices a sharp, albeit shaky, intake of breath but otherwise Regina seems to be unfazed with Emma’s slightly intimate gesture.

 

“Thank you for letting me borrow some of your things, so I could freshen myself up a bit. Though I really wish there was a spell to teleport some clean clothes over.” Emma makes a face as she glances down at herself and the same set of clothes she had worn the day before. At least the quick shower she had taken had helped a little with the grime and such, but still.

 

“You’re welcome,” Regina says as her eyes flicker from where Emma was drawing circles on her skin to Emma’s eyes. “I hope I did not wake you up? You seemed to be sleeping pretty deeply an hour ago.”

 

“Truthfully, I think the amount of sleep I got woke me up. I can’t remember the last time I slept that long.” Emma smiles softly as she withdraws her hand. “Though I have to say I really wish you had been there when I woke up.”

 

“Oh?” The pan Regina is holding hovers somewhere between the stove and the set of plates, as her eyes find Emma’s.

 

“Yeah, I kind of enjoy watching you,” Emma admits. Then, because she couldn’t resist teasing Regina a little; “you look really cute when you are sleeping,” and adds as she notices a tinge of red rising on Regina’s cheeks, “even though you snore.”

 

“I do not snore,” Regina sputters indignantly as she places a few pancakes on the plates. “And I am most certainly not cute while sleeping.”

 

“Adorable then if you like it better, but even if you don't believe me, you can't tell me that you didn't notice where your hand was when you woke up.”

 

“Perhaps I did...” Regina says, a mischievous glint in her eyes which makes Emma gulp a little and wonder what the hell she just got herself into.

 

One of Regina’s hands wanders to the hem of her shirt and Emma freezes up as she feels the soft fluttering of fingers roaming freely across the skin of her abdomen. Without warning Regina leans in, her lips capturing Emma’s. The surprise only lasts a second, but then Emma moves one of her hands to Regina’s jaw and tilts her head as she deepens the kiss.

 

The hand on her stomach glides towards the small of her back, proceeding to guide them both towards one of the kitchen-counters. She gasps when Regina withdraws from the kiss for a moment and sucks at her lower lip, her dark eyes finding Emma’s as she flicks her tongue across Emma’s slightly parted lips before slipping back into her mouth again. One of Regina’s thighs settles between Emma’s legs and she can’t help bucking into it, moaning in appreciation of the move, while Regina is attempting to pin her against the counter.

 

The ardent kisses are like a fire blazing through her veins and Emma knows, thinks with what little braincells are actually functioning right now; that they should probably stop this before they end up having sex on the kitchen-floor of all places. Not that she... _Fuck_ , she curses inwardly as she feels Regina nip and suck while the hand on her backside slides down, molding their bodies closer together.

 

“God..” Emma mutters as she breaks the kiss. It really doesn’t help her thinking process when she feels fingers tilt her jaw up and Regina begins trailing kisses across the skin there before settling for her throat. “Regina,” she whimpers when a wet tongue paints a few licks across her skin in between the kisses.

 

Emma feels conflicted when Regina moves back up and places one last soft kiss on the corner of her mouth before withdrawing a little, though there are fingers on her chin still and Emma finds herself completely captivated by the way Regina is looking at her.

 

“I..” she pants, surprised with finding her voice sounding so hoarse.

 

“Yes?” Regina looks way too pleased with herself and if only Emma’s brain would actually manage to string a few coherent words together, she could think of an appropriate come-back instead of imitating a fish; the way her mouth keeps opening and closing. “Kissing to shut a person up, thank you for providing me with such an excellent idea, dear. Feel free to talk whenever you’ve regained your voice.”

 

Emma mock-glares at Regina even as she flicks her tongue across her swollen lips. She smirks as Regina’s smug look evaporates instantly in response. Two could  play that game. Though the way Regina kept looking at her, and especially her lips...

 

“P-pancakes...remember?” Emma manages to stutter out as she hastily grabs one of the plates and scurries off towards the dining-table.

 

She breathes a little sigh of relief when Regina doesn’t say a word, but fills two mugs with coffee and brings them over to the table as well.

 

“I wanted to...” Emma reiterates what she said only a day ago. “God, the way you kiss I just...” she trails off, flustered. Ducking her head she deftly rolls up one of the pancakes with her fork and knife and pours a little syrup on top of it.

 

“But we should talk,” Regina finishes Emma’s line of thought for her.

 

“Yeah.” Emma nods while cutting off a piece of the pancake, spearing it on her fork and bringing it to her mouth. It was only when she starts to chew on it that she truly becomes aware of how hungry she is, not having eaten a thing in over half a day.

 

She was fervently trying not to chow down the food, especially considering how damn delicious the pancakes actually were. Regina for her part neatly slices up her own pancakes and eats them slowly and regally. Of course she eats them like only a Queen would, Emma thinks, silently amused by the way Regina sips delicately from the coffee-cup after every other bite or so.

 

“I meant what I said earlier,” Emma speaks up after she starts on her second pancake. She evades Regina’s questioning glance, focusing on dousing the pancake with way too much syrup instead. “That I like watching you sleep. And I..would’ve liked waking up like that too.”

 

When Regina pauses cutting up the pancake to regard her curiously, Emma fidgets a little in her seat. She still wasn’t sure what the other woman was thinking about their evolving relationship, or if she shared Emma’s growing feelings. But she knew they had to talk about this sooner or later. And at the very least, the way Regina had kissed her senseless in the kitchen minutes ago gave her a little boost of confidence to continue with her monologue.

 

“Hell,” she mutters, finally flicking her eyes up to gaze deeply into Regina’s pair of expressive brown ones, “when I woke up and panicked for a brief moment, I realized how much I wished that you were there when I opened my eyes. And I’ve..I just..I’ve..” Emma swallows as she tries to express what she was feeling right now. “I’ve not felt like that in ages Regina. Wanting to be with someone like that and I guess I...hoped, that it wasn’t just me you know?”

 

She feels a hand covering her own, grasped around a cup of coffee. Emma stares at the fingers lacing themselves with hers.

 

“When you came to me to make things right, shortly after we first kissed and you ran off. Do you remember how I asked you what it was you were feeling?”

 

Emma can feel her heartbeat increasing and she once again looks up at Regina, the words creating such conflict in her that it renders her speechless.

 

“You can tell me, when I can tell you,” Regina continues, voice so very soft, like she barely spoke at all. Then after staring pensively at the table surface for a few seconds she continued, “I like this,” she murmurs as she holds up their linked hands, “and acknowledging that, how easy it had been to fall into this, still takes me by surprise. But I like this, Emma, and I want to have more, experience more, see where it leads..”

 

“I think it was leading us to the kitchen floor just a few minutes ago,” Emma jokes, even as she quirks a smile at Regina.

 

“You give me too little credit dear, unlike you I would’ve had enough self-control to steer us towards a more comfortable surface.”

 

“Yeah?” Emma questions, one of her eyebrows arching up. “What surface would that be?”

 

“The sofa, it was the closest.”

 

Chuckling, Emma presses a quick kiss to the hand that was still holding hers captive. “It’s nice to known that neither of us wouldn’t have had enough self-control to make it up the stairs,” she muses while drinking a few more gulps of coffee.

 

The smile that Regina flashes by way of an answer makes Emma feel like butterflies had taken up residence in the pit of her stomach. She was glad they got this out of the way, that Regina seemed to be pretty much on the same page, but the mention of going up the stairs also reminds her of how they had ended up in bed together the day before. It sobers her up far too quickly for her liking, but she knows that they had to address this as well, as much as she wishes they could just skip over it.

 

Emma figures the worry was radiating off her in waves. Either that or the conflict was easily readable on her features, but trust Regina to immediately take notice and call her out on it.

 

“Something on your mind, dear?”

 

“Yes,” Emma admits as she moves the plate of uneaten pancakes away and pulls Regina’s hand a little more towards her; not caring one bit that Regina had to actually move to a different, closer, chair because of that.

 

“What happened yesterday, during the magical training.” Emma can feel Regina’s hand twitching in her grasp but she refuses to let it go. “I just...I want to make sure you understand that it doesn’t change anything Regina. That I want to learn even more from you, even if stuff like that might happen at times. It was an accident okay? And besides from a small flashback, nothing serious happened, in fact I didn’t have any nightmares whatsoever and I’m pretty sure you had none either. So I need you to understand that, I’ve forgiven you a long time ago for what happened that day.”

 

“Thank you,” Regina says after a moment, voice sounding slightly constricted. “I know you have. It is as you said yesterday, the memories it invoked. Seeing the cut on your forehead, on almost the exact same spot as...” Regina shakes her head and casts her eyes down for a moment, before they center on their clasped hands resting between them on the table.

 

“I did not feel guilty on that day, months ago, when..” she says softly, a barely noticeable tremble making the words sound far more fragile than they should. “Not even when I helped to heal you Emma. I did not truly feel sorry, despite the note I wrote to you. I was more worried about not being able to see Henry again, after you told me your side of the story. I did not feel..much of anything, not until I found you at the station and I saw..I saw...” she stops completely, voice hitching.

 

“Regina...” Emma swallows around the lump in her throat as she sees the cascade of emotions flickering across Regina’s features. “I know. And really it’s okay, I don’t think either of us trusted each other back then, not fully at least. But we do now, I think that’s what matters. There are always going to be moments when we end up fighting about something or the other, but I’d also like to think we can at least talk about it now. Get it out in the open and try to resolve it.”

 

She tries to smile encouragingly at Regina but an air of apprehension still seems to surround her and Emma caresses the back of Regina’s hand soothingly with the pad of her thumb. “I want you to teach me more magic, but I want to spend more time with you otherwise too. Not just with Henry either..I want..” Emma clears her throat nervously. “I’d like to have dinner with you. Like at my place or something, just the two of us..”

 

“Was this you asking me out on a date, dear?”

 

“Uhm..maybe?” She flushes a little with the intensity of Regina’s gaze, until Emma spies her lips curving into a radiant smile after a few seconds had ticked away. “It’s not just that though, I’d like to spend more time with you, without needing an excuse to do so.”

 

“I’d like that too,” Regina says. “To spend more time with you. I’ve already shared things, talked about things, I didn’t think I’d ever be able to share with anyone else. I would very much like to keep doing that, without a pretense either.” Then she leans forward and places the lightest of kisses on Emma’s lips. “Besides, I’ve grown used to having you interloping upon my premises at the most unfortunate of times.”

 

“Uh-huh, you know what I think though?”

 

“Do tell, dear.”

 

“I think secretly, you liked every single one of my unannounced visits in the past.”

 

“And you really liked looking at me when I was tending to my garden,” Regina counters, chuckling lightly at the way Emma gapes at her.

 

“Are you implying I was checking you out, Your Majesty?”

 

“Not implying, you weren’t very subtle..”

 

Rolling her eyes, Emma nevertheless barked out a laugh. It was the way it was said so very teasingly, bordering on sultry sweet. The way her lips curled up the faintest bit, the crinkles around her eyes and how she was just..Regina, without attempting to hide behind any masks or walls. And it made Emma’s heart soar, spreading a warmth through her body like wildfire, it felt precious, something to cherish even now, and this too, she adds to the list of things she wants more of.

 

“Whenever you want to switch from teaching me magic to teaching me on how to be more subtle, please do tell,” Emma joked. Getting a faint smile in response.

 

In the lull of their bantering, Emma’s eyes find the wall-clock and she sighs upon noticing how much time has passed already this morning. “Though it would have to wait until later this week I suppose.”

 

“Henry?”

 

Emma nodded. “Yeah, he’s at my parents, they’re going to help out the dwarves at the new Town Hall this afternoon, so I got to pick him up in a bit. I have some work to do at the station too after that, but...if you want I could come over tonight, bring Henry along with me?”

 

“That would be fine dear.”

 

“Right so..” Emma muttered as she stood up from the table. “About the proposed date..how does next Saturday sound?”

 

“Saturday sounds alright to me,” Regina said, and Emma breathed a little sigh in relief. “I’m not opposed to postponing it a few more days though, if you need some more time to prepare properly.”

 

“Still not having much faith in my cooking skills, huh?” Emma queried carefully as she fidgeted with the coffee mug in her hands.

 

“You misunderstand dear.”

 

“Oh?”

 

“I didn’t mean to...” Regina paused for a moment as she looked right at Emma. “I am well aware that you want it all to be perfect, with how much time you’ve spend into learning how to cook. I do not mind waiting a few more days to give you the time, but you don’t need to plan anything elaborate Emma. I’m happy to try out anything you come up with.” Regina smiles. “I meant what I said before, about how I enjoyed your company, all the time we’ve spend together so far.”

 

Emma can’t stop herself from starting to grin almost foolishly and quickly leans in for what she intended to be a light kiss, but can’t help nipping gently on Regina’s lower lip with her teeth before pulling back again.

 

"Who knew you could be such a sweet-talker." Emma says as she stands up from the table and pushes her chair in. “I’d love to stay and hear some more of that, but I really need to go pick up Henry. Not to mention I really need that clean set of clothes too,” she says peevishly, as she glances down at the offending garments in question. “But I’ll see you tonight, deal?”

 

Regina smiles and nods as she walks alongside Emma to the mansion door. “I’m looking forward to that, dear. Have a good day at work.”

 

_'I’ll see you tonight.'_

 

They had, Emma thinks. But with Henry present and insistent on wanting to see some magic training, which they were glad to oblige him with, it hadn’t been quite the evening she had played out in her mind during the workday. Many times over.

 

And that was a week ago she muses, leaning back in the office chair. A long week of seeing Regina often, but hardly ever without someone else being present at the same time and preventing her from doing anything to those enticing lips. She had managed to steal a quick peck or two, but that was hardly enough when all she could think of was being pushed against a kitchen counter with Regina’s leg providing delicious friction between hers.

 

Shifting in her chair, Emma groans and reaches for a glass of water on her desk and takes a deep gulp. She could do without making herself feel so aroused right now, especially during work, when there was nothing to do about it. And on top of that they would finally have a whole evening alone tomorrow; a thought which makes her feel even more nervous, as the other thing on her mind are Regina’s remarks about her cooking skills. Though those words were kind, Emma really did harbor doubts about her abilities in the kitchen; all the ideas she’d had for one of the many dishes she’d wanted to whip up for the both of them, seemed so very inadequate all of a sudden.

 

Sighing, Emma glances down at the paperwork on her desk, the urge to play hooky is becoming stronger by the minute. It’s not like there was much to do again anyway. Besides for a traffic accident last week and fining some drunken dwarves that got a bit too rowdy the night before, it had been a quiet week.

 

She really wants to go home to...

 

The phone buzzing on her desk brings her out of her thoughts. For a second her mood brightens and her heart leaps into her throat with the thought that it might be Regina who is calling her. But when she picks up her phone and sees her mother’s name flashing up at her instead, Emma grunts something noncommittally in disappointment.

 

The moment Emma actually answers the phone, she is assaulted by a barrage of noises, ranging from frantic shouting in the background to what sounds like something roaring, to a number of car-alarms that are going off. All the while she is trying to figure out what her mother is trying to tell her, but all that Emma is able to discern is that there is trouble and they need her.

 

Shooting into her coat and holstering her gun, Emma sprints into the patrol-car in record-time. Her mind is supplying a thousand and one scenarios about what the hell could be going on. And yet, when she actually arrives at the scene, not far away from her favorite jogging spot, her jaw hits the ground when her eyes drink in the carnage that is going on only a few streets away.

 

“Shit!” she hisses peering into the distance in disbelief. She is not surprised to find her parents running up to her moments after she parks her car in the middle of the street.

 

Emma immediately spots the gun in one of David’s hands and a sword clasped to his belt, while he runs towards her. Mary Margaret is wielding a bow, a quiver of arrows slung across her back as she tries to keep up with her father. They keep glancing backwards, but there is a look of noticeable relief playing across their faces when they see Emma sprinting to meet them halfway.

 

“What the hell happened here?” Emma questions the moment they are within a shouting distance of each other.  “And Henry,” a chill runs up her spine as he observes the destruction around them. “Where is he?”

 

“We sent him off with the dwarves, they should be at the mines by now. And safe.” Her mother’s words and assured tone instantly causes a ripple of relief to course through Emma. The knowledge that Henry was safe at least would be less thing to worry about.

 

“Gold is responsible for this,” David wheezes out as he catches his breath after coming to a skidding halt in front of her. “He opened a portal, needless to say it didn’t work quite the way he intended it to.”

 

“No kidding...” Emma snorts. “I thought it was supposed to open a portal back to the Enchanted Forest, not bring down half a dozen Ogres over to Storybrooke.”

 

“I don’t...” David eyes grow huge when a roar that sounds like it is way too close is emitted by one of the Ogres that was ripping into cars. “At least it wasn’t open for too long.”

 

“I wish that asshat fell into it instead,” Emma muttered sourly. “Where the hell is he now?”

 

“Belle dragged him to his shop,” Mary Margaret says, as she glances over her shoulder. “He expended all of his magic for the time being. I guess we’ll have to deal with him later,” she says as she plucks an arrow from the quiver. “Right now we need to do some damage control Emma, we need to lure them towards the woods where they can’t cause harm to anyone.”

 

“Right..” Emma looks at her gun and then back up at one of the Ogres that walks up to another car and starts to pound it to bits. “Where’s Regina?” she questions as she glances from her father to her mother. Because really, if anyone can do damage-control, it has to be the most powerful witch in town.

 

“We uh..couldn’t reach her,” David responds. “We tried non-stop after calling you, but her phone keeps going to voice-mail.”

 

“Goddamnit,” Emma curses. She does a quick head-count, 9 Ogres and her limited magical abilities, plus the fact that guns probably wouldn’t do much beyond angering them. Gold was apparently out for the count and without fairydust, the fairies would be useless against this threat. They really were way in over their heads.

 

Digging her hands into her pockets, Emma reaches for her own phone, but then her fingers skim across another object. A wide toothy grin splits her face in two as Emma quickly yanks the card out from her pocket.

 

Ignoring her parents’ questioning glances, Emma clears her mind and thinks of Regina. Smiling as her thumb caresses the crown on the card for a split second, she throws it on the ground and holds her breath in anticipation.

 

If this doesn’t work...

 

Purple smoke billows up from the area where she threw the card and Emma’s smile grows broader. She resists the urge to laugh at her parents’ matching expressions of bewilderment when Regina materializes in front of them.

 

“Emma? Are you alright, what’s...” Regina’s head does a comical 90 degree twist, as she glances across the scene while the deafening cocktail of car-alarms, roars and shouts in the distance reaches her ears. “..going on..” she mutters, eyes narrowing and lips pursing into a thin line of displeasure. “I am going to enjoy killing that miserable little imp.”

 

“Get in line,” Emma growls.

 

A look of utter panic suddenly spreads across Regina’s features as she turns back to face Emma. “Henry..is he?”

 

“He’s safe, Regina, no worries,” Emma assures her, flashing a quick smile upon noticing the relief shining clearly in her eyes.

 

“I never thought I’d say this, but right now, you really are a sight for sore eyes,” David says as he cocks his head at Regina in greeting.

 

“Snow,” Regina nods curtly towards Mary Margaret’s direction, “David..nothing like a warband of Ogres to bring a family together I suppose.”

 

“What’s with the freaking car-alarms?” Emma grunts as another two go off in quick succession.

 

“The noise keeps them occupied,” her mother explains. “Ruby has been trying to lure them slowly towards the edge of the woods.”

“Well it seems some of them didn’t get the memo,” Emma points towards four of the ogres that start to wander into the opposite direction.

 

“You worry about the remaining ones, I’ll take care of the stragglers,” Regina speaks up, her eyes glinting purple for the briefest of moments as she smirks wickedly at Emma.

 

“What are you going to do?” Emma asked as she eyed Regina warily.

 

A ball of fire roars up from one of Regina’s outstretched hands in response to her question. “What I do best, dear.”

 

“Regina..” Emma’s throat constricts as she takes a step closer. “Please don’t...” Ignoring her parents’ presence, Emma leans forward and gently clasps Regina’s other hand. “Just..be careful, we’re still on for tomorrow remember?”

 

“Of course, don’t think a pack of Ogres will get you out of this dear,” Regina teases, prompting Emma to roll her eyes. Then, eyes softening for a second, Regina’s lips curved into the faintest of smiles. “You be careful too Emma, stay out of their path, they are far quicker than they seem.”

 

Nodding and squeezing Regina’s hand just a little bit harder for a moment, Emma lets out a deep sigh. She tries to suppress the feelings of anxiety while watching Regina running into the general direction of the 4 Ogres that had cut away from the group. And then she notices Regina’s choice of footwear, high heels of course, and lets out a low chuckle at the absurdity of the situation.

 

The next few minutes are a blur to Emma. Though they manage to draw the five Ogres to the edge of the woods, there is still the ever present risk some of them being distracted by noises coming from the town and creating a new path of destruction in order to reach it. That and they are rapidly running out of cars for the Ogres to maul.

 

Emma eventually starts to pelt them with objects, launching them into the creatures through magical means. The distraction gives David the perfect window of opportunity to separate one of the Ogres from the group and her mother has just enough time to line up an arrow and shoot it straight into the creature’s only eye. There’s a loud thump of dead weight hitting the hard packed dirt, but Emma doesn’t glance backwards to check if it is in fact really dead. Sounds of heavy breathing and underbrush being trampled as she gets chased, makes her shift into an even faster gear.

 

Zig-zagging around trees that sprout up in her vision, almost faster than she can process them, she hears the swishing of more arrows as they fly through the air, followed by angry grunting. Emma’s lungs burn, but still she runs. Runs until something makes her stumble and lose her balance. She has the presence of mind to turn onto her side while she falls and a clump of brushes takes the brunt of her weight as she goes down in a sprawl of limbs. Immediately, the ugly head of an Ogre enters her vision and Emma scrambles backwards desperately on hands and feet. Foul breath wafts towards her as it roars and she has the strangest sense of deja-vu. And then Emma remembers the branch that made her stumble in the first place.

  
  


Stretching a hand outwards, she teleports the branch to it and jams the wood into the creature’s eye-socket in a one quick motion. The slight squishing as it sinks into the soft tissue of the Ogre’s eye, makes Emma’s skin crawl. It lets out a soft wailing noise, one of if its club-like hands flailing before it falls down motionlessly on the forest-floor.

 

“Emma!”

 

Trying to calm down her pounding heart, Emma leans her head back against the tree behind her and closes her eyes. “Over here,” she attempts to yells back to her frantic sounding mother.

 

“Oh thank God,” her mother exclaims as she spots Emma. Discarding the bow on the ground, Mary Margaret drops to her knees in front of her and draws Emma into a tight hug.

 

“It’s over? That was the last of them?” Emma questions out loud, spying David scanning the treeline for any movement.

 

“Yes, sweetie, we had some trouble with the other one, David had to kill it with his sword and then we couldn’t find you...”

 

Emma smiles as she withdraws from the hug. “I’m okay, really.”

 

She is still catching her breath, when it dawns on her how quiet it is otherwise in the woods. It was as if the   local wildlife had all fled from the carnage, but it was eerily quiet otherwise too. All she could hear was the sound of her own breathing, the scuffle of David pacing around and the gradually calming beating of her heart

 

“Regina..” Emma mumbles and works her body into an upright position. Wincing with the slight crick in her neck and the soreness of her body, she joins her father in scanning their surrounding area. “I don’t hear anything...” she voices, trying to tamp down on expressing her concern. “You think she got the other four?”

 

“It’s likely,” David says as he sheaths his sword. “I think I heard some of the Ogres screeching behind us, she probably herded the stragglers towards the woods as well.”

 

Nodding, Emma backtracks through the woods, knowing without checking that her parents were likely following right behind her. She quickens her pace to a slight trod as only silence remains after she has called out Regina’s name a few times.

 

And then the smell hits her nose. It is the acrid stench of burned flesh and Emma swallows thickly and speeds up even more. They are close to the edge of the woods when they spot the corpse of the first ogre. It lies on its side, a mass of burned flesh, head charred beyond recognition.

 

Emma exchanges a quick worried look with her parents, watching as they both draw their weapons, preparing themselves for whatever might cross their path. Following a trail of broken branches and singed trees, Emma continues to call out Regina’s name.

 

Her heart skips a beat when she stumbles onto a small clearing, several uprooted trees are strewn around the opening. Some underbrush is on fire over at the side, fallen body of an ogre right next to it with its head crushed under one of the uprooted trees.

 

The other two ogres are stacked on top of each other, most of their bodies horribly burnt and mangled, one of them missing his arm.

 

“Regina!” Emma yells out, panic rising quick and fast to the surface as she looks around the clearing for any sign of the woman.

 

“Emma..”

 

Emma turns around lighting-fast towards her mother and follows her line of sight. Tears spring to her eyes as she finally spots Regina, head slightly lolled to a side, lying motionlessly on the hard packed dirt.

 

She crashes down to her knees right next to Regina, a cry of anguish escaping her as she reaches out with her hands towards Regina’s blood-streaked face. “Regina!” Emma calls out frantically as she cradles Regina’s head onto her lap.

 

“Please...”

  
  


-x-x-x-

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't kill me! No death-threats either! I'll promise to update in roughly a week from now, as I'm working the next 7 days in a row, meaning I won't have too much time to write. Two more chapters to go, wow, this is going to be so weird to finally finish story-wise.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more to go. An epilogue of sorts of you wish. It should be up by next Tuesday/wednesday at the latest. Thanks for the ride so far guys, it's been a pleasure. Also over 100k, woohoo. First story to hit that mark.
> 
> Small warning for uhm...well this part would be the main reason the story gained its M-rating.

* * *

-x-x-x-

  
  


All Emma can see is the blood. It is on her hands and coating her fingertips where she is touching Regina. Everything seems to have come to a standstill and all she can focus on is the unconscious woman lying half on her lap. Vaguely, she hears her parents ask her things, but when the sounds hit her ears, it is garbled, like static noise that she can’t decipher.

 

She doesn’t realize she is crying until a few of her tears splash down on Regina’s face, mixing with the blood and dirt. The numbness lingers, but Emma knows she needs to take action. To push through this haze of panic that is enveloping her since the moment she noticed Regina’s body lying unmoving on the forest-floor. She closes her eyes tightly shut and tries to focus on what to do. Another tear slips past her eyes and runs down before she’s able to wipe it away.

 

One of her hands moves to check Regina’s pulse and briefly she stares at it. It feels like it’s not even her own, the way it’s trembling.

 

“Emma, is she..”

 

She swallows, but lifts her gaze to her mother who is almost right beside her now. Emma doesn’t know when she moved, but there’s a certain strength that she draws from it, from her nearby presence, from the hand that moves to her shoulder and sits there, offering comfort wordlessly.

 

“I think she’s just unconscious.” Was that her voice? Fragile as glass, threatening to break on every syllable spoken. Emma can’t remember ever having sounded like that.

 

And she doesn’t know why is saying that. Before she even took Regina’s pulse she knew that the woman hadn’t been all that badly injured, or hoped so. Maybe it was the faint fluttering she had felt when she moved Regina’s body to her lap. Even though at the time, Emma wasn’t sure if she was just imagining things, or if she truly did hear the faint beat of heart thudding away beneath the palm of her hand.

 

“We should get her to a hospital.”

 

Emma is about to agree with her father’s assessment, but there is stirring in the periphery of her vision, making her swallow the words again and tilting her head back down lightning-fast.

 

“Em-ma...” Her speech is slurred, the syllables punctuated by soft groaning, and yet Emma has never heard a more beautiful sound in the world.

 

“Regina?!” Emma didn’t care that her yelling made Regina’s fluttering eyelids squeeze closed again, face contorting in something akin to annoyance. All she cared about was that Regina was awake and seemed to be alright for all intents and purposes. “Goddamnit,” she curses and cups Regina’s cheeks in her hands, placing a small kiss on the tip of her nose, “you scared the fucking shit out of me.”

 

“I’m fine dear,” Regina croaks out, her eyes opening again and treating Emma to the sight of a myriad of brown colors and the mixture of emotions swirling within.

 

“The hell you are,” Emma growls as she helps Regina prop herself more upright. “You were completely out of it moments ago. I’m getting you to a hospital.”

 

“I don’t need...” Regina’s voice trails off with a groan, wincing and cradling one of her hands in the other. Her eyes droop a little, before they shoot open wide just as suddenly again to center on Emma’s face hovering above her. “I’m alright, truly. I just..expended a lot of magic. Perhaps too much magic and that lumbering mass of flesh sort of surprised me. I require some...” she clears her throat and wipes a little dirt and blood away from her cheeks. “Some time...to recover, to recuperate my strength and magic.”

“And you will have time, in the emergency room, while they doing a checkup,” Emma grits out between clenched teeth.

 

She just doesn’t get this damned woman sometimes. This was as close to a near brush-with-death as anything and yet she refuses to go to a hospital. There was no telling what injuries she has sustained, not with all the layers of clothes, which were caked with dirt in the way. And even then, it was the injuries one did not see, the internal kind, that really worry her right now. So Emma would be damned if she didn’t get Regina to the hospital to get checked out. If only to stymie her own worries.

 

“Emma is right you know,” Mary Margaret chimed in. “You were in a battle with four Ogres, Regina. I know we still don’t see eye to eye much, but for the sake of the people we both care about, for the sake of Henry, you should have that check-up, just in case.”

 

Regina’s mouth opens right away, probably to utter a scathing remark, but to Emma’s surprise, it closes just as fast and her eyes soften once again, catching Emma’s own. “All of the Ogres are taken care of I assume?”

 

“We’ll handle the clean-up operation, if that’s what you are worried about,” David says as he takes a quick look at the dead ogres strewn around in a semi-circle around them.

 

“That’s not what I was...” Regina sighs and puts her hands down in an attempt to leverage her body to slowly move up right, much to Emma’s dismay.

 

She’s wobbling on her unsteady feet once, twice, before Emma has had enough and slings an arm across Regina’s waist to steady her. “Would you stop being so freaking stubborn already?” Emma hisses. She is about to make a remark about driving her to the ER when she realizes that there’s a problem with that idea. Namely the car, or lack thereof. “Shit,” she curses.

 

“Problem dear?”

 

“Yeah, you think you can walk over to the parking lot if I help you? The cruiser is a few blocks away I’m afraid.” Emma could have hit herself for being so stupid and leaving the car out there. That was if the Ogres didn’t trample all over it when they got herded to the woods.

 

“We could get our pickup and drive it over here,” David suggests. And Emma could have hugged him for that idea. They wouldn’t have to move Regina more than absolutely needed that way and risk aggravating whatever injuries she had sustained.

 

“That won’t be necessary,” Regina proclaims as she steps out of the hold Emma had on her and leans back against a tree, seemingly catching her breath.

 

“Regina, seriously...don’t start with this again.”

 

“I was merely going to suggest that you teleport us to the hospital instead.”

 

Emma’s stares at her incredulously. “Teleport? You’re joking right? I’m much more likely to teleport us on top of the damned hospital instead. Or hell, into the freaking harbor with my grasp of this spell.”

 

“I will guide you.”

 

Pinching the bridge of her nose, Emma turns to her parents, a questioning look on her face. Honestly she didn’t know what to do. For David to get to his truck would likely take fifteen minutes, fifteen minutes that would have Emma agonizing over Regina’s condition. Fifteen minutes to get to the truck, driving back to pick Regina up and then to the hospital. It was too long and even though Regina’s suggestion to guide her spell was unnerving Emma, it seemed like the best suggestion right now.

 

“Fine,” Emma gave in. “You can guide my magic.”

 

“Sweetie, “ Mary Margaret said as she drew closer to Emma. Touching her face with one of her hands, her mother smiled softly at her. “I’d still prefer if you let us drive you two over to the hospital instead but...” she trails off and looks from Emma to Regina and back again. “I do understand the urgency. Don’t worry about Henry, we’ll take care of him for the time being okay?”

 

“Okay,” Emma says, glancing at Regina and getting a tired nod which she took as approval. Though she wants to see the kid almost desperately, in the back of her mind she knows he is safe and better of not knowing what happened for the time being.

 

“Promise to call us when everything is settled down a little.”

 

“Don’t worry, we’ll be okay,” Emma says and smiles at her mother. “And I’ll promise.”

 

Emma smiles one last time at both of her parents, before walking over to Regina and clasping one of her hands into her own. “Ready when you are.”

 

“Just cast the spell dear, I’ll take care of the rest.” Emma swallows and tries not to let her nervousness show. She knows she doesn’t quite succeed with her endeavour, when she feels Regina squeezing her hand softly a moment later. Regina’s other hand holds onto her shoulder and Emma feels this strange sense of tranquility washing over her.

 

Keeping her eyes open proves to be quite difficult as she attempts to cast the spell. It is the way they keep being drawn towards Regina. The cuts and scrapes along her cheeks and forehead, the tired look that she so desperately tries to hide behind a mask of bravado. She is too distracted to cast magic properly, but at the same time... Magic was emotion, she repeats to herself and focuses on that. On the gentle touch on her shoulder, the undercurrent of a different kind of magic that streams into her body. Laces and flows along her own. Though it never more than touches, never intrudes upon her own magic even once and the presence is as soothing as looking into the eyes of the woman to whom that magic belongs.

 

The change is faster than she remembers from the last time she tried this spell. Though at least then it had been unintentional, the way she had teleported herself into the apple-tree of all places. Now, there is a sense of displacement, a blur in her vision, and she feels so light for a second that it causes butterflies to flutter about in her stomach.

 

And then she is back on the solid ground. A little hazy still, as the white smoke, tinged at the edges with purple clears slowly from her vision. Emma is hit by a wave of nausea, a combination of the day’s events along with the strain the spell had put on her magical reserves.

 

She leans back against a nearby counter and... Emma squares her jaw, nostrils flaring with the anger that bubbles to the surface.

 

“Son of a...” She’s launches herself away from the counter and into Regina’s personal space in a split second. All of the exhaustion fades in light of the realization where Regina had teleported them to. It certainly wasn’t a hospital room. “Are you fucking kidding me right now?!”

“I told you, I am fine,” Regina insists. Her eyes hardened as she pushes, albeit in a completely futile attempt, at Emma’s chest in order to create some distance between them.

 

Not that Emma was having any of it. “You are the most infuriating, frustrating...Jesus Christ, sometimes I just don’t get you at all. All I wanted was...”

“I know,” Regina responds, quietly, head dipping as she stops her struggling, hands still grasping the fabric of Emma’s jacket. “I do not like the hospital and the staff would not exactly respond kindly to my presence there, considering my treatment of them in the past. My injuries are superficial at best, the first aid kit is...”

 

“I know where it is,” Emma hisses, stepping away from Regina and combing her fingers through her hair agitatedly. She knows very well where the first aid kit is, having retrieved it once before after all. The memory hits her like a freight train and she falters a little with it. Though she is still angry, some of it fades as the seconds tick away.

 

Emma makes no move to actually open the cupboard containing the kit though. Instead she glances once more at Regina, barely able to stand on her own two feet, eyes stubbornly downcast. Her face isn’t visible, but then again Emma doesn’t need the reminder, she remembers all too well the damage done to it, the caked dirt and blood that marred the skin there.

 

A plan forms itself in her head and she quickly stomps over to the shower-stall, yanks open the door with way more force than necessary and carefully sets the temperature to warm at best. She doesn’t care at all that some of the water spray douses her inadvertently when she turns on the faucet. She also doesn’t care much for the confused expression on Regina’s face when she turns to look at her again.

 

“What are you doing?”

 

“We’re going to do things my way Regina,” Emma says and clenches her hands rapidly. “I’ll be right back, and when I return I want you to have removed as much of your clothing as possible.”

 

“I will do no...”

 

“Can it, Your Majesty. I’ve just about had enough of your antics for one day, okay? So I’m going to go downstairs and retrieve some stuff and if you’re still wearing all of your clothes when I return, so fucking help me...”

 

Regina’s eyes narrow to slits and her lips quiver with barely suppressed anger, but Emma knows it is mostly for show. She was haughty, arrogant and stubborn to a fault, but Emma also knew Regina would recognize a lost fight when she saw it. And this was one of them. She watches as Regina makes her way to the edge of the large bathtub to sit on it, peeling the remains of her ruined high heels off her feet. All the while throwing vicious glares in Emma’s general direction.

 

“What are you planning exactly, Emma?” comes the surprisingly soft question, as soon as Emma makes a move for the door leading to the hallway.

 

“I will tell you in a moment.” Emma bites her lip as her hands closes around the door-handle. An apology for the way she’d been snapping at Regina hovers in the air between them, but she doesn’t actually utter it. Mostly because she is still so very angry at the stunt Regina pulled. And scared, that too. Maybe even more scared than angry, though she would never admit it out loud. She just...can’t shake the imagery. Regina lying so still, appearing for a moment like she wasn’t even breathing, head turned sideways at an odd angle. Blood everywhere...

 

Emma glances at the other hand, at the blood still staining her fingertips and she swallows and finally turns the door-handle. She makes her way downstairs quickly, though she almost slips at the final few steps. Some of the earlier exhaustion catches up to her rapidly now that the adrenaline rush is fading away.

 

She prays she remembers the gestures correctly while lifting one of her hands up and making the same motions with her hand she had seen Regina do a few times. Thankfully she always was a quick study and the illusion fades, revealing stairs leading down to the basement of the mansion. She finds the potions she needs within seconds, noting with some dismay that there are only two of them left and Regina wouldn’t approve using both of them for this particular purpose. Then again, Emma really couldn’t give a rat’s ass what Regina would be thinking about any of this.

 

She has downed one of the bottles before arriving at the bathroom again. At least the aftertaste wasn’t as bitter as she remembers it being. Whether this was because Regina had improved on the formula or because the last time she had chugged the potion, the circumstances had been different and she had drank more than one potion. She didn’t known. She also didn’t feel that much different either, strangely, unlike before.

 

At least Regina had heeded to her requests and managed to remove the heels and blouse. She was just in her, inconvenient at best, skirt, and bra now. Handing the potion over to Regina wordlessly, she kicks off her own boots and socks.

 

Emma is relieved to find Regina drinking the potion without arguing about it. Of course she could’ve known her compliance would never last very long.

 

“What are you...” Regina’s eyes grow almost comically large as she watches Emma tug of her jacket and shirt. “I can assure you dear, I can shower just fine by myself I’m not suddenly incapable of...”

 

“Shut. Up.” Emma tugs at her belt buckle and throws it clear across the bathroom, ignoring Regina’s disapproving glare. Before Regina is able to protest more, Emma grabs her arms and yanks her upright, pulling her towards the open door of the shower-stall.

 

“Stop manhandling me right this instant Miss Swan!”

 

“I will not risk having you slip in the freaking shower Regina, not after everything that has happened today, so stop fucking around and let me take care of you, alright?”

 

Regina’s mouth opens once, twice, but then closes again with an audible click and she finally stops fighting Emma’s pull on her arms altogether. They move into the shower together and for once, Emma is glad that they ended up in the mansion instead of her own apartment. There would’ve been no way to fit comfortably into her own shower together.

 

“Lose the clothes,” Emma orders. “I want to heal you, but I need to see your injuries.”

 

She curses when there is no response from the woman standing silently in front of her, expression unreadable, hands crossed protectively across her chest. “Please?” Emma adds after a moment of silent staring contest. “Look, you don’t like hospitals? Fine, but you will damn well let me check your injuries and heal you Regina. God do have any idea...” Emma trails off, voice constricted and mouth snapping shut as she became more and more frustrated with Regina’s unresponsiveness.

 

Emma rather feels than sees Regina’s eyes raking across her, staring at her for a few seconds before muttering something under her breath and turning around. Emma wishes she didn’t feel so affected by the dismissive gesture, but there is still a definite lurch in stomach when she takes stock of how rigidly Regina is standing in front of her.

 

The water seeps into her clothing and Emma curses her lack of planning when it came to this. Her jeans were going to be a complete and utter bitch to get off, as wet as they were already. Still, she manages to wriggle them down her legs after a short struggle and throws them out of the stall.

 

She spies Regina leaning against one of the hard plastic walls, hands braced in front of her, head bowing down with her back still turned towards Emma. Swallowing thickly, Emma realizes she is completely naked right now. In fact, besides the panties and bra she is still wearing herself, they are both very much naked. Her eyes feast on all of the skin on display, throwing her sufficiently off-kilter and pushing all thoughts of why they had entered the shower together in the first place, far to the back of her mind.

 

At least until she sees the first gash across Regina’s side. There is an another scrape right below it, the skin an angry red all around the injury.

 

“Regina...” Emma whispers. She catches the still furious looking eyes with her own for a second, before Regina’s head turns back to face the wall.  _Damnit_. Emma grabs the loofah hanging on the wall and some bodywash from the rack. Reaching around Regina’s waist, she extends them both, smiling faintly when they are quickly grabbed from her outstretched hands.

 

“I don’t get it...” she speaks up, while unsnapping her bra. “I mean..I understand why you didn’t want to go to the hospital, but I don’t get why you’re so mad at me. I think you knew I would heal you and hell I’ve done it in the past..and..” Emma lets the sentence hang, brow furrowing into a deep frown. “Is that..why? Because I just..I don’t get it,” she repeats, as she opens the door of the shower stall and throws her bra out. Her panties follow a second later and then she closes the door again, relishing how the spray of hot water hits her sore back muscles.

 

Regina’s sudden words are drowned by the running water cascading over their bodies and Emma wonders if she imagined hearing them, but the way Regina’s shaking fist tightens around the sponge causes Emma to reach out and gently place the tips of her fingers on the woman’s shoulder.

 

Sliding them down the arm and closing her hand around the clenched fist, Emma tries to keep her voice calm. “Regina, I couldn’t hear what you..”

 

“I’m not mad at you.” The words are repeated softly, still barely discern-able.

 

“Yourself then?”

 

“I panicked,” Regina answers and Emma can feel the hand beneath her own moving to intertwine their fingers. “I could hear the sounds of battle in the distance, I could hear your parents calling your name and I..panicked. I never...” Her voice trails of and she goes silent again.

 

Removing her hand from the grasp Regina has on it, Emma slowly trails it towards the wounds she spotted earlier. She is acutely aware how very close they are standing but tries to stop herself from dwelling too much on it, focusing on healing Regina instead.

 

She never touches Regina’s skin when she heals, but she notices instantly how Regina tenses for a moment when Emma makes her magic do its work.

 

“Emma.”

 

Her head snaps up with the way her name is uttered. Moving her hand towards another of the scrapes, Emma is mesmerized by the look in Regina’s eyes as they bore into hers. A few wet strands of dark hair are clinging to her forehead and Emma’s eyes briefly detour to the slight swelling of one of Regina’s cheeks and the ugly cuts that mar that same side of her face.

 

“Your eyes..” Regina whispers, as she grasps the hand with which Emma had been healing her and turns to fully face Emma.

 

Raising her free hand subconsciously, Emma drops it again when she realizes what Regina meant. She remembers, from the last time; the side-effects of so much magic running through her veins, making her eyes emit a soft white glow.

 

She reaches out slowly, with just her fingertips, starting at Regina’s shoulder and slowly trailing it upwards, enjoying the sight of the water droplets clinging to her skin. Emma traces the path her fingers follow with her eyes, smiling as they reach Regina’s cheeks; the way she tilts her head ever so slightly into the touch.

 

“You scared me,” Emma confesses as she moves her hand around to heal more of Regina’s injuries. “You have no idea how much you scared me. For a moment I thought you were...” Voice hitching, Emma cups Regina’s chin on impulse and leans in.

 

She didn’t intent for this to happen when she initially pulled Regina into the shower along with herself. But even before today’s events she was already having a hard time resisting the urge to push Regina against the nearest surface while kissing her senseless, every single time they were in close proximity. But this. This. Was just oil on an already roaring fire.

 

There’s a moment of hesitation, but then Emma can feel Regina giving in and full, slightly wet, lips brush slowly against her own. A hand moves towards her cheek, fingertips tracing the skin there, exerting the right amount of pressure to keep their mouths engaged. Regina’s tongue teasingly flicks along her slightly parted lips and Emma can’t resist opening them a little more and deepening the kiss.

 

There’s a few nips and licks as they part again a few seconds later and Emma opens her eyes half-mast to find Regina staring right at her, face inches away from her own, a smile playing along her lips.

 

“I’m okay Emma,” Regina murmurs softly.

 

Emma knows the words are meant to assure her, to take away any lingering fear she might have, but it’s not the words that accomplish that in the end. It’s the way the pads of the fingers splayed against her cheek brush along the skin a few times, softly, reverently, as they lock gazes while the spray of hot water continues cascading over both of their bodies. It feels as if time itself stops for a moment and they stand together in the fogged up stall, their own bubble hidden away from the outside world.

 

“I know,” she manages to croak out eventually. The fear of breaking whatever spell had a hold on them, had kept her from speaking up until now. But she also knows she needs to. Now that her fear and anger were no longer controlling her every action. “I know Regina, and I’m just..I’m sorry for being such an ass earlier. I’m sorry for basically dragging you into the shower like I did.”

 

“It’s alright dear, I know you were angry because of where I teleported us to. I shouldn’t have misled you like that,” Regina says and drops her gaze, only to return it to Emma’s eyes quickly from her naked body. “I.. I was angry with myself. I felt so vulnerable laying there.. When you held me.” She again lowers her gaze, but this time lifts her hand and traces circles on the wet skin of Emma’s chest. “I felt vulnerable, but I also felt so safe too at the time and I didn’t know how to.. I knew you would protect me, but I needed to get somewhere familiar, private.. And I wanted you with me, just you.”

 

Emma thinks of how Regina had laid there, almost entirely drained of her magic, a little groggy from the apparent tumble through the underbrush and something just clicks inside her head. Because she knows that despite the strides they made together, how much they could be their selves when they were alone, her parents presence there must’ve unnerved Regina far more than she let on at the time. And Emma feels something crumble inside of her at mention of how vulnerable Regina had been feeling.

 

A lump lodges itself into her throat and she feels the words get stuck along with it. Not that they would ever suffice. They never did when it came to them. But then again, actions always spoke far louder than anything they could ever say.

 

The featherlight touches along her chest sparks an idea, and she slowly drags the hand there back up with one of her own, placing a soft kiss on the palm and sighing softly after it.

 

Smiling, she traces a small cut on Regina’s upper-arm with her fingers and watches quietly as the cut closes with the faintest of touches. “I’m not going anywhere, you know?” she speaks up softly as her hand wanders up and heals a small bruise on the bridge of Regina’s shoulder. “But I’m still going to go out on a limb here and say that ending up in the shower together hadn’t been on your mind when you initially proposed to teleport us out of the woods.”

 

“Perhaps not, no..” Regina says as she bends down and picks up the discarded loofah from the floor, “but I’ll admit it has possibilities.”

 

“Yeah?” Emma’s mind conjures up a lot of those possibilities suddenly. All of which make her a little weak in the knees. They are after all naked in the shower together. Which is why her eyebrows hike up along her forehead when she feels slender fingers wrap themselves around her arms and gently force her to turn around and face the wall. “Uh..” she stutters out confused, “what are you doing?”

 

“Washing your back dear, it would be a waste of a shower to not get you scrubbed clean, wouldn’t you agree?”

 

“Uhm..” Emma thought about voicing her disappointment with Regina’s activity of choice, but then she feels a hand snaking along her waist and lips placing open mouthed kisses along one of her shoulder-blades. She melts into the loose embrace, gasping at the feel of teeth scraping gently along the column of her throat. Regina’s tongue follows and soothes the spots right afterwards, making Emma’s head loll slightly to a side to grant her better access. “Re-gina,” she manages to stammer out when she feels soft nibbling on her ear-lobe, the hand on her waist moving up to cup the underside of her breast, and she has to brace herself more fully against the wall for support. Who knew Regina Mills could be such a goddamned tease...Jesus. She was this close to turning around and pinning the damned woman against the wall herself and turn the tables on her.

 

“Hmmm?” The soft humming and wisps of air exhaled against the sensitive shell of her ear caused goosebumps to rise along Emma’s skin. “Was that a request for me to stop dear?”

 

“I..” Emma withdraws one of her hands from the wall and places it on top of the fingers caressing her breast. Her fingers slide in between Regina’s and she guides them both downwards across her body. To where she really wants them. “Not stop..” she whispers, “..more.”

 

When Emma removes her hand, she can feel Regina’s fingers lingering for a moment where she placed them, tracing a half-circle on her skin before they draw away completely. A soft kiss placed on one of her shoulder-blades makes her head turn around in confusion and she only just catches the sight of Regina's naked backside, rivulets of water running down her body as she exits the stall.

 

There’s a little fear that mixes with the confusion she already feels. The thought that she might’ve misinterpreted the signals which were sent. But her mouth goes dry when she catches sight of Regina through the gap in the door which Regina had left open when she left the shower, bending just the slightest bit forward to grab a towel from the cabinet.

 

As Regina rises back up and starts to dry herself off, agonisingly slowly Emma thinks, her eyes catch Emma’s for a moment. It’s the intensity of the gaze, the clearly dilated pupils, that give Emma pause and strips away some of the fear she felt earlier. Swallowing, she steps back under the water spray for a moment, rinses off the last suds of the soap remaining on her body before turning off the water and stepping out of the stall herself.

 

“Regina?” she questions hestatingly. She is still not entirely sure what happened earlier. Why Regina stopped her..them. To her it was so very clear they had been on the same page in the shower, the touches, the kisses. The freaking teasing...

 

Instead of getting an answer, she receives a coy look from Regina as the woman saunters closer with another dry towel, until she stands right in front of Emma. Breath catches in her throat when Regina starts to dry off her body, lingering on certain parts far longer than necessary, as she rubs the silky soft towel across Emma’s skin. Her lips part to ask a question, words which she swore had been on the tip of her tongue earlier, but are drifting around and always out of reach when she tries to focus on them.

 

Regina’s index finger extends to her lower lip, brushing along the gathered moisture there, causing Emma’s eyelids to flutter in a desperate attempt to keep them open. For a moment, when Regina’s lips drift ever closer until they are a scantily separated from her own, she braces for the inevitable kiss. She is surprised when after a second or two it doesn’t happen. Instead a hand cups her cheek and lips start to suck the water-droplets that linger everywhere, off her skin.

 

There are few flicks of a tongue here and there, before they stop and Regina attempts to withdraw again. Only this time,  _this time,_  before Regina even has a chance to react or protest, Emma reaches out lightning-fast, fingers scribbling along the nape of Regina’s neck as she claims full lips with her own.

 

The kiss isn’t soft, unlike how the previous ones had started out. It’s almost...messy in its intensity. A clash of teeth and lips. There are hands combing through her damp hair, pulling Emma closer still and she hums into the kiss in response. The suckling on her tongue and lips in turn, almost makes her miss the caresses from the hand wandering across her abdomen, settling into the small of her back and pushing their bodies firmly together. It’s like a shock to the system, the contact of so much skin against skin. Still flushed, not just from the hot water of the shower, the soft touch is enough to cause her whole body to tingle.

 

Her moan is swallowed by another scorching kiss. Fingers skim across one of her breasts, toying with a nipple as Regina’s tongue slides across her lips teasingly before slipping back into her mouth. The kisses are heady, like a drug, and Emma doesn’t want it to ever end.

 

So she is confused once again when Regina is the one that stops the kiss. Breathing heavily and eyes half closed, Regina attempts to say something, only for Emma to steal another quick kiss. “Not he...” She feels pleased with herself to hear the raspy sound to which she has reduced Regina’s voice. Sucking and flicking Regina’s lower lip Emma grins slightly at the deep throaty moan that she manages to coax from her. “Bed..I...Emma..”

 

That at least gets her attention and when Regina’s reaches out for her, she allows their fingers to lace together and have herself be led towards the direction of the bedroom. Though honestly, it is nothing short of a miracle that they make it there at all. Emma can’t stop kissing Regina at every opportunity that presents itself. Now that she can, whatever held her back before, no longer stops her from doing everything she has wanted to do for so long now. And she wants.  _She wants_. More. Everything and still always more.

 

Regina stops just in front of the bed. Head slightly turned towards the window, even though the closed drapes prevent her from actually looking outside. Emma notices the slight tensing of her shoulders, the way Regina’s head dips for a moment in hesitation before turning to look straight at her. She is beautiful like this, the way her eyes glisten in the looming darkness of the room, the sunbeams peeking through the drapes and caressing the planes of her naked body. Emma wants to tell her this too, that she is completely and utterly captivating, just like this...and yet she finds herself incapable of voicing these thoughts.

 

“This will change everything...you know?”

 

It’s whisper-like, even in the relative silence of the room; voice silky and soft, barely hiding the slight trembling of every word spoken. Maybe in the past, when she didn’t know Regina the way she did now, she could’ve mistaken the sentence for something it wasn’t. A way out of what what was going to happen, something that was inevitable between them. But it wasn’t that any more. Not a way out, but a confirmation in Regina’s own way, an affirmation of what they felt but hadn’t voiced yet. The love Emma had noticed shining in Regina’s eyes at times, when she thought Emma wasn’t looking. The love likely to be mirrored in her own when she wasn’t able to hide it either.

 

“No more than things have already changed between us.”

 

A beautiful smile blooming across Regina’s features is all the answer she gets. And to Emma it conveys more than any words ever could. After a moment, the smile is replace by an almost shy look, though there was a faint smirk curving the corners of Regina’s mouth upwards as she sashayed her way over to where Emma was standing.

 

They meet somewhere in the middle, kissing while slowly moving towards the bed together. Hands rake across her skin and Emma swears, swears that everywhere she is being touched it feels like tiny fires are spreading through her veins. When they hit the edge of the bed, Emma hesitates just for a moment, but Regina pulling her down on top of her was all the encouragement she needed and they sink into the sheets together.

 

“Emma...I..”

 

She thinks she knows what Regina wants to say and instead of letting her finish the sentence, Emma presses her thumb across Regina’s parted lips. Flicking it briefly, she replaces it with her own lips, kissing her slowly and deeply. “I know,” she says in between kisses as she lowers herself rest of the way on top of Regina. Hissing softly with the feel of so much naked skin against hers, with the softness everywhere they touch, with the feel of their breasts pressing against each other. “God..Regina..” she exclaims as she presses another kiss onto her throat, licking a path down until she reaches the collarbone and nips at it.

 

Propping herself slightly more upright, she reaches behind herself, tracing along Regina’s smooth calf and going higher still. She keeps her mouth busy with a perked nipple, licking and sucking, enjoying the stifled moans she got in response to her ministrations.

 

Fingers weave through her hair and exert a little upwards pressure, until Emma gets the hint and looks up. Regina’s eyes are darker than she has ever seen them, an ocean of want and the way she stares at Emma’s lips... She leans forward and kisses Regina thoroughly, while her hands explore every inch of skin she can reach. Until her fingertips reach Regina’s lower abdomen, and lower still, sliding through the slightly damp crop of curls. Biting her lip for a second, she gazes deeply into Regina’s eyes as the tip of her finger traces the slippery bundle of nerves. Regina’s breath hitches and Emma grins, moving lower and sliding through the slick folds once, twice, before pressing inside with a single finger.

 

It’s slow. Their first time. A build-up that Emma would never have expected, considering how long she has wanted to have Regina like this. Quivering below her, puffy red lips, eyes squeezing tightly shut and her throat exposed as she tilts her head backwards, straining with every slow push of Emma’s fingers inside of her.

 

It’s slow. So very slow. And Emma drinks it all in, every moan and gasp, every catch of Regina’s nails on her skin as she is driven closer and closer to the edge. In many ways this is new to her too, the way they came together like this. The hunger she felt to possess Regina so completely and utterly. And even as she feels the first signs of fluttering around her fingers, the whimpers that Regina is no longer able to contain, Emma needs, wants more. Already wanting to have her again. To be able to give such pleasure again.

 

Regina is beautiful when she comes. Her whole body arching into a bow, nails scoring angry red lines along Emma’s arm. Her other hand is fisted into the sheets, knuckles white with the tightness of the grasp she has on it. She is beautiful when she opens her eyes a moment later too. A dazed look on her face, a smile playing along her lips.

 

“Hi..” Emma says, returning the smile which she knows is meant for her and only for her, as she positively beams at the woman lying below her.

 

Instead of getting an answer, Emma is surprised to find Regina slinging a slender leg along her own and rolling them over, reversing their positions with Regina straddled on top.

 

“Oh..”

 

“You, my dear..are looking far too satisfied with yourself right now.”

 

“I figured I had every reason too though.”

 

“Hmm..” Regina hums as she leans in for a quick peck on Emma’s lips. “Indeed you do. But well..let’s see how long you can keep that smug look hmm?”

  
  


“What are you...oh fuck,” Emma curses as she felt her legs nudged apart by Regina’s knees, the rest of her words and thoughts cut off by Regina kissing her deeply.

 

Later, she traces patterns across the skin of the arm slung half across her body. Grinning when the muscles of Regina’s face twitch a few times, before one of her eyes opens to peek a look.

 

“Don’t you ever tire of watching me sleep?”

 

“Does it bother you?” Emma questions as she leans in for a quick kiss. “Because I kind of intend to do it a lot more in the future. You really are beyond adorable when you sleep.”

 

“Haven’t we had this discussion once already, I am not...hmph.” Emma smirks as she stops Regina from speaking by kissing her, sliding her tongue in briefly before withdrawing again with a grin.

 

“Yes you are.” Emma can’t resist adding, her grin broadening when Regina narrows her eyes in a mock-glare. The grin fades as she thinks of what she said earlier, replaced by a more serious look as she rolls half on top of Regina, one hand splayed across the bed to prop herself up. “I meant that though, about wanting to do that a lot more in the future. Waking up like this next to you.”

 

“As I would with you,” Regina returns the sentiment. Her eyes flicking away from Emma’s face betray her troubled thoughts and Emma reaches out with one of her hands, cupping Regina’s chin to force her to look right back at her.

 

“But?” Emma prompts.

 

“I want to..have this...just between us,” Regina explains, dark eyes swirling with emotion. “For now.”

 

“You mean you want to keep it a secret?”

 

“Yes..”

 

Emma’s jaw set as she tries to hide her disappointment with that turn of events. “Why though? I mean..I don’t care what other people think, alright? Hell, I can’t give a rat’s ass if someone disapproves or something, so I just..I don’t..”

 

“For now, Emma,” Regina pleads as she turns her face into the hand holding her chin and nuzzles it. “I can’t be who I want to be out there,” she explains, her eyes imploring Emma to understand. “And I’ve..never done this before so..have some patience with me please.”

 

Nodding, Emma tries to place herself in Regina’s shoes. Tries to understand her hesitance. And then she remembers the comments earlier, about being uncomfortable with showing her vulnerability and everything becomes a little clearer.

 

“I’m okay with waiting, however long it takes.”

 

Regina places a quick kiss on the open palm of Emma’s hand and flashes a quick grateful smile. “Thank you dear. Though...”

 

“Yes?”

 

Twinkling brown eyes stare up at her and a mischievous smile plays on Regina’s face as she speaks. “Do not think these activities between the sheets will get you out of cooking that dinner your promised for me tomorrow.”

 

Groaning, Emma rolls herself rest of the way on top of Regina, who draws in a hitched breath and lets her head fall back onto the pillow with a growing smile on her face as Emma’s fingertips glide across her breasts. “Lets see in turn how long you can keep thinking about that dinner...”

 

-x-x-x-

* * *


	32. Chapter 32

 

* * *

 

_-x-x-x-_

 

_It still comes as a surprise how different everything is right now._

 

_It should scare her. Like it used to do. It should make her run. Like she used to._

 

_But looking at the two people talking quietly to each other, while sitting on the swing-set and leafing through a book together; Emma thinks that for once, change isn't such a bad thing._

 

_Something she wouldn't have thought possible a year and a half ago._

 

_-x-x-x-_

 

Emma listens, as Henry patiently explains the powers of some superhero to Regina and she grins at the way Regina smiles at their son. The way she gives him all of her undivided attention, despite the fact she probably doesn’t understand much of what he is telling her.

 

Chuckling lightly under her breath, Emma flicks her eyes across the park. There were a few other people there, though not many, and almost none were paying much attention to them. This, she would call progress too, even if people in general were still slowly getting used to Regina walking around on the streets, and though most people still gave her a wide berth.

 

Emma catches a little movement from the corner of her eye but doesn’t pay much attention to it. At least until two slender arms encircle her waist from behind and a chin comes to rest lightly on her shoulder. A soft, slightly lingering kiss is pressed against the side of her neck and Emma’s smile grows as she places her own hands on the ones resting on her stomach.

 

“Something on your mind dear? You seemed deep in thought.”

 

“You know I’m surprised you didn’t insert something snarky in there about thinking too hard or something.”

 

“Hmm,” Regina hums. Puffs of warm air are tickling along her throat and cause Emma to shiver a little in the light embrace. “It’s still bothering you, isn’t it?”

 

“I guess it sort of is yeah,” Emma hedges, avoiding deepening their conversation for the moment. She needs a little time to sort her thoughts, after everything Regina told her this morning.

 

Regina’s hands slip from the light hold Emma had on them before any passerby has time to take notice. She’s not surprised to find Regina moving to face her, an expression of concern flitting across her features. She casts a quick glance at Henry, his feet poking a little at the sand below him to keep the swing in motion. He seems completely occupied with one of the two new comics she and Regina had gifted him, and Emma keeps her gaze centered on him for a few precious moments more, before returning it to Regina’s expressive eyes.

 

“It’s not...” Emma starts. She thinks a little ahead then, of where the conversation might lead and grasps one of Regina’s arms, leading them to a secluded row of trees. “The things you told me this morning, they won’t stop tumbling through my head, Regina. I keep thinking of that day, when your mother passed away, and I just..I know it’s silly but, I keep wondering if there was something we might’ve done differently you know?”

 

“Dwelling on that wouldn’t bring her back to me, as much I wish that was possible at times,” Regina tells her, casting her eyes downward for a moment. Her shoulders are tense and a hand rakes along a few errand strands of hair, tucking them back behind her ears. “As much as it...” Regina’s voice chokes up and she has to clear her throat before she speaks up again. “As much as it pains me to admit it, it is probably better this way. I did not see, who she was at the time. I believed that if we acquired Rumple’s dagger, things would change. They would finally go our way, and I..longed for my mother’s love, Emma, I longed for her approval.”

 

“Which is why you pretty much followed her blindly.”

 

“Yes,” Regina says in a tone dripping with regret. “I did not truly understand that she would never change, that she would forever remain this poisonous presence in my life. Not until she was about to..to kill Henry.” His name is spoken so softly and yet so very lovingly, that it makes Emma’s heart ache.

 

They are both quiet for a moment after that, Regina seemingly lost in thought, and Emma has no idea what to say at first. The memories intertwine with the thoughts she’s had about everything that happened ever since that fateful moment.

 

“I still think you did right by her,” Emma says as she leans in and caresses the side of Regina’s face, peering into eyes gone dark with emotion. “By spreading her ashes at sea. And I’m glad we talked a little about your mother’s connection to the sea, even if it dredged up some painful memories.”

 

“It’s not as painful as before. Though there are times when I regret that I wasn’t there to spread her ashes myself. But it’s something I’m learning to live with, and talking about it with you helps me process things Emma, helps put things into their proper perspective”

 

The words Regina says do register in her brain, but at the same time, Emma’s thoughts wander. It’s like a trigger, this whole conversation. She tilts her head a little, gazing into the general direction of the harbor. If she inhales just long enough, she can smell the saltiness permeating the very air, even if she can’t actually see the sea from where she’s standing. It’s close enough anyhow. And just closing her eyes would make the memory play itself on repeat right along with it.

 

“Do you remember our altercation at the pier?” she questions as she opens her eyes again and finds Regina studying her closely. Her expression is unreadable, but her hand brushes along Emma’s own every now and then, something that has became quite the common occurrence whenever they were standing as close as they were now.

 

“When I thought you were going to set me on fire, and you threatened to send me sailing into the water instead?”

 

“Yes I do remember..” Regina leaves the sentence hang, her brow furrowing as she stares into Emma’s eyes, like she’s trying to figure out where their conversation is going. “But I don’t understand how..”

 

“I saw you there before..” Emma finally confesses as she fidgets with the hem of the shirt peeking out just below her jacket. “That’s what has been bothering me since this morning. I just..I forgot about it for the longest time and then when we talked this morning, I remembered. And I..wanted to tell you right then, but then my parents called and Henry woke up and..I couldn’t find a good time to do it.”

 

Instead of getting a reaction, Regina just gives her this incomprehensive look. Emma avoids Regina’s eyes as she raises one of her fingers to her mouth and starts to nibble on the nail nervously.

 

“You mean when I was at the pier, mourning the loss of my mother?”

 

“Yeah...”

 

“I don’t understand why you are telling me this.”

 

“Well I..” Emma sighs and leans back against the tree behind her. “I was there, and there was no one else. I couldn’t quite see, but I knew you were...crying, I saw the way you held yourself, the way your body shook and I just.. I wanted to..comfort you, even then,” Emma says, surprised to feel Regina clasping her chin between a thumb and forefinger, forcing her to look up.

 

“I know, Emma.”

“No, you don’t understand,” Emma exclaims vehemently, as she stubbornly avoids Regina’s eyes. “I was just..so angry at you, at everything and I couldn’t deal with, so I left you there. And I..sometimes wish I hadn’t. Like a part of me regrets that I ran and left you there. A part of me wonders if things would’ve been different if I...”

 

“Emma, stop talking,” Regina interrupts her rambling. The fingers on her chin fall away, only for both of Regina’s hands to gently envelop her face between them.

 

“W-what are you..” Emma’s eyes open wide as Regina leans in, resting their foreheads together.

 

“I knew you were there.”

 

 _Oh._ Emma’s mouth drops open with those words, the revelation rendering her strangely mute all of a sudden. That though, was something she hadn’t expected to happen when she started off her rambling confession a few minutes ago.

 

“I will not tease you about your lack of subtlety again dear,” Regina tells her, as she smiles faintly, her fingers trailing along Emma’s cheeks slowly. “I think it was..your empathy that I sensed, even with the distance that separated us. You have so much capacity to love, to care, despite the anger you felt, I could sense this. You might not have known at the time, but in a way it was soothing, your presence there.”

 

“But..” Emma wants to protest, but finds her lips otherwise engaged for a moment when Regina draws her in for a slow tender kiss.

 

“Everything was too raw, Emma. I had just taken my own mother’s life, and before that there were the proceedings in Gold’s shop. I didn’t have any control over my emotions, let alone my magic. Things wouldn’t have ended well, had you approached me at the time.”

 

Despite Regina’s assurances, Emma still felt a bit unsettled by the whole thing. She wonders if it radiates off her, this tension, or if it’s somehow readable on her face, the way Regina looks at, the way Regina’s fingers continue to stroke her face so soothingly. Emma is mesmerized by the way Regina’s expression softens even more and this time they both lean in, lips meeting somewhere half-way.

 

Emma melts into the kiss. One of her hands moves up and her fingers weave themselves through strands of Regina’s silky brown hair. She nips at Regina’s lower lip, licking her way inside the moment Regina parts her lips to emit a soft gasp. Somewhere, in between the heady kisses, she thinks that she might never tire of this. The way Regina kisses. The way Regina lets herself be kissed in turn. It’s a give and take between them and Emma loves the way she can make Regina moan with a few well placed licks and sucks.

 

So caught up they are in their kissing, that Emma doesn’t notice someone entering their little hiding spot. At least not until she hears Henry’s voice calling out for them to stop what they are doing, because they are grossing him out.

 

Emma laughs as Regina instantly breaks the kiss, a startled look on her face. “Sorry kid, we didn’t mean to traumatize you. I do know from experience how icky it is to see your parents..” she trails off with a wince and drops her hands away from Regina’s body.

 

She catches the raised eyebrow that Regina gives her by way of a question and shrugs. “Trust me, you’re better off not knowing.”

 

“I imagine not. One traumatized person is enough for today. And I would like to be able to be present in the same room as your parents without being confronted with some horrible mental imagery.”

 

Emma snorts, then cringes as she thinks of... Her whole face contorts with the memory that hits her and she gnashes her teeth together in frustration. Honestly sometimes she really wishes that she could erase certain things from her brains. The mention of her parents makes her glance quickly at her watch though. At least they had a little time before the appointment, but Emma still found herself surprised by how much time had passed already since their arrival in the park.

 

“We should probably head over to the diner,” Emma suggests. “Knowing my parents, they are already on their way, or they might in fact already be there waiting for us.” She looks on as Henry stuffs his comics into his backpack in record-time. “In a hurry Henry?”

 

“Yeah,” he says, his eyes twinkling as he looks up hopefully at Regina, “we’re going to have some ice-cream right?”

 

“I don’t think..”

 

She gets cut-off mid-sentence by Regina. “Sure we can Henry.”

 

“Cool.” And then he is already running off towards the direction of Emma’s police-cruiser before Emma can utter another word.

 

“You do realize he’s going to be on a sugar-high most of the evening as a result, right?”

 

“Indeed I do,” Regina says, a deliciously evil smirk playing around her lips that raises goosebumps along Emma’s skin. “I suppose you forgot that he is staying with Neal this weekend, dear.”

 

Chuckling, Emma pats Regina’s shoulder as they drew near the patrol-car. “That’s really mean, Regina. And probably funny too, though knowing Neal he’ll probably call up somewhere during the night whining about how Henry refuses to go to sleep.”

“I think we can see it to that he can’t reach to us, wouldn’t you agree?”

 

“Still don’t like him much huh?” Emma questions as she leans in for a quick peck.

 

“I don’t like that side of Henry’s family in general, so no,” Regina says as they finally reach the parking-lot.

 

Henry’s already leaning against the car, drawing imaginary circles and figures on the windows. He perks up when they arrive, and Emma can’t help smiling again. He really did seem truly happy lately. And him and Regina had grown even closer after he heard what went on in the woods during the whole Ogre-incident months ago. In a way that day had brought on a lot of changes along with it. One of those changes happened to be the reason why Emma had barely gotten any sleep the night before. She flushes a little with that thought, casting a quick glance at Regina. She falters a little when she finds Regina staring right back at her, a quirky half-smile tugging the corners of her mouth upwards as she winks at Emma, seemingly knowing exactly what Emma had been thinking about and being thoroughly amused by it.

 

Digging into her pockets for her keys, she is startled by a hand brushing along her arm, making her freeze in place. “Regina?”

 

“We have some time to spare, don’t we?”

 

“Probably, what are you thinking?”

 

“Could we walk?” comes the hesitating request.

 

Regina’s eyes flicker across her face, like she is searching for something. Emma has no idea what, or if she was just imagining things in the first place. But she still finds herself nodding and pulling her hand from her jacket’s pocket again. The hand that rests on her arm travels downwards, until the fingers reach Emma’s own, touching them lightly before Regina’s hand withdraws entirely and she walks off along with Henry. Emma stares at her splayed fingers for a moment, swearing there is a tingling she feels even now. Sighing quietly under her breath, she lowers her arm back to her side and quickly jogs after her lover, already a little ways ahead of her.

 

“Are you nervous?” Emma asks a little while later, after she has caught up with Regina. Henry is already a street-length ahead of them, glancing across his shoulders every now and then and rolling his eyes when they don’t move fast enough.

 

Regina makes a dismissive motion with her hand, basically granting him permission to run off to the diner by himself. Emma knew that the likely reason why she allowed him out of her sight had to do with Granny’s being only two blocks away, but there was another reason too. The same reason why she hadn’t yet answered Emma’s query. That and Emma could sense Regina tensing up the closer they got to their destination.

 

“Not nervous, no.”

 

“But something is bothering you,” Emma states. She got an eyeroll in response and gave her best ‘what’ expression in return. “Are you worried they’ll turn down your suggestion? Because I don’t think they will, you know? They might not exactly like it, but to me it seems like the best solution right now.”

 

“Of course it is dear. Your parents are doing a deplorable job with running this town,” Regina says haughtily, sniffing lightly as she purses her lips.

 

“Not that I don’t agree with your assessment Your Majesty, but that’s hardly a fair comparison, you do have 28 years of experience on them after all.”

 

“I suppose I could admit to not liking the fact that I’ll have an entire council of people supervising my every action,” Regina mutters out sourly. “Your parents being two of them is just icing on the cake, wouldn’t you say?”

 

“Not your every action, just the really important ones. ” Emma chuckles at the condescending look leveled her way. Oh yes, it would seem Regina was entering Evil Queen mode. Though normally she enjoyed poking the bear a little, they were nearly at Granny’s now and Emma wasn’t particularly looking forward to cleaning up the mess, were Regina to set some of the furniture on fire. Especially not with her parents sitting on said furniture.

 

“Look,” she says, turning to look Regina in the eyes for a moment. “It’s going to be fine alright? Plus I’ll be there, and so will Henry.”

 

Regina’s eyes visibly soften as they stare at each other for a long drawn out moment. And Emma knows her expression falls completely in turn. She glances at Regina’s lips, wishing not for the first time that Regina wasn’t insisting on this secrecy when it came to their relationship. Especially since they had been spending most of the time together lately. But besides her parents and Henry, no one knew for certain, even with all of the gossip doing the rounds. They had been pretty careful after all, cloaking their respective cars when they spent the night, or just walking for that matter. Never kissing or doing anything intimate out in the public where anyone could see. She likes to think they are getting there though. Regina was opening herself back up gradually, and this suggestion to temporarily run the town as Mayor again, until the worst of Storybrooke’s problems were solved, felt like a very significant turn of events to Emma.

 

One of her hands raises almost instinctively. She wants to cup Regina’s chin, brush their lips together for a gentle affirming kiss. But they are on the steps of the diner now, almost at the door. A quick glance sideways reveals Henry already sitting inside, talking animatedly with his grand-parents. Emma breathes deeply, preparing to step inside and face the music.

 

A hand on her arm stops her. And Emma wants to ask Regina what’s going on, or if she was maybe having second thoughts. They are questions left unasked, fading away swiftly into nothingness as she holds Regina’s gaze. There is a smile gracing her features, a look in her eyes conveying a thousand different things. They hold entire conversations, quietly, never speaking a single word. There is an intensity to it, a connection that goes so much deeper than the feelings and expressions of love they’ve yet to admit to each other. And slowly Emma’s lips curve into the softest of smiles.

 

She looks down, watches as the hand traces a tantalising slow path down her arm, much like it did before. Only this time Regina’s fingers linger. The pads brush lightly across the back of her hand, and then around. Gently, Regina’s hand slides into her own, their fingers lacing together almost automatically. Emma’s smile grows.

 

And as Regina presses the other hand against the door-handle, Emma wishes time could stand still for this moment. She swears it actually does too, even if it’s for just a second. Just a second, before she follows after Regina, squeezing the hand she is clasping tightly as they walk through the door together.

  
  
  
  
  


-x-x-x-

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And to those who wonder..how this might continue? Well that would be a story for another time, my dears...
> 
>  
> 
> (Also thanks so much for everyone that has stuck by this story, left comments or kudos, thanks so much!)


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